History Literature / LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff

As suggested by its title, the main character and SympatheticPOV is a fellow named "Levi bar Alphaeus who is called Biff." The reason he doesn't show up in the actual Bible is that he was [[UnsympatheticComedyProtagonist kind of a jerk]] and the other apostles [[AncientConspiracy conspired to keep him out of it]] (or so he figures). In the modern day, Biff is resurrected by an angel to give his accounts of what it was like to have known Joshua bar Joseph since they were both six years old, and he stumbled upon him having his kid brother smash a lizard with a rock, sticking the dead lizard in his mouth, and taking it back out alive again.

** Even to the 2nd Wise man, he shows his streak. When said wise man hits Josh with a stick (as part of a philosophical experiment), Biff catches it a second time and throws it out the window before ''threatening'' to '''kill''''' the guy if he did it again.

** Even to the 2nd Wise man, he shows his streak. When said wise man hits Josh with a stick (as part of a philosophical experiment), Biff catches it a second time and throws it out the window before '''threatening'' to '''kill''' the guy if he did it again.

* DeadpanSnarker / FirstPersonSmartass: Biff, who ''invents the concept of sarcasm.''

* {{Epigraph}}: Each chapter is headed by one

* ReasonableAuthorityFigure: Gaius Justus Gallicus, a centurion captain in Nazareth. He bears no particular prejudice or hatred for Jews, just reminds them that in Roman colonies there are two rules: pay your taxes, and don't revolt.

--> ''"If I was basking in the light of his holiness all of the time, how would I take care of him? Who would do all of his [[NecessarilyEvil lying and cheating]] for him?"''ll

* ComicSutra: In India, Joshua learns things like yoga from Mlechior the Magus, while Biff learns a number of bizarre sexual positions from a local prostitute, such as "The Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut" and "Rampant Monkey Collecting Coconuts"... It's lampshaded in the afterword that alleged Kama Sutra positions are completely made up, [[RuleOfFunny but hey]] - there's still weirder stuff in the actual ''Literature/KamaSutra''.

* ComicSutra: In India, Joshua learns things like yoga from Gaspar the Magus, while Biff learns a number of bizarre sexual positions from a local prostitute, such as "The Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut on its Horn"...

** Raziel. To quote Biff: "The angel confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become SpiderMan..."
* ComicSutra: While in India, Joshua is learning things like yoga from Gaspar the Magus, Biff learns a number of bizarre sexual positions from a local prostitute. Such as "The Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut on its Horn"...

--> ''"If I was basking in the light of his holiness all of the time, how would I take care of him? Who would do all of his for him?"''

--> ''"If I was basking in the light of his holiness all of the time, how would I take care of him? Who would do all of his [[NecessarilyEvil lying and cheating]] for him?"''

* TokenEvilTeammate Biff is a downplayed version of this. He's not evil, but unlike Josh he's more than willing to lie, cheat, and even use deadly force when necessary. He even outright says Josh needs him because "who else would lie and cheat for you?" The Zealots (especially Judas) might count too. But they're still motivated by ideology. Biff doesn't care about ANYTHING except protecting Josh. This is most obvious after Josh is crucified. All the other Apostles go into hiding. Biff [[spoiler:immediately tracks down Judas and lynches him before committing suicide.]]

* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: According to Raziel, the angel Gabriel once decided to hang around on Earth for sixty years under the guise of MilesDavis.

** Also Bart; see CrazyHomelessPeople.

* BestialityIsDepraved: Bestiality being an "abomination" si a RunningGag in the book.

An AffectionateParody of Literature/TheBible by absurdist & humorist ChristopherMoore.

* NamesTheSame:
--> '''Biff''': You would have liked pizza. The servant who brings it is named Jesus, and he's not even a Jew. You always liked irony.

* ShamgriLa: One of the three Wise Men lives here, complete with a Yeti, who is the LastOfHisKind...which in itself is deconstructed when Josh, FriendToAllLivingThings that he is, befriends said yeti...

* TheMessiah: Well, yeah.

* HotMom: This is how Biff sees Mary, whom he plans to marry in case something should happen to her current husband Joseph.