History Funny / WillyWonkaandtheChocolateFactory

-->'''Programmer:''' He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?" [getting increasingly agitated, he begins mashing the buttons]'' I am now telling the computer [[AssShove EXACTLY what he can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate.]]

* The entire scene with the team of programmers and their Golden-Ticket-locating supercomputer, ending with this:
--> [[AssShove "I'm now telling the computer EXACTLY what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate."]]

* A psychiatrist telling his patient the sooner he gets rid of his dreams, the sooner he gets well, the patient tells the psychiatrist the archangel told him where to find one of the golden tickets.

'''Grandpa Joe:''' Veruca went first.

* The rich woman's husband is kidnapped, and the kidnappers are demanding a case of Wonka bars for ransom.
-->'''Mrs. Curtis:''' What do they want? Whatever it is, they can have it!\\
'''Detective:''' They want your case of Wonka bars.\\
'''Mrs. Curtis:''' ''(doesn't answer)''\\
'''Detective:''' Mrs. Curtis, do you hear me? It's your husband's life or a case of Wonka Bars!\\
'''Mrs. Curtis:''' How long will they give me to [[ImThinkingItOver think it over]]?
** Anybody else wonder what happened to the poor guy?
** What makes it great is that up until the last line in the scene, it plays like a dead-serious police procedural movie and the woman is desperate to have her husband home.
* The South American man who claims to have the last Golden Ticket is Martin Bormann. He's come out of hiding in [[ArgentinaIsNaziland Paraguay]] just to get a tour of the chocolate factory.

* The reporter after the fourth Golden Ticket is found.
-->"Four down, and one to go. And somewhere out there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to finding the last of the most sought after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must remember there are many more important things, many more important things. ''(beat)'' [[KentBrockmanNews Offhand I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something.]] And now for tomorrow's weather and-"
* During the initial Wonka-Mania montage, there's a shot of a Wonka truck delivering chocolate bars to the White House. The president in 1971 was UsefulNotes/RichardNixon. Just the idea of Nixon trying to find a Golden Ticket is funny in its own right.
** At the end of Wonkamania, the ''Queen of England'' bids on the last case of Wonka Bars at an auction.
--->'''Auctioneer:''' Your Majesty!
*** This one becomes a BrickJoke when, as Wonka is checking his mail at the end of the tour, he mentions that he received a letter from her and should reply as soon as possible.

** Also what happens after that. When the calm Mr. Salt asked what happened to Veruca, Wonka told him she went down the garbage chute, which gave him a chuckle. When he asked where it leads to, Wonka answered "the furnace" which cracks up Mr. Salt. Especially with the possibility that she'll be burned alive. But when Wonka points out she could be stuck on the way down, Mr. Salt [[MoodSwinger then panics]] and jumps in to "save" her.
*** [[AlternativeCharacterInterpretation 'Course it could be interpreted that Mr. Salt was in disbelief over the whole thing but went after his daughter after the dawning realization that Wonka was being serious about her going down into the furnace.]]

-->'''Veruca:''' ''(her tomato red face squished between the wall and Mr. Beauregarde's torso)'' Let me out or I'll scream!

'''Mr. Salt:''' Well, just go ''through'' there!\\

** The look on Wonka's face when he says that helps.

'''Grandpa Joe:''' [[AndImTheQueenOfSheba If she's a lady, then I'm a Vermicious K'nid!]]

* While everyone is cramped in the small space just outside the Chocolate room. ''Poor'' Augustus says this...

* When Mike Teevee first wins, "Slugworth" is among the news crew. The way he points the microphone must be seen to be believed. Also; The expressions on Mike's face when "Slugworth" whispers his offer in his ear at the end of the scene.

** What's hilarious is that the last to meet Wonka are Charlie and Grandpa... the ''nice'' ones... and THEY'RE the ones who get hastily and rudely shuffled off. In fact; Sarcastic or not, his reactions to the first four jerk families is rather pleasant.

* Julie Dawn Cole stated the reason her arms are clamped to the side when she does down the chute, besides the obvious safety ones, was that a very handsome 16-year-old assistant was assigned to catch her below, and Julie was protecting her dignity as much as she could since she was in a dress.

* A deleted scene, which was filmed but not included, featured a mountain climber visiting a Himalayan guru and asking what the meaning of life is. The guru requests a Wonka bar, opens it, and upon seeing it has no ticket, he says "The meaning of life is disappointment."

** After that; Wonka assures Mrs. Teevee (while boarding the boat) that he takes good care of his guests, to which Mr. Beauregarde snarks....

* The fact that the entire planet....all these adults, especially....is losing their minds over a contest involving chocolate.

-->'''Veruca:''' Hey, daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want an Oompa Loompa right away!\\

'''Veruca:''' I want an Oompa Loompa ''now!''\\

--->'''Mrs. Teevee:''' Ugh...I think I'm gonna be sick...\\

-->'''Mrs. Teevee:''' Uh, T-T-Taffy? ''(Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka)'' Wh-What's he saying? \\
'''Willy Wonka:''' ''(to the Oompa Loompa)'' No, no. I won't hold you responsible.\\

--> '''Mike:''' "Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything!...."

** Veruca composing herself in her song after excitedly yelling, "..and I DON'T want to share them!", which is pointed out in the DVD commentary.

** What's hilarious is that the last to meet Wonka are Charlie and Grandpa....the ''nice'' ones....and THEY'RE the ones who get hastily and rudely shuffled off. In fact; Sarcastic or not, his reactions to the first four jerk families is rather pleasant.

*** The Gloops walk up; After Augustus gives his name ('Ah-GOOS-tass Glooooop!'), Wonka makes a crack about his weight, "Good to see you...and in such fine shape".

** Once it's working, Mr. Salt watches a scoop that's dumping sugar into a cone. He leans forward to get a look inside...right before another scoopful gets ready to drop right on his head.

* The entire scene with the team of programmers and their Golden-Ticket-locating supercomputer.
--> [[AssShove "I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what it can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!"]]

--->'''Sam B:''' Yeah! You took ''reeeeal'' good care of that August kid over there....

'''Hofstetter:''' What difference does that make? This was a dream, a fantasy, I mean, you just said yourself--\\

** "ROAM the world and home again! THAT'S the sailor's way!"

* Of the adult stars, Gene Wilder and Roy Kinnear had such tremendous comedic chemistry that they would attempt to play off of each other as much as possible. One of their adlibbed lines involves Kinnear asking if the Wonkatania is seaworthy, to which Wilder gently pats Kinnear's chubby stomach with his cane and says, "With your buoyancy sir, rest assured".

-->'''Grandma Josie:''' They're all crazy!
-->'''Grandpa Joe:''' Shh! The man's a genius, he'll sell a million bars!

-->"Four down, and one to go. And somewhere out there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to finding the last of the most sought after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must remember there are many more important things, many more important things. ''(beat)'' Offhand I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something. And now for tomorrow's weather and-"

* A psychiatrist telling his patient the sooner he gets rid of his dreams, the sooner he gets well, the patient tells the psychiatrist his archangel told him where to find one of the golden tickets.

** A bit of a BilingualBonus here. To a Brit, it's a perfectly straightforward answer, but to an American, it means "Get stuffed."
--->'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' What kinda business you in, Salt?\\

** After that; Wonka assures Ms. Teevee (while boarding the boat) that he takes good care of his guests, to which Mr. Beauregarde snarks....

"We are the music-makers..." \\

--->'''Grandpa Joe:''' What do you know? Mr. Salt finally got his wish.\\

-->'''Wonka:''' You can't get out backwards. You gotta go forwards to go back. Trust me.\\

-->'''Mrs. Teevee:''' MIKE!!\\
'''Wonka:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I told you not to, silly boy.]]\\

* "Hey I don't like the look of that tunnel up there! Hey Wonka, I want off!"
** "ROUND the world and home again! THAT'S the sailor's way!"

** Wonka tosses a cleated sneaker in a vat of unidentified stuff, "Gives it a little kick!".

** The interaction between Mrs. Teevee and Grandpa Joe when the former complains about the latter's hand on her shoulder. The look on her face is absolutely priceless.

'''Mr. Salt:''' We just gone ''through'' there!\\

''(The door swung open, revealing a whole other room. The guests groans and complains.)''\\

-->"You're turning violet, Violet!".

*** The Beauregardes walk up; Violet asks Wonka "What kind of gum ya got?" while her dad pitches his car lot.

--->'''Auctioneer:''' Your majesty!

-->'''Mrs. Salt''': (''knowingly'') You're going to be very unpopular around here Henry if you don't deliver soon.

'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' I doubt there is any chocolate.\\
'''Mr. Salt:''' I doubt any of us are gonna get out of here alive.

--> "I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what it can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!"

-->'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' What kinda business you in, Salt?\\

'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' ''(Looks away awkwardly)''

'''Wonka:''' Help. Police. Murder.

-->'''Sam B:''' "Yeah! You took ''reeeeal'' good care of that August kid over there...."

-->'''Psychiatrist''': And what exactly did he say?
-->'''Hofstetter''': What difference does that make? This was a dream, a fantasy, I mean, you just said yourself--
-->'''Psychiatrist''': ''SHUT UP, HOFSTETTER, AND TELL ME WHERE THE TICKET IS!''

--> "Where is fancy bred... In the heart or in the head?"
--> "We are the music-makers..."
--> "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!"

--> '''Willy Wonka''': [[CaptainObvious "She was a bad egg."]]

-->'''Grandpa Joe''': What do you know? Mr. Salt finally got his wish.
-->'''Charlie''': What's that?
-->'''Grandpa Joe''': Veruca went first.

---> '''Mr. Turkentine:''' Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200. Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you would have used up 20% of 1,000, which is 15% half over again, 10%...

--> '''Veruca''': He's absolutely bonkers.
--> '''Charlie''': And that's not bad.

--> '''Mrs. Teevee''': MIKE!!
--> '''Wonka''': [[DeadpanSnarker I told you not to, silly boy.]]
--> '''Mrs. Teevee''': Your teeth!
--> '''Mike''': (''dazed, blows smoke out of his mouth'') Boy, that's great stuff.
--> '''Wonka''': That's exploding candy for your enemies. Great idea. Not ready yet, though. Still too weak. Needs more gel-ignite.

--> '''Veruca''': Hey, daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want an Oompa Loompa right away!
--> '''Mr. Salt''': Alright, sweetheart. We'll buy one as soon as we get home, okay?
--> '''Veruca''': I want an Oompa Loompa ''now!''
--> '''Violet''': [[BigShutUp CAN IT, YOU NIT!]]
--> '''Veruca''': *Silent, then grumpily takes another bite out of her candy*

--> '''Charlie:''' (''about Violet'') Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka, Grandpa?
--> '''Grandpa Joe:''' Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.

-->'''Wonka''': All aboard, everybody!
-->'''Mr. Salt''': Uh, ladies first and that means Veruca!
-->'''Grandpa Joe''': [[AndImTheQueenOfSheba If she's a lady, then I'm a Vermicious K'nid!]]

--> '''Veruca''': Daddy, I do ''not'' want a boat like this!

--->'''Mrs. Teevee''': "Ugh...I think I'm gonna be sick...."
--->(''the chicken gets beheaded with a crashing gong sound effect'')
--->'''Mrs. Teevee''': "*B'wwwaaaa!*...Now ''I am'' gonna be sick!"

--->'''Charlie:''' This is kinda strange.
--->'''Grandpa Joe:''' Yes, it's strange, Charlie, but it's fun!

--->'''Mike Teevee''': "Now, why don't they ever show stuff like that on TV?"
--->'''Ms. Teevee''': "Ugh...I dunno...."

* When Wonka hands out Gobstoppers to everyone and Veruca lies and yells about Violet having two; Wonka makes a facial expression with a side-glance that can be best described as, "Huhhh boy....''this'' kid....".

-->'''Mrs. Curtis''': What do they want? Whatever it is, they can have it!
-->'''Detective''': They want your case of Wonka bars.
-->'''Mrs. Curtis''': *doesn't answer*
-->'''Detective''': Mrs. Curtis, do you hear me? It's your husband's life or a case of Wonka Bars!
--> '''Mrs. Curtis''': How long will they give me to [[ImThinkingItOver think it over]]?

-->'''Mrs. Teevee''': Uh, T-T-Taffy? ''(Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka)'' Wh-What's he saying? \\
'''Willy Wonka''': ''(to the Oompa Loompa)'' No, no. I won't hold you responsible.\\

-->'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' ...[[ARareSentence I got a blueberry for a daughter]].

-->'''Charlie:''' Is it fast?
--> '''Grandpa Joe:''' It should be, she's got more gas in her than a politician!

-->'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' That's the way we came in!\\

-->'''Charlie:''' Grandpa, look at Augustus!
-->'''Grandpa Joe:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Don't worry he can't drink it all.]]

--> "You're turning violet, Violet!".

-->'''Mr. Beauregarde:''' What happened to your face?\\

--> '''Mike:''' Saw this in a movie once. Guy signs his wife's insurance policy. [[InsuranceFraud Then he bumped her off.]]\\

-->'''Reporter:''' "You like the killings, don'tcha?"
-->'''Mike:''' "Wattaya think life's all about?"

-->'''Auctioneer:''' Your majesty!

-->'''Wonka:''' I have something rather special to show you.
-->'''Mr. Salt:''' Well, it's special, alright. I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one.

--> "Not 'til you're twelve, son!"

--> '''Mrs. Salt''': (''knowingly'') You're going to be very unpopular around here Henry if you don't deliver soon.

* The psychiatrist telling his patient the sooner he gets rid of the dreams, the sooner he gets well, the patient tells the psychiatrist his guardian angel told him where to find the golden tickets.
-->'''Psychiatrist''': And what did he tell you?

* The way Violet flaps her hands when the Oompa-Loompas begin moving her, as if to say “Get away, you little orange freaks!”

** And one of them was an infamous Nazi officer hiding out in Paraguay under an assumed name.

** Even funnier, Willy Wonka whips his cane on a rail on front of both of them causing them to stop and him giving them a look that says "That's enough out of you 2".

---> '''Teacher:''' Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200! Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you would have used up 20% of the 1000 Wonka bars, which is 15% half over again, 10%...
** "Of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know then you would be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude, do I make myself clear?"

* [[DeadpanSnarker Mrs. Salt's]] only line in the film.