History Funny / Warhammer40000

* Imperial Gua- er, ''Astra Militarum'' Deathstrike Missiles were originally statted with a range of "Infinite". In response, many Guard players have called in Deathstrike launches from across town, other states/provinces, and in [[https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2012/19749704/ one reported case]], all the way from the UK.

* Due to the way it's worded, it's possible to field an Inquisitorial Army made up of 1 inquisitor and a hilariously impressive amount of Jokaeros. Nicknamed the "Barrel of Monkeys" army, it borderlined on LethalJokeCharacter status as if you got the first turn, you could fire off enough lascannon shots to completely obliterate your opponent's force in one turn. But if you didn't get that first turn he would be making it rain chunks of monkey in very short order as Jokaeros are not very durable. It's highly recommended to try this if you have the models for it, if only for the pure look of horror on your opponent's face when they realize the tiny orange monkeys can blow up tanks with their jewelry.

** For once, the Guard didn't screw up--at least, it's not entirely their fault. [[https://regimental-standard.com/2020/07/01/find-the-assassin/ When the Callidius assassin]] from a group of assassins goes missing, the Guard is smart enough to know that they're probably disguised as a Guardsman with fake memories, and the play a regiment-wide game of Trigger the ManchurianAgent. The article also goes into why implanting an assassin with fake memories for extra concealment is AwesomeButImpractical--without any way of proving their identity, they can run into problems that [[AmnesiaDanger they can avoid with a quick word]]. Such as being shot by a Commissar.

* Imperial Gua- er, ''Astra Militarum'' Deathstrike Missiles were originally statted with a range of "Infinite". Many Guard players have called in Deathstrike launches form across town, other stated, and in [[https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2012/19749704/ one reported case]], all the way from the UK.

* The novel ''Vaults of Terra: The Carrion Throne'' mentions a romance novel set in "[[BlatantLies reputed paradise]] world [[DeathWorld Krieg]]" with the convoluted title [[OverlyLongTitle 'My Wish to Generate Children with You is only Exceeded by My Devotion to Him']].

** Remember, the Tau are frightened by fire. And water. And thunder. And unnerved by hairy people. [[BlatantLies They are also derived from bovines and chew cud and have udders. They have terrible eyesight so that their hearing overcompensates, allowing you to scare them off with loud shouting. And those guns they're carrying require sustained streams to injure a healthy, armored human.]] It's all there in the manual, and all of it is wrong.

** When the GaidenGame ''Blackstone Fortress'' revealed UR-025, a Man of Iron character, the Regimental Standard did a piece assuring readers that he [[ImplausibleDeniability definitely isn't an Abominable Intelligence]]. The reason? [[InsaneTrollLogic He has an Imperial Eagle on his chest plate.]]

** Regimental Standard [[https://regimental-standard.com/2020/03/18/go-for-the-head/ advises suppressing Orks with lasgun fire prior to charging them]] while in combat with them, but ''not'' bayonet charging them surprisingly enough - no, instead, affix your bayonet after the charge is complete to avoid hurting yourself, much like RunningWithScissors. This is especially funny given Regimental Standard's [[RunningGag frequent attestations of the importance and might of bayonet charges]].

* The novel ''Vaults of Terra: The Carrion Throne'' mentions a romance novel set in "[[BlatantLies reputed paradise]] world [[DeathWorld Krieg]]" with the convoluted title [[OverlyLongTitle 'My Wish to Generate Children with You is only Exceeded by My Devotion to Him']]" .

** "Genestealers are [[FamousLastWords slow and sluggish]]."

** Then there's the story of the ork Warboss who entered the Warp, came out ''just before'' he first entered it, and then ''tracked down and killed his past self because he wanted two copies of his favorite gun''. The ork army was so confused by da Boss killing, well, da Boss that they called off their WAAAGH! Just to make this clear, the orks are a species that ''exists and thrives'' off of InsaneTrollLogic, and they were still confused by this happening and couldn't figure out how to reconcile it.

--> ''Does she live? said Ruokh, his voice raw, but calmer.''
-->''If she didn’t, you’d already be dead,’ said Dreagher. But she may yet die. We do not have an Apothecary any more. You killed him. Remember?''
-->''Ruokh’s eye twitched. That was a fair fight, he growled.''
-->''It was to first blood.''
-->''[[ExactWords I only hit him once.]]''
-->''[[OffWithHisHead You decapitated him]].''
-->''[[{{Understatement}} There was a lot of first blood]], admitted Ruokh.''

* ''Funny/WorldEaters''