History Funny / TrueLies

** By the way, that last scene merits a funny moment all its own. Aziz does a crazy stunt that involves leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper on his motorcycle. Harry tries to follow, but that horse just isn't having it at all, and almost dumps him over the edge! You can just hear the horse thinking "are you CRAZY?!"

!!The film:

--> "You're fired."

-->"Due to the nature of evil, bad guys aren't always aware they're the bad guys. But let's say the very last of your friends are in a helicopter, it's hovering in front of Arnold's final missile, and your body is dangling from that missile. As you rocket towards hilariously impossible circumstances it'll probably hit you that shit like that never happens to the good guy."

-->"Due to the nature of evil, bad guys aren't always aware they're the bad guys. But let's say the very last of your friends are in a helicopter, it's hovering in front of Arnold's final missile, and your body is dangling from that missile. As you rocket towards hilariously impossible circumstances it'll probably hit you that [[KarmicDeath shit like that]] never happens to the good guy."

-->"Due to the nature of evil, bad guys aren't always aware they're the bad guys. But let's say the very last of your friends are in a helicopter, it's hovering in front of Arnold's final missile, and your body is dangling from that missile. As you rocket towards hilariously impossible circumstances it'll probably hit you that shit like that never happens to the good guy."

* When Gib tries to hide a transcript detailing Helen meeting up with Simon, Harry yells "GIMME DAH GAHDDAMN PAGE!" and smashes a window with his fist. It's hilarious in its own right, but it's even funnier if you know the filming context like the striptease accident above: Arnold was supposed to hit a window rigged with safety glass, but broke a real window instead. Creator/TomArnold played it with the speechless reaction that the scene called for, but one would imagine part of it was also seeing his co-star breaking a car window for real with an OffhandBackhand.

--> '''Woman''': Say something!\\
'''Man''': Uh... that's quite an animal.\\

* In the opening, Harry arrives at a party in Switzerland, completes his mission and is walking out when he is accosted by a guard, demanding to see his invitation. Harry pulls out a cigarette case, and memorably says "Sure. Here's my invitation" and presses a button on the side, detonating hidden explosives he had planted earlier.
** Also, at one point Harry asks a servant (in Arabic) where the bathroom is. Subtitles translate this as "Where's the bathroom? I need to take a major leak." Below that, a secondary subtitle that reads "([[FunWithSubtitles perfect Arabic]])"

--> '''Harry''': Sure. Here's my invitation. ''(pushes a button, blowing up a bomb nearby)''

* When Gib tries to hide a transcript detailing Helen meeting up with Simon, Harry yells "GIMME DAH GAHDDAMN PAGE!" and smashes a window with his fist. It's hilarious in its own right, but it's even funnier if you know the filming context like the striptease accident above: Arnold was supposed to hit a window rigged with safety glass, but broke a real window instead. Creator/TomArnold played it with the speechless reaction that the scene called for, but one would imagine part of it was also seeing his co-star breaking a car window for real with an OffhandBackhand.
* While Harry grills his wife from behind the one-way glass, Gib keeps interjecting.
--> '''Harry''': Tell me about your husband, Mrs. Tasker.\\
'''Helen''': Harry?? What can I say? I mean, he's a sales rep for a computer company.\\
'''Gib''': So sex with him isn't exactly waving your flag any more?\\
'''Helen''': That is none of your goddamn business! Now what kind of questions are these?!\\
'''Harry''': You're in a lot of trouble, Mrs. Tasker, so I suggest you cooperate. If we want to know the most intimate details about your life, you'd better tell us.\\
'''Helen''': My husband is a good man.\\
'''Gib''': But he's not exactly ringing your bell lately, right?\\
(Harry covers the mic)\\
'''Harry''': Let me handle this part, I mean, do you ''mind''?

'''Gib:''' ''({{beat}})'' [[FlatWhat Your horse?]]\\

'''Harry:''' ''(gives directions to Gib to get backup to catch Aziz)'' All right, and make it happen quick, because my horse is getting tired.\\

**

---> '''Harry:''' Federal officer in pursuit of suspect! ''[[HeroStoleMyBike (shoves mounted police officer off her horse and mounts up)]]'' [[RunningGag Sorry.]]\\
\\

\\
The moment in the elevator with the rich couple:

\\
--> '''Harry:''' ''(after the horse refuses to jump from one building to the next and Aziz escapes)'' Now what the hell were you thinking? I mean, I had the guy, and you let him get away. ''(horse looks away; Harry pulls it back)'' Look at me when I'm talking to you. What kind of a cop are you, anyway?

'''Harry:''' ''(after the horse refuses to jump from one building to the next and Aziz escapes)'' Now what the hell were you thinking? I mean, I had the guy, and you let him get away. ''(horse looks away; Harry pulls it back)'' Look at me when I'm talking to you. What kind of a cop are you, anyway?

* Gib is one of the funniest sidekick characters ever in an action film.
--> '''Gib:''' Same thing happened to me with wife number two, remember? I have no idea nothing's going on, right? I come home one day and the house is empty, and I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick bitch takes the ''ice cube'' trays out of the ''freezer?''
** Even funnier is this story comes at the end of Gib trying to make Harry feel ''better'' about his wife cheating on him.
--> ''Will you '''stop''' cheering me '''up?!'''''
** Also funny is when they get back in the car:
--> '''Gib''': I say we concentrate on work. That's how I always got through it whenever my life turned to dogshit. We're gonna catch some terrorists, we're gonna beat the crap out of 'em, you're gonna feel a hell of a lot better.
* After being "recruited", Helen is told that her contact's name will be "Boris". She asks almost hopefully if her name will be [[WesternAnimation/RockyAndBullwinkle "Natasha"]] and has a deeply disappointed look on her face when told her nickname will instead be "Doris".
* The entire Harrier sequence in Miami is comedic gold.
** A mook hears a loud jet noise, and he and his counterparts get ready, while he scans the surrounding area with binoculars. Suddenly a large grey shape rises up outside the window, and he focuses his binoculars to see a very pissed off Harry Tasker, piloting a Marine Corps Harrier jet. Said mook no doubt shits his pants, and everybody opens fire, only to immediately get diced by the Harrier's GAU-12 cannon.
** Aziz is chasing after Dana, and has her cornered on a rooftop crane. Suddenly she slips and falls, hanging on for dear life. As he closes in on her, the Harrier swoops in underneath. Aziz's dumbfounded reaction is priceless.
** Later, Aziz leaps onto the Harrier and wrestles with Harry for control of the jet. As the jet spins around in mid-air, it passes by a janitor cleaning a room in another part of the building, completely oblivious to what's going on. The jet ends up slamming tail first into said room, launching Aziz backwards, landing crotchfirst on the jet's tailfin.
** Finally, Aziz gets hooked on the wingtip missile of the Harrier, and the remaining mooks are in a helicopter on the other side of the building, visible through the damaged floor that was shot up earlier. What does Harry do? Engage the master arm, lock on to the helicopter, and launch the missile, and Aziz, with it, but not before delivering an epic line:
--> "You're fired."

* Harry's conversation with the torturer.
--> '''Samir:''' Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?
--> '''Harry:''' Yeah; I'm going to kill you pretty soon.
--> '''Samir:''' I see. [[TemptingFate How, exactly?]]
--> '''Harry:''' First I'm going to use you as a human shield. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.
--> '''Samir:''' And what makes you think you can do all that?
--> '''Harry:''' You know my handcuffs?
--> '''Samir:''' Mmmm-hmmm.
--> '''Harry:''' ''*holds up his hands*'' [[BreakingTheBonds I picked them.]]
--> ''*Cue OhCrap look on Samir's face right before Harry does [[PreemptiveDeclaration everything he just described.]]*''
** And before that, when the TruthSerum is starting to take effect:
--->'''Helen:''' So how do we know if it's working?
--->'''Harry:''' Ask me something I'd normally lie about.
--->'''Helen:''' Are we going to die?
--->'''Harry:''' [[BluntYes YEP.]]
--->'''Helen:''' I'd say it's working.
--->'''Harry:''' They're going to shoot us in the head, or they're going to torture us to death. Or they're going to leave us here until the bomb blows up.
--->'''Helen:''' Harry!
* Helen's first experience with a MAC-10. The recoil makes her lose control and drop the gun down the stairs...and it continues to fire, miraculously taking out every {{Mook}} in the room.
** Topped by the look of impressed astonishment and stunned disbelief on Harry's face after he surveys Helen's handiwork.
** As Helen is readying to shoot, Harry is busy struggling with another mook; when Helen's dropped gun starts to spray fire everywhere, Harry ''and'' the mook stop their fight and run for cover. On top of that, several mooks come around the corner, see the falling gun, and [[AttackAttackRetreatRetreat immediately try to run back (and get shot doing so)]].

--> '''Gib:''' Maybe she's sleepy.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAgZlwSGYE8 One of the terrorist mooks is filming Aziz making a speech about their jihad]] and the battery in the camera dies. The mook is terrified of what Aziz's reaction will be:
-->(mook nervously lowers camera and Aziz stops, throwing his hands up in a "What gives?" motion)
--> '''Mook:''' Battery, Aziz!
--> (''There is dead silence as Aziz threateningly approaches him. And...'')
--> '''Aziz:''' Get another one, you ''moron!''
-->'''Mook''': I think I have one--
-->'''Aziz''': Shh! (''raises silencing hand and shoos him away in annoyance'')
-->'''Mook''': ...in the truck. (''runs'')
* When Harry and Gib are listening to Simon bullshitting over the wiretap:
--> '''Simon''': It's the training. It shapes you into a lethal instrument. You react without thinking.\\
'''Gib''': I'm starting to like this guy. (notices Harry's DeathGlare) Oh, we still gotta kill 'im. That's a given.
** Their reaction to Simon taking credit for Harry's shootout with Aziz at the mall. They can't believe the gall of it and even Harry admits it's ActuallyPrettyFunny that a scammer's lying to his wife about what her husband did.

* When Aziz lays eyes on Harry in the harrier jet, the BigBad pulls a "WTF?!?" expression for the ages.
** Surpassed by Harry finishing him off in a wonderfully, ludicrously over-the-top manner. We'll let Creator/{{Seanbaby}} elaborate:
-->"Due to the nature of evil, bad guys aren't always aware they're the bad guys. But let's say the very last of your friends are in a helicopter, it's hovering in front of Arnold's final missile, and your body is dangling from that missile. As you rocket towards hilariously impossible circumstances it'll probably hit you that shit like that never happens to the good guy."

* The final line in the movie, after Gib is annoyed that Harry and Helen ignored him over the earpiece while on mission:
--> '''Gib''': Y'know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You're going in the van next time. I've been in the van for ''fifteen years'', Harry.
* Gib finally having enough of Simon annoying him and Harry, and starts casually shooting at his feet.

* Gibb is one of the funniest sidekick characters ever in an action film.
--> '''Gibb:''' Same thing happened to me with wife number two, remember? I have no idea nothing's going on, right? I come home one day and the house is empty, and I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of a sick bitch takes the ''ice cube'' trays out of the ''freezer?''
** Even funnier is this story comes at the end of Gibb trying to make Harry feel ''better'' about his wife cheating on him.

** Ironically, [[ShownTheirWork this is one of the few times in film that nuclear weapons being shot at is portrayed correctly]]. The engineering and science involved in just building a nuke means that it will only go off in the way it is designed to. Burning it, Shooting it, or detonating explosives next to it will not do the trick, and will in fact, render the nuke a dud by damaging either the internal circuitry or the detonation mechanism itself.

--> '''Harry:''' ''*holds up his hands*'' I picked them.
--> ''*Cue OhCrap look on Samir's face right before Harry does [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin everything he just described.]]*''

** Ironically, [[ShownTheirWork this is one of the few times in film that nuclear weapons being shot at is portrayed correctly]]. The engineering and science involved in just building a nuke means that it will only go off in the way it is designed to. Burning it, Shooting it, or detonating explosives next to it will not do the trick, and will in fact, render the nuke a dud.

--> ''Will you '''stop''' cheering me '''up!'''''

** Also, at one point Harry asks a servant (in Arabic) where the bathroom is. Subtitles translate this as "Where's the bathroom? I need to take a major leak." Below that, a secondary subtitle that reads "(Perfect Arabic)"

* "Where's the john? I have to take a major leak." ([[FunWithSubtitles perfect Arabic]])

--> (There is dead silence as Aziz threateningly approaches him. And...)

-->'''Aziz''': Shh! (raises silencing hand and shoos him away in annoyance)
-->'''Mook''': ...in the truck. *runs*

* After being "recruited", Helen is told that her contact's name will be "Boris". She asks almost hopefully if her name will be "Natasha" and has a deeply disappointed look on her face when told her nickname will instead be "Doris".

'''Gib:''' ''({{beat}})'' Your ''horse?''\\

** By the way, that last scene merits a funny moment all its own. Aziz does a crazy stunt that involves leaping from skyscraper to skyscraper. Harry tries to follow, but that horse just isn't having it at all, and almost dumps him over the edge! You can just hear the horse thinking "are you CRAZY?!"

** Their reaction to Simon taking credit for what Harry did: they can't believe the gall of it and even Harry thinks it's ActuallyPrettyFunny: a scammer lying to his wife about what her husband did.

** The second terrorist truck avoids getting blown up when the bridge gets taken out, but is left precariously dangling over the edge. The driver and his surviving bad guys start laughing at their good fortune... only to watch a pelican [[OhCrap nonchalantly fly onto the dashboard]], forcing the truck to slide off the bridge[[note]]Relax, the pelican is able to fly away unharmed.[[/note]] and explode in the debris below. Basically: Death By Pelican.