History Funny / Thud

* Any line spoken by Sir Reynold Stitched, curator of Fine Art at the Royal Art Museum, a man so posh people (namely Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs) can hardly understand him.

* When the Watch confront Brick and ask if he wants a lawyer, he replies that he's already eaten that day. They spend a brief, alarmed moment thinking he ate a lawyer before asking more questions and realizing that he doesn't know what a lawyer is, and meant a biscuit. Then, Brick thinks about how being the center of attention in a room full of stern watchmen is his worst nightmare, before reputedly correcting himself as he recalls other, worse ones all the way down to his nineteenth worst nightmare before Carrot snaps him back to attention.

* Vetinari, after the "heroics" of Mr. A.E. Pessimal, the most prim little bureaucrat you could ever meet, got knocked out after trying to ''bite'' a troll:

* How do the girls manage to convince Tawnee that men find her too attractive to approach? By having her smile at one of the gents in the pub ...then leaving after it causes all the men there to brawl over who it was she was smiling at.

** The whole "Colon-Nobbs Brains Trust" scene, really. At one point, Sir Stitched declares that selling the stolen painting would be a risky endeavor, given how any civilized person would recognize it immediately. [[OpenMouthInsertFoot Colon nods and asks him what it looks like]]. Then Colon and Nobby observe some other [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible ... interesting]] exhibits, including a wooden stake which one artist was apparently nailed to by her ear once and won several awards for, with Stitched mentioning that she's planning to nail herself to various other items for more "exhibits." Nobby then suggests that they display the now empty picture frame and rename the exhibit ''Art Theft'', [[HypocriticalHumor which Stitched dismisses as a foolish idea]].
* How do the girls manage to convince Tawnee that men find her too attractive to approach? By having her smile at one of the gents in the pub....then leaving after it causes all the men there to brawl over who it was she was smiling at.

--> "I don't know ''how'' to vant! I don't even ''have'' a galli!"
* King B'hrian Bloodaxe's first recorded words: 'Art this thynge working?'

* Any line spoken by Sir Reynold, curator of Fine Art at the Royal Art Museum, a man so posh no-one (namely Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs) can hardly understand him.

** The whole "Colon-Nobbs Brains Trust" scene, really. At one point, Reynolds declares that selling the stolen painting would be a risky endeavor, given how any civilized person would recognize it immediately. [[OpenMouthInsertFoot Colon nods and asks him what it looks like]]. Then Colon and Hobbes observe some other [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible ... interesting]] exhibits, including a wooden stake which one artist was apparently nailed to by her ear once and won several awards for, with Reynolds mentioning that she's planning to nail herself to various other items for more "exhibits." Nobby then suggests that they display the now empty picture frame and rename the exhibit ''Art Theft'', [[HypocriticalHumor which Reynolds dismisses as a foolish idea]].

** The whole "Colon-Nobbs Brains Trust" scene, really. At one point, Reynolds declares that selling the stolen painting would eb a risky endeavor, given how any civilized person would recognize it immediately. [[OpenMouthInsertFoot Colon nods and asks him what it looks like]]. Then Colon and Hobbes observe some other [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible ... interesting]] exhibits, including a wooden stake which one artist was apparently nailed to by her ear once and won several awards for, with Reynolds mentioning that she's planning to nail herself to various other items for more "exhibits." Nobby then suggests that they display the now empty picture frame and rename the exhibit ''Art Theft'', [[HypocriticalHumor which Reynolds dismisses as a foolish idea]].

** Afterwards, the vampire feels decidedly ill, and Angua taunts her with "Serves you right for drinking... vine." Salacia retorts she can handle "sarcastic-pause 'vine'" perfectly, but will admit she should have gone easier on the [[UmbrellaDrink heavily-garnished cocktails with allegedly-humorous names]]. Then Sally pukes up some hastily-consumed garnishes, including an umbrella, a sparkler, and a slice of lemon.

** Afterwards, the vampire feels decidedly ill:
--->'''Angua''': Serves you right for drinking... vine.

* King B'hrian Bloodaxe's first recorded words: 'Is this thynge on?'
* Yes, it's awesome, and yes, it's horrifying - but Vimes's [[spoiler:berserker reading of WHERE! IS! MY! COW!?]] must also be one of the funniest scenes in ''Discworld'', if only from the reactions of the witnesses. For extra icing, recall that the Watch and [[spoiler:the Low King's forces]] were led to the scene by [[spoiler:a voice howling out a children's book. ''"IS THIS MY COW?? IT GOES HRUUUGH!!"'']].

--->'''Angua''': Serves you right for drinking...vine.
* When The watch confront Brick and ask if he wants a lawyer, he replies that he's already eaten that day. They spend a brief, alarmed moment thinking he ate a lawyer before asking more questions and realizing that he doesn't know what a lawyer is, and meant a biscuit. Then, Brick thinks about how being the center of attention in a room full of stern watchmen is his worst nightmare, before reputedly correcting himself as he recalls other, worse ones all the way down to his nineteenth worst nightmare before Carrot snaps him back to attention.

-->"Yes, dear. [[Discworld/TheFifthElephant Werewolves tried to eat me.]]"

* The Colon-Nobbs Brains Trust.

* When Vimes starts reading ''Where's My Cow" to young Sam he's mildly annoyed about how the book has cows, sheep and animals not found in the city. So one day he retells it as "[[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Where's My Daddy]]," with the catch phrases of prominent Ankh-Morporkians instead of animal noises, including Foul Old Ron's "Bugrit! Millenium hand and shrimp!" He does this for a while until Sybil coughs and interrupts him. The next day Young Sam announced "Buglit!" to his nanny, and from then on Vimes sticks to the written version.

* Any line spoken by Sir Reynold, curator of Fine Art at the Royal Art Museum, and man so posh one can hardly understand him.

** For extra marks, see [[https://p.dreamwidth.org/c8e54010d82e/-/img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/twirlynoodle/disc/heresyourcowbw.jpg this illustration by Tealin.]] (Spoilers, naturally.)

* Willikins' SuspiciouslySpecificDenial about the ice knife may be even funnier if you suspect he's actually telling the truth but is momentarily terribly embarrassed that he only lived up to his (well-deserved) reputation as a supreme BadAss by sheer happenstance. It wouldn't do his reputation any good to really have just been cutting ice, so he acts like he was being his normal worryingly homicidal self.

* Yes, it's awesome, and yes, it's horrifying - but Vimes's [[spoiler:berserker reading of WHERE! IS! MY! COW!?]] must be one of the funniest scenes in ''Discworld'', if only from the reactions of the witnesses. For extra icing, recall that the Watch and [[spoiler:the Low King's forces]] were led to the scene by [[spoiler:a voice howling out a children's book. ''"IS THIS MY COW?? IT GOES HRUUUGH!!"'']].

* King Brian in reference to the cube: 'Is this thynge on?'