History Funny / ThirdRockFromTheSun

'''Harry''': I AM ''NOT'' IMPOTENT!!!... ''(notices Alyssa staring)'' Hello, Alissa.\\

* While choosing Secret Santa for the office Dick picks Judith and is ANYTHING but subtle about it.

* When Dick reveals the truth about himself and the other aliens, the only part Mary initially believes at first is the part about Harry having a transmitter in his brain.

* When the wedding is called off, Mary lights up a cigarette ''right in the chapel''.

'''Evil Dick:''' Oh shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently, I won't be impregnating the ''entire'' population of Ohio, but all fertile women of child-bearing age who are NOT currently pregnant, and that's a LOT, we're talking LOTS of women here, will soon find themselves now pregnant by me.

* At the start of Part 2, Dick tries to act like an angry and verbally abusive husband, but ends up breaking down cry and being comforted by Janet. It's utter hysterical.

--> '''Mary''': Jump.\\

* Tommy is jealous of Stenstrum, the hockey player, whom Alyssa has a crush on:

--> '''Dick''': Dr. Albright! Your hand is on my knee!\\
'''Mary''': Do you want me to move it?\\
'''Dick''': Please! ''(Mary takes her hand off his leg)'' No, I meant, move it ''around''. ''(Mary puts her hand back)''
* When Evil Dick has trapped Dick inside a very small, invisible force field:

--> '''Evil Dick''': Let daddy drive. ''(grabs Mary and kisses her passionately)''

* The RunningGag of Evil Dick kissing everyone passionately, including Nina and Mrs. Dubcek.
* Evil Dick baffled by a ringing telephone:
--> '''Evil Dick''': ''(phone rings)'' What do you want? ''(ring)'' What do you WANT?! ''(ring)'' Stop it. ''(ring)'' STOP IT! ''(phone stops; Evil Dick looks smugly satisfied)''
* "When you're thinking of giant heads, think of the BIG Giant Head."

--> '''Evil Dick''': Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!

* Evil Dick and Mary sensually feed food to each other. Evil Dick takes it too far by stuffing a ''whole piece of pie'' in Mary's mouth.
--> '''Harry''': Looks like he's pluggin' her pie hole. I think she likes it, Dick.

--> '''Tommy''': Why aren't you helping him?\\
'''Harry/Sally''': Which one?

--> '''Evil Dick''': Stay and witness my moment of glory, as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.\\
'''Tommy''': Wait, wait, wait. Even the men?\\
'''Evil Dick''': Okay, not the men.\\
'''Sally''': Not little girls.\\
'''Evil Dick''': Uh, no, not them.\\
'''Tommy''': Wait, what about elderly women?\\
'''Evil Dick''': No, I don't think so.\\
'''Harry''': What about women who are ''already'' pregnant?\\
'''Evil Dick''': Oh shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently, I won't be impregnating the ''entire'' population of Ohio, but all fertile women of child-bearing age who are NOT currently pregnant, and that's a LOT, we're talking LOTS of women here, will soon find themselves now pregnant by me.

* Dick and Sally all doped up on medication is hilarious, but the best is when Tommy confiscates the container and orders Harry to get rid of them, to which Harry responds by attempting to eat the entire contents.

--> '''Dick''': She [Mary] won't be able to stay away for long... not with an album full of naked picture of me.\\
'''Sally''': She has naked pictures of you?\\
'''Dick''': Not yet. Harry, get the camera.

* Tommy comes home to find Harry, Sally and Dick revealing two bags of "herbs" and demanding an explanation.
-->'''Tommy:''' Okay, it's not what you think-\\

'''Sally:''' I don't believe it, you can ''cook!!''\\

'''Tommy:''' This? uh... it's marijuana! ''[the others scoff]''\\

-->'''Sally''': I hate that bitch.

-->'''Harry''': Oh god, there's nothing we can do! We're POWERLESS against ALISSA!

'''Nina''': You know, if I were Dr. Albright, I'd slap you in the face.

* Due to failing to send a status report, the Big Giant Head makes Dick progressively dumber as the episode goes on. The first sign of something wrong is when Dick is told they're going to look for Harry (who was kidnapped in the previous episode) and repeatedly has to be told that's what they're doing, doesn't remember his keys are in his own hand, and keeps calling "HARRY!"

* Sally loses her virginity to Don in this episode. She finds herself unable to tell anybody about it, but clears the air with Don:
--> '''Don''': Anytime you want to, uh, "talk"... you just see me.\\
'''Sally''': Sometimes I just like to lie back and let you do the talkin'.\\
'''Don''': ''(backs her into the door)'' So you like to, uh listen, do you? ''(Sally giggles)'' Well, that's good. 'Cause I'll talk your brains out!\\
'''Sallly''': Talk to me, Don! ''TALK TO ME!!!''

* The scene where Sally locates all of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUIlcxMBj5Q Don's previous girlfriends]]. They all talk about things that happened during their time with him. The icing on the cake, though, is Don's surprised reaction to seeing them gathered in Dick's place.

--> '''Mary''': Hey, Dick, what's with all the Rusty Burgers?\\
'''Dick''': Ah, well, I'm just preparing box lunches for the homeless.\\
'''Mary''': Why are you putting all the food in the trash?\\
'''Dick''': It makes them more comfortable. Mary, you can be so insensitive.
* Dick on the phone with someone wanting to trade Fuzzy Buddies: "No no no no no, I don't want you to make a deal that you're not comfortable with. All I'm saying is, this is ''your'' future. Asking your parents would only cloud your judgment. Someone's coming? All right, call me back tomorrow during recess. Good night, Becky. ''(hangs up)'' She's weakening."
* Dick approaches a top trader called "The Columbian" ("Must be the matriarch of a powerful cartel." "No, her nephew went to Columbia University") to trade his Fuzzy Buddies, and she proclaims: "I got top dollar, I got ''better'' than top dollar." Dick is confused: "Then, by default, wouldn't that BECOME top dollar?"
* Dick, on the phone with a seller: "Yeah, I got your number from a friend. He said you could help me out. I--I--I need a Roger the Road Frog. (...) No! Not a mini one. I need a full-size Roger, damn it!"

** Sally, to Dick on being late for the rent because of Dick's Fuzzy Buddy obsession: "God, I'm so embarrassed, I can't even look Mrs. Dubcek in the face!" ''(Dubcek looks at Sally, who averts her gaze in shame)''
* Tommy as Hootie, the owl school mascot. He gets so into the school spirit that he jumps on the coach after a loss.
--> '''Tommy''': YOU! You did this! You didn't practice them enough, you BASTARD!!!

* Dick is annoyed at a new professor taking Mary's spot in the office:
--> '''Dick''': ''(to Nina)'' I see you're getting ready for the arrival of Professor [=McBitch=]!

* Dick's newest girlfriend, Jennifer Ravelli, has a habit of talking in rhyme. While at a restaurant, she gets a piece of tofu on her face, leading to this exchange:
--> '''Dick''': You have a little tofu on your lip.\\
'''Jennifer''': This smoothie is delicious. Please, have a sip.\\
'''Dick''': Ah. Thank you, but no. Just, please, go like this. ''(flicks)''\\
'''Jennifer''': I've got an idea. How about we kiss?\\
'''Dick''': Okay, time out. You're missing my point.\\
'''Jennifer''': Finish your food, and we'll blow this joint.\\
'''Dick''': Just listen to me! You have tofu on your lip. It's been there for what seems like an eternity. Now please just flick it the hell off your face!!!

--> '''Dick''': So you like the rhyming, eh? You like the rhyming?\\
'''Don''': Yeah.\\
'''Dick''': And what if the rhyming were never to stop? On, on, and on till your head doth pop. Oh, look! A book! A book on schnook! What kind of crook took my schnook nook book? Perchance, methinks, thee, hither, yon, thou. I'm think I'm gonna have a '''freakin' cow'''!\\
'''Don''': You sure seem to hate her. Sounds really tough.\\
'''Dick''': [[GotMeDoingIt Hate's a strong word, Don, but not strong enough.]]

--> '''Dick''': Mary! You're here!\\
'''Mary''': ''(drunk)'' Yes, I'm here. Just long enough to tell you what an '''AAAAAAAASSSSSSSS''' you are! There. I think I'm done.\\
'''Dick''': No, no, Mary. Wait. I've been doing a lot of thinking.\\
'''Mary''': I've been doing a lot of thinking, too. About what an '''AAASSSSS''' you are! I work late a couple of nights, and you seize the opportunity to chase the first skirt that comes along.\\
'''Dick''': Oh, no. But, Mary, I've been thinking--\\
'''Mary''': Oh, don't talk to me again. Ever, ever, never ever.\\
'''Dick''': That's not a very good rhyme.\\
'''Mary''': [[RuleOfThree AAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!]]

--> '''Jennifer''': The peanut, you see, may look like a nut,\\
'''Don''': But it's really a legume, just ask King Tut!

* Dick lands Jennifer in the hospital for accidentally giving her flowers that she's allergic to. When Dick enters his office later, the rest of the choir is waiting for him, delivering him a singing telegram:
--> '''Choir''': ''(singing)'' Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, how are you doing?\\
'''Dick''': I'm fine.\\
'''Choir''': ''(singing)'' How are you doing?\\
'''Dick''': ''(annoyed)'' I'm fine.\\
'''Choir''': ''(singing)'' How are you doing?\\
'''Dick''': SHUT UP!

* Sally wants to act like a centerfold model. Harry tells her the numerous actions he has observed centerfold models do to look seductive, and one of them is that the models look at their boobs and act as if they saw them for the first time. So he tells Sally to reenact the first time she saw her boobs. Sally looks at them and screams.
* Harry is reading a magazine, in the chair, nude. When Dick comes home:
--> '''Dick''': ...Harry, are you naked, or am I seeing things?\\
'''Harry''': Well actually, it's a little of both.

-->'''Tommy''': What should I wear to school tomorrow?\\
'''Harry''': EL NADA!

* After Dick changes his attitude about Mary's nude pictures from twenty years ago, he wants to take new nude photos of her. She refuses, so Dick says, "Then let's just get naked." Mary is at first aghast: "Dick!"... but then gives in: "Lock the doors."
* Sally is rejected for posing for Playpen for being too old. Dick tries to cheer her up:
--> '''Dick''': Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally. There's a ripeness that comes with growing older. Maybe it's what they call maturity, but it's what I call beauty. And you, Sally you grow more beautiful every day.\\
'''Sally''': You think so?\\
'''Dick''': Well, look at you. Your big, beautiful eyes, your long, silky hair, the curve of your neck, your supple white skin, your sexy red lips.\\
'''Sally''': ...I'm a little creeped out right now. ''(gets off his lap)''

--> '''Harry/Tommy''': YEAH!\\
'''Harry''': Did I not tell you?\\
'''Tommy''': You didn't need to tell me, man. I knew!\\
''(one of the toughs drops a hint to hurry up)''\\
'''Harry''': Wait, wait, wait. Just a second. ''(to Tommy)'' We saw this coming!\\
'''Tommy''': Miles away, brother!\\
'''Tough''': The cash register.\\
'''Harry''': ''(unconcerned)'' Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. ''(strolls back to the register)''

--> '''Abe''': Look, I'm tellin' ya.\\
'''Harry''': I heard ya.\\
'''Abe''': Fah! You should be so lucky.\\
'''Harry''': Eggghh! I should live so long!

--> '''Harry''': [[RunningGag Don't even get me started]] on this family. Roger's a drunk. Darren hasn't paid taxes since the Eisenhower administration. Cousin Marty's got his own website: nakedmarty.com.

--> '''Michelle''': So, Sally, you have a boyfriend?\\
'''Sally''': Yes, I do, Michelle. His name is Don, and he's a cop.\\
'''Michelle''': Oh, cops are so hot.\\
'''Sally''': Oh, yeah, tell me about it. And I got me the ''hottest'' one. Hey, check him out. ''(hands Michelle a picture of Don)''\\
'''Michelle''': ''(was clearly expecting a hunk)'' Whoa.\\
'''Sally''': Hands off, hon. He's mine.

---> '''Michelle''': Sally, can I tell you a secret?\\
'''Sally''': Sure, Missy. Of course you can.\\
'''Michelle''': I'm a virgin.\\
'''Sally''': Wow.\\
'''Michelle''': I know.\\
'''Sally''': Really? Wow. I remember what those days were like, you know. Feeling like I was the only person on earth who hadn't had sex. Wondering what it was gonna be like.\\
'''Michelle''': When did you lose your virginity?\\
'''Sally''': ''(casually)'' Ah, a couple of weeks ago.

--> '''Jacob's wife''': I'd stay out of this, honey.\\
'''Mary''': ''(offended)'' "Honey"?! Well let me tell ''you'' a thing or two, ''honey'': Whoever did your electrolysis missed a spot!

* The aliens freak out during their audit when they believe their secret is about to be blown. So Sally, as security officer, offers this [[AxCrazy brilliant]] course of action.
-->'''Sally''': This is what we're gonna do! He comes back in here, I break his neck. Then we make our escape and I snap everyone's necks from here til we get home! ''There's no way they'll catch us!''\\
'''Dick'''': ...Let's call that Plan B.

* Mary gets thrown in jail for breaking into Judith's office. When Judith and the chancellor visit her in jail, the chancellor keeps saying in a disappointed tone while shaking his head, "Mary, Mary, Mary..." After the third time he says this, Mary tells him, "Oh shut up!"

--> '''Mary''': Oh, look at me, Dick. They've stripped me of everything. My office, my title, my dignity. But there's one thing they can't take away from me.\\
'''Dick''': Your dignity?\\
'''Mary''': No. I just ''said'' they got that.
** "Promise me one thing, Dick. The next time the world gets all topsy-turvy and I start acting crazy again, do me a favor, will you? Slap some sense into me? ''(Dick slaps her... quite hard)'' ...I said "next time"."

* Alissa walked in on Tommy (actually the oldest of the aliens) cuddling a distraught Dick. Alissa was freaked out and ran from the room. Tommy immediately said "Alissa, look, he's not really my dad, he's just some guy I'm living with!" After a {{beat}}, Tommy realizes that made it sound even ''worse''.

--> '''Dick''': Hello. I see you have an apartment for rent. Great. Now, a Sally Solomon may be by today to look at it. Please, don't hold the fact that she is a convicted arsonist against her.

---> '''Dick''': ''(on the phone)'' Thank you for holding. I'm with a leading Colombian drug cartel. Yes, and I'm scouting apartments for one of my mules: Sally Solomon.\\
'''Mary''': ''(aghast)'' Dick!\\
'''Dick''': Muchas gracias. ''(hangs up)''

* The RunningGag of Mary continuously having bad luck, who refuses to acknowledge it's because she threw out a chain letter. At one point she hobbles to a hockey game with bandages on her head and says, "Sorry we're late, my carburetor caught fire! ''(laughs)''"
--> '''Dick''': It was a tad strange; the car was turned ''off'' at the time...

** It culminates in Mary mentioning a rock broke her windshield. Nina corrects her by saying it was a ''meteor'' to which Mary defensively says the tests aren't back yet.
* The final act, when Dick performs a ton of good luck charms while receiving a ''science'' grant. Among the highlights: Only stepping on the white tiles on the floor, bringing in Mrs. Dubcek as his good luck charm, saying "Franks, ''(taps shoe)'' beans, ''(taps shoe)'' collared ''(taps shoe)'' greens", ripping out page 13 of his proposal, and spinning around while chanting "Andrew K. and Eileen B. Fleischman Foundation Grant!"

--> '''Tommy''': Dick, what are you doing?\\
'''Dick''': I-I'm just, uh, working on my computer.\\
'''Tommy''': It's not even on.\\
'''Dick''': Yes, it is.\\
'''Tommy''': No, it's not.\\
'''Dick''': Yeah, I-it's just, uh, warming up.\\
'''Tommy''': You don't know how to use a compuuuuter!\\
'''Dick''': Shut up!\\
'''Sally''': Oh, he has no idea!\\
'''Dick''': I am a superior being. I came to earth on a spaceship that could fit in my pants. What am I supposed to do with technology so backwards it can't even read your thought waves?
* Mary's mom got her a pager for emergencies, but her mom keeps beeping her about trivial things ("mangos are 3 for a dollar."). During one phone call:
--> '''Mary''': No, mom, I don't have grandma's recipe for apple pan dowdy. (...) Look, every time this beeper goes off, I think you're dead, and I'm ''starting'' to get disappointed! (...) No, mom, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Bye. ''(hangs up)'' The ''HELL'' I am!

--> '''Tommy''': ''(shouting over the volume)'' I feel like I'm watching ''Series/EntertainmentTonight'' at Carnegie freakin' Hall!!!\\
'''Alissa''': Turn it down!!! ''(Tommy mutes it)'' How loud do you need to hear that it's Mary Steenburgen's birthday?!
* Dick, having been a recluse for days because he's been spending all his time on the internet, finally comes back to reality when Mary accidentally spills coffee on his computer. At the electronics store, he grabs some random woman and exclaims, "This is amazing! I CAN SMELL YOU!" and takes a giant whiff.

* One subplot involves Dick/Mary and Harry/Vicki attending a couples' retreat. One of the exercises is to put on inner tubes, close eyes, and move around the room, bumping into people in the process. Mary is immediately knocked down and trampled.
--> '''Mary''': Get off me! Open your damn eyes!
* Sally pulls a gun on Sammy, thinking he's a dangerous mobster. When Don finally gets through to her that he's just a butcher:
--> '''Sally''': Oh, okay... Well, um, guess I won't be needing the gun anymore. ''(Don grabs it)'' Uh, super sorry. ''(looks into the distance)'' Oh my God, there's somebody I know. ''(wanders off)''

--> '''Sally''': Oh, come on, now. You're big boys. I know it's hard, but you're just gonna have to learn to live without me.\\
'''Dick''': But what if we don't wanna?\\
'''Harry''': ''(like a little kid having a tantrum)'' Yeah, I don't wanna! I DON'T WANNA!!! ''(pushes the junk on the table onto the floor)'' Will you at least clean THAT up?

--> '''Dick''': Oh, Nina, you're friendly with Raoul down in the cafeteria kitchen, aren't you?\\
'''Nina''': No.\\
'''Dick''': Oh, good. Then I have a great icebreaker for you. Could you ask him to wash these dishes and have 'em back by 6:00?\\
'''Nina''': You know, I'm about ten seconds away from quitting this job.\\
'''Dick''': Oh, then you'd better hurry.\\
'''Nina''': Okay. ''(drops his dishes on the floor)''\\
'''Dick''': You're only creating more work for yourself.

--> '''August''': Ok, for the last time, Tommy, ''I'' broke up with you. In fact, I started seeing somebody else when I was still with you. Ha! I couldn't be ''more'' over you.\\
'''Tommy''': Oh yeah? Well, you're fired!\\
'''Alyssa''': She really took your breakup hard, huh?\\
'''Tommy''': It's sad, really.

--> "In the role of Eliza, "Alissa Strudwick could indeed [[{{Pun}} do little.]] Her inept accent providing no distraction from her non-existent singing voice. [...] The rain in Spain caused this reviewer insane brain pain."
* Harry's infatuation with Cathy, the Solomons's new maid (who they stole from Mary):
--> '''Harry''': I never met anyone like you before, Cathy. The way you pair up socks, put them in the same drawer... genius. Yeah. I don't know how you turn the toilet water blue, and I don't want to know. Just don't stop doin' it.

* Dick turns discussion of Strudwick's new physics textbook into a [[Series/TheJerrySpringerShow Jerry Springer]]-esque brawl.

--> '''Homeless person''': Hey, you burned me!\\
'''Sally''': ''(disdainful)'' ...Sorry. Here, have an extra bread. ''(tosses it in his soup bowl)''\\
'''Homeless person''': Thanks for nothing!\\
'''Sally''': Man, this is ''really'' startin' to get old.\\
'''Homeless person 2''': Hey, A.J., I've always dreamed of working in the movie industry. Can you help me out?\\
'''Harry''': Uh, yeah, I'm gonna call Warren Beatty for you right now.\\
'''Homeless person 3''': A.J., everyone says you're a real inspiration. Tell me, how did you change your life?\\
'''Harry''': ''(annoyed)'' Uh, y'know, you guys, I told this story, like, a million times already. Why don't you ask one of these guys? They don't seem to be doin' nothin'. ''(walks away)''

* Creator/WilliamShatner, as the Big Giant Head, gets off a plane and talks about how he had looked out the window and seen "something on the wing". Dick (John Lithgow) replies, "Same thing happened to me!" This is a double ShoutOut to a classic ''Series/TheTwilightZone'' episode starring Shatner, which was later [[Film/TwilightZoneTheMovie remade]] starring Lithgow.

* Sally gives The Big Giant Head a status report, and he doesn't even look at it:
--> '''Sally''': But you didn't even look at it.\\
'''Big Giant Head''': Didn't have to. I like what I'm looking at right now.\\
'''Sally''': What are you saying?\\
'''Big Giant Head''': I'm saying... vah-vah!

--> '''Don''': My cop nose tells me that there's an ugliness spreading throughout this town. No one is safe. ''(cheerful)'' [[MoodSwinger See ya!]]
* There's an homage to ''Film/PlanesTrainsAndAutomobiles'' where Dick and Strudwick [[ItMakesSenseInContext have to share a bed at a hotel together]]. Don the cop busts through the door, thinking that they're serial killers or something, and Dick then violently cuddles Strudwick while shouting ''"Don't shoot! We're going to have a baby!"''

--> '''Tommy''': My ''high school'' served fishsticks!\\
'''Dick''': ''(hurt)'' I told you about the fish sticks in confidence.

---> '''Dick''': This just in: you're going to Pendleton!\\
'''Tommy''': What? No, I'm not!\\
'''Dick''': You are! It's an order! Does it burn?\\
'''Tommy''': What is your problem? So you're a bad teacher. So bad, I thought you knew!\\
'''Dick''': One more word out of you, and you're getting your Master's at Pendleton!\\
'''Tommy''': But that is-\\
'''Dick''': Care to go for your [=PhD=]?\\
'''Tommy''': Dick, you're-\\
'''Dick''': Oh, look who's on the tenure track: Dr. Tommy Solomon!
* The RunningGag of butt grabbing: First, Tommy tries to grab Mary's butt when they hug, then Dick tries the same, and finally when Dick and Tommy hug at the end, [[HoYay they both reach for each other's butts.]]

--> '''Don''': Mr. [=DeMarmel=]'s office.\\
'''Harry''': Well, it certainly is.\\
'''Don''': Well, how are you?\\
'''Harry''': Actually, I'm feelin' a little dizzy.\\
'''Don''': I'm sorry, we're breaking up.\\
'''Harry''': Well, that's news to me.\\
'''Don''': You'll have to speak up.\\
'''Harry''': ''(shouting)'' I SAID, THAT'S NEWS TO ME!\\
'''Don''': Okay. Bye. ''(hangs up)''\\
'''Harry''': But I just got here!

--> '''Dick''': ''(sing-songy)'' Whatcha dooooooin'?\\
'''Mary''': I'm watching a film.\\
'''Dick''': Oh! Is it a film that we saw together and you're watching it because it reminds you of me?\\
'''Mary''': ''(annoyed)'' If you ''must'' know, it's ''[[Film/DeuceBigalow Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo]]''.

--> '''Clerk''': So, you're having a party?\\
'''Harry''': Well, it's actually more of a gathering. You know, just us and some loved ones. You know, my sister's Sally Storm.\\
'''Clerk''': The weather girl who's always right?\\
'''Harry''': Well, she's not always right. She didn't predict that I'd be meetin' a sweet little angel like yourself. Hey, you wanna come?\\
'''Clerk''': I get off at 8.\\
'''Harry''': No, no. The party's at 8. You'll get off at ''9''. ''(clerk smiles)'' You know somethin'? I like you so much, I'm gonna pay for these steaks. ''(pulls steaks out of his shirt)''

--> '''Martha''': ''(from other room)'' Diiiiick!\\
'''Dick''': WHAAAAAT?!?!\\
'''Martha''': I want you to rub a little salve on my lumbar!\\
'''Dick''': ''(to himself)'' I think it's time to cut this millstone from around my neck.\\
'''Mary''': ''(from outside)'' Diiiick!\\
'''Dick''': ''(in same fed up tone as before)'' WHAAAAT?!?! ''(sees that it's Mary)'' Oh, I, uh I'm sorry, Mary. For a moment there, you sounded unnervingly like your mother.

--> '''Don''': My God, it's gorgeous! And only three hours and four car barges away!

---> '''Dick''': Excuse me, sir? We're vacationing in the area. What is the one thing that we should not miss?\\
'''Man''': Well, uh, there's the prison.\\
'''Dick''': I see. Are there any crafts fairs?\\
'''Man''': Oh, we got that. Prison crafts.\\
'''Mary''': Community theater?\\
'''Man''': They were gonna do ''Theatre/GuysAndDolls'' at the prison, but some of the guys didn't want to be dolls.

--> '''Mrs. Dubcek''': You see these capris? They used to be bike shorts.

--> '''Tommy''': ''(to a guy in the waiting room)'' So, he used to be bigger than me, and then my aunt realized that I'm the bigger one now. He can't stand it. He makes me measure him, like, five times a day. When he wakes up, after his shower, after his stretching exercises. ''(the guy, weirded out, leaves)'' These guys are weird.

--> '''Doctor''': Now, it says here you've been trying a variety of home remedies? Hanging from the ceiling?\\
'''Harry''': With weights attached.\\
'''Doctor''': That- that is unorthodox.\\
'''Harry''': Well, I'm desperate! I'm shrinking.\\
'''Doctor''': Shrinking? You do know there is a natural fluctuation in size based on excitement.\\
'''Harry''': You mean I'm bigger when I'm watching professional wrestling.\\
'''Doctor''': Well, to each his own.

* In a last-ditch effort to stop Liam from destroying the world, the Solomons try to make him feel a bit more empathy for humanity:

* When Dick tells Mary to think back on all their experiences together, with the perspective that he is an alien, she plays out a symphony of emotions, running the gamut from heartwarming joy to nauseated disgust to sheer terror, forming a glorious summation of the entire series.

* The very last scene of the show, with the Solomon's singing, only to forget part of the song and just mumble along for a couple lines.

-->'''Harry:''' I have ''no'' idea what I'm supposed to say!
** Of note from season 2: The repeated takes of Mary entering Dick's office to tell him something, and John Lithgow repeatedly cracking up at the fart noise that Mary emits in "Same Old Song and Dick".

[[foldercontrol]]

* ''Brains and Eggs'': When the aliens arrive at the Dean's faculty party:

--> '''Nina''': Nice dress.\\

'''Nina''': Yeah. Well, you almost missed. ''(walks away)''

--> '''Dick''': I want to try again. I want very much to feel, and I want, even more, to be felt, and I mean that [[{{Malaproper}} from the heart of my bottom]].\\

** No doubt the funniest gag of the pilot: As the Solomons leave the party, Dick is kissed on the cheek by Mrs. Sumner. Dick retaliates by ''slapping her.'' [[labelnote:Note]](a BrickJoke from earlier in this act, when Dick kissed Mary, and Mary slapped Dick for coming on too strong.)[[/labelnote]]
* ''Post Nasal Dick'': The Solomons are sick. Sally prepares chicken soup, and instead of eating it, Harry sticks his feet in the pot.
** Dick's toast at the wedding: "I think I speak for everyone when I say that the most beautiful, radiant woman in the room is NOT the bride, but Mary Albright!"
* ''Dick's First Birthday'': Dick's leather pants.

* In "Dick is From Mars, Sally is From Venus," Dick has had enough with everyone's problems.
-->"I try to mold us into a family that will blend in, and what do I get? A surly teenager, a sister obsessed with a man, and a brother who drinks too much! Is there any other family in the whole like this?! I don't think so!"
** The parent/teacher conference over Tommy's refusal to climb the rope in gym class.

** At a bar, Mary encourages Sally to deal with her pain over Brad not calling her by "letting it out." Sally responds by '''''screaming at the top of her lungs.'''''
--->"That really helped."
** We find Dick reading through a physics textbook, laughing his ass off. Then he pulls out the Creator/DrSeuss...

-->'''DICK:''' The people on this planet will swallow anything.
* In "Dick, Smoker", when Dick is kicked outside to smoke:
--> '''Dick''': Mrs. Cross, you smoke, too?\\
'''Mrs. Cross''': (''extremely'' low and gravely voice) It comes as a surprise to many people.
** Dick, after being told smoking will take years off his life:
--> '''Dick''': [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Yeah, but that's off the ''end'' of your life, and those years are crappy anyway.]]
** With Dick missing, Sally has to go to Tommy's school and get lectured about Tommy's bad behavior. She disciplines him:

'''Teacher''': I just thought counseling-\\

** A sexist mechanic refuses to take Sally seriously and keeps wisecracking with Tommy and Harry instead. How does she get his attention? By grabbing a wrench and [[GroinAttack crushing his scrotum.]] Also a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for Sally.

* ''Green-Eyed Dick'': One particular moment:

** Same episode: Dick has a dog treat in his hand and makes kissy[=/=]whistling noises. At ''Mary.''
* ''Lonely Dick'': After Mary spends a weekend away, an overjoyed Dick runs to her in slow motion. It leads to Mary trying to crawl away from Dick on the floor as he glomps her, all the while Nina's hitting him with a newspaper. It must be seen to be believed.

* ''Body & Soul & Dick'': After an obnoxious professor dies at a party being held in his honor, Sally and Harry freak because Sally thinks she killed him considering she threatened to rip his eyes out after he made a pass at her. Dick is livid, and mentions that Mary also wanted the guy dead but did she kill him? No, because she's a lady. Meanwhile, Mary is chugging down one martini after another to deal with the fact that she wished the guy was dead.
** Some time later, and with no explanation given, Harry somehow [[spoiler: stole the professor's corpse from the mortuary because he wanted someone to talk to.]] Even more amazing in that the aliens somehow managed to [[spoiler: get the body back with no one the wiser.]]
* ''Ab-dick-ted'': When Mary's brother Roy comes to visit her at work and runs into Nina.

** The aliens are discovering some of the frustrations of human family life. Dick and Sally are arguing and Tommy comes into the kitchen.

* "Truth or Dick": Dick interrupting an argument about the nature of truth with Mary in "Truth or Dick" to hunt down the fly he'd been trying to swat at the beginning of the episode. He tracks it down to Mary's desk, only for her to bugspray it.
** Tommy laments in "Truth Or Dick" about how he can grow a pimple, but not a mustache. Then asks Mrs. Dubcek:

** Sally suddenly starts to flatter and praise Dick, then...

* "The Art of Dick": Dick tries to draw an apple on the chalkboard but subconsciously segues into writing out a physics formula before he can finish. When he notices, he shouts [[CatchPhrase "DAMN!!!"]]
** Dick decides to support Harry's gift of painting by being the model for the art class he's taking. It's done in the most hilarious way possible:

* ''Frozen Dick'': Dick's first time on airplane, along with Mary, ended with him freaking out over "something on the wing" which was actually the engine. The plane hadn't even taken off and Dick's outburst led to the two of them being kicked off.
* ''Angry Dick'': Dick's FailedAttemptAtDrama after an argument with a neighbour. "Fine! We can tell when we're not wanted!" He storms out. Harry, Tommy and Sally don't move. Dick comes back. "We're not wanted." They get it and follow him.
* ''I Enjoy Being a Dick'': Dick [[DisguisedInDrag dresses as a woman]] to infiltrate Mary's study group. Meanwhile, Tommy considers telling August that he's an alien.

* "Dick Like Me": [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOdSM0gw5XQ&t=0m52s Sally's comically horrible dancing.]]

* In "Assault With A Deadly Dick," Dick takes Mary down to the station to identify his mugger from earlier in the episode - but not before GettingCrapPastTheRadar in spectacular fashion.

** In the same episode, Dick chewing a ''ton'' of Bazooka Joe bubble gum and spitting out the huge wad when Mary enters the room, grossing her out.
** When Mrs. Dubcek learns that the Solomons had their car stereo stolen:

* ''Father Knows Dick'': When Harry first found out about the "thing in his head", Dick assures him that "it's not in the part you use -- it's in your brain."
** Dick and Tommy get to the police station after Harry crashed the car. The cop at the station warns them that Harry "doesn't look too good." Harry's on the bench behind them, with a blank look on his face.

** A pretty important question comes up in the final scene:

* "See Dick Run": This bit on Dick and Mary's date:

** When Evil Dick has trapped Dick inside a very small, invisible force field:

** The final words of season 1:

* ''See Dick Continue to Run'': The RunningGag of Evil Dick kissing everyone passionately, including Nina and Mrs. Dubcek.
** Evil Dick baffled by a ringing telephone:

** "When you're thinking of giant heads, think of the BIG Giant Head."
** Evil Dick renames Harry and Sally "Tommy". Later in the episode, he calls everyone:

* ''See Dick Continue to Run, Continued'': Evil Dick and Mary sensually feed food to each other. Evil Dick takes it too far by stuffing a ''whole piece of pie'' in Mary's mouth.

** When Dick and Evil Dick are fighting:

** When Evil Dick reveals his evil plan, Tommy, Sally, and Harry poke holes in it immediately:

'''Tommy''': Waitwaitwait, even the men?\\

* ''Hotel Dick'': Tommy, Harry, and Sally pawning their huge hotel bill off on an unsuspecting Creator/GeorgeTakei, who confronts the front desk clerk:

* ''Big Angry Virgin from Outer Space'': Dick suggests a movie to get Sally in the mood for Mr. Randall:

* ''Fourth And Dick.'' Dick at the football game covered in lead paint of the team's colors.

** Dick finds out the rival team is pulling up to the university, so he races into the office in the middle of the meeting, ''drops his pants'' and ''moons them.''
* ''World's Greatest Dick'': "Tommy's father, Dr. Dick Solomon, physics Professor at nearby Pendleton university, reminds people that genius is 1% perspiration and 99% brilliant father."
** Dick quizzing Tommy on various subjects: Physics in Russian; famous ontologists in Greek; Complete Huang Po's classic couplet of love and betrayal. And yes, they speak in different languages to each other for each one.
** "Remember to phrase your answer in the form of an answer."
** When Dick is banned from the Pickney school for his behavior during the knowledge bowl:

** In the subplot, Sally dates a guy named Glenn who thinks she's a man. When he discovers the truth and leaves her ("Oh Sally, you ARE a woman."), Sally shouts, "What did you THINK I was?!" and her face goes through a lot of emotions in only ten seconds when it sinks in.

* The debut of Pepper at the end of "My Mother the Alien". After Dick lets the leash go, it ''immediately'' starts humping Mary's leg, even as she tries to retreat up the stairs.

** The baby food scene. Featuring Joseph Gordon Levitt [[{{Corpsing}} visibly cracking up.]]
** Harry in the toy store, touching everything he walks past: "I want that, I want that, I want that, I want that..." until he's slapped in the head by Sally.
** When Sally finds Dick, who had stolen the toddler she was babysitting:

* ''Dick the Vote'': When Dick turns on the TV to see Harry "protesting" in the park: "You're wearing my shirt. My shirt's on television!"
** This bit:
--> '''Gansmiller''': ''(to Mary)'' I don't know if you're old enough to vote.\\
'''Dick''': Yes, she is. She's 44.
** "Vote Harry S. Solomon. The "s" stands for know-how. ''(audience is understandably confused)'' I'm sorry, Snow-how."
** When Gansmiller fails to find any dirt on Harry, Don muses, "You know, it's almost as if he were... Amish."
** Harry aping Bill Clinton's catchphrase: "Dick, you're not gonna vote for me? Well that hurts. And I know... because I feel your pain."
** After the misunderstanding that Harry is in the mob, everyone in Dick's class is deathly afraid of him. At one point, Dick pulls something out of his briefcase and everyone screams.[[labelnote:Note]](it was just a microscope)[[/labelnote]]
** Dick sitting on his cannoli.
** When Harry loses the city council election, he turns around: "I'd like to thank you all for supporting- ''(nobody is behind him)'' all righty."
** Earlier, Gansmiller had bribed Harry with a building inspector position if he dropped out of the race. Harry didn't bite. Later, when Harry lost the election, he naively asked Gansmiller if the building inspector position was still available. After a chuckle, Gansmiller informed him: "No."
* From ''Jolly Old St. Dick'':
** While choosing Secret Santa for the office Dick picks Judith and is ANYTHING but subtle about it.
** Harry working as an elf for a MallSanta, where he describes it as a winter wonderland for children "one to ninety-one".
--->'''Harry''': Oh, um, please note that children 16 to 91 should ''not'' sit on Santa's lap.
--->'''Dick''' (''standing in line''): DAMN!
** Dick decides to get a Christmas tree and arrives in a man's front lawn.

*** "Have you ever felt a taser? Not nearly as much fun as it looks."

* ''Proud Dick'': Dick quits his job because he doesn't get a cushy parking space like Mary. So he goes to work at Rusty's, a fast food restaurant. One of the customers asks:

** Harry suffers amnesia during a tornado[[note]]No, not from the tornado itself; he got amnesia [[EasyAmnesia from a flower pot]].[[/note]] and forgets everything, but no one else notices:
--->'''Sally''': (begins wiping Harry's face) Geez, Harry, you're a mess.
--->'''Tommy''': Where have you been?
--->'''Harry''': Well, I'm not sure. My mind's a complete blank.
--->'''Tommy''': [[TakeThat So then you're fine.]]
*** In his state, Harry forgot that he's an alien, but then he finds out that the Solomons are, and becomes a paranoid wreck the entire episode. At every opportunity he tries to tell someone about it, [[CassandraTruth but he's dismissed for being crazy]]. At one point he grabs Mary and pulls her into the closet:
---->'''Harry''': Hello. I've been awake for 16 days.\\

** Sally unknowingly bought cat food for everyone to eat.
--->'''Sally''': All right, gentlemen, prepare yourself for a fancy feast.
--->'''Dick''': Fancy feast? Can we afford that?
--->'''Sally''': Yes, we can! Because while I was shopping today, I found this aisle in the back that had these unbelievable savings: [[FailedASpotCheck tuna, liver, and new seafood blend for you finicky types!]]
*** Tommy was actually the closest to realizing what Sally bought; after noticing the label, he thought they were eating cat. No, not "cat ''food''", [[Series/{{Alf}} just "cat"]].

** Dick begging the president to have his job back.

* "Romeo & Juliet & Dick": Every scene of Dick acting like a PrimaDonnaDirector. Particularly:

--> '''Dick''': ''(proudly)'' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I have redefined my art.]]
** Harry posing as Mrs. Dubcek.
* "Dick on One Knee": This exchange:

** Dick, at the bar:

** Dick goes to a wedding ring shop but can't get in because he keeps pushing open the locked door just as the owner tries to unlock the door, offsetting the lock.

** Sally's ridiculously long wedding gown train.
** When the wedding is called off, Mary lights up a cigarette ''right in the chapel''.
* "I Brake For Dick." August storms out on Tommy for the zillionth time, leading to this TakeThatScrappy moment:

** When Mary orders lobster at a restaurant:

** At the ceremony where Dick sets the healed chipmunk free:

** Dick and Mary on the roof after Dick kills an endangered peregrine falcon:

* ''Dick Behaving Badly'': When they played Monopoly.
--->'''Harry''': Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not, I repeat, do not drop the soap.
** Dick playing charades at the physics party. The group has to guess his ''twenty-five word'' charade: "Two celestial bodies of equal mass sharing a single gravitational field will exhibit identical rotational properties for as long as their inertial integrity is maintained."
* ''Dickmalion'':
** This exchange:

* ''Sensitive Dick'': Dick is ordered into sensitivity training by Judith. Confused, he goes into the office to see Mary, and this happens.

** After he takes the sensitivity classes, he returns wearing a black leotard and speaking in a gentle voice:

** This exchange:

** How Suter starts the trial against Dick: "Okay, Dick, out with it: Where did you grab her, and how many times?"
** While Dick is on trial, and his classmates are character witnesses:

--> '''Judith''': After reviewing all the testimony, the disciplinary committee unanimously votes to admonish Dr. Solomon.\\

* ''Will Work for Dick'': Dick's trouble using the copy machine, running into problem and problem until he begins assulting it, culminating in him ripping out the toner cartridge and proclaiming "I'm going to beat you with your own toner!" At the end of the episode, Mary tries to show him how to do it, only to run into the same problem and hit the machine, [[BrickJoke with Dick handing her a toner cartridge to use as a weapon.]]
** Dick says he's going to whip Harry into shape as his new assistant:

** Harry's backwards logic as Dick's assistant: He pre-licks all his stamps and places them on his filing cabinet for his convenience ("Nice work, Harry. Now, when I want to mail a letter, I'll just steam, scrape, and tape."), and he places incoming files in the outbox:

** In the subplot, Sally takes ballet. But at the performance, Dick doesn't show up because he's busy fighting the photocopier.

** Sally and a reluctant Tommy (sporting pigtails!) playing Barbie.

** Dick completely ''ruining'' Nina's apartment by crawling, sitting, and walking all over her white furniture while being covered in toner.
* ''Fifteen Minutes of Dick'': "FAME! I wanna live forever! Burn in the sky like a flame! '''[[LargeHam FAME!]]'''
* ''A Nightmare On Dick Street, Pt. 2.'' Dick and Sally all doped up on medication is hilarious, but the best is when Tommy confiscates the container and orders Harry to get rid of them, to which Harry responds by attempting to eat the entire contents.

* "Fun with Dick and Janet (Part 2)":

* "Tricky Dick" is hilarious all around. Mary, after breaking up with Dick, took her anger out by sticking pencils into Dick's Mr. Potato Head doll. The rest of the episode is Dick and Mary pulling pranks on each other.

** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLr5fLtyj-k&t=1m34s Dick re-enacting John Lithgow's speech]] from ''Film/{{Footloose}}''.
* ''Moby Dick'': The scene where Dick, having put on a girdle ("It's called "The Shatner") stiffly walks into the office, drops a calculator, and struggles to pick it up. After Mary picks it up for him, he turns and hears a rip ("Excuse me."). When he sits down, his stomach area expands, and one of his shirt buttons flies off.
** Dick is on a diet, and wants the tomato that Sally's been growing. She's grown attached to it and is reluctant to give it up:

** This exchange:

** The ending:

* ''Eleven Men and One Angry Dick'': The subplot involving Harry and Tommy participating in Mary's classroom exercise of communicating using no words. The two forget the objective almost immediately, playing charades:

* ''Tom, Dick, and Mary'': When Dick discovers that Tommy is seeing Mary:

** Harry's been speaking his mind ever since Dick ordered him to stop watching TV. Towards the end of the episode:

* ''Dick on a Roll'': Vicki goes celibate in this episode. At one point, she asks a horny Harry, "Harry, could you pull my pans down?"
** Dick, stuck in a wheelchair in the episode, rallies to get a second wheelchair ramp built. When he finally realizes how superfluous it was, it's too late, as the groundbreaking ceremony is about to start. He pleads with the crowd to stop listening to him, but they don't, so he retaliates by ''beating the crowd with the shovel.''
* ''The Great Dickdater'': The RunningGag of male characters gazing at passing women and saying in unison: "Niiiice."
** Dick's unsuccessful flirting attempts with random women in the bookstore:

** Dick gets a taker for his personals ad, who says to wear a white carnation and his date will wear one too. He gets to the restaurant and Mary happens to be there too. Both are expecting a date. Then both put on white carnations.

** Don invites Dick to the policeman's ball:

--> '''Don''': Dick, have I told you that I've been in therapy for the past 5 years?\\

** Sally proves that she can get men to do anything for her because she's hot, so she starts dating a guy and treats him like crap. Nevertheless, he still does her bidding. At one point she asks him to carry a drawer filled with lingerie from one end of the attic to the other. He faints. Sally observes: "Oh my God, I'm so hot, I killed him!"
** Don, on a double date with Dick:

--> '''Dick's date''': So, Dick, um do you have any hobbies?\\

* "Portrait of Tommy as an Old Man": Dick tries to invite Mary on stage at a bar to fulfill her dreams of being a singer. He parts the curtains to reveal a giant and very unflattering photo of Mary: Right in the middle of eating a sandwich.
* "36! 24! 36! Dick! Part 2": Mary and Nina are staying in a hotel which has a lot of rambunctious Super Bowl guests. A group is partying nonstop outside their room, and one of the guys sprays silly string in their direction:

* In "Stuck With Dick," Dick plans a romantic moonlit picnic with Mary, hoping it will win her back, but they get trapped in the library together. He freaks out until he realizes he's still alone with her, and he's got the champagne.

--> '''Dick''': Think back, Mary. Don't you remember the romance?\\

** Dick says, "Well, things could be worse. I mean, if I'm going to be trapped with someone, I'm sure glad it's you. At least with you, I know that, no matter how hungry you get, I'm not going to wake up to find you gnawing at my leg." Mary merely gives him a [[DeathGlare cold stare]] that's just hilarious.
** Dick and Mary drunk, sitting back to back:

** Dick and Mary try to escape through the vent, but merely end up in another locked room. After a minute, Mary asks, "What's that smell?" Dick replies, "Oh, I was afraid we'd get lost, so I left a trail of blue cheese in the vent, and I guess the heater just kicked in." Then when Mary starts to gag, Dick asks, [[RunningGag "Champagne?"]]
** A random moment: Dick tells Mary that there's a dead spider in her hair. Mary ''freaks out'' and starts frantically clawing at her hair. Dick interrupts her: "I tell a lie... it's still alive." ''(cue Mary freaking out again)''
** Dick, to Nina after he and Mary finally escape the library: "Oh, uh, by the way, Nina, I'm going to class. See if you can beat the cheese stink out of these pants."
** With Dick gone, Sally, Tommy, and Harry break into Mary's house, which sets off the silent alarm. Cue Don rolling through the door minutes later, and hurting his back in the process. After he tells them they have to leave, Sally assures him that they will, only for Tommy and Harry to announce that Mary has pay-per-view. They end up watching ''Beastmaster's Revenge'' FOUR times.
** Mary on the phone disputing her cable bill during the credits of "Stuck With Dick".
--> '''Mary''': Well, I don't understand these charges. I did ''not'' watch ''Beastmaster's Revenge'' four times. I don't even know what a Beastmaster is! ''(listens)'' Well, that does sound intriguing, but I didn't order it. And what is ''Ultimate Warrior Bloodbath '98?'' ....Oh, wait. I ''did'' order that.
* ''My Daddy's Little Girl.'' The final scene of Sally and Mary's father realizing their romance isn't going to work is relatively somber, until...

* ''The Physics of Being Dick'': Sally botches the job of being Mary's fact-checker by her Bolivia speech being full of translation errors. Mary goes to the bar and orders five drinks.

** Dick not understanding how Good Cop/Bad Cop is supposed to work.
* ''A Friend in Dick'': Harry is about to leave for night school and Tommy says, "Didn't you forget something?" Harry approaches Tommy and kisses him on the cheek like they're a married couple. Tommy exclaims, "NO, the SNACK!"
* ''Dick and the Other Guy'': Dr. Neesam interrupts Dick's class and is perplexed at the formula Dick wrote on the board, saying it has five unnecessary terms. He cleans it up; though Dick is skeptical it still works, Leon speaks up:

** Dr. Neesam is better than Dick at everything, including somehow being able to pull a pan out of the oven without putting on gloves. Dick barely touches it and immediately yelps in pain.

** Neesam reveals himself to be an alien, and that Dick convinced him to spare Earth from being blown up.

** Sally discovers that Don has been singing at a nightclub at night, and wants him to sing for her. After a half second of modesty, he immediately starts singing "Unchained Melody", with Sally joining in. By the end of their duet, their faces are less than an inch from each other.
* ''When Aliens Camp'' has some pretty hilarious parts as well.

** This bit:

** Harry is repeatedly shot at because he's wearing a fur coat, which the hunters mistake for an animal. Before embarking to find Dick, Mary tells Harry, "Take your coat off." He does, revealing a shirt with a giant bullseye target on it. Mary tells him, "Harry... put the coat back on."
** At the end, Mary introduces another camping ritual: Roasting marshmallows: "You put 'em in the fire." The Solomons take it too literally and throw the sticks in the fire.
* "The Tooth Harry": When Dick watches the edited version of the Pendleton University promotional video, where Judith said all of his and Mary's lines:

** The misunderstanding between Harry and Nina: Just as they're about to have sex for the first time, she finds money under her pillow, which Harry put there because she got her wisdom teeth taken out and wanted to act like the tooth fairy.

* From "Eat, Drink, Dick, Mary," Tommy comes home to find Harry, Sally and Dick revealing two bags of "herbs" and demanding an explanation.

'''Tommy:''' No! It's pot! I swear! I smoke it with my friends! I... like to toke up on the fat daddies........ dude!
** From the same episode, Sally brags to the others about how Don got to second base. With Don standing right next to her. Plus Don's FreudianSlipperySlope trying to get out of there.
** According to a transmission through Harry, the Big Giant Head apparently has an assistant appropriately named Big Giant Jenny.

** This bit:

* ''Dr. Solomon's Traveling Alien Show'': Due to failing to send a status report, the Big Giant Head makes Dick progressively dumber as the episode goes on. The first sign of something wrong is when Dick is told they're going to look for Harry (who was kidnapped in the previous episode) and repeatedly has to be told that's what they're doing, doesn't remember his keys are in his own hand, and keeps calling "HARRY!"

* ''Power Mad Dick'': Dick, mistakenly thinking that Mary being the dean means he has the power to fire, tells Lucy, "Pack your bags, princess! The free ride is over! You are out of here!"
** Sally loses her virginity to Don in this episode. She finds herself unable to tell anybody about it, but clears the air with Don:

* The scene in ''Feelin' Albright'' where Sally locates all of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUIlcxMBj5Q Don's previous girlfriends]]. They all talk about things that happened during their time with him. The icing on the cake, though, is Don's surprised reaction to seeing them gathered in Dick's place.
* ''Collect Call for Dick'': Dick buys a ton of Rusty meals to get the Fuzzy Buddies inside:

** Dick on the phone with someone wanting to trade Fuzzy Buddies: "No no no no no, I don't want you to make a deal that you're not comfortable with. All I'm saying is, this is ''your'' future. Asking your parents would only cloud your judgment. Someone's coming? All right, call me back tomorrow during recess. Good night, Becky. ''(hangs up)'' She's weakening."
** Dick approaches a top trader called "The Columbian" ("Must be the matriarch of a powerful cartel." "No, her nephew went to Columbia University") to trade his Fuzzy Buddies, and she proclaims: "I got top dollar, I got ''better'' than top dollar." Dick is confused: "Then, by default, wouldn't that BECOME top dollar?"
** Dick, on the phone with a seller: "Yeah, I got your number from a friend. He said you could help me out. I--I--I need a Roger the Road Frog. (...) No! Not a mini one. I need a full-size Roger, damn it!"
** The intervention scene, where Dick claims that he gave up all his Fuzzy Buddies, but Tommy, Sally, and Mary reveal more all over the kitchen, including in a cereal box, the oven, and finally the fridge.

** Tommy as Hootie, the owl school mascot. He gets so into the school spirit that he jumps on the coach after a loss.

* In "What's Love Got to Do, Got to Do With Dick?", Dick is annoyed at a new professor taking Mary's spot in the office:

* "I Am Dick Pentameter": Dick's newest girlfriend, Jennifer Ravelli, has a habit of talking in rhyme. While at a restaurant, she gets a piece of tofu on her face, leading to this exchange:

** Don meets Jennifer and loves the rhyming, so Dick sets his straight:

** Mary, having gone on a bender after Dick broke up with her for Jennifer, goes to the rooftop where Dick is sitting:

** Don tries his hand at rhyming:

* ''D3: Judgement Day'': Jennifer asks Dick if he loves her, and before Dick gets a chance to answer, she loses it: "He didn't answer right away. Oh my God. He didn't answer right away..." and starts babbling and itching her hair frantically.
** Dick lands Jennifer in the hospital for accidentally giving her flowers that she's allergic to. When Dick enters his office later, the rest of the choir is waiting for him, delivering him a singing telegram:

* ''Indecent Dick'': Sally wants to act like a centerfold model. Harry tells her the numerous actions he has observed centerfold models do to look seductive, and one of them is that the models look at their boobs and act as if they saw them for the first time. So he tells Sally to reenact the first time she saw her boobs. Sally looks at them and screams.
** Harry is reading a magazine, in the chair, nude. When Dick comes home:

** After Dick changes his attitude about Mary's nude pictures from twenty years ago, he wants to take new nude photos of her. She refuses, so Dick says, "Then let's just get naked." Mary is at first aghast: "Dick!"... but then gives in: "Lock the doors."
** Sally is rejected for posing for Playpen for being too old. Dick tries to cheer her up:

* ''Happy New Dick'': Tommy is in charge of counting down to 1999, but Larry (who was hired at the bar as a waiter) accidentally activates the confetti machine at 11:58, causing everyone in the bar to sing "Auld Lang Syne". A furious Tommy tells everyone to stop singing, since it's not actually 1999 yet, to no avail.
* ''Two Faced Dick'' altogether. The Big Giant Head switches Dick and Sally's brains for the duration of the episode. John Lithgow has to act like Kristen Johnson's character, and vice versa, right down to the body language and tone of voice.

** Sally, in Dick's body, is still ''very'' attracted to Don. HilarityEnsues when the running gag pertaining to Sally and Don being able to sense when the other is nearby is still in effect, and Don freaking out when he turns around to see Dick.
** On a double date with Mary and Don, the two Solomons briefly kiss the other's boyfriend/girlfriend. Dick in Sally's body has a reserved but sensitive and thoughtful moment, whereas Sally in Dick's body goes to town on Mary, who breathlessly mentions "That's a lot more tongue then I'm used to."
** In the end, Dick and Sally's request to return to their original bodies is granted by the Big Giant Head. After a brief celebration, they address Tommy, who turns around with squinted eyes and says, "[[HereWeGoAgain Tommy? I'm not Tommy]]........ ahh, I'm just screwin' with ya!"
** The subplot where some tough bikers are customers at the bar, and Tommy and Harry assume they're badasses set to rob the place. Mrs. Dubcek teaches them that you can't judge a book by its cover, and they go along with it, until the bikers ''do'' rob them. Instead of being petrified, Tommy and Harry are psyched because they were right all along:

* In ''Dick Solomon Of The Indiana Solomons'', the unit is mistakenly invited to a family reunion for some guy named Richard Solomon. During the reunion, Harry meets Uncle Abe and starts to take on his mannerisms, and the two JustForFun/StatlerAndWaldorf their way throughout the whole episode.

** Sally bonding with Michelle, especially when they start talking about dating:

--> '''Michelle''': Sally, can I tell you a secret?\\

** Dick and Jacob get into an argument, and Mary intervenes, leading to this:

* ''Dick And Taxes'': Mary does Dick's taxes and informs him that he owes $9,500 in back taxes. Dick's response? "You BITCH!"
** The aliens freak out during their audit when they believe their secret is about to be blown. So Sally, as security officer, offers this [[AxCrazy brilliant]] course of action.

* ''Paranoid Dick'': Mary gets thrown in jail for breaking into Judith's office. When Judith and the chancellor visit her in jail, the chancellor keeps saying in a disappointed tone while shaking his head, "Mary, Mary, Mary..." After the third time he says this, Mary tells him, "Oh shut up!"
** This exchange, after Mary is demoted:

* ''The House That Dick Built'': Alissa walked in on Tommy (actually the oldest of the aliens) cuddling a distraught Dick. Alissa was freaked out and ran from the room. Tommy immediately said "Alissa, look, he's not really my dad, he's just some guy I'm living with!" After a {{beat}}, Tommy realizes that made it sound even ''worse''.
** The ColdOpen, where Vicki is confronted with a vision of a baby-sized Harry dancing in a diaper, while the ooga-chaka version of "Hooked on a Feeling" plays. So surreal.
** Dick badmouthing Sally to every landlord in town so she's unable to move out:

--> '''Dick''': ''(on the phone)'' Thank you for holding. I'm with a leading Colombian drug cartel. Yes, and I'm scouting apartments for one of my mules: Sally Solomon.\\

* "Superstitious Dick": The RunningGag of Mary continuously having bad luck, who refuses to acknowledge it's because she threw out a chain letter. At one point she hobbles to a hockey game with bandages on her head and says, "Sorry we're late, my carburetor caught fire! ''(laughs)''"

** The final act, when Dick performs a ton of good luck charms while receiving a ''science'' grant. Among the highlights: Only stepping on the white tiles on the floor, bringing in Mrs. Dubcek as his good luck charm, saying "Franks, ''(taps shoe)'' beans, ''(taps shoe)'' collared ''(taps shoe)'' greens", ripping out page 13 of his proposal, and spinning around while chanting "Andrew K. and Eileen B. Fleischman Foundation Grant!"
* [=Y2Dick=]: Everyone making fun of Dick for not knowing how to use a computer, especially Tommy and Sally:

** Mary's mom got her a pager for emergencies, but her mom keeps beeping her about trivial things ("mangos are 3 for a dollar."). During one phone call:

** The subplot of Sally and Tommy (with Alissa in tow) repeatedly upgrading their TV and home theater system to have the ultimate set-up. At one point they get surround sound and crank up the theme to ''Series/EntertainmentTonight'':

** Dick, having been a recluse for days because he's been spending all his time on the internet, finally comes back to reality when Mary accidentally spills coffee on his computer. At the electronics store, he grabs some random woman and exclaims, "This is amazing! I CAN SMELL YOU!" and takes a giant whiff.
* "Dick the Mouth Solomon": One subplot involves Dick/Mary and Harry/Vicki attending a couples' retreat. One of the exercises is to put on inner tubes, close eyes, and move around the room, bumping into people in the process. Mary is immediately knocked down and trampled.

** Sally pulls a gun on Sammy, thinking he's a dangerous mobster. When Don finally gets through to her that he's just a butcher:

* ''Citizen Solomon'': The attic's gone to crap ever since Sally moved into her own place. When she comes to visit, they hug her and when they let go, she has a bunch of cleaning items in her now-rubber gloved hands.

** Dick trying to pawn off the chores on his co-workers:

** In Tommy's subplot, the RunningGag of Tommy insisting that he broke up with August, not the other way around.

** August's scathing review of Alyssa in ''Theatre/MyFairLady'':

** Harry's infatuation with Cathy, the Solomons's new maid (who they stole from Mary):

* The entire episode of ''Dick vs Strudwick,'' especially towards the end of the episode where Dick turns discussion of Strudwick's new physics textbook into a [[Series/TheJerrySpringerShow Jerry Springer]]-esque brawl.
* ''Near Dick Experience'': After Sally, Tommy, and Harry almost die, they have a renewed appreciation for life, and start regularly volunteer at the soup kitchen. At first, they're all sunshine and smiles, but by the third act, they're back to their usual surly selves, with Sally not even looking as she sloppily serves soup:

* ''Dick's Big Giant Headache Part 1'': Creator/WilliamShatner, in a guest appearance as the Big Giant Head, gets off a plane and talks about how he had looked out the window and seen "something on the wing". Dick (John Lithgow) replies, "Same thing happened to me!" This is a double ShoutOut to a classic ''Series/TheTwilightZone'' episode starring Shatner, which was later [[Film/TwilightZoneTheMovie remade]] starring Lithgow.
* ''Dick's Big Giant Headache Part 2'': Sally gives The Big Giant Head a status report, and he doesn't even look at it:

* The cold open to "Dick for Tat", where the Solomons are playing an adult board game.

* ''Dial M for Dick'': Mary gets food poisoning, and Dick wants to know who did it, so he shakes her violently: "Who has done this to you? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?" ''(Mary runs for the bathroom again)''
** The moment when Dick accuses Mary of being the murderer. Mary, aghast that he would suggest that, says "What the-" and before she can get the [[PrecisionFStrike next word out]], [[CurseCutShort Dick continues talking.]]
** The ending. Back when they were convinced the murders were real, Sally begs Don to go get help. At the end, Don bursts in with his squad in riot gear, and tells everyone to get down. After Sally talks him out of it, Don asks, "Is this one of those murder mystery things?" He then tells Rico to hold the gas, but too late, and a tear gas bomb sprays everywhere.
* ''Sex and the Sally'':
** This:

** The Tommy and Harry subplot where they fall into the beggar lifestyle. Eventually they go from begging to outright ''harassing'' passersby, shouting "WHADDYA GOT!"/"COME ON!" repeatedly. And when they're finally stopped by a policeman for it, they confuse a citation with winning a prize.
** The Dick subplot involves Dick discovering tipping. Dick doesn't do it at first- he takes Mary's tip right after she sets it on the table (Mary: "No wonder we're treated like crap everywhere we go!"), and Dick later talks to Tommy and Harry about it:

** In Sally's subplot, she starts using birth control. Dick accompanies her to her first gynecologist visit:

** When the doctor gives her a sponge:

** The scene where Dick "reinvents tipping". That is, by starting with a "potential" tip and adding or subtracting dollar bills for every thing the waitress does.

* ''Charitable Dick'':
** Everyone giving Mary a hard time about her cape. [[BrickJoke Eventually she donates it for $300.]]
** Dick buys a painting of two monks holding a shovel at an auction, and starts carrying it around with him ''everywhere'' because he got applause when he bought it. But he starts to tire of it when nobody applauds him the next day:

** The scene where Dick tries to return the painting to the church and ask for his money back. Before he can even get a chance to give his rehearsed speech, the priest thanks Dick for his generous donation and a young kid named Ben runs up and latches onto his right leg, not letting go the whole scene, even as Dick tries to pry him off.

** The Tommy and Harry subplot involves the duo trying to come up with a new mission statement after the old one was left on the bus. One of the ideas they throw out is [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries "To boldly go where no man has gone before"]], and poke holes in it immediately.

--> '''Harry''': I mean, look at you! You're the poster boy for imperfection.\\

--> '''Dick''': Did you guys just get bored and start watching television?\\

** In Sally's subplot, she keeps Don awake at night: First, with snoring, and second by sleeping all day so she'll be awake, but then making noise when Don's trying to sleep. The topper is when she brings canned tuna into bed, accidentally spills some of the juice on Don's pillow, and when she tries to remove it, Don falls out of bed.
* ''The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary'': Harry's fake secret is that he's an alcoholic. Dick disciplines him by forcing him to drink so much that he won't want to drink again.

** Tommy's fake secret was that he wets the bed. After the film concludes:

** Sally's fake secret was that she was a lesbian. Don approaches her after the film concludes and barely gets in a few words before Sally grabs him and kisses him.

* ''Gwen, Larry, Dick and Mary'': Mary's date with Dick is ruined because the rest of the family came along. She can't even sit in the front with Dick because Tommy called shotgun.
** Harry has a brief infatuation with a woman at the laundromat. When the Solomons' washing machine is fixed, they no longer have to go to the laundromat so Harry says his goodbyes:

* "Dick Puts The ID In Cupid." Dick has a breakthrough after his first session with Mary's therapist, leading to one of the greatest {{Malaproper}}s of the series.

** This:

** Tiffany coming onto Tommy.

** Tommy scares Alissa off by revealing to her that he had sex with Tiffany before their Valentine's Day fling. Harry comes to the hotel room later, where Tommy is watching pay-per-view:

* In "The Big Giant Head Returns," Dick does a rather flawless impersonation of Vicki's hammy tendencies while enacting a scene with Harry. It's so perfect he almost makes out with Harry before the Big Giant Head asks what the hell they're doing.
** Sally's shoe dependency has become so bad the guys force her to go cold turkey. While ordering pizza, after making sure Tommy's out of the room, she starts asking the delivery guy what kind of shoes he's wearing before trying to get him to buy a pair for her.
** Tommy tries to hypnotize Sally with these instructions: When he says "one", Sally will fall asleep, when he says "two", she wakes up, and when he says "three", she will feel like her feet are on fire. It fails on Sally, but works on Harry. When Harry goes to a restaurant to rescue Vicki from The Big Giant Head, he never gets the chance between The Big Giant Head keeps using "one" and "two/too" in his sentences, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent sending Harry abruptly dropping to the floor.]] The scene climaxes with Head predictably saying "three", causing Harry to shout that his feet are on fire and run out screaming.
* ''Rutherford Beauty'': The twice-done gag of Harry wearing lobster claws and screaming "LOBSTER CLAWS!!!" at Tommy, who gets freaked out by it.
** This exchange, in one of Dick's erotic daydreams about Nina:

** Dick fulfilling Mary's fantasy of having sex in a public place by showing up naked under her table.
** Sally's transformation into an expy of Martha Stewart.

* ''This Little Dick Went to Market'': When Dick learns that owning stock means you own a part of the company, he and Tommy take it far too literally by showing up at a company they invested in, wearing business suits and acting like higher-ups.

** In one scene, Dick is standing on the roof in his business suit, ready to jump. Mary arrives just in time, and Dick admits to Mary that he made up striking it rich in the stock market and that they're not going to Cancun:

** The entire subplot with Harry and Sally involving Janice, the bodybuilder policewoman. Sally's jealous because Janice is stronger than her, while Harry's in love. At one point, Don compares Janice to ''Film/RoboCop1987'' and Sally assumes she's a robot for real.
--->'''Harry''': That ain't no robot, Sally. A robot don't smell that good.

* ''Youth is Wasted on Dick'': After a riotous spring break where Dick got wasted and vomited a lot, he apologizes to Mary for using their bed-and-breakfast room as a party zone:

* ''Dick Strikes Out'': The new chancellor, who is slashing budgets everywhere, is nevertheless sucked up to by Mary, Judith, and Strudwick, but not Dick:

** Tommy, and later Dick, being crestfallen when they discover that Mrs. Fetzel isn't a real person, but a character created by a marketing group.
** After Mary refuses to let Dick into her house, Dick grabs a brick on an impulse and throws it through her window. He immediately regrets it:

* ''Shall We Dick?'': Dick's unreasonable demeanor as Mary's dance coach:

** Don and Tommy are waiting for Sally and Alissa at a clothes store, and Tommy stuffs mannequin arms up his sleeves out of boredom. After pestering a sleeping Don with the fake arms, Don grabs the arms out of Tommy's shirt, and briefly freaks out when he notices they're not real.
** Dick, to Strudwick at the dance contest: "Oh, by the way, Strudwick, a gorilla called. He wants his butt, which you're using for a face... back!"
* ''Dick and Harry Fall Down a Hole'': Tommy and Sally mocking the news report about the two people who fell down the hole. Then the news announces that said individuals are Dick and Harry. Sally is shocked, but Tommy isn't: "I know. They announced that, like, five minutes ago." ''(continues to mock)''
** The guy who's chosen to create a rescue plan for Dick and Harry is, oddly, named "Hole".

** Harry driving Dick up the wall by describing in great detail how he eats [=M&Ms=]:

** Harry's "inspirational" speech to Dick:

** Sally and Hole rescue Dick and Harry by digging a parallel hole, and when Sally tells the duo that they're free, they want to stay in the hole. Hole says they're experiencing a variant of the Stockholm Syndrome and that deprogramming them could take weeks. Sally will have none of it:

* ''Dick Solomon's Day Off'': Dick crashes the chancellor's lunch wearing a bathrobe and pretending to have the Asiatic Flu. He claims Strudwick was the only one who faked a sick day, and is told to go home:

* ''The Big Giant Head Returns Again'': When Sally thinks Alissa is going to break up with Tommy:

* ''Fear and Loathing in Rutherford'': Harry's "dance of death" with a power tool.
** Don's warning to Tommy and Alissa when he suspects Strudwick of being a murderer:

** There's an homage to ''Film/PlanesTrainsAndAutomobiles'' where Dick and Strudwick [[ItMakesSenseInContext have to share a bed at a hotel together]]. Don the cop busts through the door, thinking that they're serial killers or something, and Dick then violently cuddles Strudwick while shouting ''"Don't shoot! We're going to have a baby!"''
* "Why Dickie Can't Teach": Tommy derides Dick's analogy that both Pendleton and Princeton serve fishsticks:

--> '''Dick''': This just in: you're going to Pendleton!\\

** The RunningGag of butt grabbing: First, Tommy tries to grab Mary's butt when they hug, then Dick tries the same, and finally when Dick and Tommy hug at the end, [[HoYay they both reach for each other's butts.]]
** In the subplot, Don gets a short-lived job as a front desk employee at a meat corporation. Harry comes in and Don's on the phone, but [[OneDialogueTwoConversations thinks he's talking to him]]:

* "Dick's Ark": Mary wants a weekend away from Dick, but Dick can't help but call her:

** Harry invites a grocery clerk to the bomb shelter:

* "Glengarry Glen Dick": Dick and Don buy a timeshare together, and visit it with Mary and Sally:

--> '''Dick''': Excuse me, sir? We're vacationing in the area. What is the one thing that we should not miss?\\

** Harry's concerned that he's shrinking after Tommy is taller than him, and that fear is validated by Mrs. Dubcek:

* "You Don't Know Dick": Dick is under the false assumption that Mary's favorite movie is ''Gas Pump Girls''.
* "My Mother, My Dick": Dick starts to bond with Mary's mother as he's helping her after a hip surgery, until she gets on his nerves like she did with Mary growing up. Towards the end, he is shouting at her:
--> '''Martha''': ''(from other room)'' Diiiiick!\\
'''Dick''': WHAAAAAT?!?!\\
'''Martha''': I want you to rub a little salve on my lumbar!\\
'''Dick''': ''(to himself)'' I think it's time to cut this millstone from around my neck.\\
'''Mary''': ''(from outside)'' Diiiick!\\
'''Dick''': ''(in same fed up tone as before)'' WHAAAAT?!?! ''(sees that it's Mary)'' Oh, I, uh I'm sorry, Mary. For a moment there, you sounded unnervingly like your mother.
* "Mary Loves Scoochie, Pt. 2." In a last-ditch effort to stop Liam from destroying the world, the Solomons try to make him feel a bit more empathy for humanity:

* In the series finale, when Dick tells Mary to think back on all their experiences together, with the perspective that he is an alien, she plays out a symphony of emotions, running the gamut from heartwarming joy to nauseated disgust to sheer terror, forming a glorious summation of the entire series.
** When Dick reveals the truth about himself and the other aliens, the only part Mary initially believes at first is the part about Harry having a transmitter in his brain.
** Dick manages to get the last laugh on Strudwick by tricking him into thinking the alien costume party is a masquerade styled after the court of Louis XIV, making Strudwick look like an idiot.
** Dick screwing up his "wiping Mary's memories" maneuver at first by chopping her neck, [[MoodWhiplash prompting Mary to exclaim "OW!"]]
** The very last scene of the show, with the Solomon's singing, only to forget part of the song and just mumble along for a couple lines.

--> '''Hank''': I'm huge! Oh, Nina! I'm doomed, doomed to a life of forlorn pudgery. I'm gonna be referred to as "husky" and "jolly". People will nickname me "tiny," and they'll laugh and throw rotten fruit at my rear as I pass them in the streets!\\