| 1 | '''WARNING:''' Spoilers are unmarked. |
| 2 | ---- |
| 3 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 4 | [[folder:General/Multiple Episodes]] |
| 5 | * All of the HilariousOuttakes. |
| 6 | -->'''French Stewart/Harry:''' I have ''no'' idea what I'm supposed to say! |
| 7 | ** Of note from Season 2: The repeated takes of Mary entering Dick's office to tell him something, and Creator/JohnLithgow repeatedly cracking up at the fart noise that Mary emits in "Same Old Song and Dick". |
| 8 | * Every time Dick goes "DAMN!" ''[[CatchPhrase Every]]'' [[RunningGag time]]. |
| 9 | ** Similarly, every time Dick says the word "bitch". [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYmyH_NLmas A montage of all the instances.]] |
| 10 | [[/folder]] |
| 11 | |
| 12 | [[folder:Season 1]] |
| 13 | [[AC:1x01 -- Brains and Eggs]] |
| 14 | * Dick mentions that holding Harry's very long flashlight [[SomethingElseAlsoRises makes him think about Mary for some reason]]. This becomes a BrickJoke when, after Dick and Mary have their prolonged SlapSlapKiss in the Dean's bathroom, they find Harry standing in the shower holding the flashlight. |
| 15 | -->'''Harry''': Oh Dr. Albright. I was just thinking of you. |
| 16 | * When the Solomons arrive at the Dean's faculty party: |
| 17 | -->'''Hostess:''' Won't you come in?\ |
| 18 | '''Sally:''' If you'll back up. |
| 19 | ** Sally and Nina's first exchange: |
| 20 | ---> '''Nina:''' Nice dress.\ |
| 21 | '''Sally:''' It's just something I threw on.\ |
| 22 | '''Nina:''' Yeah. Well, you almost missed. ''[walks away]'' |
| 23 | ** This exchange, when Dick tries to apologize: |
| 24 | --->'''Dick:''' I want to try again. I want very much to feel, and I want, even more, to be felt, and I mean that [[{{Malaproper}} from the heart of my bottom]].\ |
| 25 | '''Mary:''' Well... yours up. |
| 26 | ** Sally using TechnoBabble to describe various snacks at a party, then simply calling a cocktail weenie a cocktail weenie. Followed up by Harry mentioning that he's seen them before, and that they should be bigger. |
| 27 | ** No doubt the funniest gag of the pilot: As the Solomons leave the party, Dick is kissed on the cheek by Mrs. Sumner. Dick responds by ''slapping her''. [[labelnote:Note]](a BrickJoke from earlier in this act, when Dick kissed Mary, and Mary slapped Dick for coming on too strong.)[[/labelnote]] |
| 28 | |
| 29 | [[AC:1x02 -- Post-Nasal Dick]] |
| 30 | * The Solomons get sick for the first time. Sally prepares chicken soup, and instead of eating it, Harry [[FootBathTreatment sticks his feet in the pot]]. |
| 31 | * Earlier, we discover that the school nurse sent Tommy home because a girl he kissed gave him a bug. Cue Sally glaring down Tommy's throat with a can of bug spray... |
| 32 | * Dick's toast at the wedding: "I think I speak for everyone when I say that the most beautiful, radiant woman in the room is NOT the bride, but Mary Albright!" |
| 33 | * Dick's mind being totally blown by the Kleenex box. |
| 34 | * After everyone's gotten horribly sick from Tommy kissing a girl who had the flu, she comes to the Solomon house to apologize just as everyone's starting to recover. Tommy forgives her, but then Sally wakes up... |
| 35 | -->'''Sally:''' Who's that?\ |
| 36 | '''Tommy:''' This is Tina. She's the one that got us sick.\ |
| 37 | '''Sally:''' ''DESTROY THE INCUBATOR!!'' |
| 38 | |
| 39 | [[AC:1x03 -- Dick's First Birthday]] |
| 40 | * Dick's leather pants. |
| 41 | ** Then he leaves, offended by the age joke in Mary's birthday card - ''squeeeeeksqueeeeeeksqueeeeeksqueeeeek''... |
| 42 | |
| 43 | [[AC:1x04 -- Dick is From Mars, Sally is From Venus]] |
| 44 | * Dick has had enough with everyone's problems. |
| 45 | -->'''Dick:''' I try to mold us into a family that will blend in, and what do I get? A surly teenager, a sister obsessed with a man, and a brother who drinks too much! Is there any other family in the whole like this?! I don't think so! |
| 46 | * The parent/teacher conference over Tommy's refusal to climb the rope in gym class. |
| 47 | -->'''Dick:''' Since when did my son become my responsibility? I mean, you're the ones who are falling down on the job. You're supposed to educating him! Knowledge is the only chance this planet has for survival. One day, you're gonna have to find someone to pull your butts out of the collective butts out of the cosmic pliers and all you'll have to pick from are a bunch of rope climbers!\ |
| 48 | '''Teacher:''' Solomon, I think you're avoiding the real problem: the home environment.\ |
| 49 | '''Dick:''' Well, of course I'm avoiding it! It's full of crazy people! |
| 50 | * At a bar, Mary encourages Sally to deal with her pain over Brad not calling her by "letting it out." Sally responds by '''''screaming at the top of her lungs.''''' |
| 51 | -->'''Sally:''' That really helped. |
| 52 | * Dick reading through a physics textbook, laughing his ass off. Then he pulls out the Creator/DrSeuss... |
| 53 | -->'''Dick:''' "When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle." ''(slowly closes book, looks at cover)'' This man is a genius. |
| 54 | ** Not just ''any'' physics book - it's ''A Brief History of Time''. |
| 55 | --->'''Dick:''' The people on this planet will swallow anything. |
| 56 | |
| 57 | [[AC:1x05 -- Dick, Smoker]] |
| 58 | * When Dick is kicked outside to smoke: |
| 59 | -->'''Dick:''' Mrs. Cross, you smoke, too?\ |
| 60 | '''Mrs. Cross:''' ''[''extremely'' low and gravely voice]'' It comes as a surprise to many people. |
| 61 | * Dick, after being told smoking will take years off his life: |
| 62 | -->'''Dick:''' [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Yeah, but that's off the ''end'' of your life, and those years are crappy anyway.]] |
| 63 | * With Dick missing, Sally has to go to Tommy's school and get lectured about Tommy's bad behavior. She disciplines him: |
| 64 | -->'''Sally:''' Tommy, I'm hereby placing you under house arrest.\ |
| 65 | '''Teacher:''' I just thought counseling--\ |
| 66 | '''Sally:''' Your rations will be cut in half. You will report to calisthenics at 0500, sharp.\ |
| 67 | '''Tommy:''' Could I be placed in a foster home or something?\ |
| 68 | '''Sally:''' I'm his mother. I'll handle him.\ |
| 69 | '''Teacher:''' I thought you were his sister.\ |
| 70 | '''Sally:''' [[HandWave Sister, mother, whatever.]]\ |
| 71 | '''Tommy:''' ''(on their way out)'' I think you're actually my aunt.\ |
| 72 | '''Harry:''' ''(to teacher)'' [[TangledFamilyTree In our family, it's kind of hard to tell.]] |
| 73 | * A sexist mechanic refuses to take Sally seriously and keeps wisecracking with Tommy and Harry instead. How does she get his attention? By grabbing a wrench and [[GroinAttack crushing his scrotum.]] Also a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for Sally. |
| 74 | ** In the same scene, when Sally informs the mechanic that it's her car and that he should be talking to her, Harry confirms: "She's right. I just stand here and nod." |
| 75 | |
| 76 | [[AC:1x06 -- Green-Eyed Dick]] |
| 77 | * One particular moment: |
| 78 | -->'''Dick:''' You think you're pretty clever, don't you? I happen to know that every word in your book was published ''years'' ago. Perhaps you've read... ''[[ExactWords the dictionary!]]'' |
| 79 | ** Then he challenges him for "the woman that we both love" (referring to Mary), only for Jeff to go to ''his wife'', and accuse her of cheating on him. She denies ever having met Dick, only for Jeff's brother to step in and declare that he's the one she's been cheating on him with, and the situation devolves from there. |
| 80 | * Dick has a dog treat in his hand and makes kissy[=/=]whistling noises. At ''Mary.'' |
| 81 | |
| 82 | [[AC:1x07 -- Lonely Dick]] |
| 83 | * After Mary spends a weekend away, an overjoyed Dick runs to her in slow motion. It leads to Mary trying to crawl away from Dick on the floor as he glomps her, all the while Nina's hitting him with a newspaper. It must be seen to be believed. |
| 84 | ** Especially the part where it wasn't filmed in slo-mo - the actors did it all themselves. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64QzT3xIu0g See for yourself]]. |
| 85 | |
| 86 | [[AC:1x08 -- Body & Soul & Dick]] |
| 87 | * After an obnoxious professor dies at a party being held in his honor, Sally and Harry freak because Sally thinks she killed him considering she threatened to rip his eyes out after he made a pass at her. Dick is livid, and mentions that Mary also wanted the guy dead but did she kill him? No, because she's a lady. Meanwhile, Mary is chugging down one martini after another to deal with the fact that she wished the guy was dead. |
| 88 | * Sometime later, and with no explanation given, Harry somehow stole the professor's corpse from the mortuary because he wanted someone to talk to. Even more amazing in that the aliens somehow managed to get the body back with no one the wiser. |
| 89 | |
| 90 | [[AC:1x09 -- Ab-dick-ted]] |
| 91 | * When Mary's brother Roy comes to visit her at work and runs into Nina. |
| 92 | -->'''Roy:''' Gosh, you don't sound black on the phone...\ |
| 93 | '''Nina:''' *{{Beat}}* It's just something I picked up in spy school. |
| 94 | * The aliens are discovering some of the frustrations of human family life. Dick and Sally are arguing and Tommy comes into the kitchen. |
| 95 | -->'''Tommy:''' You know, August finds us quite charming in our naive determination to stay together.\ |
| 96 | ''[Tommy drinks from milk carton]''\ |
| 97 | '''Dick:''' You tell your little girlfriend August to mind her own business!\ |
| 98 | '''Sally:''' Yeah, and don't drink out of the milk carton!\ |
| 99 | ''[Tommy loudly spits milk back into carton]''\ |
| 100 | '''Tommy:''' Fine! |
| 101 | |
| 102 | [[AC:1x10 -- Truth or Dick]] |
| 103 | * Dick interrupting an argument about the nature of truth with Mary to hunt down the fly he'd been trying to swat at the beginning of the episode. He tracks it down to Mary's desk, only for her to spray it. |
| 104 | * Tommy laments about how he can grow a pimple, but not a mustache. Then asks Mrs. Dubcek: |
| 105 | -->'''Tommy:''' What's your secret? |
| 106 | * Sally suddenly starts to flatter and praise Dick, then... |
| 107 | -->'''Dick:''' ''What'' are you doing?\ |
| 108 | '''Sally:''' Lying. You like it? |
| 109 | |
| 110 | [[AC:1x11 -- The Art of Dick]] |
| 111 | * Dick tries to draw an apple on the chalkboard but subconsciously segues into writing out a physics formula before he can finish. When he notices, he shouts [[CatchPhrase "DAMN!!!"]] |
| 112 | * Dick decides to support Harry's gift of painting by being the model for the art class he's taking. It's done in the most hilarious way possible: |
| 113 | -->'''Dick:''' Prepare to meet... YOUR MUSE!!! ''(disrobes to his birthday suit; gives a naughty face to Mary)''\ |
| 114 | '''Harry:''' ...I'm gonna need more pink. |
| 115 | |
| 116 | [[AC:1x12 -- Frozen Dick]] |
| 117 | * Dick's first time on airplane, along with Mary, ended with him freaking out over "something on the wing" which was actually the engine. The plane hadn't even taken off and Dick's outburst led to the two of them being kicked off. |
| 118 | |
| 119 | [[AC:1x13 -- Angry Dick]] |
| 120 | * Dick's FailedAttemptAtDrama after an argument with a neighbour. "Fine! We can tell when we're not wanted!" He storms out. Harry, Tommy and Sally don't move. Dick comes back. "We're not wanted." They get it and follow him. |
| 121 | |
| 122 | [[AC:1x14 -- The Dicks They Are a Changin']] |
| 123 | * Harry joins a CD club and when the family puts in the first CD, they find themselves [[InvoluntaryDance dancing uncontrollably]] to "Electric Avenue." Sally and Dick are particularly dismayed by this and Dick decides to make a tactical retreat, cuing the family to dance down the stairs in unison and Tommy, bringing up the rear, to do a spin. |
| 124 | |
| 125 | [[AC:1x15 -- I Enjoy Being a Dick]] |
| 126 | * Dick [[DisguisedInDrag dresses as a woman]] to infiltrate Mary's study group. Meanwhile, Tommy considers telling August that he's an alien. |
| 127 | -->'''Tommy:''' I can't stand this anymore, I've got to tell you something and you're not going to believe this at first and it might even make you sick. It's about my family.\ |
| 128 | ''[cue Dick running into the room in drag]''\ |
| 129 | '''Dick:''' Well, that was a wash! ''[takes off shoes and wig]'' The woman I love won't let me be a woman! I need some herbal tea and a fat free cookie.\ |
| 130 | ''[Dick exits, leaving August looking horrified]''\ |
| 131 | '''Tommy:''' Listen, August, what I needed to tell you is that -\ |
| 132 | '''August:''' Don't speak, Tommy... don't speak.\ |
| 133 | ''[she hugs him]'' |
| 134 | * "Dickie Jo," Dick's alias while infiltrating Mary's study group. |
| 135 | -->'''Mary''' (''incredulous''): "Dickie Jo???" |
| 136 | -->'''Dick''': Don't mock me! |
| 137 | * The following day after the study group debacle, Mary finds a huge flower arrangement on her desk and assumes it's a shallow attempt at Dick begging forgiveness. |
| 138 | -->'''Nina''': They're not from him. They're from Judith. Would you like me to read the card-? |
| 139 | -->'''Mary''': NO! |
| 140 | |
| 141 | |
| 142 | [[AC:1x16 -- Dick Like Me]] |
| 143 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOdSM0gw5XQ&t=0m52s Sally's comically horrible dancing.]] |
| 144 | -->'''Harry:''' Wow. [[BrutalHonesty You suck.]] |
| 145 | |
| 146 | [[AC:1x17 -- Assault With A Deadly Dick]] |
| 147 | * Dick takes Mary down to the station to identify his mugger from earlier in the episode. |
| 148 | -->'''Officer Don:''' Okay, Mr. Solomon, it's time to finger your perp.\ |
| 149 | '''Dick:''' ''[pointing at Mary]'' Believe me, I've tried, but she just won't let me! |
| 150 | * Dick chewing a ''ton'' of Bazooka Joe bubble gum and spitting out the huge wad when Mary enters the room, grossing her out. |
| 151 | * When Mrs. Dubcek learns that the Solomons had their car stereo stolen: |
| 152 | -->'''Mrs. Dubcek:''' You go down to the station, you ask for officer Franco, an Italian gentlemen, [[CatchPhrase very nice.]] He came right over when my boyfriend got beat up in my living room.\ |
| 153 | '''Dick:''' Your boyfriend got beat up in your own house?\ |
| 154 | '''Mrs. Dubcek:''' Yeah. Well, my husband didn't care for him. |
| 155 | |
| 156 | [[AC:1x18 -- Father Knows Dick]] |
| 157 | * When Harry finds out about the "thing in his head", Dick assures him that "it's not in the part you use -- it's in your brain." |
| 158 | * Dick and Tommy get to the police station after Harry crashed the car. The cop at the station warns them that Harry "doesn't look too good." Harry's on the bench behind them, with a blank look on his face. |
| 159 | -->'''Dick:''' ''[relieved]'' Oh, that's what he always looks like. |
| 160 | * A pretty important question comes up in the final scene: |
| 161 | -->'''Harry:''' Has the Big Giant Head ever called us?\ |
| 162 | '''Dick''': Not yet.\ |
| 163 | '''Tommy''': Well, how will we know when he does?\ |
| 164 | '''Dick''': Harry will suddenly go blank, and stare off into space.\ |
| 165 | '''Tommy''': ''[looks over at Harry doing... [[CloudCuckoolander pretty much that]]]'' Like I ''said,'' how will we ''know'' when he does? |
| 166 | |
| 167 | %%[[AC:1x19 -- Selfish Dick]] |
| 168 | |
| 169 | [[AC:1x20 -- See Dick Run]] |
| 170 | * This bit on Dick and Mary's date: |
| 171 | -->'''Dick:''' Dr. Albright! Your hand is on my knee!\ |
| 172 | '''Mary:''' Do you want me to move it?\ |
| 173 | '''Dick:''' Please! ''[Mary takes her hand off his leg]'' No, I meant, move it ''around''. ''[Mary puts her hand back]'' |
| 174 | * After he and Mary finally have sex, Dick comes to class all happy, acting almost high on drugs and telling his students about the encounter. |
| 175 | * When Tommy informs Dick that they've been called home: |
| 176 | -->'''Dick:''' We're leaving?! ''[turns and throws himself against the door of his classroom]'' [[BigNo NOOOOO!!!!]] |
| 177 | * When Evil Dick has trapped Dick inside a very small and invisible force field: |
| 178 | -->'''Dick:''' My God... [[LargeHam HE'S TURNED ME INTO A MIIIIIME]]! |
| 179 | * This exchange while Evil Dick is introducing himself to the rest of the unit: |
| 180 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' I am your new commander. And you will refer to me as such.\ |
| 181 | '''Harry:''' Okay...such.\ |
| 182 | ''[Evil Dick [[DeathGlare glares]]]'' |
| 183 | ** One of the changes Evil Dick makes is to move Harry's garden gnome from one spot to a new one. |
| 184 | ** When he's asked what happened to the original Dick: |
| 185 | --->'''Evil Dick:''' That's for me to know and for you to find out. |
| 186 | * Harry's assessment of Evil Dick: "What a black hole." |
| 187 | * The final words of season 1: |
| 188 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' Let daddy drive. ''[grabs Mary and kisses her passionately]'' |
| 189 | [[/folder]] |
| 190 | |
| 191 | [[folder:Season 2]] |
| 192 | [[AC:2x01 -- See Dick Continue to Run]] |
| 193 | * Dick, still trapped, writes a recap on a napkin, only to start weeping and blow his nose on it. |
| 194 | * Evil Dick ordering Sally to mash the sausages she's cooking. |
| 195 | * After Harry eats some of Dick's strawberries (which Evil Dick labeled as "Mine"), Evil Dick squeezes what's left of the strawberries and wipes them on Harry's shirt. |
| 196 | * Evil Dick renames Harry and Sally "Tommy". Later in the episode, he calls everyone: |
| 197 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! |
| 198 | * Evil Dick makes more changes to the way things work, such as that the rest of the unit goes to a barber while he goes to a stylist, prompting this exchange: |
| 199 | -->'''Sally:''' Wait, we have so much more hair than you do.\ |
| 200 | '''Evil Dick:''' ''[wheels on them, affronted]'' You will never mention that again! |
| 201 | * Evil Dick flipping out over finding out he merely teaches physics at Pendleton as opposed to running the entire school. |
| 202 | -->'''Evil Dick''': Were all the janitors' jobs taken?! |
| 203 | * Evil Dick makes Sally wear skirts, ones "that look pretty when you twirl." Sally is not at all amused. |
| 204 | * As Evil Dick leaves and the rest of the unit asks for a lift, he refuses and says "The car is mine and mine alone." But moments later, he comes back up to the attic and admits he doesn't know how to drive a car. |
| 205 | * Evil Dick assesses Dick's students and informs Leon "You will be spared and made to carry heavy things." |
| 206 | * Dennis Rodman (revealed to be a fellow alien) revealing that Michael Jordan is a robot. |
| 207 | ** Harry, Tommy and Sally don't believe Madonna's just from Detroit. |
| 208 | * The RunningGag of Evil Dick kissing everyone passionately, including Nina and Mrs. Dubcek. |
| 209 | * Evil Dick baffled by a ringing telephone: |
| 210 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' ''[phone rings]'' What do you want? ''[ring]'' What do you WANT?! ''[ring]'' Stop it. ''[ring]'' STOP IT! ''[phone stops; Evil Dick looks smugly satisfied]'' |
| 211 | * "When you're thinking of giant heads, think of the BIG Giant Head." |
| 212 | * Evil Dick's rant: |
| 213 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' Oh. That's right. Can't let just anyone make custard! No, of course not, not on this planet. No, no, that would be too simple! No, we have retail, and we have wholesale. We have pink packets and blue packets, Republicans and Democrats, and the party that crazy midget started[[note]]Referring to Ross Perot, who founded the Reform Party and ran for the US Presidency in 1996[[/note]]. So many choices. How they all love their free will. Everybody has a different point of view. There should be only one point of view--''my'' point of view. Well, I have a message for these humans: The buffet is about to close forever! |
| 214 | ** He then steps into the closet, which has been transformed into a hellish and smoky hole. Then he comes back out briefly to put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob. |
| 215 | |
| 216 | [[AC:2x02 -- See Dick Continue to Run, Continued]] |
| 217 | * Evil Dick and Mary sensually feed food to each other. Evil Dick takes it too far by stuffing a ''whole piece of pie'' into Mary's mouth. |
| 218 | -->'''Harry:''' Looks like he's pluggin' her pie hole. I think she likes it, Dick. |
| 219 | ** The wide-eyed look on Mary's face as Evil Dick shovels the entire piece into her mouth, and then proceeds to use a fork to scrap off the morsels on her cheeks like he's giving her a shave. |
| 220 | * When Dick and Evil Dick are fighting: |
| 221 | --> '''Tommy:''' Why aren't you helping him?\ |
| 222 | '''Harry and Sally:''' Which one? |
| 223 | * When Evil Dick reveals his evil plan, Tommy, Sally, and Harry poke holes in it immediately: |
| 224 | -->'''Evil Dick:''' Stay and witness my moment of glory, as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.\ |
| 225 | '''Tommy:''' Wait, wait, wait. Even the men?\ |
| 226 | '''Evil Dick:''' Okay, not the men.\ |
| 227 | '''Sally:''' Not little girls.\ |
| 228 | '''Evil Dick:''' Uh, no, not them.\ |
| 229 | '''Tommy:''' Wait, what about elderly women?\ |
| 230 | '''Evil Dick:''' No, I don't think so.\ |
| 231 | '''Harry:''' What about women who are ''already'' pregnant?\ |
| 232 | '''Evil Dick:''' Oh shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently, I won't be impregnating the ''entire'' population of Ohio, but all fertile women of child-bearing age who are NOT currently pregnant--and that's a LOT, we're talking LOTS of women here--will soon find themselves now pregnant by me. |
| 233 | |
| 234 | [[AC:2x03 -- Hotel Dick]] |
| 235 | * Tommy, Harry, and Sally pawning their huge hotel bill off on an unsuspecting Creator/GeorgeTakei, who confronts the front desk clerk: |
| 236 | -->'''George:''' $3,000?... Well, that's all right. I can afford it. I'm a famous actor.\ |
| 237 | '''Clerk:''' I'm sorry. That's ''$30,000'', Mr. Takei.\ |
| 238 | '''George:''' Oh, my! ''(after the Carsey-Werner logo)'' Fourteen bottles of champagne, shrimp cocktails, hummus on pita tips? Look, I had a toblerone and two ginger ales. That's it! Seven massages? How could I get seven massages? Do I look relaxed? ''Do'' I?!\ |
| 239 | '''Clerk:''' ''(opens his suitcase)'' What's this?\ |
| 240 | '''George:''' All right, so I took one towel. One towel! I'm George Takei, damn it! |
| 241 | |
| 242 | [[AC:2x04 -- Big Angry Virgin from Outer Space]] |
| 243 | * Dick suggests a movie to get Sally in the mood for Mr. Randall: |
| 244 | -->'''Sally:''' ''[[Film/HomewardBoundTheIncredibleJourney Homeward Bound]]''. Is this supposed to help?\ |
| 245 | '''Dick:''' Couldn't hurt. The scene where the cat falls off the wet log... ''(makes a satisfied face)'' You'll notice that part of the tape is a little worn. |
| 246 | |
| 247 | [[AC:2x05 -- Much Ado About Dick]] |
| 248 | * "I take you seriously, Dr. Slut-Bunny!" |
| 249 | |
| 250 | [[AC:2x06 -- Dick the Vote]] |
| 251 | * When Dick turns on the TV to see Harry "protesting" in the park: "You're wearing my shirt. My shirt's on television!" |
| 252 | * This bit: |
| 253 | --> '''Gansmiller:''' ''(to Mary)'' I don't know if you're old enough to vote.\ |
| 254 | '''Dick:''' Yes, she is. She's 44. |
| 255 | * "Vote Harry S. Solomon. The "s" stands for know-how. ''(audience is understandably confused)'' I'm sorry, Snow-how." |
| 256 | * When Gansmiller fails to find any dirt on Harry, Don muses, "You know, it's almost as if he were... Amish." |
| 257 | * Harry aping Bill Clinton's catchphrase: "Dick, you're not gonna vote for me? Well, that hurts. And I know... because I feel your pain." |
| 258 | * After the misunderstanding that Harry is in the mob, everyone in Dick's class is deathly afraid of him. At one point, Dick pulls something out of his briefcase and everyone screams.[[labelnote:Note]](it was just a microscope)[[/labelnote]] |
| 259 | * Dick sitting on his cannoli. |
| 260 | * When Harry loses the city council election, he turns around: "I'd like to thank you all for supporting- ''(nobody is behind him)'' all righty." |
| 261 | * Earlier, Gansmiller had bribed Harry with a building inspector position if he dropped out of the race. Harry didn't bite. Later, when Harry lost the election, he naively asked Gansmiller if the building inspector position was still available. After a chuckle, Gansmiller informed him: "No." |
| 262 | |
| 263 | [[AC:2x07 -- Fourth And Dick]] |
| 264 | * After a rival fan says the Pendleton Badgers suck: |
| 265 | -->'''Dick:''' Badgers don't suck, they ''bite''! |
| 266 | * Dick at the football game covered in lead paint of the team's colors. |
| 267 | -->'''Dick:''' It goes all the way down, you know. |
| 268 | * Dick finds out the rival team is pulling up to the university, so he races into the office in the middle of the meeting, ''drops his pants'' and ''moons them.'' |
| 269 | * Dick's attempt at a chant: |
| 270 | -->'''Dick:''' Sine, sine, cosine, sine! 3.14159!\ |
| 271 | '''Karen:''' Sine, sine, cosine, sine! 3.14... ''(realizes no one's joining her and awkwardly stops)'' |
| 272 | * Harry, drunk with power as a security guard, throws the ''dean's wife'' against the wall and frisks her. When he finds binoculars in her purse, he assumes the worst and calls for back up. |
| 273 | |
| 274 | [[AC:2x08 -- World's Greatest Dick]] |
| 275 | * "Tommy's father, Dr. Dick Solomon, physics Professor at nearby Pendleton university, reminds people that genius is 1% perspiration and 99% brilliant father." |
| 276 | * Dick quizzing Tommy on various subjects: Physics in Russian; famous ontologists in Greek; Complete Huang Po's classic couplet of love and betrayal. And yes, they speak in different languages to each other for each one. |
| 277 | * "Remember to phrase your answer in the form of an answer." |
| 278 | * Dick's "RELAX, DAMN YOU, RELAX!" when Tommy purposefully gets questions wrong during the knowledge bowl. |
| 279 | ** Later in the scene: |
| 280 | -->'''Dr. Menard:''' What is the outer envelope or atmosphere of gas surrounding the sun called?\ |
| 281 | ''(Dick goes crazy in the audience as Tommy pretends to ponder the answer. Finally he stands up...)''\ |
| 282 | '''Dick:''' IT'S CALLED THE CORONA! YOU'VE BEEN THERE! YOU KNOW THAT! |
| 283 | * When Dick is banned from the Pickney school for his behavior during the knowledge bowl: |
| 284 | -->'''Dick:''' Tommy didn't even want to come to this robot factory outlet. I made him. ME, ME, MEEE! And now I'm putting him back in a real school where he can be himself, the kind of school where kids aren't judged on how well they test or how much they know, where they aren't judged at ALL! Where they have the freedom to stay faceless and nameless from K through 12, carrying their diplomas straight through the golden arches and on into their waiting [=McJobs=]! |
| 285 | * In the subplot, Sally dates a guy named Glenn who thinks she's a man. When he discovers the truth and leaves her ("Oh Sally, you ARE a woman."), Sally shouts, "What did you THINK I was?!" and her face goes through a lot of emotions in only ten seconds when it sinks in. |
| 286 | -->'''Sally:''' Remember when we said that two sexes must be so limiting? I think Glenn found a loophole. |
| 287 | |
| 288 | [[AC:2x09 -- My Mother the Alien]] |
| 289 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3H75aRI2u8 The debut of Pepper at the end.]] After Dick lets the leash go, it ''immediately'' starts humping Mary's leg, even as she tries to retreat up the stairs. |
| 290 | -->'''Dick:''' He loves you, Mary! |
| 291 | * When Sally and Dick are taking turns holding the baby, he cries when Dick is holding him and stops when Sally holds him. Then when Dick tries one last time, the baby squeals at him. |
| 292 | -->'''Sally:''' See? He loves me and he hates you! |
| 293 | * The baby food scene. Featuring Joseph Gordon Levitt [[{{Corpsing}} visibly cracking up.]] |
| 294 | * Harry in the toy store, touching everything he walks past: "I want that, I want that, I want that, I want that..." until he's slapped in the head by Sally. Not to mention them all thinking the ball pit is a death trap. |
| 295 | * Sally declares that the phone cannot ring more than once so it doesn’t wake up the baby. |
| 296 | -->'''Harry:''' Ah, yes. The ‘One Ring’ Rule. |
| 297 | * When Sally finds Dick, who had stolen the toddler she was babysitting: |
| 298 | -->'''Sally:''' ''(to Dick, angrily)'' There you are! ''(to toddler, sweetly)'' There you are. ''(to Dick, angrily)'' I'll deal with you, ''(to toddler, sweetly)'' as soon as I deal with you, sweetie. Come on, honey. ''(to Dick, growling)'' COME ON, DICK! |
| 299 | |
| 300 | [[AC:2x10 -- Gobble, Gobble, Dick, Dick]] |
| 301 | * Harry and Vicki seducing each other while cleaning up the leftovers. It ends with Harry putting the scraps of the turkey on his head and Vicki chewing on them. |
| 302 | ** Later on, the two compare their relatives. |
| 303 | --->'''Vicki''': 'Course [[BigScrewedUpFamily your family's a bit weird]]. |
| 304 | --->'''Harry''': Ha! Your mother's [[DirtyOldWoman Ms. Dubcek]]! |
| 305 | |
| 306 | [[AC:2x11 -- Dick Jokes]] |
| 307 | * '''Dick:''' Nina, stand up, show everyone how you put the "ass" in "assistant". |
| 308 | |
| 309 | [[AC:2x12 -- Jolly Old St. Dick]] |
| 310 | * While choosing Secret Santa for the office Dick picks Judith and is ANYTHING but subtle about it, much to her horror. |
| 311 | -->'''Judith:''' For the love of ''God'' let him draw again! |
| 312 | ** There's also the look of trollish amusement Nina and Mary gain as Judith's eyes widen in horror while Dick says his recipient will have NO idea he's getting them something, ending with him ''eating the slip'' and grinning at Judith. |
| 313 | * Harry working as an elf for a MallSanta, where he describes it as a winter wonderland for children "one to ninety-one". |
| 314 | -->'''Harry:''' Oh, um, please note that children 16 to 91 should ''not'' sit on Santa's lap.\ |
| 315 | '''Dick:''' (''standing in line'') DAMN! |
| 316 | * Sally's job as a gift wrapper is dampened when a crowd of people order to cut the schmultz and hand over their gifts. She angrily asks what is wrong with them and says their ruthlessness and greed (which she normally likes) is ruining Christmas. The shoppers can only respond with confusion and annoyance, even looking at one another to confirm if they just heard Sally's speech, and order her to keep wrapping. |
| 317 | * Dick decides to get a Christmas tree and arrives in a man's front lawn. |
| 318 | -->'''Man:''' Hey, buddy, can I help you?\ |
| 319 | '''Dick:''' No thank you. I have a chainsaw. Merry Christmas!\ |
| 320 | ''(as Dick starts cutting, sirens sound and lights flash)''\ |
| 321 | '''Dick:''' Merry Christmas, officer! |
| 322 | * "Have you ever felt a taser? Not nearly as much fun as it looks." |
| 323 | ** And then, in a glorious bit of ComedicSociopathy, he chases carolers off his lawn by ''throwing Christmas decorations at them.'' For added measure, the other aliens all had their own gripes about the holiday but were visibly horrified by what Dick just did to those carolers. |
| 324 | |
| 325 | [[AC:2x13 -- Proud Dick]] |
| 326 | * Dick quits his job because he doesn't get a cushy parking space like Mary. So he goes to work at Rusty's, a fast food restaurant. One of the customers asks: |
| 327 | -->'''Customer:''' How do you make your burgers?\ |
| 328 | '''Dick:''' Excellent question. First a clamp comes down onto the cow's head, forcing it onto a conveyor belt, where a prod is inserted into the cow's rectum, electrocuting it.\ |
| 329 | '''Customer:''' ...give me two. |
| 330 | ** Bug and Pittman take glee in Dick's new position, and rate the performance of their server. They say in unison: "F!" |
| 331 | ** Dick is forced to say "Would you like a fried pie with that?" with every order. |
| 332 | *** When ''Mary'' wants the pie, Dick ''practically pleads her not to do it''. |
| 333 | ---->'''Dick:''' (in resignation) Would you like a fried pie with that?\ |
| 334 | '''Mary:''' Yes.\ |
| 335 | '''Dick:''' (horrified) No, Mary, don't do it! \ |
| 336 | '''Mary:''' Give me the pie!\ |
| 337 | '''Dick:''' ''Mary, you have your whole life ahead of you!'' |
| 338 | * Harry suffers amnesia during a tornado[[note]]No, not from the tornado itself; he got amnesia [[EasyAmnesia from a flower pot]].[[/note]] and forgets everything, but no one else notices: |
| 339 | -->'''Sally:''' (begins wiping Harry's face) Geez, Harry, you're a mess.\ |
| 340 | '''Tommy:''' Where have you been?\ |
| 341 | '''Harry:''' Well, I'm not sure. My mind's a complete blank.\ |
| 342 | '''Tommy:''' [[TakeThat So then you're fine.]] |
| 343 | ** In his state, Harry forgot that he's an alien, but then he finds out that the Solomons are, and becomes a paranoid wreck the entire episode. At every opportunity he tries to tell someone about it, [[CassandraTruth but he's dismissed for being crazy]]. At one point he grabs Mary and pulls her into the closet: |
| 344 | --->'''Harry:''' Hello. I've been awake for 16 days.\ |
| 345 | '''Mary:''' That must be a record.\ |
| 346 | '''Harry:''' So, I've got to know, are you one of them?\ |
| 347 | '''Mary:''' I'm just going to step out of this closet now.\ |
| 348 | '''Harry:''' If you are who you say you are, then who won the world series in 1956? ''(rapidly turning the lightbulb on and off)'' Huh? Huh? Who? Who? Huh? Huh?\ |
| 349 | '''Mary:''' I don't know!\ |
| 350 | '''Harry:''' ''(overjoyed)'' I don't know either! |
| 351 | *** And then when he gets his memory back after being struck by lightning at the end, everyone else is mildly confused how [[LockedOutOfTheLoop Harry doesn't remember the past three weeks.]] |
| 352 | ---->'''Harry:''' Dick quit his job?\ |
| 353 | '''Tommy:''' Yeah, why do you think he was working at Rusty's?\ |
| 354 | '''Harry:''' ''Dick was working at Rusty's?!''\ |
| 355 | '''Sally:''' Jeez, Harry, don't you know ''anything''?\ |
| 356 | '''Harry:''' Nope. All I know is, I've got a transmitter in my head, and ''Series/CharliesAngels'' is on weeknights at seven. |
| 357 | * Sally unknowingly bought cat food for everyone to eat. |
| 358 | -->'''Sally:''' All right, gentlemen, prepare yourself for a fancy feast.\ |
| 359 | '''Dick:''' Fancy feast? Can we afford that?\ |
| 360 | '''Sally:''' Yes, we can! Because while I was shopping today, I found this aisle in the back that had these unbelievable savings: [[FailedASpotCheck tuna, liver, and new seafood blend for you finicky types!]] |
| 361 | ** Tommy was actually the closest to realizing what Sally bought; after noticing the label, he thought they were eating cat. No, not "cat ''food''", [[Series/{{Alf}} just "cat"]]. |
| 362 | *** Sally also mentions that they had "little gifts" near the food, and then promptly pulls out a cat toy that Dick can't help but bat at. |
| 363 | *** And then you get to ''how'' they found out, due to Mary trying to convince Dick to meet with the president while Tommy is polishing off the can: |
| 364 | ---->'''Mary:''' All right, keep your pride. Suffer all you want. But what about your family?\ |
| 365 | '''Dick:''' There's nothing wrong with my family!\ |
| 366 | '''Mary:''' [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe Your son is eating cat food!]]\ |
| 367 | '''The Solomons:''' ''(slowly dawning horror'') '''''Cat food?!''''' (Tommy spits it out; Sally and Dick practically almost vomit) |
| 368 | * Dick begging the president to have his job back. |
| 369 | -->'''Dick:''' ''(lying on the floor at Dewey's feet)'' Please! Please take me back!\ |
| 370 | '''Dewey:''' Sorry, can't do it.\ |
| 371 | '''Dick:''' Please! Please! I'll do anything! Just name it!\ |
| 372 | '''Dewey:''' You can apologize.\ |
| 373 | '''Dick:''' ''(briefly stands on his knees, seemingly indignant)'' You want me to APOLOGIZE?!\ |
| 374 | '''Dewey:''' Yes.\ |
| 375 | '''Dick:''' ''(at Dewey's feet again)'' I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!\ |
| 376 | '''Dewey:''' Fine, you can begin tomorrow.\ |
| 377 | '''Dick:''' ''(briefly back on his knees)'' In my new parking spot? ''(Dewey stares)'' I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! |
| 378 | |
| 379 | [[AC:2x14 -- Romeo & Juliet & Dick]] |
| 380 | * Every scene of Dick acting like a PrimaDonnaDirector. Particularly: |
| 381 | -->'''Dick:''' Now, everyone watch once again as I act out the play in its entirety. ''(the actors groan)'' |
| 382 | ** There's something amusing about the fact that Dick was such a bad director that he was replaced by the ''football coach''. |
| 383 | ** Dick plays Mercutio and hams it up in his death scene. Later he reads the review in the paper: "Dick Solomon's over-the-top performance gave new meaning to the word "tragedy."" |
| 384 | --->'''Dick:''' ''(proudly)'' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I have redefined my art.]] |
| 385 | * Harry posing as Mrs. Dubcek. |
| 386 | |
| 387 | %%[[AC:2x15 -- Guilty as Dick]] |
| 388 | |
| 389 | [[AC:2x16 -- Dick on One Knee]] |
| 390 | * This exchange: |
| 391 | -->'''Mary:''' I heard the news. Wow! It happened so suddenly.\ |
| 392 | '''Dick:''' Cut to the chase, Mary. Sally, [[BrutalHonesty she thinks you're crazy.]]\ |
| 393 | '''Sally:''' What?!\ |
| 394 | '''Mary:''' No, I didn't say that. It's-- it's just that I'm concerned. I want the best for you and this all happened so quickly.\ |
| 395 | '''Sally:''' Mary, you are so transparent. You're jealous.\ |
| 396 | '''Mary:''' What?\ |
| 397 | '''Dick:''' You ARE!\ |
| 398 | '''Sally:''' Yeah. You are! You wanna get married too.\ |
| 399 | '''Dick:''' You do!\ |
| 400 | '''Mary:''' Well sure, when I'm ready.\ |
| 401 | '''Sally:''' And you don't think I'm ready?\ |
| 402 | '''Mary:''' Well, I just think you should wait.\ |
| 403 | '''Sally:''' Until when? I'm middle-aged and I have to walk out of the bedroom backwards so my husband won't see my ripply butt?\ |
| 404 | '''Dick:''' Mary! ''That's what you do!'' |
| 405 | * Dick, at the bar: |
| 406 | -->'''Dick:''' Gentlemen, how do you know when it's time to get married?\ |
| 407 | '''Bug:''': Right when that little stick thing turns blue. |
| 408 | * Dick goes to a wedding ring shop but can't get in because he keeps pushing open the locked door just as the owner tries to unlock the door, offsetting the lock. |
| 409 | -->'''Dick:''' And they wonder why old downtown Rutherford is dead. You can't get into the stores! |
| 410 | ** When he actually gets inside, the salesman tells that the ring's circular shape symbolizes endless love. Dick rationalizes by skipping the ring entirely and just deciding to give Sally his watch. This gets a great BrickJoke at the end of the episode, when Dick asks Mary, "Will you wear my watch?" She protests that it doesn't fit- a hurt Dick asks if it might someday: |
| 411 | --->'''Mary:''' ''(confused)'' Maybe... if I gain a lot weight. |
| 412 | * Sally's ridiculously long wedding gown train. |
| 413 | * When the wedding is called off, Mary lights up a cigarette ''right in the chapel''. What sells it is August's expression of total disbelief and shock before turning to the other attendees as if to make sure they're seeing this too. |
| 414 | |
| 415 | [[AC:2x17 -- Same Old Song and Dick]] |
| 416 | * The scene when Mary farts. |
| 417 | -->'''Mary:''' Sorry.\ |
| 418 | '''Dick:''' Mary!\ |
| 419 | '''Mary:''' I ''said'' I was sorry.\ |
| 420 | '''Dick:''' No no, it's fine. I've never heard you do that before. Do you realize what this means?\ |
| 421 | '''Mary:''' Beef and broccoli?\ |
| 422 | '''Dick:''' Yes, but so much more! Don't you see, it didn't bother you. And I didn't bother me!\ |
| 423 | '''Mary:''' Well, good, 'cause there's another one on the way. |
| 424 | |
| 425 | [[AC:2x18 -- I Brake For Dick]] |
| 426 | * August storms out on Tommy for the zillionth time, leading to this TakeThatScrappy moment: |
| 427 | -->'''Tommy:''' I don't understand her.\ |
| 428 | '''Sally:''' What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one.\ |
| 429 | '''Harry:''' No no no no no, you can't do that. See, you get a new one first. ''Then'' you kill her! |
| 430 | * When Mary orders lobster at a restaurant: |
| 431 | -->'''Dick:''' ''(offended)'' Mary, how could you? How could you do this to Chippy?\ |
| 432 | '''Mary:''' I'm not eating Chippy.\ |
| 433 | '''Dick:''' Oh, not now, but where will this carnage end?\ |
| 434 | '''Mary:''' ''(fed up)'' Dick, sit down and eat your beets. |
| 435 | * At the ceremony where Dick sets the healed chipmunk free: |
| 436 | --> '''Dick:''' Three days ago, at exactly 6:38 P.M., two lives were forever changed. But in the aftermath of that violent collision, a flower of hope blossomed and that hope ignited a flame of inspiration which fueled a desire that inspired a dream-\ |
| 437 | '''Tommy/Mary:''' Okay we get it! / Oh for God's sake! |
| 438 | * Dick and Mary on the roof after Dick kills an endangered peregrine falcon: |
| 439 | --> '''Dick:''' Oh! I'm a menace to my fellow creatures.\ |
| 440 | '''Mary:''' Well, you can't save every living creature. Some live, some die, that's just life happening.\ |
| 441 | '''Dick:''' That's just animals. What about us?\ |
| 442 | '''Mary:''' We ARE animals! We eat like animals, sleep like animals, have sex like animals.\ |
| 443 | '''Dick:''' Oh yeah, especially after a bottle of Tequila.\ |
| 444 | '''Mary:''' Oh, yeah. Just be grateful you're at the top of the food chain and nothing eats you.\ |
| 445 | '''Dick:''' Oh, yeah? What about that shark in ''Film/{{Jaws}}''? He's so scary.\ |
| 446 | '''Mary:''' Fine, have it your way. The whole world is just one giant savage smorgasbord. And if you don't like it, I'm afraid you're just gonna have to build a rocket and jet off to some kinder, gentler planet.\ |
| 447 | '''Dick:''' Oh, yeah, no, that would be the ''easy'' way out. |
| 448 | ** Moments later, the two kiss, and Mary apparently tastes something funny: |
| 449 | --> '''Mary:''' ...Did you kiss that dead chipmunk?\ |
| 450 | '''Dick:''' Not on the lips. ''(Mary groans)'' |
| 451 | |
| 452 | [[AC:2x19 -- Dick Behaving Badly]] |
| 453 | * When they played Monopoly. |
| 454 | -->'''Harry:''' Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not, I repeat, do not drop the soap. |
| 455 | * Dick playing charades at the physics party. The group has to guess his ''twenty-five word'' charade: "Two celestial bodies of equal mass sharing a single gravitational field will exhibit identical rotational properties for as long as their inertial integrity is maintained." |
| 456 | |
| 457 | [[AC:2x20 -- Dickmalion]] |
| 458 | * This exchange: |
| 459 | -->'''Dick:''' Do you think we live on the wrong side of the tracks?\ |
| 460 | '''Tommy:''' What are you talking about? The tracks are right over there.\ |
| 461 | '''Sally:''' Yeah, if we lived on the ''other'' side of them, we'd have to wait for the train to pass every time we went to the liquor store. |
| 462 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5ZhFW_iKQ0 Dick versus the pop-up book.]] |
| 463 | * All of Dick's exchanges with Mr. St. Clair. |
| 464 | -->'''Mr. St. Clair:''' Say, you must come by the club. The boys should meet you. It'd be a kick.\ |
| 465 | '''Dick''': Oh good, can I kick back? ''(both share a hoity-toity laugh)'' |
| 466 | * Sally and Harry practice pro wrestling moves with each other. At one point: |
| 467 | -->'''Sally:''' Headbutts. Ya ready? ''(is stopped just in time by Dick coming up the stairs)'' |
| 468 | |
| 469 | [[AC:2x21 -- Sensitive Dick]] |
| 470 | * Dick is ordered into sensitivity training by Judith. Confused, he goes into the office to see Mary, and this happens. |
| 471 | -->'''Mary (on the phone):''' Happy birthday, Dad! Of course I remembered! How's the chest pains? |
| 472 | -->'''Dick:''' ''[[[NotHelpingYourCase hanging up her phone]]]'' Mary, do you think I'm insensitive?? |
| 473 | * After Dick takes the sensitivity classes, he returns wearing a black leotard and speaking in a gentle voice: |
| 474 | --> '''Dick''': Class, I have your midterms. Now, I didn't want anyone to feel stress, so I've abandoned the traditional grading system, and I'm giving you all happy faces. |
| 475 | * This exchange: |
| 476 | --> '''Dick:''' Nina, did you make the appointment for my high colonic?\ |
| 477 | '''Nina:''' There are two things I don't do. I don't pick up dry cleaning, and I don't schedule enemas, m'kay? |
| 478 | * How Suter starts the trial against Dick: "Okay, Dick, out with it: Where did you grab her, and how many times?" |
| 479 | * While Dick is on trial, and his classmates are character witnesses: |
| 480 | -->'''Pitman:''' One day he told me if I liked long hair so much, maybe I should join the circus.\ |
| 481 | '''Prosecutor:''' Were you hurt by that?\ |
| 482 | '''Pitman:''' No. More confused. |
| 483 | ** "We will now deliberate and return with a guilty verdict." |
| 484 | ** The results of the trial: |
| 485 | --->'''Judith''': After reviewing all the testimony, the disciplinary committee unanimously votes to admonish Dr. Solomon.\ |
| 486 | '''Dick''': What does that mean?\ |
| 487 | '''Judith''': You're officially admonished.\ |
| 488 | '''Dick''': Does that come with a pay cut?\ |
| 489 | '''Judith''': No. However, if there's another violation, you will be censured.\ |
| 490 | '''Dick''': Does that come with a pay cut?\ |
| 491 | '''Judith''': No, but should that fail to stop you, you will be sanctioned, which means a 30-day suspension.\ |
| 492 | '''Dick''': With pay?\ |
| 493 | '''Judith''': Yes, with pay.\ |
| 494 | '''Dick''': [[{{Unishment}} That sounds good. Could I be sanctioned right now?]]\ |
| 495 | '''Judith''': No. |
| 496 | |
| 497 | [[AC:2x22 -- Will Work for Dick]] |
| 498 | * Dick's trouble using the copy machine, running into problem and problem until he begins assulting it, culminating in him ripping out the toner cartridge and proclaiming "I'm going to beat you with your own toner!" At the end of the episode, Mary tries to show him how to do it, only to run into the same problem and hit the machine, [[BrickJoke with Dick handing her a toner cartridge to use as a weapon.]] |
| 499 | * Dick says he's going to whip Harry into shape as his new assistant: |
| 500 | -->'''Dick''': There's going to be some changes around here. From now on, your desk will be your girlfriend. Her name will be Lucille. She will be the only woman in your life.\ |
| 501 | '''Harry''': Dick, I don't like you like this.\ |
| 502 | '''Dick''': I don't want you to like me because liking leads to loving, and loving leads to reproduction, and nobody reproduces with me! Understood? |
| 503 | * Harry's backwards logic as Dick's assistant: He pre-licks all his stamps and places them on his filing cabinet for his convenience ("Nice work, Harry. Now, when I want to mail a letter, I'll just steam, scrape, and tape."), and he places incoming files in the outbox: |
| 504 | -->'''Harry''': Because it came OUT of the mail.\ |
| 505 | '''Dick''': Why is my letter to the Dean in the in box?\ |
| 506 | '''Harry''': The Dean won't be back till tomorrow, but once he's in, the in goes out.\ |
| 507 | '''Dick''': Things in the out box are going out.\ |
| 508 | '''Harry''': Well, why don't we just get one big box? That way we'll put everything in there. I mean, that's 50% less box. |
| 509 | * In the subplot, Sally takes ballet. But at the performance, Dick doesn't show up because he's busy fighting the photocopier. |
| 510 | -->'''Girl 1''': There's my daddy.\ |
| 511 | '''Girl 2''': There's my daddy.\ |
| 512 | '''Sally''': Dick? Dick?\ |
| 513 | '''Girl 2''': Her daddy's not here. Her daddy's a bad man. |
| 514 | * Sally and a reluctant Tommy (sporting pigtails!) playing Barbie. |
| 515 | -->'''Sally''': ''(as Barbie)'' "Okay, Ken, so what do you want to do today?"\ |
| 516 | '''Tommy''': ''(as Ken)'' "Hmm, nothing that involves bending my knees or elbows."\ |
| 517 | '''Sally''': "Okay, well, have a great day at work."\ |
| 518 | '''Tommy''': "I will. And while there, I'll earn 25% more than you because I'm a man."\ |
| 519 | '''Sally''': "That's not fair. I'm going to sue you in Malibu dream court."\ |
| 520 | '''Tommy''': "Don't get your mink in a bunch, precious."\ |
| 521 | '''Sally''': Well, now you're talking down to me. So now I have to rip your head off. ''(rips Ken's head off)''\ |
| 522 | '''Tommy''': ''(hurt)'' You don't play right! |
| 523 | * Dick completely ''ruining'' Nina's apartment by crawling, sitting, and walking all over her white furniture while being covered in toner. |
| 524 | |
| 525 | [[AC:2x23 -- Fifteen Minutes of Dick]] |
| 526 | * "FAME! I wanna live forever! Burn in the sky like a flame! '''[[LargeHam FAME!]]''' |
| 527 | * Mary tricks her dog Pepper into leaving the house. But Dick comes over and leaves the door open on his way out. Mary lets out a big [[BigNo "NOOOOOOOO!"]] as Pepper runs back in and starts humping her as usual. |
| 528 | * When Sally's being interviewed on local television, Dick is shown where to sit; it's off camera. |
| 529 | -->'''Dick''': Is that where you do emotional family reaction shots?\ |
| 530 | '''Crew member''': Uh... [[BlatantLies sure.]] |
| 531 | |
| 532 | [[AC:2x24 -- Dick and the Single Girl]] |
| 533 | * Nina gossips with Mary that she's seen Sonja with snakes moving all over her head. Just as she's miming it, Sonja walks in. She quickly covers: |
| 534 | -->'''Nina''': Oh, and then I rinse, and repeat, and then I rinse, and then I'm done. |
| 535 | ** The moment when Sonja, trying to seduce Dick through song, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wnOnpOrJK4&t=2m23s removes his belt, which causes his pants to drop.]] |
| 536 | ---> '''Sonja''': Can't you see, it's bigger than both of us?\ |
| 537 | '''Dick''': [[RagingStiffie ...Thank you, but...]] |
| 538 | ** When Mary goes to confront Sonja about trying to take her boyfriend: |
| 539 | ---> '''Sonja''': The game is not over until I say it's over.\ |
| 540 | '''Dick''': [[AskAStupidQuestion Is it over?]]\ |
| 541 | '''Sonja''': No. |
| 542 | ** Speaking of, the "fight" between Sonja and Mary, where they merely twitch their hands at each other, and Mary subdues Sonja by using the clickers she was using earlier in the scene on her nose. |
| 543 | * The subplot where Harry and Tommy write a spec script for ''Series/TheXFiles'', especially: |
| 544 | -->'''Harry''': Okay. They run down the hallway.\ |
| 545 | '''Tommy''': A government agent is waiting.\ |
| 546 | '''Harry''': He shoots.\ |
| 547 | '''Tommy''': He hits the agent...\ |
| 548 | '''Harry''': But he's wearing a bullet-proof vest.\ |
| 549 | '''Tommy''': Mulder runs.\ |
| 550 | '''Harry''': The agent follows.\ |
| 551 | '''Tommy''': He traps Mulder in the hallway.\ |
| 552 | '''Tommy/Harry''': [[WhamEpisode HE KILLS MULDER!]]\ |
| 553 | '''Harry''': You're brilliant.\ |
| 554 | '''Tommy''': Oh thank you, and you're a genius.\ |
| 555 | '''Harry''': True, but you're the best.\ |
| 556 | '''Tommy''': Back atcha, and you are super.\ |
| 557 | '''Tommy/Harry''': WE'RE BOTH GREAT!\ |
| 558 | '''Tommy''': ''(sits down at typewriter)'' All right, let's get this down.\ |
| 559 | '''Harry''': Okay, buddy.\ |
| 560 | '''Tommy''': Now, what'd we say?\ |
| 561 | '''Harry''': I, don't remember. |
| 562 | * Don figures out that Sally isn't in love with him, she's in love with his uniform. Instead of being hurt that she doesn't love him for him, he boldly declares: [[LimitedWardrobe "You'll never see me out of uniform again!"]] |
| 563 | |
| 564 | [[AC:2x25/26 -- A Nightmare On Dick Street, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 565 | * During Dick's nightmare, he's being escorted by Nina, Judith, Leon, and Bug in a prison and they end up crashing into a fake wall. Leon then takes a key and opens the tiny door on the picture. |
| 566 | ** Mary, speaking in a thick German accent, tortures Dick...by singing. |
| 567 | ** His nightmare ends with a massive piece of jello falling onto him and he sinks into it. He then wakes up screaming "Run from the jello!" |
| 568 | * [[IntoxicationEnsues Dick and Sally all doped up on medication]] is hilarious, but the best is when Tommy confiscates the container and orders Harry to get rid of them, to which Harry responds by attempting to eat the entire contents. |
| 569 | * In Tommy's dream, Tommy gets distracted by his music teacher singing, and Dick pitches a bit of a fit. |
| 570 | * When Dick decides to stay, Sally, Harry, and Tommy jump him and are about to knock him out when they're interrupted by Mary. They try to cover it up by saying it's a wedding tradition and Mary asks what kind of tradition, to which Harry replies: "I'm going to go with Jewish." |
| 571 | [[/folder]] |
| 572 | |
| 573 | [[folder:Season 3]] |
| 574 | [[AC:3x01/02 -- Fun with Dick and Janet, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 575 | * After Dick recounts to Mary his nightmare about his family showing up at their wedding, Mary tells him she's prepared a speech for them in case they do show up. Well, actually, she's prepared two words, one of which is "off." |
| 576 | * During an otherwise moving scene in which Dick bids a farewell to his missing crewmates, Harry starts replying to Dick's words. |
| 577 | -->'''Dick:''' Goodbye, Sally. Goodbye, Tommy. Goodbye, Harry. |
| 578 | -->'''Harry:''' ''[choked-up]'' Goodbye, Dick. |
| 579 | -->'''Dick:''' It's almost as if I can hear you. |
| 580 | -->'''Harry:''' It sure is! |
| 581 | * Dick's reaction to meeting Janet, his new "wife": "''My WIFE?!?!''" |
| 582 | ** After Janet clumsily climbs into the Rambler: "Some wife!" |
| 583 | * Dick's dramatic tone as he announces to the rest of the aliens "It begins" (he's going to try and make Janet leave him), ending Part 1. |
| 584 | * At the start of Part 2, Dick tries to act like an angry and verbally abusive husband towards Janet. He uses Stanley from ''Theatre/AStreetcarNamedDesire'' as inspiration, to the point where he accidentally yells "Stella!" instead of "Janet!". After a few minutes of being mean he ends up breaking down crying and apologising to Janet while she comforts him. |
| 585 | * Sally thinking that Don sent Tommy to his death by "letting him go" after he "confessed" to setting the field ablaze in order to cover up the aliens' return landing. |
| 586 | * Eventually Dick and Janet amicably part ways after he explains they don't have to be together just because the Big Giant Head said so. Sally is horrified when she learns Janet's gone because it means she now has to start cooking and cleaning again. |
| 587 | * At the end: |
| 588 | -->'''Dick:''' She [Mary] won't be able to stay away for long... not with an album full of naked pictures of me.\ |
| 589 | '''Sally:''' She has naked pictures of you?\ |
| 590 | '''Dick:''' Not yet. Harry, get the camera. |
| 591 | ** In the end credits Mary recieves the album and starts flicking through the pictures. She quickly goes from shocked to intrigued to outraged that Dick has stolen, and is apparently ''wearing'', some of her lingerie. |
| 592 | --->'''Mary:''' That's MY teddy! |
| 593 | |
| 594 | [[AC:3x03 -- Tricky Dick]] |
| 595 | * Mary, after breaking up with Dick, took her anger out by sticking pencils into Dick's Mr. Potato Head doll. The rest of the episode is Dick and Mary pulling pranks on each other. |
| 596 | ** Dick forges a letter from the White House to Mary, signing it "Bill and Hilary Rodham Potato Man". |
| 597 | ** Mary notices the plans Dick has for having his name bigger than hers on the office door, and tells the worker that Dick's last name is actually Salmon, "like the big, pink, stinky fish". |
| 598 | ** Mary's car breaks down. Dick tells the repair man, who only speaks Spanish, to repair her car, repaint it, and install huge speakers. Mary, who doesn't speak Spanish, doesn't know about this. |
| 599 | ** Mary puts thermal-bond epoxy on Dick's desk. Dick's hands get stuck, then so does his face.[[labelnote:Note]](Dick: "...mistake, huge mistake!".)[[/labelnote]] Dick and Mary call a truce. Then... |
| 600 | --->'''Judith:''' Mary... [[BrickJoke it appears your Volvo is back from the shop.]] |
| 601 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLr5fLtyj-k&t=1m34s Dick re-enacting John Lithgow's speech]] from ''Film/{{Footloose}}''. |
| 602 | -->'''Tommy:''' So, you resent us for being young and living in a world of carnal possibilities which you can't possibly enjoy?\ |
| 603 | '''Dick:''' ''({{Beat}})'' ...YES! NOW KNOCK IT OFF! |
| 604 | |
| 605 | [[AC:3x04 -- Dick-in-Law]] |
| 606 | |
| 607 | [[AC:3x05 -- Scaredy Dick]] |
| 608 | |
| 609 | [[AC:3x06 -- Moby Dick]] |
| 610 | * The scene where Dick, having put on a girdle ("It's called "The Shatner") stiffly walks into the office, drops a calculator, and struggles to pick it up. After Mary picks it up for him, he turns and hears a rip ("Excuse me."). When he sits down, his stomach area expands, and one of his shirt buttons flies off. |
| 611 | * Dick is on a diet, and wants the tomato that Sally's been growing. She's grown attached to it and is reluctant to give it up: |
| 612 | -->'''Dick''': Give me your tomato.\ |
| 613 | '''Sally''': M- my tomato? Um... y'know, maybe we're rushing things here, Dick. ''(thumbing through the weight watchers catalogue)'' Uh, look, we're racing through a whole world of cottage cheese options.\ |
| 614 | '''Dick''': No, I've made my decision! Now give me your tomato!\ |
| 615 | '''Sally''': No, don't make do this, Dick!\ |
| 616 | '''Dick''': ''(pointing)'' I'll take that one.\ |
| 617 | '''Sally''': Jeremy?!\ |
| 618 | '''Dick''': Yes, and those two little cowards hiding behind him!\ |
| 619 | ''(Sally runs out with the plant, screaming, with Dick chasing her)'' |
| 620 | * This exchange: |
| 621 | -->'''Dick''': I'm huge! Oh, Nina! I'm doomed, doomed to a life of forlorn pudgery. I'm gonna be referred to as "husky" and "jolly". People will nickname me "tiny," and they'll laugh and throw rotten fruit at my rear as I pass them in the streets!\ |
| 622 | '''Nina''': Nobody does that.\ |
| 623 | '''Dick''': Well, ''I'' do. |
| 624 | * When Dick and Mary decide to binge on the junk food Dick brought to the office, you can hear Mary joyously exclaiming "You brought Mallomars!" |
| 625 | * The ending: |
| 626 | -->'''Dick''': ''(triumphantly)'' My pants fit! I won the war!\ |
| 627 | '''Harry''': Oh, that's great, Dick! So you lost weight?\ |
| 628 | '''Dick''': Even better: I bought bigger pants. |
| 629 | |
| 630 | [[AC:3x07 -- Eleven Angry Men and One Dick]] |
| 631 | * The subplot involving Harry and Tommy participating in Mary's classroom exercise of communicating using no words. The two forget the objective almost immediately, playing charades: |
| 632 | -->'''Mary''': One more word out of you and you're not getting paid! |
| 633 | ** In a class a couple days later, Tommy and Harry act out a scene and invite Karen into their shelter. But Harry and Tommy get into a physical fight over who gets Karen, prompting a RageQuit from Mary: |
| 634 | --->'''Mary''': Stop! Stop! This experiment is over! ''(Harry and Tommy bow; the class claps)'' Shut up! ''(to Harry and Tommy)'' Get out!\ |
| 635 | '''Harry''': Where's our money?\ |
| 636 | '''Mary''': ''(hands it to them)'' Here. Get out!\ |
| 637 | '''Tommy''': So, um, you want to book us for next semester?\ |
| 638 | '''Mary''': No!... [[ImmediateSelfContradiction We'll see.]] |
| 639 | |
| 640 | [[AC:3x08 -- A Friend In Dick]] |
| 641 | * Harry is about to leave for night school and Tommy says, "Didn't you forget something?" Harry approaches Tommy and kisses him on the cheek like they're a married couple. Tommy exclaims, "NO, the SNACK!" |
| 642 | |
| 643 | [[AC:3x09 -- Seven Deadly Clips]] |
| 644 | * Harry, eating "sinfully delicious" ice cream: "I would gladly go to Hell for a pint of this." |
| 645 | |
| 646 | [[AC:3x10 -- Tom, Dick, and Mary]] |
| 647 | * When Dick discovers that Tommy is seeing Mary: |
| 648 | -->'''Dick''': That duplicitous old FART!... which is our nickname for him. |
| 649 | * Harry's been speaking his mind ever since Dick ordered him to stop watching TV. Towards the end of the episode: |
| 650 | -->'''Harry''': You know, Dick, I don't think you have a clue about earth women. Matter of fact, I don't think you'd be too good with women from any planet. ''(to Sally)'' Speaking of women, I think you're incredibly hot. You know, we're not really brother and sister. It's all made up. What say we have a go at it? You, me, and a stick of butter. What do you say? |
| 651 | |
| 652 | [[AC:3x11 -- Jailhouse Dick]] |
| 653 | |
| 654 | [[AC:3x12 -- Dick on a Roll]] |
| 655 | * Vicki goes celibate. At one point, she asks a horny Harry, "Harry, could you pull my pans down?" |
| 656 | ** Dick, stuck in a wheelchair , rallies to get a second wheelchair ramp built. When he finally realizes how superfluous it was, it's too late, as the groundbreaking ceremony is about to start. He pleads with the crowd to stop listening to him, but they don't, so he retaliates by ''beating the crowd with the shovel.'' |
| 657 | |
| 658 | [[AC:3x13 -- The Great Dickdater]] |
| 659 | * The RunningGag of male characters gazing at passing women and saying in unison: "Niiiice." |
| 660 | * Dick's unsuccessful flirting attempts with random women in the bookstore: |
| 661 | -->"I've had sex before and I know how to do it."\ |
| 662 | "I'm tight with the money, but ''never'' with the lovin'." |
| 663 | * Dick gets a taker for his personals ad, who says to wear a white carnation and his date will wear one too. He gets to the restaurant and Mary happens to be there too. Both are expecting a date. Then both put on white carnations. |
| 664 | -->'''Mary''': OH NO!!!\ |
| 665 | '''Dick''': Mary, what are you doing answering a personal ad? [[HypocriticalHumor Don't you know that only twisted weirdoes place those things?]]\ |
| 666 | '''Mary''': Well, I do now! Okay. Here's the deal: we speak of this to ''no one''!\ |
| 667 | '''Dick''': I don't even want to speak of this to YOU! ''(both bolt)'' |
| 668 | * Don invites Dick to the policeman's ball: |
| 669 | -->'''Dick''': Will there be ladies?\ |
| 670 | '''Don''': How does a room full of drunken meter maids sound?\ |
| 671 | '''Dick''': Very promising! |
| 672 | ** At the ball, one of the dances is ladies' choice. The women grab all the men in the room except Don and Dick; one woman runs up to the two, and awkwardly runs away empty-handed. |
| 673 | --->'''Don''': Dick, have I told you that I've been in therapy for the past 5 years?\ |
| 674 | '''Dick''': No. Is it helping?\ |
| 675 | ''(the group congas past them)''\ |
| 676 | '''Don''': Not right now, it isn't. |
| 677 | * Sally proves that she can get men to do anything for her because she's hot, so she starts dating a guy and treats him like crap. Nevertheless, he still does her bidding. At one point she asks him to carry a drawer filled with lingerie from one end of the attic to the other. He faints. Sally observes: "Oh my God, I'm so hot, I killed him!" |
| 678 | * Don, on a double date with Dick: |
| 679 | -->'''Don''': So I'm reading the Miranda rights to this girl whose name actually turns out to be Miranda! |
| 680 | ** In the same scene, Dick keeps saying the wrong things so Don keeps pulling Dick over to the salad bar for more food, but it's really just to coach him privately on the right things to say. The best is the [[RuleOfThree third instance]]: |
| 681 | --->'''Dick's date''': So, Dick, um do you have any hobbies?\ |
| 682 | '''Dick''': Hobbies? Hobbies?\ |
| 683 | '''Don''': No, no-\ |
| 684 | '''Dick''': As a matter of fact, I do! [[labelnote:Note]](he was going to bring up hobby train sets)[[/labelnote]]\ |
| 685 | '''Don''': CROUTONS!!! |
| 686 | |
| 687 | [[AC:3x14/15 -- 36! 24! 36! Dick! (Parts 1 & 2)]] |
| 688 | * Mary and Nina are staying in a hotel which has a lot of rambunctious Super Bowl guests. A group is partying nonstop outside their room, and one of the guys sprays silly string in their direction: |
| 689 | -->'''Guy''': He shoots, he scores!\ |
| 690 | '''Mary''': GET KILLED! |
| 691 | |
| 692 | [[AC:3x16 -- Pickles and Ice Cream]] |
| 693 | |
| 694 | [[AC:3x17 -- Auto Eurodicka]] |
| 695 | * When Dick reveals to Mary that he had sex with Bug's mom: |
| 696 | -->'''Mary''': You know, if I were the dean, I'd slap you in the face.\ |
| 697 | ''(pause... then Mary slaps him and storms out)''\ |
| 698 | '''Dick''': Hey! You're not the dean! ''(to Nina)'' What was that for?\ |
| 699 | '''Nina''': You know, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who want loving, monogamous relationships and those who hop from bed to bed having meaningless sex!\ |
| 700 | '''Dick''': Yes. I was the former, now I'm the latter. What's the big deal?\ |
| 701 | '''Nina''': You know, if I were Dr. Albright, I'd slap you in the face.\ |
| 702 | ''(pause... then Nina slaps him and storms out)''\ |
| 703 | '''Dick''': Hey! You're not Dr. Albright! |
| 704 | |
| 705 | [[AC:3x18 -- Portrait of Tommy as an Old Man]] |
| 706 | * Dick tries to invite Mary on stage at a bar to fulfill her dreams of being a singer. He parts the curtains to reveal a giant and very unflattering photo of Mary: Right in the middle of eating a sandwich. |
| 707 | * Don spends the entire episode trying to return a pair of Sally's panties he accidentally stole without Sally knowing. When she finds out, [[spoiler:she's actually extremely touched at the idea Don would want them and yanks her bra off so he'll have the set. Don, left almost speechless, exclaims ''"God bless you!"'']] |
| 708 | |
| 709 | [[AC:3x19 -- Stuck With Dick]] |
| 710 | * Dick plans a romantic moonlit picnic with Mary, hoping it will win her back, but they get trapped in the library together. He freaks out until he realizes he's still alone with her, and he's got the champagne. At which point ''she'' freaks out. |
| 711 | -->'''Mary:''' I'm beginning to think you planned this all along.\ |
| 712 | '''Dick:''' Actually my plan was for us to be doing it right now... under a pine tree, by the reservoir.\ |
| 713 | '''Mary:''' On the ''ground''?\ |
| 714 | '''Dick:''' Not on the ground... I brought ''newspaper''. |
| 715 | ** Dick, as usual, has rose-colored glasses on about their relationship: |
| 716 | --->'''Dick''': Think back, Mary. Don't you remember the romance?\ |
| 717 | '''Mary''': The fighting?\ |
| 718 | '''Dick''': The laughter?\ |
| 719 | '''Mary''': The ''screaming''?\ |
| 720 | '''Dick''': The endless nights of lovemaking?\ |
| 721 | '''Mary''': The endless parade of humiliations, interspersed with random acts of insanity?! |
| 722 | *** Dick says, "Well, things could be worse. I mean, if I'm going to be trapped with someone, I'm sure glad it's you. At least with you, I know that, no matter how hungry you get, I'm not going to wake up to find you gnawing at my leg." Mary merely gives him a [[DeathGlare cold stare]] that's just hilarious. |
| 723 | * Dick and Mary drunk, sitting back to back: |
| 724 | -->'''Mary''': I remember the first time I saw you. You walked in like cock of the walk. You knew what you wanted, and you took it! Just like a cat takes... what does a cat take?\ |
| 725 | '''Dick''': Cat food?\ |
| 726 | '''Mary''': That's it.\ |
| 727 | '''Dick''': I remember when I first saw you, Mary Albright. I thought you were a fireball.\ |
| 728 | '''Mary''': ''(laughs)'' You sure have my number.\ |
| 729 | '''Dick''': I know. I stole it from Nina's Rolodex. I have a confession to make. I was the one who kept calling and saying, "Hello, fireball."\ |
| 730 | '''Mary''': ''(laughs)'' I knew it was you all along! I'll tell you one thing.\ |
| 731 | '''Dick''': What?\ |
| 732 | '''Mary''': I made you earn it. ''That's'' Mary Albright! I don't just give it away. Anymore. |
| 733 | * Dick and Mary try to escape through the vent, but merely end up in another locked room. After a minute, Mary asks, "What's that smell?" Dick replies, "Oh, I was afraid we'd get lost, so I left a trail of blue cheese in the vent, and I guess the heater just kicked in." Then when Mary starts to gag, Dick asks, [[RunningGag "Champagne?"]] |
| 734 | * A random moment: Dick tells Mary that there's a dead spider in her hair. Mary ''freaks out'' and starts frantically clawing at her hair. Dick interrupts her: "I tell a lie... it's still alive." ''(cue Mary freaking out again)'' |
| 735 | * Dick, to Nina after he and Mary finally escape the library: "Oh, uh, by the way, Nina, I'm going to class. See if you can beat the cheese stink out of these pants." |
| 736 | * With Dick gone, Sally, Tommy, and Harry break into Mary's house, which sets off the silent alarm. Cue Don rolling through the door minutes later, and hurting his back in the process. After he tells them they have to leave, Sally assures him that they will, only for Tommy and Harry to announce that Mary has pay-per-view. They end up watching ''Beastmaster's Revenge'' FOUR times. |
| 737 | ** While at her house, Sally idly wonders why Mary never invites her over while picking up and inspecting a small mirror on her dresser... and accidentally snaps the mirror's stand clean off. |
| 738 | --->'''Tommy''': 'Cause you're a freakin' ''MOOSE'', that's why! |
| 739 | ** Mary on the phone disputing her cable bill during the credits. |
| 740 | --->'''Mary''': Well, I don't understand these charges. I did ''not'' watch ''Beastmaster's Revenge'' four times. I don't even know what a Beastmaster is! ''(listens)'' Well, that does sound intriguing, but I didn't order it. And what is ''Ultimate Warrior Bloodbath '98?'' ....Oh, wait. I ''did'' order that. |
| 741 | |
| 742 | [[AC:3x20 -- My Daddy's Little Girl]] |
| 743 | * Dick's FreakOut when he sees Mary's dad in the office. |
| 744 | -->'''Dick''': If he's here then that means the other one's here too! [[TheDreaded And she scares me]]. |
| 745 | * The final scene of Sally and Mary's father realizing their romance isn't going to work is relatively somber, until... |
| 746 | -->'''George:''' I'm going back to Mother. |
| 747 | -->'''Mary:''' Really? |
| 748 | -->'''Sally:''' Yeah, he is. And I'm sorry if this caused any friction in your relationship. But Mary, I want you to know something..... I coulda had him. ''[walks out the door with a wink]'' |
| 749 | * While Harry and Tommy are running the college radio station with Nina, they have Don on as a guest and reveal Sally's dating Mary's dad. Everyone laughs about how messed up it is before they got a call from "Velma." |
| 750 | -->'''Sally''': You know, it isn't any of your business what I do and if you idiots keep talking about me I'm gonna beat your faces in with a monkey wrench when you get home! |
| 751 | ** Harry immediately switches to the topic of whether or not Michelle Pfeiffer's lips are real. |
| 752 | * After Mary finds out Sally and George are in a romantic relationship, Sally assures Mary she's not going to replace her mom. Sally actually intends to be a ''better'' mom and gradually turn Mary against her mother. Sally then suggests tomorrow they go and buy Mary some pretty new dresses and Mary slams the door in her face. |
| 753 | ** Considering what an absolute bitch Mary's mom is, Sally might've been a genuine improvement. |
| 754 | |
| 755 | [[AC:3x21 -- The Physics of Being Dick]] |
| 756 | * Sally botches the job of being Mary's fact-checker by her Bolivia speech being full of translation errors. Mary goes to the bar and orders five drinks. |
| 757 | --> '''Mary''': I have brain cells that will remember this evening, and I want them ''DESTROYED''!!! |
| 758 | * Dick's booth at the high school job fair, which has a bunch of posters of bikini-clad women that he dubs [[SexSells "The Girls of Physics".]] |
| 759 | --> '''Dick''': Now, friends, let me tell you about a little thing called physics. You know what makes a car go fast? Physics. And you know what makes a curve ball curve? Why, physics! And you know what's got me standing here instead of floating out the window like a puff of smoke? Inertia, [[Theatre/TheMusicMan with a capital "I" that rhymes with pi, and that starts with "p," and that stands for physics!]] |
| 760 | ** At the same job fair, Don immediately steals Dick's thunder: |
| 761 | --->'''Don''': I'm sorry I'm late, kids, but I was involved in one of the world's scariest police chases.\ |
| 762 | '''Student''': How'd it end?\ |
| 763 | '''Don''': The guy got away. ''(group is disappointed)'' ...''But''... I rolled my car. ''(group is impressed)'' |
| 764 | * Dick not understanding how Good Cop/Bad Cop is supposed to work. |
| 765 | * Harry takes a job as a bartender in the episode. At one point he tells a customer: "Don't stop drinking." |
| 766 | |
| 767 | [[AC:3x22 -- Just Your Average Dick]] |
| 768 | * In an effort to become "normal", the Solomons ditch their attic apartment and move into a condo. They all dress in jeans and sweaters and start reading Creator/JohnGrisham novels. |
| 769 | --> '''Dick''': Oh, I'm reading a great John Grisham novel. It's about a young Southern lawyer who fights an evil corporate giant.\ |
| 770 | '''Sally''': Hey, my Grisham's about that, too.\ |
| 771 | '''Harry''': So is ''my'' Grisham!\ |
| 772 | ''(after a pause, the trio exchange their books with each other)'' |
| 773 | ** Tommy cuts his hair to be "normal". At first, the other three don't recognize him. |
| 774 | ---> '''Dick''': Well, if you're Tommy, answer me this: are we, or are we not aliens?\ |
| 775 | '''Tommy''': Yeah, Dick, we are.\ |
| 776 | '''Harry''': Tommy!\ |
| 777 | '''Tommy''': Ah, [[RunningGag there's my Grisham.]] ''(picks up a book)'' |
| 778 | * Ms. Dubcek rents out the Solomons' old attic apartment to Bug, Pittman, and Leon. |
| 779 | --> '''Ms. Dubcek''': I want you boys to know I'm in bed by eleven.\ |
| 780 | '''Bug''': Oh. Well, you know, we'll keep it down.\ |
| 781 | '''Ms. Dubcek''': ''(flirty)'' No, I just... wanted you to know. |
| 782 | * Dr. Neesam's debut scene: |
| 783 | --> '''Dr. Neesam''': ''(entering Mary's classroom)'' Take your seats, please! Just because I'm a little late doesn't mean you shouldn't be ready to learn. Now who knows the answer to question number 4?\ |
| 784 | '''Dick''': Well, who are you?\ |
| 785 | '''Dr. Neesam''': I'll ask the questions, thank you very much.\ |
| 786 | '''Mary''': Oh! You must be Dr. Neesam.\ |
| 787 | '''Dr. Neesam''': No. The answer I'm looking for is "marsupial." Please concentrate.\ |
| 788 | '''Mary''': Uh, uh, no, no, no. You don't understand. I'm Mary Albright. This is Dick Solomon. We're both professors here.\ |
| 789 | '''Dr. Neesam''': Well, in that case, you can't possibly take my class. Please leave.\ |
| 790 | '''Dick''': But, but this is ''her'' room.\ |
| 791 | '''Dr. Neesam''': Well, then you leave me no alternative. ''I'' must leave. |
| 792 | * When the Solomons move back to their old attic apartment, the twist is that the college trio is ''also'' still living there. |
| 793 | --> '''Dick''': Which one of you guys is bunking down with me?\ |
| 794 | '''Bug''': That would be me.\ |
| 795 | '''Dick''': Well, don't hog the blankets, because I sleep in the nude. |
| 796 | |
| 797 | [[AC:3x23 -- Dick and the Other Guy]] |
| 798 | * At a bar: |
| 799 | --> '''Tommy''': Dick, Sally and Harry won't buy me beer.\ |
| 800 | '''Dick''': Sally, Harry, don't be so cheap! |
| 801 | ** When Dick introduces Dr. Neesam to his family: |
| 802 | --->'''Dr. Neesam''': Ah yes, the dim-witted brother and the surly adolescent.\ |
| 803 | '''Harry''': ''(impressed)'' Oh well, he's sure got us pegged!\ |
| 804 | '''Dick''': And this is my sister, Sally. You're in luck, she's available.\ |
| 805 | '''Dr. Neesam''': Really? A woman as beautiful as you, available?''(kisses her hand; Sally's flattered)'' [[BrutalHonesty You must have a severe personality disorder.]]\ |
| 806 | '''Sally''': ''(moments later, after Neesam and Dick leave)'' "Severe personality disorder"... [[NotHelpingYourCase I'm gonna go kick his ass!]] |
| 807 | * Dr. Neesam interrupts Dick's class and is perplexed at the formula Dick wrote on the board, saying it has five unnecessary terms. He cleans it up; though Dick is skeptical it still works, Leon speaks up: |
| 808 | --> '''Leon''': Dear God, I understand that! Yes! Sweet mother! For the first time in my life, I see how something works!\ |
| 809 | '''Dick''': Oh shut up, Leon! |
| 810 | * The scene where Dr. Neesam and Dick play golf (Dr. Neesam, after teeing off: "Damn, two feet short. Now I've got to putt it in."). While Dick's teeing off, Dr. Neesam holds an air horn out and blasts it, freaking out Dick. After two instances of this: |
| 811 | --> '''Dr. Neesam''': I wanted to see how you'd react. I am a biologist, you know.\ |
| 812 | '''Dick''': Are you going to do it again?\ |
| 813 | '''Dr. Neesam''': Probably... not.\ |
| 814 | ''(a nervous Dick tees off VERY badly)''\ |
| 815 | '''Dr. Neesam''': Oh, bad luck. Better luck on the next hole. ''(walks by Dick and sets off the air horn again)'' |
| 816 | * Dr. Neesam is better than Dick at everything, including somehow being able to pull a pan out of the oven without putting on gloves. Dick barely touches it and immediately yelps in pain. |
| 817 | ** Mary tries the escargot foie gras champignon a la grecque en croute that Neesam made, and exclaims, "This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth!" A forlorn Dick laments, "Once again, I come in second..." |
| 818 | ** "Ah, Mary's afraid. Mary doesn't want to rock the boat in her little life. She doesn't want to lose control and be swept away in a ''TORRENT OF PLEASURE''." Cue Mary knocking all the stuff off the counter so they can have sex on it. |
| 819 | * Neesam reveals himself to be an alien, and that Dick convinced him to spare Earth from being blown up. |
| 820 | --> '''Neesam''': You see, Dick, you proved to me that human beings can be bright, in a sort of look-what- my-2-year-old-can-do sort of way. That is, if for two minutes, they can get their minds off [[Series/{{Baywatch}} large-breasted lifeguards]], coffee cake that doesn't make you fat, and Music/CelineDion. Somebody tell her to stop. The boat sank. Let it go. |
| 821 | * Sally discovers that Don has been singing at a nightclub at night, and wants him to sing for her. After a half second of modesty, he immediately starts singing "Unchained Melody", with Sally joining in. By the end of their duet, their faces are less than an inch from each other. |
| 822 | ** When Sally first discovered how many fans Don has, she ''fainted''. |
| 823 | * The scene when Harry tries to set Sally up with Larry from night school. |
| 824 | --> '''Harry''': Sally, we have company. You remember Larry from night school?\ |
| 825 | '''Larry''': How you doin'?\ |
| 826 | '''Sally''': Not too bad.\ |
| 827 | '''Larry''': So you like movies?\ |
| 828 | '''Sally''': Kinda.\ |
| 829 | '''Harry''': You know, um, Sally likes spaghetti.\ |
| 830 | '''Larry''': So do I.\ |
| 831 | '''Harry''': Larry's got a car.\ |
| 832 | '''Sally''': I like cars.\ |
| 833 | '''Harry''': Ah, well, we have a match!\ |
| 834 | '''Larry''': ''(after a pause)'' ...Sorry, man. ''(walks out)''\ |
| 835 | '''Harry''': ''(chuckles at Sally, then walks after Larry)'' WE HAD A DEAL, YOU BASTARD!!! |
| 836 | |
| 837 | [[AC:3x24 -- Sally and Don's First Kiss]] |
| 838 | * The subplot of the cafeteria cashier charging Dick an extra 25 cents for crackers when she doesn't do it to anybody else. It eventually culminates with Dick learning not to let her control him, by grabbing the whole bowl of crackers and dumping a bunch of quarters on the counter while she scowls at him. |
| 839 | |
| 840 | [[AC:3x25 -- When Aliens Camp]] |
| 841 | * This: |
| 842 | -->'''Mary:''' Oh my God, Tommy. You didn't eat these, did you? These are finch berries! They make coffee beans look like sedatives!\ |
| 843 | '''Harry:''' LET'S GO!! |
| 844 | * And this bit: |
| 845 | --> '''Dick''': Sally, we're out in the woods. This is supposed to be fun.\ |
| 846 | '''Sally''': Fun? First you force us to come up here, and then she [Mary] weasels her way in.\ |
| 847 | '''Harry''': Weasel.\ |
| 848 | '''Mary''': Dick invited me. I didn't weasel.\ |
| 849 | '''Harry''': Weasel.\ |
| 850 | '''Tommy''': Wait a minute. You invited her?\ |
| 851 | '''Mary''': You didn't tell them?\ |
| 852 | '''Dick''': Hey, I think the bass are getting jumpy. Lines in!\ |
| 853 | '''Mary''': Oh, this is just great. ''(leaves)''\ |
| 854 | '''Dick''': Hey, Mary, wait!\ |
| 855 | '''Harry''': Weasel.\ |
| 856 | '''Tommy''': Harry, enough with the weasel.\ |
| 857 | '''Harry''': No! Weasel! ''(an actual weasel pops out from the bushes, causing the Solomons to scream)'' |
| 858 | * Harry is repeatedly shot at because he's wearing a fur coat, which the hunters mistake for an animal. Before embarking to find Dick, Mary tells Harry, "Take your coat off." He does, revealing a shirt with a giant bullseye target on it. Mary tells him, "Harry... put the coat back on." |
| 859 | * At the end, Mary introduces another camping ritual: Roasting marshmallows: "You put 'em in the fire." The Solomons take it too literally and throw the sticks in the fire. |
| 860 | * TheStinger has a CallBack to a couple scenes earlier, when Dick and Harry accidentally mix peanut butter and trout ("You got your peanut butter in my trout!" "You got your trout in my peanut butter!"): Harry gives Ms. Dubcek a taste test. |
| 861 | --> '''Ms. Dubcek''': It has kind of a "fishy" taste... I don't like it. ''(beat)'' [[BaitAndSwitchComment I LOVE it.]] |
| 862 | |
| 863 | [[AC:3x26 -- The Tooth Harry]] |
| 864 | * When Dick watches the edited version of the Pendleton University promotional video, where Judith said all of his and Mary's lines: |
| 865 | --> '''Dick''': That backstabbing, scene-stealing bitch! |
| 866 | * The misunderstanding between Harry and Nina: Just as they're about to have sex for the first time, she finds money under her pillow, which Harry put there because she got her wisdom teeth taken out and wanted to act like the tooth fairy. |
| 867 | --> '''Nina''': What's this?\ |
| 868 | '''Harry''': Ohhh. You weren't supposed to find that till tomorrow morning.\ |
| 869 | '''Nina''': You left me 20 bucks?\ |
| 870 | '''Harry''': Well, yeah. That's the going rate, isn't it?\ |
| 871 | '''Nina''': "Going rate"?!\ |
| 872 | '''Harry''': Well, yeah. $5 a pop, that seems pretty reasonable to me.\ |
| 873 | '''Nina''': You need to get your bony butt out of my bedroom.\ |
| 874 | '''Harry''': Well, I thought we were gonna have sex.\ |
| 875 | '''Nina''': Get out!\ |
| 876 | '''Harry''': Well, but I thought-\ |
| 877 | '''Nina''': Get out!\ |
| 878 | '''Harry''': You know what? Maybe the men you've been dating aren't the problem. No. Maybe the problem is that you're just a little too moody. |
| 879 | |
| 880 | [[AC:3x27 -- Eat, Drink, Dick, Mary]] |
| 881 | * Tommy comes home to find Harry, Sally, and Dick revealing two bags of "herbs" and demanding an explanation. |
| 882 | -->'''Tommy:''' Okay, it's not what you think--\ |
| 883 | '''Dick:''' It's ''exactly'' what we think. It's [[BaitAndSwitchComment oregano and fresh rosemary]]!\ |
| 884 | '''Sally:''' I don't believe it! You can ''cook!!''\ |
| 885 | '''Harry:''' You punk!\ |
| 886 | '''Tommy:''' No, I can't cook, I swear! \ |
| 887 | '''Dick:''' Then how do you explain this?\ |
| 888 | '''Tommy:''' This? Uh... it's marijuana! ''[the others scoff]''\ |
| 889 | '''Dick:''' This whole time we've been eating her slop and you're a DAMN GOURMET!!!\ |
| 890 | '''Tommy:''' No! It's pot! I swear! I smoke it with my friends! I... like to toke up on the fat daddies...dude! |
| 891 | * Sally brags to the others about how Don got to second base. With Don standing right next to her. Plus Don's FreudianSlipperySlope trying to get out of there. |
| 892 | * According to a transmission through Harry, the Big Giant Head apparently has an assistant appropriately named Big Giant Jenny. |
| 893 | -->'''Sally:''' I hate that bitch. |
| 894 | * Vicki's crazed ex-boyfriend Randy (Creator/PhilHartman) has a VerbalTic of punctuating his sentences with "Oh, yeah!" |
| 895 | * This bit: |
| 896 | --> '''Vicki''': HARRY'S GONE!!! HARRY'S GONE!!! HARRY'S GONE!!! HARRY'S GONE!!!\ |
| 897 | '''Sally''': WE ''KNOW''! SHUT UP! |
| 898 | [[/folder]] |
| 899 | |
| 900 | [[folder:Season 4]] |
| 901 | [[AC:4x01 -- Dr. Solomon's Traveling Alien Show]] |
| 902 | * Due to Dick failing to send a status report, the Big Giant Head makes Dick progressively dumber as the episode goes on. The first sign of something wrong is when Dick is told they're going to look for Harry (who was kidnapped in the previous episode) and repeatedly has to be told that's what they're doing, doesn't remember his keys are in his own hand, and keeps calling "HARRY!" |
| 903 | ** When Dick regains his brain: "Why the ''hell'' am I wearing a diaper?!" |
| 904 | |
| 905 | [[AC:4x02 -- Power Mad Dick]] |
| 906 | * Dick, mistakenly thinking that Mary being the dean means he has the power to fire, tells Lucy, "Pack your bags, princess! The free ride is over! You are out of here!" |
| 907 | * Sally loses her virginity to Don. She finds herself unable to tell anybody about it, but clears the air with Don: |
| 908 | -->'''Don:''' Anytime you want to, uh, "talk"... you just see me.\ |
| 909 | '''Sally:''' Sometimes I just like to lie back and let you do the talkin'.\ |
| 910 | '''Don:''' ''[backs her into the door]'' So you like to, uh listen, do you? ''[Sally giggles]'' Well, that's good. 'Cause I'll talk your brains out!\ |
| 911 | '''Sally:''' Talk to me, Don! ''TALK TO ME!!!'' |
| 912 | |
| 913 | [[AC:4x03 -- Feelin' Albright]] |
| 914 | * The scene where Sally locates all of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUIlcxMBj5Q Don's previous girlfriends]]. They all talk about things that happened during their time with him. The icing on the cake, though, is Don's surprised reaction to seeing them gathered in the Solomons' apartment. |
| 915 | |
| 916 | [[AC:4x04 -- Collect Call for Dick]] |
| 917 | * Dick buys a ton of Rusty meals to get the Fuzzy Buddies inside: |
| 918 | -->'''Mary:''' Hey, Dick, what's with all the Rusty Burgers?\ |
| 919 | '''Dick:''' Ah, well, I'm just preparing box lunches for the homeless.\ |
| 920 | '''Mary:''' Why are you putting all the food in the trash?\ |
| 921 | '''Dick:''' It makes them more comfortable. Mary, you can be so insensitive. |
| 922 | * Dick on the phone with someone wanting to trade Fuzzy Buddies: |
| 923 | -->'''Dick:''': No, no, no, no, no, I don't want you to make a deal that you're not comfortable with. All I'm saying is, this is ''your'' future. Asking your parents would only cloud your judgment. Someone's coming? All right, call me back tomorrow during recess. Good night, Becky. ''[hangs up; to Nina]'' She's weakening. |
| 924 | * Sally not allowing Harry to play with any of the Fuzzy Buddies. Later, she relents somewhat, putting one in a plastic bag and making Harry put on an oven mitt. |
| 925 | * Dick approaches a top trader called "The Columbian" ("Must be the matriarch of a powerful cartel." "No, her nephew went to Columbia University.") to trade his Fuzzy Buddies, and she proclaims: "I got top dollar, I got ''better'' than top dollar." Dick is confused: "Then, by default, wouldn't that BECOME top dollar?" |
| 926 | * Dick, on the phone with a seller: |
| 927 | -->'''Dick:''' Yeah, I got your number from a friend. He said you could help me out. I-I-I need a Roger the Road Frog. [...] No! Not a mini one. I need a full-size Roger, damn it! |
| 928 | * The intervention scene, where Dick claims that he gave up all his Fuzzy Buddies, but Tommy, Sally, and Mary reveal more all over the kitchen, including in a cereal box, the oven, and finally the fridge. |
| 929 | ** In the same scene, before confronting Dick, Mrs. Dubcek asks: "Now you're SURE this invention is not for me. Because I have fallen for that ''twice''." |
| 930 | ** Sally to Dick on being late for the rent because of Dick's Fuzzy Buddy obsession: |
| 931 | --->'''Sally:''' God, I'm so embarrassed, I can't even look Mrs. Dubcek in the face!\ |
| 932 | ''[Dubcek looks at Sally, who averts her gaze in shame]'' |
| 933 | *** On the same topic, Mrs. Dubcek turns to Sally and seems more confused than anything. |
| 934 | ** Dick's FreakOut as the collected Fuzzy Buddies spill out of the fridge. |
| 935 | * Tommy as Hootie the Owl, the school mascot. He gets so into "pep" that he jumps on the coach after a loss. |
| 936 | -->'''Tommy''': YOU! You did this! You didn't practice them enough, you BASTARD!!! |
| 937 | ** The scene where Tommy comes home in the Hootie costume and says, "Where I go, people follow, hooting!" Sure enough, Harry follows Tommy shouting "HOOT! HOOT!" |
| 938 | |
| 939 | [[AC:4x05 -- What's Love Got to Do, Got to Do With Dick?]] |
| 940 | * Dick is annoyed at a new professor, Jennifer Ravelli, taking Mary's spot in the office: |
| 941 | -->'''Dick:''' ''[to Nina]'' I see you're getting ready for the arrival of Professor [=McBitch=]! ''[mimicking]'' "Hello, I'm Professor [=McBitch=]!" |
| 942 | |
| 943 | [[AC:4x06 -- I Am Dick Pentameter]] |
| 944 | * Jennifer has a habit of talking in rhyme. While at a restaurant, she gets a piece of tofu on her face, leading to this exchange: |
| 945 | -->'''Dick:''' You have a little tofu on your lip.\ |
| 946 | '''Jennifer:''' This smoothie is delicious. Please, have a sip.\ |
| 947 | '''Dick:''' Ah. Thank you, but no. Just, please, go like this. ''[flicks]''\ |
| 948 | '''Jennifer:''' I've got an idea. How about we kiss?\ |
| 949 | '''Dick:''' Okay, time out. You're missing my point.\ |
| 950 | '''Jennifer:''' Finish your food, and we'll blow this joint.\ |
| 951 | '''Dick:''' Just listen to me! You have tofu on your lip. It's been there for what seems like an eternity. Now please just flick it the hell off your face!!! |
| 952 | * Sally, Harry, and Tommy decide to merge the living room with the kitchen, and they try to come up with a name for it. One suggestion is "the Klivingtchen" ("That's what they'll call it in Germany"). |
| 953 | ** Dick isn't terribly impressed with it, though, which prompts Harry to yell "Blasphemer!" and attempt to attack him but he's held back by Tommy and Sally. |
| 954 | * Don meets Jennifer and loves the rhyming, so Dick sets him straight: |
| 955 | -->'''Dick:''' So you like the rhyming, eh? You like the rhyming?\ |
| 956 | '''Don:''' Yeah.\ |
| 957 | '''Dick:''' And what if the rhyming were never to stop? On, on, and on till your head doth pop. Oh, look! A book! A book on schnook! What kind of crook took my schnook nook book? Perchance, methinks, thee, hither, yon, thou. I'm think I'm gonna have a '''freakin' cow'''!\ |
| 958 | '''Don:''' You sure seem to hate her. Sounds really tough.\ |
| 959 | '''Dick:''' [[GotMeDoingIt Hate's a strong word, Don, but not strong enough.]] |
| 960 | * Mary, having gone on a bender after Dick broke up with her for Jennifer, goes to the rooftop where Dick is sitting: |
| 961 | --> '''Dick:''' Mary! You're here!\ |
| 962 | '''Mary:''' ''[drunk]'' Yes, I'm here. Just long enough to tell you what an '''AAAAAAAASSSSSSSS''' you are! There. I think I'm done.\ |
| 963 | '''Dick:''' No, no, Mary. Wait. I've been doing a lot of thinking.\ |
| 964 | '''Mary:''' I've been doing a lot of thinking, too. About what an '''AAASSSSS''' you are! I work late a couple of nights, and you seize the opportunity to chase the first skirt that comes along.\ |
| 965 | '''Dick:''' Oh, no. But, Mary, I've been thinking--\ |
| 966 | '''Mary:''' Oh, don't talk to me again. Ever, ever, never ever.\ |
| 967 | '''Dick:''' That's not a very good rhyme.\ |
| 968 | '''Mary:''' [[RuleOfThree AAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!]] |
| 969 | * Don tries his hand at rhyming: |
| 970 | -->'''Jennifer:''' The peanut, you see, may look like a nut,\ |
| 971 | '''Don:''' But it's really a legume, just ask King Tut! |
| 972 | |
| 973 | [[AC:4x07 -- D3: Judgement Day]] |
| 974 | * Jennifer asks Dick if he loves her, and before Dick gets a chance to answer, she loses it: "He didn't answer right away. Oh my God. He didn't answer right away..." and starts babbling and itching her hair frantically. |
| 975 | * Dick lands Jennifer in the hospital after accidentally giving her flowers that she's allergic to. When Dick enters his office later, the rest of the choir is waiting for him, delivering him a singing telegram: |
| 976 | -->'''Choir:''' ''[singing]'' Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, how are you doing?\ |
| 977 | '''Dick:''' I'm fine.\ |
| 978 | '''Choir:''' ''[singing]'' How are you doing?\ |
| 979 | '''Dick:''' ''[annoyed]'' I'm fine.\ |
| 980 | '''Choir:''' ''[singing]'' How are you doing?\ |
| 981 | '''Dick:''' SHUT UP! |
| 982 | |
| 983 | [[AC:4x08 -- Indecent Dick]] |
| 984 | * Sally wants to be a centerfold model. Harry tells her the numerous actions he has observed models do to look seductive, and one of them is that the models look at their boobs and act as if they saw them for the first time. So he tells Sally to reenact the first time she saw her boobs. Sally looks at them and screams. |
| 985 | * [[NakedPeopleAreFunny Harry is reading a magazine, in the chair, nude]]. When Dick comes home: |
| 986 | -->'''Dick:''' ...Harry, are you naked, or am I seeing things?\ |
| 987 | '''Harry:''' Well, actually, it's a little of both. |
| 988 | ** Harry deciding that clothes are one big scam. |
| 989 | --->'''Tommy:''' What should I wear to school tomorrow?\ |
| 990 | '''Harry:''' EL NADA! |
| 991 | ** The hilarious SceneryCensor gag when a nude Harry walks into the kitchen. Reaches its peak when Harry nonchalantly gives Don a back rub. |
| 992 | * After Dick changes his attitude about Mary's nude pictures from twenty years ago, he wants to take new nude photos of her. She refuses, so Dick says, "Then let's just get naked." Mary is at first aghast... but then gives in: "Lock the doors." |
| 993 | * Sally is rejected for posing for ''Playpen'' for being too old. Dick tries to cheer her up: |
| 994 | -->'''Dick:''' Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally. There's a ripeness that comes with growing older. Maybe it's what they call maturity, but it's what I call beauty. And you, Sally you grow more beautiful every day.\ |
| 995 | '''Sally:''' You think so?\ |
| 996 | '''Dick:''' Well, look at you. Your big, beautiful eyes, your long, silky hair, the curve of your neck, your supple white skin, your sexy red lips.\ |
| 997 | '''Sally:''' ...I'm a little creeped out right now. ''[gets off his lap]'' |
| 998 | |
| 999 | [[AC:4x09 -- Happy New Dick]] |
| 1000 | * Tommy is in charge of counting down to 1999, but Larry (who was hired at the bar as a waiter) accidentally activates the confetti machine at 11:58, causing everyone in the bar to sing "Auld Lang Syne". A furious Tommy tells everyone to stop singing, since it's not actually 1999 yet, to no avail. |
| 1001 | |
| 1002 | [[AC:4x10 -- Two-Faced Dick]] |
| 1003 | * The Big Giant Head [[FreakyFridayFlip switches Dick and Sally's brains for the duration of the episode]]. Creator/JohnLithgow has to act like Kristen Johnson's character, and vice versa, right down to the body language and tone of voice. |
| 1004 | ** After realising what happened, Sally sits down and tries to cross her legs, only to get a [[GroinAttack painful reminder]] of her new anatomy. Tommy and Harry suggest she may want to wear a cup until she gets used to it. |
| 1005 | ** Dick then asks Tommy and Harry what he's supposed to do with [[ManIFeelLikeAWoman the breasts]]. Tommy decides to sieze the opportunity. |
| 1006 | --->'''Tommy:''' Hey, Dick. Can we touch 'em?\ |
| 1007 | '''Dick:''' Be my guest, they're not mine.\ |
| 1008 | ''(Tommy and Harry raise their hands to cop a feel)''\ |
| 1009 | '''Sally:''' HEY! So help me God, if you touch those you ''will'' die! |
| 1010 | * Sally, in Dick's body, is still ''very'' attracted to Don. HilarityEnsues when the running gag pertaining to Sally and Don being able to sense when the other is nearby is still in effect, and Don freaking out when he turns around to see Dick. |
| 1011 | * On a double date with Mary and Don, the two Solomons briefly kiss the other's boyfriend/girlfriend. Dick in Sally's body has a reserved but sensitive and thoughtful moment, whereas Sally in Dick's body goes to town on Mary, who breathlessly mentions "That's a lot more tongue then I'm used to." |
| 1012 | * In the end, Dick and Sally's request to return to their original bodies is granted by the Big Giant Head. After a brief celebration, they address Tommy, who turns around with squinted eyes and says, "[[HereWeGoAgain Tommy? I'm not Tommy]]........ ahh, I'm just screwin' with ya!" |
| 1013 | * Dick mentions that he doesn't mind the shaved legs. |
| 1014 | --> '''Sally''': You know, I did your butt, too.\ |
| 1015 | '''Dick''': Oh, don't think I didn't notice. |
| 1016 | * The subplot where some tough bikers are customers at the bar, and Tommy and Harry assume they're badasses set to rob the place. Mrs. Dubcek teaches them that you can't judge a book by its cover, and they go along with it, until the bikers ''do'' rob them. Instead of being petrified, Tommy and Harry are psyched because they were right all along: |
| 1017 | -->'''Harry/Tommy:''' YEAH!\ |
| 1018 | '''Harry:''' Did I not tell you?\ |
| 1019 | '''Tommy:''' You didn't need to tell me, man. I knew!\ |
| 1020 | ''[One of the toughs drops a hint to hurry up]''\ |
| 1021 | '''Harry:''' Wait, wait, wait. Just a second. ''[to Tommy]'' We saw this coming!\ |
| 1022 | '''Tommy:''' Miles away, brother!\ |
| 1023 | '''Tough:''' The cash register.\ |
| 1024 | '''Harry:''' ''[unconcerned]'' Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. ''[strolls back to the register]'' |
| 1025 | |
| 1026 | [[AC:4x11 -- Dick Solomon Of The Indiana Solomons]] |
| 1027 | * The unit is mistakenly invited to a family reunion for some guy named Richard Solomon. During the reunion, Harry meets Uncle Abe and starts to take on his mannerisms, and the two JustForFun/StatlerAndWaldorf their way throughout the whole episode. |
| 1028 | -->'''Abe:''' Look, I'm tellin' ya.\ |
| 1029 | '''Harry:''' I heard ya.\ |
| 1030 | '''Abe:''' Fah! You should be so lucky.\ |
| 1031 | '''Harry:''' Eggghh! I should live so long! |
| 1032 | ** Harry, in Abe mode: |
| 1033 | --->'''Harry:''' [[RunningGag Don't even get me started]] on this family. Roger's a drunk. Darren hasn't paid taxes since the Eisenhower Administration. Cousin Marty's got his own website: nakedmarty.com. |
| 1034 | * Sally bonding with Michelle, especially when they start talking about dating: |
| 1035 | --> '''Michelle:''' So, Sally, you have a boyfriend?\ |
| 1036 | '''Sally:''' Yes, I do, Michelle. His name is Don, and he's a cop.\ |
| 1037 | '''Michelle:''' Oh, cops are so hot.\ |
| 1038 | '''Sally:''' Oh, yeah, tell me about it. And I got me the ''hottest'' one. Hey, check him out. ''[hands Michelle a picture of Don]''\ |
| 1039 | '''Michelle:''' ''[was clearly expecting a hunk]'' Whoa.\ |
| 1040 | '''Sally:''' Hands off, hon. He's mine. |
| 1041 | ** And this moment: |
| 1042 | --->'''Michelle:''' Sally, can I tell you a secret?\ |
| 1043 | '''Sally:''' Sure, Missy. Of course you can.\ |
| 1044 | '''Michelle:''' I'm a virgin.\ |
| 1045 | '''Sally:''' Wow.\ |
| 1046 | '''Michelle:''' I know.\ |
| 1047 | '''Sally:''' Really? Wow. I remember what those days were like, you know. Feeling like I was the only person on earth who hadn't had sex. Wondering what it was gonna be like.\ |
| 1048 | '''Michelle:''' When did you lose your virginity?\ |
| 1049 | '''Sally:''' ''[casually]'' Ah, a couple of weeks ago. |
| 1050 | * Dick and Jacob get into an argument, and Mary intervenes, leading to this: |
| 1051 | -->'''Jacob's Wife:''' I'd stay out of this, honey.\ |
| 1052 | '''Mary:''' ''[offended]'' "Honey"?! Well, let me tell ''you'' a thing or two, ''honey'': Whoever did your electrolysis missed a spot! |
| 1053 | * Harry on a girl that Tommy likes, but can't date because they're related: |
| 1054 | --> '''Harry''': Wait a second. Janine Solomon?\ |
| 1055 | '''Tommy''': Yeah.\ |
| 1056 | '''Harry''': Well, this is your lucky day! Uncle Abe told me she's adopted.\ |
| 1057 | '''Tommy''': Adopted? Are you sure?\ |
| 1058 | '''Harry''': Oh, don't even get me ''started'' on her father's low sperm count. |
| 1059 | * When Dick laments to Mary about his "family": |
| 1060 | --> '''Dick''': They're right, you can't go home again. So much for family, and brotherhood, and "home is where the heart is", what a bunch of crap.\ |
| 1061 | '''Mary''': Now you know where I've been coming from. You go home for the holidays, you see that beautiful Christmas tree in the window, everything looks so idyllic, and all of a sudden, there's your mother swinging a five-iron at your father's head, and the tree's in the egg nog.\ |
| 1062 | '''Dick''': How do you deal with it?\ |
| 1063 | '''Mary''': I repress. Repression is the key to a happy family.\ |
| 1064 | '''Dick''': That doesn't sound very healthy.\ |
| 1065 | '''Mary''': If you yell and scream, you end up sounding like your mother. ''(gets up)'' I'm gonna go get another drink.\ |
| 1066 | '''Dick''': Didn't you just finish one?\ |
| 1067 | '''Mary''': '''GET. OFF. MY. BACK.''' |
| 1068 | |
| 1069 | [[AC:4x12 -- Dick and Taxes]] |
| 1070 | * Dick freaking out over the tax forms until he finds the one he's looking for. |
| 1071 | --> '''Dick''': I don't understand this! I'm a superior being. I can calculate the decaying orbit of a dying moon to within 1/10 of an inch. Why can't I calculate the subtotal of line 59-A? Why can't I find line 59-A? Where the hell is line 59-A?! I can't take this anymore! ''(ripping up the tax forms)'' I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT!!!... ''(after audience laughter/applause)'' Oh, here it is. |
| 1072 | * Mary does Dick's taxes and informs him that he owes $9,500 in back taxes. Dick's response? "You BITCH!" |
| 1073 | * Dick, lying on their taxes: "I played with the numbers a bit, entered a few harmless clerical mistakes, and guess what. The government now owes us $375... THOUSAND dollars!" |
| 1074 | * Tommy, Sally, and Harry turn their kitchen into a hair saloon, with Tommy and Harry acting CampGay. |
| 1075 | * Dick's brief bout of {{Angrish}} after Harry's CaptainObvious moment. |
| 1076 | * Dick, Sally, and Harry each making excuses as to what happened to the profiles Tommy typed up for them when they first arrived, ending with Sally meekly apologizing. |
| 1077 | * The Solomons freak out during their audit when they believe their secret is about to be blown. So Sally, as security officer, offers this [[AxCrazy brilliant]] course of action. |
| 1078 | -->'''Sally:''' This is what we're gonna do! He comes back in here, I break his neck. Then we make our escape and I snap everyone's necks from here til we get home! ''There's no way they'll catch us!''\ |
| 1079 | '''Dick:'''' ...Let's call that Plan B. |
| 1080 | ** They attempt to barricade the door to the office with their auditor's desk... only for the auditor to return from another direction. |
| 1081 | ** Sally then tells the auditor that his desk just slid over. |
| 1082 | ** Dick then tells the auditor they were kidnapped, then that they lived in the wild with a pack of wolves. THEN he decides to tell the auditor the truth... only for the auditor to reveal he had heard the same story before. |
| 1083 | |
| 1084 | [[AC:4x13 -- Sally Forth]] |
| 1085 | * Dick, attempting to forge evidence of run-down housing conditions against Dubcek, tells Tommy to throw something through the kitchen window. Tommy doesn't do anything, which results in a hilarious FailedAttemptAtDrama moment for Dick as he asks Harry if it's fair they have to live in a house with broken windows. |
| 1086 | * Dick denounces the Dubceks as kleptomaniacs, causing Harry to correct him by saying "They are ''nympho''maniacs!" Vicki cries "Thank you!" |
| 1087 | * Dick pointing a finger at Harry and exclaiming "YOU!" as the latter enters the apartment with Vicki and Mrs. Dubcek. |
| 1088 | |
| 1089 | [[AC:4x14 -- Paranoid Dick]] |
| 1090 | * Mary gets thrown in jail for breaking into Judith's office. When Judith and the chancellor visit her in jail, the chancellor keeps saying in a [[DisappointedInYou disappointed tone while shaking his head, "Mary, Mary, Mary..."]] After the third time he says this, Mary tells him, "Oh shut up!" |
| 1091 | * This exchange, after Mary is demoted: |
| 1092 | -->'''Mary:''' Oh, look at me, Dick. They've stripped me of everything. My office, my title, my dignity. But there's one thing they can't take away from me.\ |
| 1093 | '''Dick:''' Your dignity?\ |
| 1094 | '''Mary:''' No. I just ''said'' they got that. |
| 1095 | ** "Promise me one thing, Dick. The next time the world gets all topsy-turvy and I start acting crazy again, do me a favor, will you? Slap some sense into me? ''[Dick slaps her... quite hard]'' ...I said next time." |
| 1096 | * Creator/BryanCranston as the tacky Neil Diamond impersonator that Sally briefly falls for. |
| 1097 | --> '''Vicki''': We're sisters.\ |
| 1098 | '''Sally''' Uh, we own a bikini shop on the internet.\ |
| 1099 | '''Neil''': Oooh, www.WOW! |
| 1100 | |
| 1101 | [[AC:4x15 -- The House That Dick Built]] |
| 1102 | * The ColdOpen, where Vicki is confronted with a vision of a baby-sized Harry dancing in a diaper, while the ooga-chaka version of "Hooked on a Feeling" plays. So surreal. |
| 1103 | * Alissa walks in on Tommy (actually the oldest of the aliens) cuddling a distraught Dick and runs from the room. Tommy immediately says, "Alissa, look, he's not really my dad, he's just some guy I'm living with!" After a {{beat}}, Tommy realizes that made it sound even ''worse''. |
| 1104 | * When Dick enters the kitchen and says good morning to Sally and Harry, Sally announces she's looking for her own place to live. He refuses to believe her and asks to start again, so he exits the kitchen and comes back in as before, leading to this: |
| 1105 | -->'''Dick:''' What's with the classifieds, Sally?\ |
| 1106 | '''Sally:''' I'm getting my own apartment?\ |
| 1107 | '''Dick:''' ''[[SuddenlyShouting YOU'RE WHAT?!?]]'' |
| 1108 | ** Dick to Harry after the latter tells him he's thinking about having a baby with Vicki: |
| 1109 | --->'''Dick:''' What are you going to do when the doctor says, "Congratulations, you're having an eight-pound purple tube?" |
| 1110 | ** Tommy attempting to attack Harry who refuses to accept that Alissa is his girlfriend. |
| 1111 | ** Dick announces to his subordinates that "There will be no relocating, impregnating, or babysitting of any kind without my express written consent," then steps out of the kitchen a third time to start the day over. After he re-enters and says good morning, the rest of the aliens each call him a name and a satisfied Dick goes "That's better." |
| 1112 | * Dick badmouthing Sally to every landlord in town so she's unable to move out: |
| 1113 | -->'''Dick:''' Hello. I see you have an apartment for rent. Great. Now, a Sally Solomon may be by today to look at it. Please, don't hold the fact that she is a convicted arsonist against her. |
| 1114 | ** Moments later, after Mary admonishes Dick for this: |
| 1115 | --->'''Dick:''' ''[on the phone]'' Thank you for holding. I'm with a leading Colombian drug cartel. Yes, and I'm scouting apartments for one of my mules: Sally Solomon.\ |
| 1116 | '''Mary:''' ''[aghast]'' Dick!\ |
| 1117 | '''Dick:''' ''Muchas gracias''. ''[hangs up]'' |
| 1118 | * Alissa looking through the peephole to see Harry and Vicki standing outside, and being freaked out. |
| 1119 | * This exchange: |
| 1120 | -->'''Vicki:''' Are you saying I'm not good enough for your family?\ |
| 1121 | '''Dick:''' [[NoExceptYes No! Although you're not.]] |
| 1122 | |
| 1123 | [[AC:4x16 -- Superstitious Dick]] |
| 1124 | * The RunningGag of Mary continuously having bad luck, who refuses to acknowledge it's because she threw out a chain letter. At one point, she hobbles to a hockey game with bandages on her head and says, "Sorry we're late, my carburetor caught fire! ''[laughs]''" |
| 1125 | -->'''Dick:''' It was a tad strange; the car was turned ''off'' at the time... |
| 1126 | ** And moments later, she's nailed by a hockey puck. |
| 1127 | ** It culminates in Mary mentioning a rock broke her windshield. Nina corrects her by saying it was a ''meteor'', to which Mary defensively says the tests aren't back yet. |
| 1128 | * Tommy is jealous of Stenstrum, the hockey player, whom Alissa has a crush on: |
| 1129 | --> '''Tommy''': She's about a goal away from taking her shirt off.\ |
| 1130 | '''Don''': Oh, don't sweat it, Tommy. It's just a harmless crush. Kinda like the one I used to have on Joe Namath. ''(awkward pause)'' It's not something I'm proud of.\ |
| 1131 | '''Tommy''': But it's not a harmless crush, Don. She's crazy about him. He's just more of a man than I am.\ |
| 1132 | '''Don''': Guys like us are always gonna lose out to guys like that. At least I can give 'em speeding tickets.\ |
| 1133 | '''Tommy''': Yeah, but what can ''I'' do?\ |
| 1134 | '''Don''': That's something you're gonna have to figure out for yourself, Tommy. That's part of what becoming a man is all about.\ |
| 1135 | '''Tommy''': You're just saying that 'cause you don't know how to help me.\ |
| 1136 | '''Don''': I'm dry. |
| 1137 | * The final act, when Dick performs a ton of good luck charms while receiving a ''science'' grant. Among the highlights: Only stepping on the white tiles on the floor, bringing in Mrs. Dubcek as his good luck charm, saying "Franks, ''[taps shoe]'' beans, ''[taps shoe]'' collared ''[taps shoe]'' greens", ripping out page 13 of his proposal, and spinning around while chanting "Andrew K. and Eileen B. Fleischman Foundation Grant!" |
| 1138 | |
| 1139 | [[AC:4x17 -- [=Y2Dick=]]] |
| 1140 | * Everyone making fun of Dick for not knowing how to use a computer, especially Tommy and Sally: |
| 1141 | -->'''Tommy:''' Dick, what are you doing?\ |
| 1142 | '''Dick:''' I-I'm just, uh, working on my computer.\ |
| 1143 | '''Tommy:''' It's not even on.\ |
| 1144 | '''Dick:''' Yes, it is.\ |
| 1145 | '''Tommy:''' No, it's not.\ |
| 1146 | '''Dick:''' Yeah, I-it's just, uh, warming up.\ |
| 1147 | '''Tommy:''' You don't know how to use a compuuuuter!\ |
| 1148 | '''Dick:''' Shut up!\ |
| 1149 | '''Sally:''' Oh, he has no idea!\ |
| 1150 | '''Dick:''' I am a superior being. I came to earth on a spaceship that could fit in my pants. What am I supposed to do with technology so backwards it can't even read your thought waves? |
| 1151 | * Mary's mom got her a pager for emergencies, but her mom keeps beeping her about trivial things ("mangos are 3 for a dollar"). During one phone call: |
| 1152 | -->'''Mary:''' No, Mom, I don't have Grandma's recipe for apple pan dowdy. [...] Look, every time this beeper goes off, I think you're dead, and I'm ''starting'' to get disappointed! [...] No, Mom, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Bye. ''[hangs up]'' The ''HELL'' I am! |
| 1153 | * The subplot of Sally and Tommy (with Alissa in tow) repeatedly upgrading their TV and home theater system to have the ultimate set-up. At one point they get surround sound and crank up the theme to ''Series/EntertainmentTonight'': |
| 1154 | -->'''Tommy:''' ''[shouting over the volume]'' I feel like I'm watching ''Series/EntertainmentTonight'' at Carnegie freakin' Hall!!!\ |
| 1155 | '''Alissa:''' Turn it down!!! ''[Tommy mutes it]'' How loud do you need to hear that it's Mary Steenburgen's birthday?! |
| 1156 | ** And the bit where Sally and Tommy are geeking out about [=DVDs=]. |
| 1157 | ---> '''Tommy''': The resolution is perfect.\ |
| 1158 | '''Sally''': Oh, the colors are so alive!\ |
| 1159 | '''Alissa''': ...It's ''Film/Leprechaun2''.\ |
| 1160 | '''Tommy''': Whoa, check this out: There's a bonus audio track where you can hear the director's comments.\ |
| 1161 | '''Alissa''': ''(incredulously)'' The director of ''Leprechaun 2''.\ |
| 1162 | '''Sally''': Oh, and at the end, you can see the original trailer for the movie!\ |
| 1163 | '''Alissa''': YOU'RE PAYING TO WATCH THE COMMERCIALS FOR ''LEPRECHAUN 2''! |
| 1164 | * Dick begins teaching his class remotely- a computer screen is set up in his class while he webcams his lecture from home in a bathrobe. |
| 1165 | --> '''Dick''': My actual presence is no longer necessary in the learning process. This is my new live webcam at Www.Planetsolomon.Com. It's on me 24 hours a day. Now, anybody can log on. You can watch me do almost everything, and, uh, for a small fee, ''everything''. |
| 1166 | * Dick, having been a recluse for days because he's been spending all his time on the internet, finally comes back to reality when Mary accidentally spills coffee on his computer. At the electronics store, he grabs a random woman, exclaims "This is amazing! I CAN SMELL YOU!", and takes a giant whiff. |
| 1167 | * Harry's subplot involves he and Vicki trying to have a baby. While Tommy, Sally, and Alyssa are trying out a new TV, the two walk by discussing their sex life. |
| 1168 | --> '''Vicki''': Come on, Harry. We're gonna be late for the clinic.\ |
| 1169 | '''Harry''': I don't want to go to the stupid clinic!\ |
| 1170 | '''Vicki''': Harry, face it, you have a problem!\ |
| 1171 | '''Harry''': I AM ''NOT'' IMPOTENT!!!... ''(notices Alissa staring)'' Hello, Alissa.\ |
| 1172 | '''Vicki''': How's school?\ |
| 1173 | '''Alissa''': ''(still weirded out)'' Good...\ |
| 1174 | '''Vicki''': That's great. |
| 1175 | ** The conclusion to this subplot: On a trip to the doctor's, Harry refuses to do any more fertility tests: |
| 1176 | ---> '''Harry''': ''(clutching and shaking Vicki)'' Now you listen to me, baby. This isn't about doctors or medicine. It's about you and me, baby.\ |
| 1177 | '''Vicki''': You're hurting me.\ |
| 1178 | '''Harry''': ''(lets go)'' Yeah! Now, if we're gonna make a baby, we're gonna do it the ''natural'' way.\ |
| 1179 | '''Vicki''': ''(turned on)'' Oh, Harry.\ |
| 1180 | '''Harry''': Vicki, I suggest you join me up here on this butcher paper right now. ''(the two get on the exam table to have sex)'' |
| 1181 | |
| 1182 | [[AC:4x18 -- Dick the Mouth Solomon]] |
| 1183 | * The Solomons fighting over their family meal in the middle of a restaurant. |
| 1184 | * Sally and Tommy thinking Sammy is a mobster when he's really a regular butcher who doesn't want anyone else to know what he really does. |
| 1185 | ** Sally starts acting like a gun moll while Tommy begins acting like a wiseguy, even adopting the moniker "The Nephew." |
| 1186 | * The subplot of Dick/Mary and Harry/Vicki attending a couples' retreat. One of the exercises is to put on inner tubes, close eyes, and move around the room, bumping into people in the process. Mary is immediately knocked down and trampled. |
| 1187 | -->'''Mary:''' Get off me! Open your damn eyes! |
| 1188 | * Sally pulls a gun on Sammy. When Don finally gets through to her that he's just a butcher: |
| 1189 | -->'''Sally:''' Oh, okay... Well, um, guess I won't be needing the gun anymore. ''[Don grabs it]'' Uh, super sorry. ''[looks into the distance]'' Oh my God, there's somebody I know. ''[wanders off]'' |
| 1190 | * Tommy's BrokenPedestal moment with Sammy at the end. |
| 1191 | --> '''Tommy''': I looked up to you. You were my hero. You broke my heart, Sammy. You broke my heart. ''(walks away)''\ |
| 1192 | '''Sammy''': ...So, how was the brisket?\ |
| 1193 | '''Don''': Oh, like butter. |
| 1194 | |
| 1195 | [[AC:4x19 -- Citizen Solomon]] |
| 1196 | * The attic's gone to crap ever since Sally moved into her own place. When she comes to visit, they hug her and when they let go, she has a bunch of cleaning items in her now-rubber gloved hands. |
| 1197 | -->'''Sally:''' Oh, come on, now. You're big boys. I know it's hard, but you're just gonna have to learn to live without me.\ |
| 1198 | '''Dick:''' But what if we don't wanna?\ |
| 1199 | '''Harry:''' ''[like a little kid having a tantrum]'' Yeah, I don't wanna! I DON'T WANNA!!! ''[pushes the junk on the table onto the floor]''\ |
| 1200 | '''Dick:''' Will you at least clean THAT up? |
| 1201 | * Dick trying to pawn off the chores on his co-workers: |
| 1202 | -->'''Dick:''' Oh, Nina, you're friendly with Raoul down in the cafeteria kitchen, aren't you?\ |
| 1203 | '''Nina:''' No.\ |
| 1204 | '''Dick:''' Oh, good. Then I have a great icebreaker for you. Could you ask him to wash these dishes and have 'em back by 6:00?\ |
| 1205 | '''Nina:''' You know, I'm about ten seconds away from quitting this job.\ |
| 1206 | '''Dick:''' Oh, then you'd better hurry.\ |
| 1207 | '''Nina:''' Okay. ''[drops his dishes on the floor]''\ |
| 1208 | '''Dick:''' You're only creating more work for yourself. |
| 1209 | * In Tommy's subplot, the RunningGag of Tommy insisting that he broke up with August, not the other way around. |
| 1210 | -->'''August:''' Okay, for the last time, Tommy, ''I'' broke up with you. In fact, I started seeing somebody else when I was still with you. Ha! I couldn't be ''more'' over you.\ |
| 1211 | '''Tommy:''' Oh, yeah? Well, you're fired!\ |
| 1212 | '''Alissa:''' She really took your breakup hard, huh?\ |
| 1213 | '''Tommy:''' It's sad, really. |
| 1214 | * August's scathing review of Alyssa in ''Theatre/MyFairLady'': |
| 1215 | -->"In the role of Eliza, "Alissa Strudwick could indeed [[{{Pun}} do little.]] Her inept accent providing no distraction from her non-existent singing voice. [...] The rain in Spain caused this reviewer insane brain pain." |
| 1216 | * Harry's infatuation with Cathy, the Solomons's new maid (whom they stole from Mary): |
| 1217 | -->'''Harry:''' I never met anyone like you before, Cathy. The way you pair up socks, put them in the same drawer... genius. Yeah. I don't know how you turn the toilet water blue, and I don't want to know. Just don't stop doin' it. |
| 1218 | |
| 1219 | [[AC:4x20 -- Alien Hunter]] |
| 1220 | * Mrs. Dubcek on being trapped in the basement: |
| 1221 | -->'''Mrs. Dubcek''': [[NoodleIncident Oh I haven't been drugged and tied up like this since Valentine's Day]]. |
| 1222 | * When Mary decides to go by Dick's place to drop off his birthday gift, Judith offers to tag along simply to [[{{Troll}} tell Dick she didn't get him anything]]. |
| 1223 | * After Dick's forced to admit he's an alien, he begs Charlotte to stop saying his kind don't mean any harm to Earth. |
| 1224 | -->'''Charlotte''': No harm?! I'm well aware of what your kind does! Harvesting eggs for your slave race! Sucking the life from the innocent! [[AnalProbing Probing the butt of the poor American farmer!]] |
| 1225 | -->'''Dick''': We never do any of that! [[NoodleIncident Well, there was this one farmer near Akron. But he was asking for it!]] |
| 1226 | * Charlotte tries to cause Mary to pass out by giving her a potent drink. [[TheAlcoholic But Mary isn't so easily drugged.]] |
| 1227 | --> '''Mary''': Mmm, this is screw-top. This is ''good''. |
| 1228 | |
| 1229 | [[AC:4x21 -- Dick vs Strudwick]] |
| 1230 | * Dick's BigWhat after finding out that Strudwick's new physics book is his new textbook. |
| 1231 | * Dick then decides to write his own physics book, titled ''Payback's a Bitch, Strudwick'', only to then realize he'd have to reveal he and his family are aliens from outer space. |
| 1232 | * [[AGlassInTheHand Strudwick's reaction]] to finding out that Tommy is Dick's son. |
| 1233 | * Dick turns a live television discussion of Strudwick's book into a ''[[Series/TheJerrySpringerShow Jerry Springer]]''-esque brawl. It begins when it comes out that Dick lied to Tommy about Strudwick telling him to stay away from Alissa (Strudwick merely told Dick to tell Tommy to mind his manners). Tommy then rushes at Dick and wrestles with him, then Dick and Strudwick get into it, then Harry picks a fight with the show's host. In the midst of it all, Sally and Don start making out. |
| 1234 | |
| 1235 | [[AC:4x22 -- Near Dick Experience]] |
| 1236 | * After Sally, Tommy, and Harry almost die, they have a renewed appreciation for life, and start regularly volunteer at the soup kitchen. At first, they're all sunshine and smiles, but by the third act, they're back to their usual surly selves, with Sally not even looking as she sloppily serves soup: |
| 1237 | -->'''Homeless Person:''' Hey, you burned me!\ |
| 1238 | '''Sally:''' ''[disdainful]'' ...Sorry. Here, have an extra bread. ''[tosses it in his soup bowl]''\ |
| 1239 | '''Homeless Person:''' Thanks for nothing!\ |
| 1240 | '''Sally:''' Man, this is ''really'' startin' to get old.\ |
| 1241 | '''Homeless Person 2:''' Hey, A.J., I've always dreamed of working in the movie industry. Can you help me out?\ |
| 1242 | '''Harry:''' Uh, yeah, I'm gonna call Warren Beatty for you right now.\ |
| 1243 | '''Homeless Person 3:''' A.J., everyone says you're a real inspiration. Tell me, how did you change your life?\ |
| 1244 | '''Harry:''' ''[annoyed]'' Uh, y'know, you guys, I told this story, like, a million times already. Why don't you ask one of these guys? They don't seem to be doin' nothin'. ''[walks away]'' |
| 1245 | |
| 1246 | [[AC:4x23 -- Dick's Big Giant Headache, Part 1]] |
| 1247 | * Creator/WilliamShatner, as the Big Giant Head, gets off a plane and talks about how he had looked out the window and seen "something on the wing". Dick (Creator/JohnLithgow) replies, "Same thing happened to me!" This is a double ShoutOut to the ''Series/TheTwilightZone1959'' episode starring Shatner, which was later [[Film/TwilightZoneTheMovie remade]] starring Lithgow. |
| 1248 | * The Solomons standing at attention as the Big Giant Head sleeps on their couch. |
| 1249 | * "The screaming will cease or the killing will commence!!!" |
| 1250 | * Tommy and Harry's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck response]] to the Big Giant Head telling them they're going to bathe him, followed by them arguing over who's going to do their leader's top. |
| 1251 | * Dick's absolutely hysterical "HUH?!?!" after Sally is promoted to High Commander. |
| 1252 | |
| 1253 | [[AC:4x24 -- Dick's Big Giant Headache, Part 2]] |
| 1254 | * Sally gives the Big Giant Head a status report, and he doesn't even look at it: |
| 1255 | -->'''Sally:''' But you didn't even look at it.\ |
| 1256 | '''Big Giant Head:''' Didn't have to. I like what I'm looking at right now.\ |
| 1257 | '''Sally:''' What are you saying?\ |
| 1258 | '''Big Giant Head:''' I'm saying... vah-vah! |
| 1259 | * Dick's demotion has him so bummed out that he can't, ahem, [[TheLoinsSleepTonight perform in the bedroom]]. But this ends after the Big Giant Head kisses Mary and he's ecstatic as Mary frets over what happened before announcing to her that his "little problem" is gone. Cue Mary going "Yee-haw!" and the two of them falling down onto Dick's bed. |
| 1260 | [[/folder]] |
| 1261 | |
| 1262 | [[folder:Season 5]] |
| 1263 | [[AC:5x01 -- Episode I: The Baby Menace]] |
| 1264 | * Dick dissolving into babbling as he watches Vicki breastfeed her baby. |
| 1265 | * Dick's clumsy attempts to asssassinate the tabloid reporter. |
| 1266 | * How Dick regains his position as High Commander: |
| 1267 | -->'''Sally:''' You disobeyed orders, mister!\ |
| 1268 | '''Dick:''' I-I couldn't do it!\ |
| 1269 | '''Sally:''' Fine. I'll kill him myself.'' [Sally grabs knife]''\ |
| 1270 | '''Dick:''' You can't kill him, you're the High Commander!\ |
| 1271 | '''Sally:''' So?\ |
| 1272 | '''Dick:''' High Commanders are forbidden to kill. They're considered upper management.\ |
| 1273 | '''Sally:''' Fine. I hereby make myself Security Officer.\ |
| 1274 | '''Dick:''' So you're Security Officer ''AND'' High Commander?\ |
| 1275 | '''Sally:''' Okay, you're High Commander. I'm gonna go kill that guy.\ |
| 1276 | '''Dick:''' Got it...oh, and by the way my first order as High Commander is that you shall not kill that reporter.\ |
| 1277 | '''Sally:''' No, then I make myself High Commander again.\ |
| 1278 | '''Dick:''' Uh uh, you can't do that, Lieutenant.\ |
| 1279 | '''Sally:''' ''[Scowling] ''You had this planned all along!\ |
| 1280 | '''Dick:''' That's why ''I'M'' High Commander...and no I didn't! |
| 1281 | * Harry and Vicki's farewell, doubly so when Harry calls Vicki back and points out she ''forgot her baby''. |
| 1282 | |
| 1283 | [[AC:5x02 -- Dick for Tat]] |
| 1284 | * The cold open where the Solomons are playing an adult board game. |
| 1285 | -->'''Sally''': ''(moving piece)'' Okay, "Lover or Loser". That should be fun.\ |
| 1286 | '''Dick''': ''(reading card)'' With what celebrity would you be tempted to cheat on your mate?\ |
| 1287 | '''Harry''': Jon Voight.\ |
| 1288 | '''Tom''': Man, let her answer.\ |
| 1289 | '''Harry''': Say Jon Voight. |
| 1290 | ** This bit: |
| 1291 | ---> '''Dick''': Oh, I can't get his face out of my mind!\ |
| 1292 | '''Nina''': Strudwick's?\ |
| 1293 | '''Dick''': No, Nina. Little Davey Tennant, the boy down the block. You see, ever since he was 3 years old, Davey's wanted more than anything to see a real professional baseball game. He wished the biggest wish his little heart could muster. But his dad was laid off and couldn't afford the tickets. Well one day last week, little Davey was outside playing ball like he always does, and who should walk up the block, tall as a building, but home run king Mark [=McGwire=]. To see little Davey's eyes light up as [=McGwire=] handed him four seats on the first base line, well, it's something that I will never forget. \ |
| 1294 | ''[Nina looks extremely touched by that story]'' \ |
| 1295 | '''Dick''': (''{{Beat}}'') ...'''[[SuddenlyShouting YES]]''', [[AskAStupidQuestion Strudwick's face! Stop asking such stupid questions!]] |
| 1296 | |
| 1297 | [[AC:5x03 -- The Fifth Solomon]] |
| 1298 | * The scene where Gary the insurance salesman (played by Creator/BobOdenkirk) asks Harry if he smokes. |
| 1299 | --> '''Gary''': Do you smoke?\ |
| 1300 | '''Harry''': Yes.\ |
| 1301 | '''Gary''': No you haven't.\ |
| 1302 | '''Harry''': Yes, I have.\ |
| 1303 | '''Gary''': No, you really haven't.\ |
| 1304 | '''Harry''': Yes, I really have.\ |
| 1305 | '''Gary''': Oops, I already marked "no."\ |
| 1306 | '''Harry''': Well, that's unfortunate, 'cause I enjoy the occasional cigar.\ |
| 1307 | '''Gary''': I didn't hear that.\ |
| 1308 | '''Harry''': ''(shouting)'' I said I enjoy the occasional cigar!\ |
| 1309 | '''Gary''': You don't smoke.\ |
| 1310 | '''Harry''': Hell, I'll smoke that banana right there.\ |
| 1311 | '''Gary''': '''YOU DON'T SMOKE.'''\ |
| 1312 | '''Harry''': Okay. I don't smoke. ''(pause)'' You know, I really ''do'' smoke. |
| 1313 | |
| 1314 | [[AC:5x04 -- Dial M for Dick]] |
| 1315 | * Mary gets food poisoning, and Dick wants to know who did it, so he shakes her violently: "Who has done this to you? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?" ''(Mary runs for the bathroom again)'' |
| 1316 | * The moment when Dick accuses Mary of being the murderer. Mary, aghast that he would suggest that, says "What the-" and before she can get the [[PrecisionFStrike next word out]], [[CurseCutShort Dick continues talking.]] |
| 1317 | * The ending. Back when they were convinced the murders were real, Sally begs Don to go get help. At the end, Don bursts in with his squad in riot gear, and tells everyone to get down. After Sally talks him out of it, Don asks, "Is this one of those murder mystery things?" He then tells Rico to hold the gas, but too late, and a tear gas bomb sprays everywhere. |
| 1318 | |
| 1319 | [[AC:5x05 -- Dick and Tuck]] |
| 1320 | |
| 1321 | [[AC:5x06 -- Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner?]] |
| 1322 | |
| 1323 | [[AC:5x07 -- Sex and the Sally]] |
| 1324 | * This: |
| 1325 | --> '''Dick''': You know what I can't believe? That you've never been pregnant.\ |
| 1326 | '''Mary''': What?\ |
| 1327 | '''Dick''': Considering how many "gentlemen callers" you've had, it's kind of a miracle.\ |
| 1328 | '''Mary''': ''(seriously)'' Dick, I can't have children.\ |
| 1329 | '''Dick''': Oh, Mary why not?\ |
| 1330 | '''Mary''': [[BaitAndSwitchComment Because I hate them.]] |
| 1331 | * The Tommy and Harry subplot where they fall into the beggar lifestyle. Eventually they go from begging to outright ''harassing'' passersby, shouting "WHADDYA GOT!"/"COME ON!" repeatedly. And when they're finally stopped by a policeman for it, they confuse a citation with winning a prize. |
| 1332 | * The Dick subplot involves Dick discovering tipping. Dick doesn't do it at first- he takes Mary's tip right after she sets it on the table (Mary: "No wonder we're treated like crap everywhere we go!"), and Dick later talks to Tommy and Harry about it: |
| 1333 | --> '''Dick''': You know about tipping?\ |
| 1334 | '''Harry''': Sure. That's how I make most of my money down at the bar.\ |
| 1335 | '''Dick''': But I never tip ''you''.\ |
| 1336 | '''Harry''': And that's why your drink always has that funny taste.\ |
| 1337 | '''Dick''': Mary thinks I'm cheap.\ |
| 1338 | '''Harry''': You're not cheap. You're thrifty.\ |
| 1339 | '''Tommy''': Frugal.\ |
| 1340 | '''Harry''': Economical.\ |
| 1341 | '''Tommy''': [[NoExceptYes Cheap.]]\ |
| 1342 | '''Harry''': [[BrutalHonesty Yeah, that's it. Cheap.]] |
| 1343 | * In Sally's subplot, she starts using birth control. Dick accompanies her to her first gynecologist visit: |
| 1344 | --> '''Dick''': I've been with you for all your womanly milestones. I was with you when you got your first bikini wax.\ |
| 1345 | '''Sally''': No, you weren't.\ |
| 1346 | '''Dick''': Yes, I was. You just couldn't see me. |
| 1347 | * When the doctor gives her a sponge: |
| 1348 | --> '''Sally''': Oh, I get it. It's so small, that by the time you're done doing the dishes, you're too exhausted to have sex, right? |
| 1349 | * The scene where Dick "reinvents tipping". That is, by starting with a "potential" tip and adding or subtracting dollar bills for every thing the waitress does. |
| 1350 | --> '''Waitress''': All right, we have specials tonight. There's a tri-colored salad with candied walnuts and goat cheese. It's very, very light-\ |
| 1351 | '''Dick''': What kind of dressing comes with that?\ |
| 1352 | '''Waitress''': I'll have to check.\ |
| 1353 | '''Dick''': Ouch. ''(removes dollar bill)'' |
| 1354 | |
| 1355 | [[AC:5x08 -- Charitable Dick]] |
| 1356 | * Everyone giving Mary a hard time about her cape. [[BrickJoke Eventually she donates it for $300.]] |
| 1357 | * Dick buys a painting of two monks holding a shovel at an auction, and starts carrying it around with him ''everywhere'' because he got applause when he bought it. But he starts to tire of it when nobody applauds him the next day: |
| 1358 | --> '''Nina''': Here's your mail.\ |
| 1359 | '''Dick''': Oh, something from the boys' home. Ah, at last, the respect that I deserve. "Dear sir or madam" hey, they've invited me to become a patron. Not everybody gets that.\ |
| 1360 | '''Nina''': I did.\ |
| 1361 | '''Judith''': Me, too.\ |
| 1362 | '''Mary''': I got three.\ |
| 1363 | '''Dick''': ...This painting sucks! |
| 1364 | * The scene where Dick tries to return the painting to the church and ask for his money back. Before he can even get a chance to give his rehearsed speech, the priest thanks Dick for his generous donation and a young kid named Ben runs up and latches onto his right leg, not letting go the whole scene, even as Dick tries to pry him off. |
| 1365 | --> '''Dick''': Could you either get this kid off my leg, or else put another one on, because it's really throwing off my balance. |
| 1366 | * The Tommy and Harry subplot involves the duo trying to come up with a new mission statement after the old one was left on the bus. One of the ideas they throw out is [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries "To boldly go where no man has gone before"]], and poke holes in it immediately. |
| 1367 | --> '''Tommy''': That's clunky.\ |
| 1368 | '''Harry''': Yeah, and that excludes Sally.\ |
| 1369 | '''Tommy''': Mmm, and us, too, technically, since we're not men.\ |
| 1370 | '''Harry''': Yeah, yeah, and lots of men have been here.\ |
| 1371 | '''Tommy''': Yeah... Eh, let's put it in.\ |
| 1372 | '''Harry''': Yeah, it'll give Dick something to cut. |
| 1373 | ** The two realize that since humans are imperfect, for the mission to be a success, the mission has to be imperfect, so they've succeeded: |
| 1374 | ---> '''Harry''': I mean, look at you! You're the poster boy for imperfection.\ |
| 1375 | '''Tommy''': ''(congenial)'' How's that?\ |
| 1376 | '''Harry''': Well, your B.O. smells like chicken soup, and you got B.O. a lot.\ |
| 1377 | '''Tommy''': Fair enough, but, uh, don't sell yourself short in the imperfection department, Harry.\ |
| 1378 | '''Harry''': ''(congenial)'' How do you mean?\ |
| 1379 | '''Tommy''': Well, you're not smart.\ |
| 1380 | '''Harry''': And ''you'' scare away the ladies.\ |
| 1381 | '''Tommy''': ''(still congenial)'' I feel like punching your face in.\ |
| 1382 | '''Harry''': Me first, fatso. |
| 1383 | ** In the end, they decide on "There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's this mission statement." |
| 1384 | ---> '''Dick''': Did you guys just get bored and start watching television?\ |
| 1385 | '''Tommy''': No.\ |
| 1386 | '''Harry''': ''("you got me" smile)'' Yeah. |
| 1387 | * In Sally's subplot, she keeps Don awake at night: First, with snoring, and second by sleeping all day so she'll be awake, but then making noise when Don's trying to sleep. The topper is when she brings canned tuna into bed, accidentally spills some of the juice on Don's pillow, and when she tries to remove it, Don falls out of bed. |
| 1388 | |
| 1389 | [[AC:5x09 -- The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary]] |
| 1390 | * Harry's fake secret is that he's an alcoholic. Dick disciplines him by forcing him to drink so much that he won't want to drink again. |
| 1391 | --> '''Harry''': Can I have a lime?\ |
| 1392 | ''(Dick obliges by slapping a lime down on the table)'' |
| 1393 | * Tommy's fake secret was that he wets the bed. After the film concludes: |
| 1394 | --> '''Alissa''': Wow. Tommy. You were so dark and troubled and screwed up. I am so lucky. ''(hugs him)''\ |
| 1395 | '''Tommy''': Oh, that's great. Hey, you wanna get some punch?\ |
| 1396 | '''Alissa''': Um... it's a little close to bedtime, isn't it? |
| 1397 | * Sally's fake secret was that she was a lesbian. Don approaches her after the film concludes and barely gets in a few words before Sally grabs him and kisses him. |
| 1398 | --> '''Sally''': Don. Oh, man. Wow. You just kissed the gay right outta me!\ |
| 1399 | '''Don''': I did?\ |
| 1400 | '''Sally''': Uh-huh!\ |
| 1401 | '''Don''': ''(proudly)'' What can I say? It's a gift. |
| 1402 | |
| 1403 | [[AC:5x10 -- Gwen, Larry, Dick and Mary]] |
| 1404 | * Mary's date with Dick is ruined because the rest of the family came along. She can't even sit in the front with Dick because Tommy called shotgun. |
| 1405 | * Harry has a brief infatuation with a woman at the laundromat. When the Solomons' washing machine is fixed, they no longer have to go to the laundromat so Harry says his goodbyes: |
| 1406 | --> '''Harry''': I came back to say good-Bye.\ |
| 1407 | '''Woman''': Well, can't we go across the street to the diner and get a cup of coffee or something?\ |
| 1408 | '''Harry''': June bug what we had here was very special. Hum of the dryers, fluorescent lights, sweet, sweet smell of softener sheets. But take that away, and I'm afraid we got nothing.\ |
| 1409 | '''Woman''': What are you, some kind of moron?\ |
| 1410 | '''Harry''': I know it's hard to understand, but, uh, at least we'll always have this, huh? And this. ''(holds up her panties)''\ |
| 1411 | '''Woman''': Hey! Oh, that's gross. ''(pulls at it)''\ |
| 1412 | '''Harry''': ''(tugging back)'' That's right. That's right. Fight daddy! Fight daddy! |
| 1413 | |
| 1414 | [[AC:5x11 -- Dick Puts The ID In Cupid]] |
| 1415 | * Dick has a breakthrough after his first session with Mary's therapist, leading to one of the greatest {{Malaproper}}s of the series. |
| 1416 | -->'''Dick:''' From now on, I am a human being. I am John Q. Pubic. |
| 1417 | * This: |
| 1418 | --> '''Tommy''': So I got Alissa and me a room at the Ramada.\ |
| 1419 | '''Harry''': Attaboy!\ |
| 1420 | '''Tommy''': She's totally fine with it.\ |
| 1421 | '''Harry''': Attaboy!\ |
| 1422 | '''Tommy''': But I'm a virgin.\ |
| 1423 | '''Harry''': Attaboy!\ |
| 1424 | '''Tommy''': And, you know, she's not.\ |
| 1425 | '''Harry''': Atta-\ |
| 1426 | '''Tommy''': STOP IT! |
| 1427 | * Tiffany coming onto Tommy. |
| 1428 | --> '''Tiffany''': Well, sometimes, don't you just have to be naked?\ |
| 1429 | '''Tommy''': ...I've got a girlfriend.\ |
| 1430 | '''Tiffany''': ''("yeah, and?" tone)'' I've got a boyfriend.\ |
| 1431 | '''Tommy''': We're [me and Alissa] gonna have sex on Valentine's Day.\ |
| 1432 | '''Tiffany''': No. We're gonna have sex right ''now''.\ |
| 1433 | '''Tommy''': I'm a virgin.\ |
| 1434 | '''Tiffany''': I could educate you.\ |
| 1435 | '''Tommy''': I could use an education.\ |
| 1436 | '''Tiffany''': Let's go. |
| 1437 | * Tommy scares Alissa off by revealing to her that he had sex with Tiffany before their Valentine's Day fling. Harry comes to the hotel room later, where Tommy is watching pay-per-view: |
| 1438 | --> '''Harry''': Those two ladies naked?\ |
| 1439 | '''Tommy''': Yes, they are.\ |
| 1440 | '''Harry''': Ah! ''(sits on bed)'' So, uh... what'd that guy do to deserve the spanking? |
| 1441 | |
| 1442 | [[AC:5x12 -- The Big Giant Head Returns]] |
| 1443 | * Dick does a rather flawless impersonation of Vicki's hammy tendencies while enacting a scene with Harry. It's so perfect he almost makes out with Harry before the Big Giant Head asks what the hell they're doing. |
| 1444 | * Sally's shoe dependency has become so bad the guys force her to go cold turkey. While ordering pizza, after making sure Tommy's out of the room, she starts asking the delivery guy what kind of shoes he's wearing before trying to get him to buy a pair for her. |
| 1445 | * Tommy tries to hypnotize Sally with these instructions: When he says "one", Sally will fall asleep, when he says "two", she wakes up, and when he says "three", she will feel like her feet are on fire. It fails on Sally, but works on Harry. When Harry goes to a restaurant to rescue Vicki from The Big Giant Head, he never gets the chance between The Big Giant Head keeps using "one" and "two/too" in his sentences, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent sending Harry abruptly dropping to the floor.]] The scene climaxes with Head predictably saying "three", causing Harry to shout that his feet are on fire and run out screaming. |
| 1446 | * When Dick tries standing up to the Big Giant Head, the Head threatens to [[ReassignedToAntarctica reassign him to Mars.]] Dick isn't fazed, figuring he can take it... only for the Big Giant Head to clarify: "Not ''THAT'' Mars!" |
| 1447 | ** We never actually learn what he means, but Dick SHRIEKS in horror hearing it. |
| 1448 | |
| 1449 | [[AC:5x13 -- Rutherford Beauty]] |
| 1450 | * The twice-done gag of Harry wearing lobster claws and screaming "LOBSTER CLAWS!!!" at Tommy, who gets freaked out by it. |
| 1451 | * This exchange, in one of Dick's erotic daydreams about Nina: |
| 1452 | --> '''Dick''': Nina have you been coming on to me?\ |
| 1453 | '''Nina''': What?!\ |
| 1454 | '''Dick''': Oh, come on. Parading around in your little yoga outfits, accidentally bumping into me in the office, wearing scented deodorants. I know your game.\ |
| 1455 | '''Nina''': Dr. Solomon, I-\ |
| 1456 | '''Dick''': how dare you try to come between me and the woman that I love, and right under Mary's ignorant nose? You ''BITCH''! |
| 1457 | * Dick fulfilling Mary's fantasy of having sex in a public place by showing up naked under her table. |
| 1458 | * Sally's transformation into an expy of Martha Stewart. |
| 1459 | --> '''Sally''': Unfolding a napkin is like unwrapping a little gift. It makes every meal feel like a celebration. |
| 1460 | ** Sally puts Don to work making swans out of napkins, but can't do it. Sally suggests a peacock ("A peacock's even harder!"). Even Dick rubs it in: |
| 1461 | ---> '''Don''': I can't even make a swan out of a napkin.\ |
| 1462 | '''Dick''': You can't? No. Oh, no, but it's easy. You just make a peacock, and then flatten out the tail.\ |
| 1463 | ''(Don tries to visualize it with his hands, but gives up and squeaks out a frustrated "GEEEH!!")'' |
| 1464 | |
| 1465 | [[AC:5x14 -- This Little Dick Went to Market]] |
| 1466 | * When Dick learns that owning stock means you own a part of the company, he and Tommy take it far too literally by showing up at a company they invested in, wearing business suits and acting like higher-ups. |
| 1467 | --> '''Dick''': ''(to a trio drinking water)'' I notice you're all drinking from separate cups. ''(confiscates their cups)'' One, cup, per, group.\ |
| 1468 | '''Tommy''': We're trying to run a business here.\ |
| 1469 | '''Dick''': Not a water-drinking factory! |
| 1470 | ** And this moment in the same scene: |
| 1471 | ---> '''Dick''': ''(grabbing an employee)'' Walk with me. What do you do here?\ |
| 1472 | '''Employee''': I'm the VP in charge of marketing.\ |
| 1473 | '''Dick''': Enjoying yourself?\ |
| 1474 | '''Employee''': Oh, yeah. I love the work. The hours are great, and the day care is really convenient.\ |
| 1475 | '''Dick''': You hear that, Tommy?\ |
| 1476 | '''Tommy''': I sure do, Dick.\ |
| 1477 | '''Dick''': Shut down the day care, make this guy work weekends, and then fire him. No one has this much fun on my dime. |
| 1478 | ** When Tommy and Dick are thrown out by two security guards: |
| 1479 | ---> '''Dick''': Wait. Do we need two guards? I don't think so. Fire them both and get one big one! |
| 1480 | * In one scene, Dick is standing on the roof in his business suit, ready to jump. Mary arrives just in time, and Dick admits to Mary that he made up striking it rich in the stock market and that they're not going to Cancun: |
| 1481 | --> '''Mary''': [[SuicideDare Jump.]]\ |
| 1482 | '''Dick''': But, Mary, it turns out the ups and downs of the stock market and my roller-coaster emotions make for a deadly cocktail.\ |
| 1483 | '''Mary''': Jump.\ |
| 1484 | '''Dick''': But I now realize that money's not important. Love is what's important. And if that's so, why, then, I'm the richest man on earth.\ |
| 1485 | '''Mary''': Don't think, Dick. Just jump! |
| 1486 | * The entire subplot with Harry and Sally involving Janice, the bodybuilder policewoman. Sally's jealous because Janice is stronger than her, while Harry's in love. At one point, Don compares Janice to ''Film/RoboCop1987'' and Sally assumes she's a robot for real. |
| 1487 | -->'''Harry''': That ain't no robot, Sally. A robot don't smell that good. |
| 1488 | ** Harry thinking about what he wants to do with Janice when they're alone. |
| 1489 | --->'''Harry''': Bet I could climb her like a tree. I'd be like a five year old at Disneyland. |
| 1490 | |
| 1491 | [[AC:5x15 -- Youth is Wasted on Dick]] |
| 1492 | * After a riotous spring break where Dick got wasted and vomited a lot, he apologizes to Mary for using their bed-and-breakfast room as a party zone: |
| 1493 | --> '''Dick''': Mary, however unpleasant your youth was, it's made you who you are today, a bright, accomplished, mature woman, the woman I love.\ |
| 1494 | '''Mary''': Ohh, Dick.\ |
| 1495 | ''(the two kiss; after a pause, [[MoodWhiplash Dick groans and runs to the bathroom to throw up again]])'' |
| 1496 | |
| 1497 | [[AC:5x16 -- Dick Strikes Out]] |
| 1498 | * The new chancellor, who is slashing budgets everywhere, is nevertheless sucked up to by Mary, Judith, and Strudwick, but not Dick: |
| 1499 | --> '''Chancellor Duncan''': Oh, you must be Solomon.\ |
| 1500 | '''Dick''': The name is on the door. ''(points)'' Read it on your way OUT!!! |
| 1501 | * Tommy, and later Dick, being crestfallen when they discover that Mrs. Fetzel isn't a real person, but a character created by a marketing group. |
| 1502 | * After Mary refuses to let Dick into her house, Dick grabs a brick on an impulse and throws it through her window. He immediately regrets it: |
| 1503 | --> '''Dick''': Oh, that's not gonna help. |
| 1504 | |
| 1505 | [[AC:5x17 -- Shall We Dick?]] |
| 1506 | * Dick's unreasonable demeanor as Mary's dance coach: |
| 1507 | --> '''Dick''': Step step, back, step-step, ''(Mary stumbles)'' no no no no no no NO! Back to one. Step, step, back, step-step. And- no. One question, hon. Are you a dancer or a water buffalo?\ |
| 1508 | '''Mary''': I'm trying my best!\ |
| 1509 | '''Dick''': I don't mean to be a bitch, Mary, but I thought you said you wanted to win this thing. |
| 1510 | * Don and Tommy are waiting for Sally and Alissa at a clothes store, and Tommy stuffs mannequin arms up his sleeves out of boredom. After pestering a sleeping Don with the fake arms, Don grabs the arms out of Tommy's shirt, and briefly freaks out when he notices they're not real. |
| 1511 | * Dick, to Strudwick at the dance contest: "Oh, by the way, Strudwick, a gorilla called. He wants his butt, which you're using for a face... back!" |
| 1512 | |
| 1513 | [[AC:5x18 -- Dick and Harry Fall In a Hole]] |
| 1514 | * Tommy and Sally mocking the news report about the two people who fell down the hole. Then the news announces that said individuals are Dick and Harry. Sally is shocked, but Tommy isn't: "I know. They announced that, like, five minutes ago." ''(continues to mock)'' |
| 1515 | * Angus [=MacDuff=], the Scottish guy who's chosen to create a rescue plan for Dick and Harry is, oddly, nicknamed "The Hole". |
| 1516 | --> '''Hole''': The point is, you don't beat the hole until you learn to think like the hole.\ |
| 1517 | '''Sally''': So, is that you thinking or the hole thinking?\ |
| 1518 | '''Hole''': This was never confusing before. It's you. |
| 1519 | * Harry driving Dick up the wall by describing in great detail how he eats [=M&Ms=]: |
| 1520 | --> '''Harry''': Know how I like to eat these? I like to suck 'em till the "m" comes off. Then I crack 'em open, eat the chocolate part first, save the shell for a light dessert.\ |
| 1521 | '''Dick''': I see what you're doing. You're trying to control me.\ |
| 1522 | '''Harry''': You know, it's not just the green ones. They all make me horny. |
| 1523 | ** Earlier, there's Harry's sweet dig after Dick goes off on a rant about how useless he is only to then learn Harry's got the only food in the hole. |
| 1524 | --->'''Harry''': The candy that melts in your mouth. But not in ''your'' mouth. |
| 1525 | * Sally goes increasing pissed off at the ridiculousness of Angus [=MacDuff=], like him commissioning a replica of the hole to better understand it, and her incredulous reaction to discovering he got his own trailer. |
| 1526 | -->'''Sally''': Listen ya Earl Grey lovin' FREAK! |
| 1527 | * Harry stating Dick's only the High Commander when they're ''not'' stuck in a hole. But down here, Dick's just "some sweaty guy looking for a handout." |
| 1528 | * Harry's "inspirational" speech to Dick: |
| 1529 | --> '''Dick''': How do you keep from cracking under such inhumane conditions? Teach me, Harry. Teach me to be more like you.\ |
| 1530 | '''Harry''': Well, it's powerful stuff. Once you accept it, there's no going back. You ready to proceed? All right. All right. Now let me bring you inside my mind. Now picture yourself on a serene mountaintop, clear blue sky, sun shining, a cool breeze blowing through the wildflowers.\ |
| 1531 | '''Dick''': I see it.\ |
| 1532 | '''Harry''': Now, take away the flowers, breeze, sky, mountaintop. Now what do you see?\ |
| 1533 | '''Dick''': Nothing.\ |
| 1534 | '''Harry''': Exactly. And that's what's in my head... ''all'' the time. |
| 1535 | * Sally and Hole rescue Dick and Harry by digging a parallel hole, and when Sally tells the duo that they're free, they want to stay in the hole. Hole says they're experiencing a variant of Stockholm Syndrome and that deprogramming them could take weeks. Sally will have none of it: |
| 1536 | --> '''Sally''': Oh, screw that noise! ''(pushes Dick and Harry)'' HEY! Get your idiot asses up there! ''(Dick and Harry immediately leave the hole)'' I've had it! Do you know how hard I worked to get you out?! |
| 1537 | ** Coming off that, Sally and Angus seem to have developed respect for one another and a mutual attraction... which he then ruins when he suggests that she can also be "The Hole." |
| 1538 | --->'''Sally''': I'm gonna pass on that. |
| 1539 | |
| 1540 | [[AC:5x19 -- Frankie Goes to Rutherford]] |
| 1541 | * The bank robbery is a succession of these. |
| 1542 | * The ending, with Sally as a biker, Tommy as a sailor, Harry as a Native, Dick as a construction worker... and then comes officer Don. [[Music/TheVillagePeople "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey."]] |
| 1543 | |
| 1544 | [[AC:5x20 -- Dick Solomon's Day Off]] |
| 1545 | * Dick crashes the chancellor's lunch wearing a bathrobe and pretending to have the Asiatic Flu. He claims Strudwick was the only one who faked a sick day, and is told to go home: |
| 1546 | --> '''Dick''': But if I'm going home, Strudwick, you're going home, too.\ |
| 1547 | '''Strudwick''': What? I'm not sick.\ |
| 1548 | '''Dick''': Oh, no? Say hello to the Asiatic Flu! ''(grabs Strudwick and kisses him on the mouth)''\ |
| 1549 | '''Strudwick''': WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ARE YOU INSANE?!\ |
| 1550 | '''Mary''': Why the hell did you do that?! You're not sick!\ |
| 1551 | '''Dick''': Yes, I am... Oh, my god! No, I'm not! Then why... oh! Why did I use my tongue?! |
| 1552 | |
| 1553 | [[AC:5x21/22 -- The Big Giant Head Returns Again, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 1554 | * When Sally thinks Alissa is going to break up with Tommy: |
| 1555 | -->'''Harry:''' Oh god, there's nothing we can do! We're POWERLESS against ALISSA! |
| 1556 | * Dick's reaction to the Big Giant Head [[LukeIAmYourFather revealing he's his father]]. |
| 1557 | * Dick and the Big Giant Head freaking out when a fish bites during their fishing outing. |
| 1558 | ** The two then buy fish from the grocery store and bring them to Dick's office where they hand them off to Nina, who promptly dumps the fish into Dick's desk drawer. |
| 1559 | * The Big Giant Hand forbidding Dick from dating Mary, and Dick acting like a teenager, especially when the BGH tells him he's on time-out. |
| 1560 | [[/folder]] |
| 1561 | |
| 1562 | [[folder:Season 6]] |
| 1563 | [[AC:6x01 -- Les Liasions Dickereuses]] |
| 1564 | |
| 1565 | [[AC:6x02 -- Fear and Loathing in Rutherford]] |
| 1566 | * When Strudwick refers to Tommy as a ragamuffin, Dick takes offense to it... then orders Harry to get him a dictionary. |
| 1567 | * Dick and Strudwick pursue Tommy and Alissa, but stop by Mary's place first. For what, you ask? "Chase music." |
| 1568 | * Dick and Strudwick arguing over who gets to be called "Pop-Pop." |
| 1569 | * Dick (who's driving) hits a deer. What's hysterical is the lead-up to it. |
| 1570 | -->'''Strudwick:''' ''[seeing the deer]'' WATCH OUT FOR THAT DEER! |
| 1571 | -->'''Dick:''' Watch out for what, honey? |
| 1572 | -->''[BOOM!]'' |
| 1573 | * Harry's "dance of death" with a power tool. |
| 1574 | * Sally putting a [[Film/{{Scream}} Ghostface]] mask on Harry and preparing to set his head on fire. |
| 1575 | * Don's warning to Tommy and Alissa when he suspects Strudwick of being a murderer: |
| 1576 | -->'''Don:''' My cop nose tells me that there's an ugliness spreading throughout this town. No one is safe. ''[cheerful]'' [[MoodSwinger See ya!]] |
| 1577 | * There's an {{homage}} to ''Film/PlanesTrainsAndAutomobiles'' where Dick and Strudwick [[ItMakesSenseInContext have to share a bed at a hotel together]]. Don suddenly busts through the door, thinking that they're serial killers or something, and Dick violently cuddles Strudwick while shouting "Don't shoot! We're going to have a baby!" |
| 1578 | * Mary, who had earlier been inadvertently abandoned by Dick and Strudwick, shows up covered in mud and the carcass of the deer that Dick hit. Everyone freaks out. |
| 1579 | |
| 1580 | [[AC:6x03 -- [=InDickscretion=]]] |
| 1581 | |
| 1582 | [[AC:6x04/05 -- Dick'll Take Manhattan, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 1583 | * Harry about Lorne Michaels: "I'll fire his sad Canadian ass, too!" |
| 1584 | * Dick telling Harry he can't run a network "without adult supervision," followed by Dick and Sally picking up Harry so they can haul him back to their normal universe as Harry calls Dubcek to send security... only to find that that Dubcek took over as network president. |
| 1585 | * Sally's column: |
| 1586 | --> '''Sally''': "So I've come to the conclusion that New York is the sexiest city in the world, from sexy Bronx to sexy Brooklyn. It's the city that never sleeps. Unless it rolls over and passes out after sex." |
| 1587 | |
| 1588 | [[AC:6x06 -- Why Dickie Can't Teach]] |
| 1589 | * Tommy derides Dick's analogy that both Pendleton and Princeton serve fishsticks: |
| 1590 | -->'''Tommy:''' My ''high school'' served fish sticks!\ |
| 1591 | '''Dick:''' ''[hurt]'' I told you about the fish sticks in confidence. |
| 1592 | ** In the same scene, Dick treats Tommy going to Pendleton as ''punishment'': |
| 1593 | --->'''Dick:''' This just in: You're going to Pendleton!\ |
| 1594 | '''Tommy:''' What? No, I'm not!\ |
| 1595 | '''Dick:''' You are! [[ThatsAnOrder It's an order!]] Does it burn?\ |
| 1596 | '''Tommy:''' What is your problem? So you're a bad teacher. So bad, I thought you knew!\ |
| 1597 | '''Dick:''' One more word out of you, and you're getting your master's at Pendleton!\ |
| 1598 | '''Tommy:''' But that is--\ |
| 1599 | '''Dick:''' Care to go for your [=PhD=]?\ |
| 1600 | '''Tommy:''' Dick, you're--\ |
| 1601 | '''Dick:''' Oh, look who's on the tenure track: Dr. Tommy Solomon! |
| 1602 | * The RunningGag of butt grabbing: First, Tommy tries to grab Mary's butt when they hug, then Dick tries the same, and finally when Dick and Tommy hug at the end, [[HoYay they both reach for each other's butts]]. |
| 1603 | * In the subplot, Don gets a short-lived job as a front desk employee at a meat corporation. Harry comes in and Don's on the phone, but [[OneDialogueTwoConversations thinks he's talking to him]]: |
| 1604 | --> '''Don:''' Mr. [=DeMarmel=]'s office.\ |
| 1605 | '''Harry:''' Well, it certainly is.\ |
| 1606 | '''Don:''' Well, how are you?\ |
| 1607 | '''Harry:''' Actually, I'm feelin' a little dizzy.\ |
| 1608 | '''Don:''' I'm sorry, we're breaking up.\ |
| 1609 | '''Harry:''' Well, that's news to me.\ |
| 1610 | '''Don:''' You'll have to speak up.\ |
| 1611 | '''Harry:''' ''[shouting]'' I SAID, THAT'S NEWS TO ME!\ |
| 1612 | '''Don:''' Okay. Bye. ''[hangs up]''\ |
| 1613 | '''Harry:''' But I just got here! |
| 1614 | |
| 1615 | [[AC:6x07 -- B.D.O.C.]] |
| 1616 | * Dick tries to get Tommy kicked out of college by convincing him to pull an elaborate prank: Namely, arranging everything in the college dean's office upside down, including everything on the desk. |
| 1617 | * When the dean decides to let Tommy off with a warning and even offers to set him up with his daughter, Dick reveals he was the one who talked Tommy into pulling the prank and tells the dean he should be setting ''him'' up with his daughter. |
| 1618 | * Since Tommy's gone off to college, the unit gets a new information officer, Bryce Canyon, who's a well-dressed {{Hunk}}. Sally is attracted to him and comes onto him, leading him to file a complaint against her for sexual harassment. During the meeting, Harry asks Bryce if he'd like to remain anonymous, to which Bryce responds no after an annoyed pause. |
| 1619 | |
| 1620 | [[AC:6x08 -- Red, White & Dick]] |
| 1621 | |
| 1622 | [[AC:6x09 -- Dick Digs]] |
| 1623 | |
| 1624 | [[AC:6x10 -- There's No Business Like Dick Business]] |
| 1625 | |
| 1626 | [[AC:6x11 -- A Dick Replacement]] |
| 1627 | |
| 1628 | [[AC:6x12 -- Dick's Ark]] |
| 1629 | * Mary wants a weekend away from Dick, but Dick can't help but call her: |
| 1630 | --> '''Dick:''' ''[sing-song]'' Whatcha dooooooin'?\ |
| 1631 | '''Mary:''' I'm watching a film.\ |
| 1632 | '''Dick:''' Oh! Is it a film that we saw together and you're watching it because it reminds you of me?\ |
| 1633 | '''Mary:''' ''[annoyed]'' If you ''must'' know, it's ''[[Film/DeuceBigalow Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo]]''. |
| 1634 | * Harry invites a grocery clerk to the bomb shelter: |
| 1635 | --> '''Clerk:''' So, you're having a party?\ |
| 1636 | '''Harry:''' Well, it's actually more of a gathering. You know, just us and some loved ones. You know, my sister's Sally Storm.\ |
| 1637 | '''Clerk:''' The weather girl who's always right?\ |
| 1638 | '''Harry:''' Well, she's not always right. She didn't predict that I'd be meetin' a sweet little angel like yourself. Hey, you wanna come?\ |
| 1639 | '''Clerk:''' I get off at eight.\ |
| 1640 | '''Harry:''' No, no. The party's at eight. You'll get off at ''nine''. ''[clerk smiles]'' You know somethin'? I like you so much, I'm gonna pay for these steaks. ''[pulls steaks out of his shirt]'' |
| 1641 | * Sally is convinced that a tornado will destroy the local docks (but is being forbidden by Dick to tell anyone), and after being offended by one of her coworkers, pretends to come on to him and invites him to meet her out by the docks for a game of "twister." After realizing she was wrong about the tornado she laments that now she has to go out there and push him off the dock herself. |
| 1642 | |
| 1643 | [[AC:6x13 -- You Don't Know Dick]] |
| 1644 | * Dick is under the false assumption that Mary's favorite movie is ''Gas Pump Girls''. |
| 1645 | * Harry being hired as a gofer and thinking it means he has to act like an actual gopher, while being confused at being requested to perform gofer duties. |
| 1646 | * After being unable to buy Mary tickets to the Gordon Lightfoot concert like he promised, Dick pretends to have an "epiphany" that they should sneak into the concert and watch it "through the grimy slats of the heating vent" instead to relive , like Mary did as a teenager. She ends up euphorically agreeing to it. |
| 1647 | * Annoyed at a coworkers attempt to seduce her, Sally steals his pants, locks him outside and calls a news crew, with the rest of the family later commenting about the coverage of the concert and expressing surprise that Sally's coworker is "an obsessive, naked Gordon Lightfoot fan". |
| 1648 | |
| 1649 | [[AC:6x14 -- My Mother, My Dick]] |
| 1650 | * Dick starts to bond with Mary's mother as he's helping her after a hip surgery, until she gets on his nerves like she did with Mary growing up. Towards the end, he is shouting at her: |
| 1651 | --> '''Martha:''' ''[from other room]'' Diiiiick!\ |
| 1652 | '''Dick:''' WHAAAAAT?!?!\ |
| 1653 | '''Martha:''' I want you to rub a little salve on my lumbar!\ |
| 1654 | '''Dick:''' ''[to himself]'' I think it's time to cut this millstone from around my neck.\ |
| 1655 | '''Mary:''' ''[from outside]'' Diiiick!\ |
| 1656 | '''Dick:''' ''[in the same fed-up tone as before]'' WHAAAAT?!?! ''[sees that it's Mary]'' Oh, I, uh, I'm sorry, Mary. For a moment there, you sounded unnervingly like your mother. |
| 1657 | |
| 1658 | [[AC:6x15 -- Glengarry Glen Dick]] |
| 1659 | * Dick and Don buy a timeshare together, and visit it with Mary and Sally: |
| 1660 | -->'''Don:''' My God, it's gorgeous! And only three hours and four car barges away! |
| 1661 | ** The group of four is trying to find things to do in the small town where the timeshare is, so Dick asks a bar customer: |
| 1662 | --->'''Dick:''' Excuse me, sir? We're vacationing in the area. What is the one thing that we should not miss?\ |
| 1663 | '''Man:''' Well, uh, there's the prison.\ |
| 1664 | '''Dick:''' I see. Are there any crafts fairs?\ |
| 1665 | '''Man:''' Oh, we got that. Prison crafts.\ |
| 1666 | '''Mary:''' Community theater?\ |
| 1667 | '''Man:''' They were gonna do ''Theatre/GuysAndDolls'' at the prison, but some of the guys didn't want to be dolls. |
| 1668 | ** Dick attempts to talk Don into buying out his half of the timeshare by offering to let Don take a swing at him with an ax. Don was legit considering it. |
| 1669 | ** Dick's line at the end: "You know something? I believe that, [[NotHelpingYourCase like the mushrooms growing in the corner]], our love for this place can only multiply." |
| 1670 | * Harry's concerned that he's shrinking after Tommy is taller than him, and that fear is validated by Mrs. Dubcek: |
| 1671 | -->'''Mrs. Dubcek:''' You see these capris? They used to be bike shorts. |
| 1672 | ** Tommy sees an ad for a Rutherford Enlargement Clinic, and suggests Harry go to it. What follows is an entire subplot of OneDialogueTwoConversations. |
| 1673 | --->'''Tommy:''' ''[to a guy in the waiting room]'' So, he used to be bigger than me, and then my aunt realized that I'm the bigger one now. He can't stand it. He makes me measure him, like, five times a day. When he wakes up, after his shower, after his stretching exercises. ''[the guy, weirded out, leaves]'' These guys are weird. |
| 1674 | ** And when Harry visits the doctor: |
| 1675 | --->'''Doctor:''' Now, it says here you've been trying a variety of home remedies? Hanging from the ceiling?\ |
| 1676 | '''Harry:''' With weights attached.\ |
| 1677 | '''Doctor:''' That...that is unorthodox.\ |
| 1678 | '''Harry:''' Well, I'm desperate! I'm shrinking.\ |
| 1679 | '''Doctor:''' Shrinking? You do know there is a natural fluctuation in size based on excitement.\ |
| 1680 | '''Harry:''' You mean, I'm bigger when I'm watching professional wrestling.\ |
| 1681 | '''Doctor:''' Well, to each his own. |
| 1682 | |
| 1683 | [[AC:6x16 -- Dick Soup for the Soul]] |
| 1684 | |
| 1685 | [[AC:6x17/18 -- Mary Loves Scoochie, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 1686 | * In a last-ditch effort to stop Liam Neesam from destroying the world, the Solomons try to make him feel a bit more empathy for humanity: |
| 1687 | -->'''Dick:''' You're missing the real Earth. Like the happiness in a child's eyes when a loving parent tucks him in safe at night. |
| 1688 | -->'''Sally:''' Or the wonder of two young lovers as they stroll down the beach dreaming of what is yet to be. |
| 1689 | -->'''Tommy:''' Or the quiet contentment of a couple in their autumn years as they sit and reflect on a life well spent together. |
| 1690 | -->'''Harry:''' Or hookers. |
| 1691 | |
| 1692 | [[AC:6x19/20 -- The Thing That Wouldn't Die, Parts 1 & 2]] |
| 1693 | * Mary confides in Nina over the phone her concerns about Dick after witnessing him turn Neesam into a chimpanzee, but Nina thinks [[YouWatchTooMuchX Mary's been watching a movie again]]. |
| 1694 | * When Dick tells Mary to think back on all their experiences together over the past six years, with the perspective that he is an alien, she plays out a symphony of emotions, running the gamut from heartwarming joy to nauseated disgust to sheer terror, forming a glorious summation of the entire series. |
| 1695 | * After Dick confesses everything to Mary, the only part she can initially believe is Harry having a giant transmitter lodged in his head. |
| 1696 | * Dick manages to get the last laugh on Strudwick by tricking him into thinking the alien costume party is a masquerade styled after the court of Louis XIV, making Strudwick look like an idiot. |
| 1697 | * Dick screwing up his "wiping Mary's memories" maneuver at first by chopping her neck, [[MoodWhiplash prompting Mary to exclaim "OW!"]] |
| 1698 | * As Dick lays an unconscious Mary down and gives her a farewell kiss on the cheek, Harry leans down and gives her a kiss as well, much to Dick's annoyance. |
| 1699 | * The very last scene of the show, with the Solomons singing, only to forget part of the song and just mumble along for a couple lines. |
| 1700 | [[/folder]] |
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