History Funny / TheTourist

* Frank's and Elsie's first meeting on the train:

--> '''Elsie''': That's a terrible name.
--> '''Frank''': ''(shrugs)'' It's the only one I've got.
--> '''Elsie''': Perhaps we can find you a new one.

* Frank's attempts to invite Elsie to dinner.
--> '''Elsie''': Invite me to dinner, Frank?

--> '''Elsie''': ''(gives him a look)''

--> '''Elsie''': Women don't like questions.

--> '''Elsie''': Too demanding.

--> '''Elsie''': Another question.
--> '''Frank''': ''(thinks for a moment)'' I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
--> '''Elsie''': ''(smiles at him)''

* When Frank sees Elsie in her evening wear.

--> '''Elsie''': ''Gives look''.

--> '''Elsie''': Do you mean 'ravishing'?

--> '''Elsie''': You're ravenous.

--> '''Frank''': ''(into the phone)'' Hello? Please help!
--> '''Concierge''': ''(answering phone)'' Buongiorno, signore.
--> '''Frank''': Buongiorno- I, I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door...

--> ''(The thugs start to shoot out the door lock)''
--> '''Frank''': Ah, I gotta go! ''(Frank drops the phone and exits through the window)''
--> '''Concierge''': Sir? ''(slams down the receiver)'' American!

--> '''Policeman''': *{{Beat}}* ''De nada.''

* Fleeing his would-be assailants, Frank runs along rooftops, leaps across a gap to an awning, and dashes through a crowded marketplace... in his pajamas. The chase ends when he runs into a policeman (literally), and is promptly arrested. (Yes, the whole sequence is ''very'' reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.)

--> '''Shaw''': ''(checking new suit in mirror)'' Does it look all right?
--> '''Bodyguard''': ''(nervous)'' Yes. Like always.

--> '''Elsie''': Twenty million dollars worth of plastic surgery and that's the face you choose?

--> '''Elsie''': ''(smiles)'' It will do.

* --> '''Elsie''': Invite me to dinner, Frank?

''(at their first meeting on the train:)''

-> FRANK: My name's Frank.
-> ELSIE: That's a terrible name.
-> FRANK: ''(shrugs)'' It's the only one I've got.
-> ELSIE: Perhaps we can find you a new one.
-

-> ELSIE: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
-> FRANK: What?
-> ELSIE: ''(gives him a look)''
-> FRANK: Would you like to have dinner?
-> ELSIE: Women don't like questions.
-> FRANK: Join me for dinner.
-> ELSIE: Too demanding.
-> FRANK: Join me for dinner?
-> ELSIE: Another question.
-> FRANK: ''(thinks for a moment)'' I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
-> ELSIE: ''(smiles at him)''
-

''(seeing ELSIE in her evening wear:)''

-> FRANK: [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck.]]
-> ELSIE: ''Gives look''.
-> FRANK: You're ravenous.
-> ELSIE: Do you mean 'ravishing'?
-> FRANK: I do.
-> ELSIE: You're ravenous.
-> FRANK: I am.
-

''(as two THUGS are trying to break into FRANK's hotel room:)''

-> FRANK: ''(into the phone)'' Hello? Please help!
-> CONCIERGE: ''(answering phone)'' Buongiorno, signore.
-> FRANK: Buongiorno- I, I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door...
-> CONCIERGE: I see, what kind of problem do you have with the door, sir?
-> FRANK: No, no, no! There are two men with guns trying to break in! Dos hombres, con... con pistolas!
-> CONCIERGE: Your Spanish is excellent, sir.
-> FRANK: Thank you...
-> ''(The THUGS start to shoot out the door lock)''
-> FRANK: Ah, I gotta go! ''(FRANK drops the phone and exits through the window)''
-> CONCIERGE: Sir? ''(slams down the receiver)'' American!
-

Fleeing his would-be assailants, Frank runs along rooftops, leaps across a gap to an awning, and dashes through a crowded marketplace... in his pajamas. The chase ends when he runs into a policeman (literally), and is promptly arrested.
(Yes, the whole sequence is ''very'' reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.)
->
-

''(after FRANK narrowly escapes the two THUGS:)''

-> POLICEMAN: You wish to report a murder.
-> FRANK: Attempted murder.
-> POLICEMAN: That's not so serious.
-> FRANK: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious.
-

''(right after SHAW strangles an incompetent minion with a measuring tape:)''

-> SHAW: ''(checking new suit in mirror)'' Does it look all right?
-> BODYGUARD: ''(nervous)'' Yes. Like always.
-> SHAW: What's always?
-> BODYGUARD: Very good.
-> SHAW: Yes, I think it looks all right.
-

(referring to ALEXANDER's stealing millions of dollars from him:)

-> SHAW: You know, Alexander was like a son to me. I loved him. That brilliant, playful, disrespectful young bastard. I even thought that he and I were two of a kind. Oh, I took great pleasure in never knowing what this man would do next. Until one day what he did next didn't give me any pleasure at all.
-

''(at the end, as the two are escaping on a boat:)''

-> ELSIE: Twenty million dollars worth of plastic surgery and that's the face you choose?
-> FRANK: You don't like it?
-> ELSIE: ''(smiles)'' It will do.