History Funny / TheRedGreenShow

2nd Feb '16 9:22:59 AM MHarrington
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** Later, other lodge members would say "love", too. Ed Frid did this once...:
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** Later, other lodge members would say "love", too. Ed Frid did this once...too, including Ed...:

** ...and so did Dalton:
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** ...and so did Dalton:
2nd Feb '16 9:22:21 AM MHarrington
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** Later, other lodge members would say "love", too. Ed Frid did this once...: --->'''Red:''' This means never having to say you're sorry...\\ '''Ed:''' Bumping into a deaf guy? ** ...and so did Dalton: --->'''Red:''' What is the point of Valentine's Day?\\ '''Dalton:''' Oh, I'm with you a hundred percent there, Red.
27th Jan '16 11:45:07 AM MHarrington
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* One episode has Mike trying to hide from someone he pissed off in prison who had just gotten released. He tries disguising himself as Red, but the guy sees through the disguise. Then he runs into the real Red, thinking he's Mike. Red hastily scrambles for his drivers license to prove his identity but can't find his wallet. The guy accepts this as proof that he isn't [[StickyFingers Mike]].
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* One episode has Mike trying to hide from someone he pissed off in prison who had just gotten released. He tries disguising himself as Red, but the guy sees through the disguise. Then he runs into the real Red, thinking he's Mike. Red hastily scrambles for his drivers license to prove his identity but can't find his wallet. The guy accepts this as proof that he isn't [[StickyFingers Mike]].Mike]]. -->'''Red:''' ''[[OnceAnEpisode (addressing his wife at the end)]]'' Watch out for some guy dressed like me. He's an ex-con, trying to sub in on my conjugal visits!
25th Jan '16 3:03:30 AM TheCuza
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And you catch your toe on a frozen weasel.
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And you catch your toe on a frozen weasel.weasel. * In one episode, the Lodge gets the contract to provide emergency vehicle services for the whole town. Red tells Harold that they plan to use Stinky Peterson's K-Car for a snowplow. -->'''Harold:''' A K-Car isn't strong enough to be a snowplow.\\ '''Red:''' No, we're going to use the K-Car as the ''blade''. * One episode has Mike trying to hide from someone he pissed off in prison who had just gotten released. He tries disguising himself as Red, but the guy sees through the disguise. Then he runs into the real Red, thinking he's Mike. Red hastily scrambles for his drivers license to prove his identity but can't find his wallet. The guy accepts this as proof that he isn't [[StickyFingers Mike]].
10th Jan '16 8:13:27 PM MHarrington
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'''Dalton:''' Red, try andhold it together. Hold it together.\\
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'''Dalton:''' Red, try andhold and hold it together. Hold it together.\\
5th Jan '16 6:27:41 PM MHarrington
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♪ I don't believing in dreaming your whole life away.\\
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♪ I don't believing believe in dreaming your whole life away.\\
5th Jan '16 6:23:17 PM MHarrington
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* There's also this one about a whisker on Red's nose (from "Sedgwick the Tenant"): --> ♪ '''Red:''' Oh, I have one whisker on the end of my nose,\\ ♪ And the more I shave it, the more it grows.\\ ♪ I waxed and stretched 'til it was 40 inches long,\\ ♪ And then it was hit by lightning and I was forced to rethink the whole project. ♪ * Here's one from an early episode of the show: --> ♪ '''Red:''' I'm not a malcontent in any way.\\ ♪ I don't believing in dreaming your whole life away.\\ ♪ But if I had one wish for the Good Lord to grant,\\ ♪ I'd wish to take a wet towel to a nudist camp.\\ ♪ Smack, smack, smack!\\ ♪ Oh, sorry, didn't see you there.\\ ♪ Drip, drip, drip!\\ ♪ They don't call it ice water for nothing.\\ ♪ Slap, floop, ah!\\ ♪ You don't have to spend money to have fun. ♪ ''(spoken, to Harold)'' That's a truism, Harold.\\ '''Harold:''' ''(giggling)'' [[HehHehYouSaidX You said "nudist".]]
3rd Jan '16 11:50:59 AM MHarrington
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'''Red:''' ''(on the verge of a meltdown)'' Two weeks? ''Without duct tape??''\\ '''Dalton:''' Red, hold it together. Hold it together.\\ '''Red:''' ''(screaming)'' ''HOLD IT TOGETHER WITH WHAT?!?!''
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'''Red:''' ''(on the verge of a meltdown)'' ''(holding up two shaking fingers)'' Two weeks? ''Without duct tape??''\\ '''Dalton:''' Red, hold try andhold it together. Hold it together.\\ '''Red:''' ''(screaming)'' ''HOLD IT TOGETHER WITH WHAT?!?!''WHAT?!?!?''
3rd Jan '16 11:45:09 AM MHarrington
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* On one episode, the Possum Lodge trades places with a community in Iowa. Turns out all of the Iowans are Expys of the Possum Lodge members. Cue Red meeting expys of Dalton, Winston and Mike... then ''himself'', prompting a little bit of anger.
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* On one episode, the Possum Lodge trades places with a community in Iowa. Turns out all of the Iowans are Expys of the Possum Lodge members. Cue Red meeting expys of Dalton, Edgar, Winston and Mike... then ''himself'', prompting a little bit of anger.

* In one episode, Red and Dalton both wrench their backs and go to a masseuse, who makes them both feel much better. Mike Hamar also goes there just because. At the end of the episode, Red and Dalton both discover that the masseuse is [[spoiler:really an undercover cop... a MALE undercover cop in drag, no less]], they are both {{Squick}}ed, but Mike seems fine. When he does his sign-off, Red tells his wife that if she is home, which he hopes for once she is not, he'll go home to bathe in boiling bleach, and adds, "And to the rest of you... sorry you watched!" At the lodge meeting, after they say, "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess," Red quickly adds, "But not ''that'' much!"
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* In one episode, Red and Dalton both wrench their backs and go to a masseuse, who makes them both feel much better. Mike Hamar also goes there just because. At the end of the episode, Red and Dalton both discover that the masseuse is [[spoiler:really an undercover cop... a MALE undercover cop in drag, no less]], they are both {{Squick}}ed, but Mike seems fine. When he does his sign-off, Red tells his wife that if she is home, which he hopes for once she is not, he'll go home to bathe in boiling bleach, and adds, "And to the rest of you... sorry you watched!" At the lodge meeting, after they say, "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess," Red quickly adds, "But not ''that'' much!"

That means winter will last for another 6 weeks\\
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That means winter will last for another 6 six weeks\\

* During the Red Green New Year's special, Red uses toaster elements to make a light-up New Year's Eve message. It reads, "TOAST YOURSELF AT NEW YEARS EVE". Unfortunately, most of the toaster elements short out, and the few remaining lit elements now read, "YOU F AT ARS E".
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* During the Red Green New Year's special, Red uses toaster elements to make a light-up New Year's Eve message. It reads, "TOAST YOURSELF AT NEW YEARS EVE". Unfortunately, most of the toaster elements short burn out, and the few remaining lit elements now read, "YOU F AT ARS E".
2nd Jan '16 12:23:48 PM MHarrington
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* In another episode, Red tries to get Dougie to guess the word "manners": -->'''Red:''' When someone belches at the table, that's a sign of bad...\\ '''Dougie:''' ...burritos.\\ '''Red:''' When you belch at the table, your mom says, "Mind your..."\\ '''Dougie:''' "...spray."
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