History Funny / TheExpendables

16th Nov '15 5:55:04 AM erforce
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As befits a {{Homage}} to old-school '80s action movies, TheExpendables comes loaded with six barrels of awesome, belt-fed with 1 round of funny every 10 links.

to:

As befits a {{Homage}} to old-school '80s action movies, TheExpendables ''The Expendables'' comes loaded with six barrels of awesome, belt-fed with 1 round of funny every 10 links.
3rd Nov '15 9:42:36 PM maxwellsilver
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* The [[HilariousOuttakes Gag Reel]]. [[RunningGag Bruce Willis can't remember the name of the island, and Stallone can't hang up his damned gun belt.]]

to:

* The [[HilariousOuttakes Gag Reel]]. [[RunningGag Bruce Willis can't remember the name of the island, and Stallone can't hang up his damned gun belt.]]
1st Nov '15 6:59:02 AM Morgenthaler
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[[AC:The Second]]
* From the second film:
** One of the things Gunnar does while travelling with [[ActionGirl CIA Agent Maggie Chan]] is to try to get her attention. Her capping off his efforts with an eyeroll [[EpicFail is priceless]].
** Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Smart Car. "My shoe is bigger than this car!"
*** He also accidentally rips off the door when trying to open it. Church, not to be outdone, does the same to ''the other'' door.
** The [[MemeticMutation Chuck Norris fact]] that was worked in to Chuck's introduction scene:
-->'''Barney''': I heard you once got bitten by a king cobra.
-->'''Booker''': Yeah, and after five days of ''agonizing'' pain... ''(DramaticPause)'' ...the cobra died.
** A hilarious moment of BlackComedy when the last Sang soldier in the village runs up to [[TooDumbToLive all of the Expendables at once]], and they [[NoKillLikeOverkill open fire on him]]. Barney sums it up: [[BondOneLiner "Rest in pieces!"]]
** [[KnifeNut Lee]] disguised as a priest as mooks close in. The camera pans so his face can be seen in the hood, and he tells the unsuspecting mooks "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and knife."
** Gunnar telling the team that he wishes his last meal to be the [[ForeignQueasine Swedish specialty seal meat and whale ass...]]
** [[GeniusBruiser Gunnar's]] failed attempt at an improvised phosphate rock bomb.
--> '''Maggie:''' Don't cry.
--> '''Ross:''' You almost had an idea.
** Also, the dialogue leading to it:
--> '''Christmas''': (looking at Gunnar checking out the cave wall) What do you think he's doing?
--> '''Ross''': I dunno...making a bomb? Whay don't you go ask him?
--> '''Christmas''': Hey, Gunnar, what are you doing?
--> '''Gunnar''': Making a bomb! What does it look like?!
*** This also serves as a throwback to the first movie when he was preparing to hang one of the pirates with basically the exact same dialogue.
** The exchange between Ross and Christmas concerning how big the {{Mook}} is, their backs turned to him the whole time.
--> '''Christmas:''' He's ''big''.
--> '''Ross:''' ...So?
--> '''Christmas:''' Just ''sayin'....''
* Most of their off-mission dialogues are pretty funny.
* Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger swapping catch-phrases during the final fight.
--> '''Trench''': I'm almost out. [[TheTerminator I'll be back!]]
--> '''Church''': You've been back enough. ''I'll'' be back!
--> '''Trench''': [[Franchise/DieHard Yippie-Ki-Yay...]]
--> ''(Booker comes in laying down cover fire...)''
--> '''Trench''': ''"Who's next, {{Rambo}}?"''
** Becomes more HilariousInHindsight (or [[HarsherInHindsight Harsher, depending on your opinion]]) when Bruce Willis refused to join Expendables 3, [[spoiler: which featured THIS burning TakeThat:]]
--> [[spoiler: '''[[HarrisonFord Max Drummer]]:''' "(Church) is... out of the picture!"]]
* This exchange in the sequel during the team's stop at a small village:
-->'''Hale''': Even you two rejects could get lucky around here.
-->'''Gunnar''': You think?
-->'''Toll''': I doubt it.
-->'''Barney''': You mind?
-->''(Mild pause)''
-->'''Villager''': Who you are?
-->'''Barney''': We're Americans.
-->'''Lee''': Since when?
-->'''Gunnar''': Swedish.
-->'''Hale''': Blackfoot.
-->'''Maggie''': Chinese.
-->'''Toll''': ''(Annoyed)'' Retards...
-->'''Barney''': ''(To Toll)'' You done?
* Church's token of gratitude to the team is a new plane... ''new plane'' meaning "rusty, beat-up An-2 biplane."
-->'''Barney:''' That thing belongs in a museum.
-->'''Trench:''' We ''all'' do...
** Made even funnier with Creator/HarrisonFord (who uttered the first phrase -- and was told the second phrase -- [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTHeLastCrusade twenty years earlier]]) appearing in the sequel.

[[AC:...and the Third]]
* Drummer treats Lee's talk as gibberish as if he was talking in a foreign language.
* Practically ''every single scene'' with Creator/AntonioBanderas is this - especially when he propositions Luna...during the climax:
-->'''Galgo''': Your name is Luna, right? Luna means, uh, moon. Hypnotic, mysterious, much like yourself. Would you like to hold...[[GettingCrapPastTheRadar my gun?]]
** And this scene. God, this scene.
--->'''Galgo''': ''(marching, Seville's Holy Week-style)'' "Soy el nooooovio de la muerteeeee..." ''(stops marching)'' "I'm bridegroom of Death". Those are the lyrics of a Spanish Legion song we use to sing when we were in a mission in Croatia. ''(cuts to bombastic war anecdotes)''
--->''(Working on the plane's engine, Barney looks completely uninterested)''
** Don't forget...
--->'''Galgo''': Who the hell are you?
--->'''Trench''': I'm the guy who just saved your ass.
--->'''Galgo''': Ay! ''(nervously mumbling)'' Me cago en mis muelas, casi me confundo y le pego un tiro a quien no se lo tengo que pegar. [[note]]Traduction: "Fuck my teeth, I just almost got wrong and shot who I must not shoot."[[/note]]
--->''(Trench looks freaked out)''
** When Galgo is turned down at first for Ross' new team.
--->'''Galgo:''' I needed a job! All I wanted to do is kill people! And I do that ''very well!'' Goddammit!
* When Trench comes to rescue the rest of the team:
-->'''Trench''': Good Morning! [[Film/{{Predator}} LET'S GET TO DA CHOPPAH!]]
* Barney also gets a brilliant reference when he [[spoiler: finishes off Conrad]]:
-->'''[[spoiler: Conrad]]''': What about the Hague, eh?
-->'''Barney''': ''(shoots him in the head)'' [[Film/JudgeDredd I am the Hague.]]
* Barney making an (un?)intentional ''Manga/{{Golgo 13}}'' reference when he mispronounces Galgo's name.
-->'''Galgo''': Golgo sounds like a Parisian hooker.

to:

[[AC:The Second]]
* From the second film:
** One of the things Gunnar does while travelling with [[ActionGirl CIA Agent Maggie Chan]] is to try to get her attention. Her capping off his efforts with an eyeroll [[EpicFail is priceless]].
** Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Smart Car. "My shoe is bigger than this car!"
*** He also accidentally rips off the door when trying to open it. Church, not to be outdone, does the same to ''the other'' door.
** The [[MemeticMutation Chuck Norris fact]] that was worked in to Chuck's introduction scene:
-->'''Barney''': I heard you once got bitten by a king cobra.
-->'''Booker''': Yeah, and after five days of ''agonizing'' pain... ''(DramaticPause)'' ...the cobra died.
** A hilarious moment of BlackComedy when the last Sang soldier in the village runs up to [[TooDumbToLive all of the Expendables at once]], and they [[NoKillLikeOverkill open fire on him]]. Barney sums it up: [[BondOneLiner "Rest in pieces!"]]
** [[KnifeNut Lee]] disguised as a priest as mooks close in. The camera pans so his face can be seen in the hood, and he tells the unsuspecting mooks "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and knife."
** Gunnar telling the team that he wishes his last meal to be the [[ForeignQueasine Swedish specialty seal meat and whale ass...]]
** [[GeniusBruiser Gunnar's]] failed attempt at an improvised phosphate rock bomb.
--> '''Maggie:''' Don't cry.
--> '''Ross:''' You almost had an idea.
** Also, the dialogue leading to it:
--> '''Christmas''': (looking at Gunnar checking out the cave wall) What do you think he's doing?
--> '''Ross''': I dunno...making a bomb? Whay don't you go ask him?
--> '''Christmas''': Hey, Gunnar, what are you doing?
--> '''Gunnar''': Making a bomb! What does it look like?!
*** This also serves as a throwback to the first movie when he was preparing to hang one of the pirates with basically the exact same dialogue.
** The exchange between Ross and Christmas concerning how big the {{Mook}} is, their backs turned to him the whole time.
--> '''Christmas:''' He's ''big''.
--> '''Ross:''' ...So?
--> '''Christmas:''' Just ''sayin'....''
* Most of their off-mission dialogues are pretty funny.
* Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger swapping catch-phrases during the final fight.
--> '''Trench''': I'm almost out. [[TheTerminator I'll be back!]]
--> '''Church''': You've been back enough. ''I'll'' be back!
--> '''Trench''': [[Franchise/DieHard Yippie-Ki-Yay...]]
--> ''(Booker comes in laying down cover fire...)''
--> '''Trench''': ''"Who's next, {{Rambo}}?"''
** Becomes more HilariousInHindsight (or [[HarsherInHindsight Harsher, depending on your opinion]]) when Bruce Willis refused to join Expendables 3, [[spoiler: which featured THIS burning TakeThat:]]
--> [[spoiler: '''[[HarrisonFord Max Drummer]]:''' "(Church) is... out of the picture!"]]
* This exchange in the sequel during the team's stop at a small village:
-->'''Hale''': Even you two rejects could get lucky around here.
-->'''Gunnar''': You think?
-->'''Toll''': I doubt it.
-->'''Barney''': You mind?
-->''(Mild pause)''
-->'''Villager''': Who you are?
-->'''Barney''': We're Americans.
-->'''Lee''': Since when?
-->'''Gunnar''': Swedish.
-->'''Hale''': Blackfoot.
-->'''Maggie''': Chinese.
-->'''Toll''': ''(Annoyed)'' Retards...
-->'''Barney''': ''(To Toll)'' You done?
* Church's token of gratitude to the team is a new plane... ''new plane'' meaning "rusty, beat-up An-2 biplane."
-->'''Barney:''' That thing belongs in a museum.
-->'''Trench:''' We ''all'' do...
** Made even funnier with Creator/HarrisonFord (who uttered the first phrase -- and was told the second phrase -- [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTHeLastCrusade twenty years earlier]]) appearing in the sequel.

[[AC:...and the Third]]
* Drummer treats Lee's talk as gibberish as if he was talking in a foreign language.
* Practically ''every single scene'' with Creator/AntonioBanderas is this - especially when he propositions Luna...during the climax:
-->'''Galgo''': Your name is Luna, right? Luna means, uh, moon. Hypnotic, mysterious, much like yourself. Would you like to hold...[[GettingCrapPastTheRadar my gun?]]
** And this scene. God, this scene.
--->'''Galgo''': ''(marching, Seville's Holy Week-style)'' "Soy el nooooovio de la muerteeeee..." ''(stops marching)'' "I'm bridegroom of Death". Those are the lyrics of a Spanish Legion song we use to sing when we were in a mission in Croatia. ''(cuts to bombastic war anecdotes)''
--->''(Working on the plane's engine, Barney looks completely uninterested)''
** Don't forget...
--->'''Galgo''': Who the hell are you?
--->'''Trench''': I'm the guy who just saved your ass.
--->'''Galgo''': Ay! ''(nervously mumbling)'' Me cago en mis muelas, casi me confundo y le pego un tiro a quien no se lo tengo que pegar. [[note]]Traduction: "Fuck my teeth, I just almost got wrong and shot who I must not shoot."[[/note]]
--->''(Trench looks freaked out)''
** When Galgo is turned down at first for Ross' new team.
--->'''Galgo:''' I needed a job! All I wanted to do is kill people! And I do that ''very well!'' Goddammit!
* When Trench comes to rescue the rest of the team:
-->'''Trench''': Good Morning! [[Film/{{Predator}} LET'S GET TO DA CHOPPAH!]]
* Barney also gets a brilliant reference when he [[spoiler: finishes off Conrad]]:
-->'''[[spoiler: Conrad]]''': What about the Hague, eh?
-->'''Barney''': ''(shoots him in the head)'' [[Film/JudgeDredd I am the Hague.]]
* Barney making an (un?)intentional ''Manga/{{Golgo 13}}'' reference when he mispronounces Galgo's name.
-->'''Galgo''': Golgo sounds like a Parisian hooker.
----
18th Oct '15 9:21:10 AM LordAaronus
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Added DiffLines:

[[AC:The First Movie]]


Added DiffLines:


[[AC:The Second]]


Added DiffLines:


[[AC:...and the Third]]
3rd Oct '15 2:58:06 PM maxwellsilver
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** Made even funnier with Creator/HarrisonFord (who uttered the first phrase -- and was told the second phrase -- [[Film/IndianaJonesAndTHeLastCrusade twenty years earlier]]) appearing in the sequel.



* Practically ''every single scene'' with AntonioBanderas is this - especially when he propositions Luna...during the climax:

to:

* Practically ''every single scene'' with AntonioBanderas Creator/AntonioBanderas is this - especially when he propositions Luna...during the climax:
3rd Oct '15 2:53:17 PM maxwellsilver
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--->'''Galgo:''' All I know is how to kill people!

to:

--->'''Galgo:''' I needed a job! All I know wanted to do is how to kill people!people! And I do that ''very well!'' Goddammit!
18th Sep '15 12:29:58 PM maxwellsilver
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* And this scene. God, this scene.
-->'''Galgo''': ''(marching, Seville's Holy Week-style)'' "Soy el nooooovio de la muerteeeee..." ''(stops marching)'' "I'm bridegroom of Death". Those are the lyrics of a Spanish Legion song we use to sing when we were in a mission in Croatia. ''(cuts to bombastic war anecdotes)''
-->''(Working on the plane's engine, Barney looks completely uninterested)''
* Don't forget...
-->'''Galgo''': Who the hell are you?
-->'''Trench''': I'm the guy who just saved your ass.
-->'''Galgo''': Ay! ''(nervously mumbling)'' Me cago en mis muelas, casi me confundo y le pego un tiro a quien no se lo tengo que pegar. [[note]]Traduction: "Fuck my teeth, I just almost got wrong and shot who I must not shoot."[[/note]]
-->''(Trench looks freaked out)''

to:

* ** And this scene. God, this scene.
-->'''Galgo''': --->'''Galgo''': ''(marching, Seville's Holy Week-style)'' "Soy el nooooovio de la muerteeeee..." ''(stops marching)'' "I'm bridegroom of Death". Those are the lyrics of a Spanish Legion song we use to sing when we were in a mission in Croatia. ''(cuts to bombastic war anecdotes)''
-->''(Working --->''(Working on the plane's engine, Barney looks completely uninterested)''
* ** Don't forget...
-->'''Galgo''': --->'''Galgo''': Who the hell are you?
-->'''Trench''': --->'''Trench''': I'm the guy who just saved your ass.
-->'''Galgo''': --->'''Galgo''': Ay! ''(nervously mumbling)'' Me cago en mis muelas, casi me confundo y le pego un tiro a quien no se lo tengo que pegar. [[note]]Traduction: "Fuck my teeth, I just almost got wrong and shot who I must not shoot."[[/note]]
-->''(Trench --->''(Trench looks freaked out)''out)''
** When Galgo is turned down at first for Ross' new team.
--->'''Galgo:''' All I know is how to kill people!
23rd Aug '15 7:48:38 PM xxbiasonxxx
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* Barney making an (un?)intentional ''Manga/{{Golgo 13}} reference when he mispronounces Galgo's name.

to:

* Barney making an (un?)intentional ''Manga/{{Golgo 13}} 13}}'' reference when he mispronounces Galgo's name.
23rd Aug '15 7:29:18 PM xxbiasonxxx
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-->'''Barney''': ''(shoots him in the head)'' [[Film/JudgeDredd I am the Hague.]]

to:

-->'''Barney''': ''(shoots him in the head)'' [[Film/JudgeDredd I am the Hague.]]]]
* Barney making an (un?)intentional ''Manga/{{Golgo 13}} reference when he mispronounces Galgo's name.
-->'''Galgo''': Golgo sounds like a Parisian hooker.
22nd Aug '15 9:22:47 AM CelPrevXXVI
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-->'''Trench''': I'm the guy in charge of this operation.

to:

-->'''Trench''': I'm the guy in charge of this operation.who just saved your ass.



-->'''Trench''': Morning! [[Film/{{Predator}} GET TO DA CHOPPAH!]]

to:

-->'''Trench''': Good Morning! [[Film/{{Predator}} LET'S GET TO DA CHOPPAH!]]
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.TheExpendables