History Funny / TheDarkID

** The fight against [[http://lparchive.org/Resident-Evil-4-%28Screenshot%29/Update%2029/ the Verdugo]] is turned into a grudge match between Leon and his half-brother Todd (Yes, a monster happens to be Leon's half-bro), and ends with an out-of-nowhere interlude where Bitores Mendez welcomes the Verdugo to "Second-Banana Heaven".
** Leon vs Mendez. Starts with a dance-off in which Leon cleans Mendez' clock, then Mendez gets angry and lashes out at Leon who promptly kicks over a drum of MountainDew and shoots it, igniting it. It then becomes a showdown between Packers fan Mendez and Bears fan Leon.

** The fight against [[http://lparchive.org/Resident-Evil-4-%28Screenshot%29/Update%2029/ the Verdugo]] is turned into a grudge match between Leon and his brother Todd, and ends with an out-of-nowhere interlude where Bitores Mendez welcomes the Verdugo to "Second-Banana Heaven".

--->R.P.D.S FINEST DEFUSE HOSTAGE SITUATION WITH GRENADE LAUNCERS. FIFTEEN DEAD.

** The near entirety of his ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil0'' LP, which gives us gems as Billy "[[VerbalTic FUCKING]]" Coen being an incredible JerkAss (and Jewish), the T-001 Tyrant being a mad drunkard, and Rebecca paying back Billy's cruelty at the end by shooting him in the head. The crowning moment of hilarity comes when, while reading James Marcus' diary expressing his adoration for his prized leeches, Dark Id comes to a horrifying conclusion. [[VerbalTic Leeches!]]

-->Braska: ...

--->Alright, when you've created a monster who's base instinct is ''incest'', it's time to go right the fuck back to the drawing board.

---> The Dark Id: It's going to take a godawful amount of retcons to answer that question...

-->'''Nosferatu[[spoiler:Alexander]]''': One moment, please, madam. *dons a monocle*

-->'''Nosferatu[[spoiler:Alexander]]''': [[Film/CitizenKane Rosebud...]]

--->'''Caim:'' '...

* While ''VideoGame/{{Drakengard}} 2'' is mostly pain and suffering and Nowe being an idiot, [[RogueProtagonist Caim]] finally gets his due in the WhereAreTheyNow epilogue:

'''Caim:''' Dragon, we've been over this. First of all...come on... If there's one thing I have a goddamn encyclopedic knowledge about, it is death.\\

** The climax of the ''Resident Evil'' (1) LP Tyrant-Billy has Chris and the others on the ropes. Brad drops down a boombox leading to a brief screenshot-music-video thing to the tune of "[[Music/TheRollingStones Paint It, Black]]". Then Brad drops down the rocket launcher realising his mistake. Of course it turns out Tyrant-Billy's having trouble adjusting to his new body. and then...

-->'''Chris''': Hey! Fuck you...Billy...'''FUCKING'''...COEN!

** His sudden comparison of the NitroExpress part in the laboratory to a similar part in ''VideoGame/{{Castlevania64}}'' which becomes a tale of a time paradox:
-->Before I begin my description of the following events, are you all familiar with ''VideoGame/{{Castlevania64}}''? The black sheep first 3D installment of a rather mediocre line of 3D entries into the Castlevania series. This title had a laundry list of problems going for it, but I found it to be somewhat enjoyable. That is, except for one portion midway through. At the "Castle Center" area of the game, the player is tasked with recovering some "Magical Nitro" to blow up a wall or something of that nature. The catch? You have to transport it clear across the area. The bigger catch? If you jump, fall down anything larger than a step, or get hit by an enemy, the nitro would explode and you would die instantly. So, there was of course moving platforms, unguarded rails, turning gears, a load of enemies and other hazards designed to blow your character's ass to vampire slaying heaven. This section was so ill designed that not only was the entire development staffed [sic] shunned from society, but the effects of its shittiness traveled down the family line [[DrivenToSuicide causing a mass of seppuku]] among developers' ancestors several generations back in time. [[TimeParadox Of course, with their ancestor's death, the development staff never existed to design the stage in the first place, thus ripping a hole in the space/time continuum.]] Though the universe has a way of sorting itself out and ''[[VideoGame/{{Castlevania64}} Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness]]'' sprung into existence. This would still give a valid excuse for the developer's ancestors to kill themselves, but still have the existence of a subpar Castlevania spin-off in the future. The ''Castlevania 64'' we all know today was a product of time ninja meddling. Thus balance was restored.

** In-game during the REmake, Jill asks Wesker what he's planning. Id's response?

** The epic but ridiculous battle in the center of what maybe either Chris's mind or time and space itself between him and the vengeful Billy "[[VerbalTic FUCKING]]" Coen. To wit: LetsPlay/TheDarkId shows Ghost!Billy possessing a Hunter and killing poor Rebecca as revenge for killing him at the end of Zero (ItMakesSenseInContext) and Chris kills him in retaliation. After that, things get weird as during the ''Resident Evil 2'' LP, Rebecca was supposed to repair Todd Kennedy's window. The result is a TimeParadox of mad proportions resulting in Chris ending up in Sprite style and being menaced by Billy possessing a bird and trying to rip his eyes out. THEN they have a battle in the style of ''[[VideoGame/SoulSeries Soul Calibur 3]]'', custom characters and all with Chris wielding a simple knife and Billy armed with a giant fuck-off zweihänder. THEN it becomes a brief battle film as done in ''VideoGame/TheMovies'' with Chris winning a knife fight by pulling out his shotgun and plugging Billy right in the chest. THEN it comes to a head when various members of the STARS team from beyond the grave (From various ''Resident Evil'' comic panels) attempt to encourage Chris to fight back. After that he ends up rescuing Rebecca. TWICE for good measure (One in PSX style, the other in the remake) And it is so ridiculous as to be the funniest thing an LP of ''Resident Evil'' can be.

-->Before I begin my description of the following events, are you all familiar with ''VideoGame/{{Castlevania64}}''? The black sheep first 3D installment of a rather mediocre line of 3D entries into the Castlevania series. This title had a laundry list of problems going for it, but I found it to be somewhat enjoyable. That is, except for one portion midway through. At the "Castle Center" area of the game, the player is tasked with recovering some "Magical Nitro" to blow up a wall or something of that nature. The catch? You have to transport it clear across the area. The bigger catch? If you jump, fall down anything larger than a step, or get hit by an enemy, the nitro would explode and you would die instantly. So, there was of course moving platforms, unguarded rails, turning gears, a load of enemies and other hazards designed to blow your character's ass to vampire slaying heaven. This section was so ill designed that not only was the entire development staffed shunned from society, but the effects of its shittiness traveled down the family line [[DrivenToSuicide causing a mass of seppuku]] among developers' ancestors several generations back in time. [[TimeParadox Of course, with their ancestor's death, the development staff never existed to design the stage in the first place, thus ripping a hole in the space/time continuum.]] Though the universe has a way of sorting itself out and ''[[VideoGame/{{Castlevania64}} Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness]]'' sprung into existence. This would still give a valid excuse for the developer's ancestors to kill themselves, but still have the existence of a subpar Castlevania spin-off in the future. The ''Castlevania 64'' we all know today was a product of time ninja meddling. Thus balance was restored.
** The near entirety of his ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil0'' LP, which gives us gems as Billy "[[VerbalTic FUCKING]]" Coen being an incredible JerkAss (And Jewish) the T-001 Tyrant being a mad drunkard and Rebecca paying back Billy's cruelty at the end by shooting him in the head. The crowning moment of hilarity comes when, while reading James Marcus' diary expressing his adoration for his prized leeches, Dark Id comes to a horrifying conclusion. [[VerbalTic Leeches!]].

* ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil2'' has the first few instances of Señor X...wearing a sombrero and sporting a moustache. Leon takes him down and tries on his hat before discarding it because it doesn't suit him. What Señor X says as his first line sets the tone for what LetsPlay/TheDarkId has in mind for him:

** When rescuing [[DamselScrappy Seere]] from the Coliseum
--->'''Caim:'''...
--->'''Goblin:'''...?
--->'''Caim:'''...

* ''[[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/ClockTower3/Update%203/index.html Clock Tower 3]]'': The entirety of the ''Dark Gentlemen Collection: Whimsical Children's Bedtime Poems''
*** In chapter 27, on the issue of imprisoning people in a kitchen:

** The ShowWithinAShow MST of [[ResidentEvilGunSurvivor Survivor]] courtesy of Claire, Steve, Alfred controlling their cargo plane via remote control and said plane having cable TV installed.

* [[FinalFantasyX Tidus's]] reaction to the first time he sees Maester Seymour.

-->'''Gazel Minister #8''': [[MemeticMutation Ohmigod. JC. A bomb.]]

* ''VideoGame//{{Drakengard}}'' has a few:

** The climax of the ''Resident Evil'' (1) LP Tyrant-Billy has Chris and the others on the ropes. Brad drops down a boombox leading to a brief screenshot-music-video thing to the tune of "[[Music/RollingStones Paint It, Black]]". Then Brad drops down the rocket launcher realising his mistake. Of course it turns out Tyrant-Billy's having trouble adjusting to his new body. and then...

* The whole ''ResidentEvil'' series. All of them belong here. ESPECIALLY [=RE4=].

--->'''TheDarkId:''' Now, it's a bit far fetched that you'd find sharks in the middle of a mid-western wooded mountain. But, it's Umbrella and I can see them importing that shit here. What I cannot fathom is the need for ''zombie sharks''. Look at [[http://lparchive.org/Resident-Evil-1/Update%2031/22-Great-white-shark_8.jpg this fucking thing]]. This creature does not, in any way, need the 'undead' attribute under its belt. What is it going to do? Spread the virus to the hand it left behind because it fucking ''ate'' everything else in one chomp? The fruits of the T-Virus labor here seem to be, surprise, making a really big ass shark. Now at least if James fucking Bond is trying to sneak into one of Umbrella's secret underwater bases, they've got that covered. Assuming they could control the sharks, which they cannot, and we assume the shark would not eat James Bond otherwise, which it would. In what other instance will a shark be any remote use for a biological weapon? This isn't like the usual 'whoops, we had an accident' monster creations. Umbrella actually built a multi-million dollar underground "Aqua Ring" to culture shark bio weapons to sell to the highest bidder. Which brings us back to James Bond. Since who in the fuck else but Bond Villains would be in the market for gigantic fucking zombie sharks? Even then, you know they're just going to be stuck into a pit while Bond and the secretary he's fucking that week is lowered slowly into said pit! In summary, zombie sharks are fucking retarded, even for Umbrella standards. Thank you for your time.
** The epic but ridiculous battle in the center of what maybe either Chris's mind or time and space itself between him and the vengeful Billy "[[VerbalTic FUCKING]]" Coen. To wit: TheDarkId shows Ghost!Billy possessing a Hunter and killing poor Rebecca as revenge for killing him at the end of Zero (ItMakesSenseInContext) and Chris kills him in retaliation. After that, things get weird as during the RE2 LP, Rebecca was supposed to repair Todd Kennedy's window. The result is a TimeParadox of mad proportions resulting in Chris ending up in Sprite style and being menaced by Billy possessing a bird and trying to rip his eyes out. THEN they have a battle in the style of SoulCalibur 3, custom characters and all with chris wielding a simple knife and Billy armed with a giant fuck-off zweihander. THEN it becomes a brief battle film as done in TheMovies with Chris winning a knife fight by pulling out his shotgun and plugging Billy right in the chest. THEN it comes to a head when various members of the STARS team from beyond the grave (From various Resident Evil comic panels) attempt to encourage Chris to fight back. After that he ends up rescuing Rebecca. TWICE for good measure (One in PSX style, the other in the remake) And it is so ridiculous as to be the funniest thing an LP of Resident Evil can be.
** The earlier acid trip Chris has after getting poisoned by Yawn, done like a TextAdventure game, complete with a cameo from the very posh [[ResidentEvil4 El Gigante]] and [[ResidentEvil2 Claire]]. It comes out of nowhere and makes for a surprisingly chortlesome sequence.
** The climax of the RE1 LP Tyrant-Billy has Chris and the others on the ropes. Brad drops down a boombox leading to a brief screenshot-music-video thing to the tune of "[[RollingStones Paint It, Black]]". Then Brad drops down the rocket launcher realising his mistake. Of course it turns out Tyrant-Billy's having trouble adjusting to his new body. and then...
-->'''[[MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail God]]''': '''COEN!! WILLIAM LESTER COEN!! THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!'''

** His sudden comparison of the NitroExpress part in the laboratory to a similar part in [[{{Castlevania64}} Castlevania 64]] which becomes a tale of a time paradox:
-->Before I begin my description of the following events, are you all familiar with [[{{Castlevania64}} Castlevania 64]]? The black sheep first 3D installment of a rather mediocre line of 3D entries into the Castlevania series. This title had a laundry list of problems going for it, but I found it to be somewhat enjoyable. That is, except for one portion midway through. At the "Castle Center" area of the game, the player is tasked with recovering some "Magical Nitro" to blow up a wall or something of that nature. The catch? You have to transport it clear across the area. The bigger catch? If you jump, fall down anything larger than a step, or get hit by an enemy, the nitro would explode and you would die instantly. So, there was of course moving platforms, unguarded rails, turning gears, a load of enemies and other hazards designed to blow your character's ass to vampire slaying heaven. This section was so ill designed that not only was the entire development staffed shunned from society, but the effects of its shittiness traveled down the family line [[DrivenToSuicide causing a mass of seppuku]] among developers' ancestors several generations back in time. [[TimeParadox Of course, with their ancestor's death, the development staff never existed to design the stage in the first place, thus ripping a hole in the space/time continuum.]] Though the universe has a way of sorting itself out and [[CastlevaniaLegacyOfDarkness Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness]] sprung into existence. This would still give a valid excuse for the developer's ancestors to kill themselves, but still have the existence of a subpar Castlevania spin-off in the future. The Castlevania 64 we all know today was a product of time ninja meddling. Thus balance was restored.
** The near entierty of his ''ResidentEvilZero'' LP, which gives us gems as Billy "[[VerbalTic FUCKING]]" Coen being an incredible JerkAss (And Jewish) the T-001 Tyrant being a mad drunkard and Rebecca paying back Billy's cruelty at the end by shooting him in the head. The crowning moment of hilarity comes when, while reading James Marcus' diary expressing his adoration for his prized leeches, DarkId comes to a horrifying conclusion. [[VerbalTic Leeches!]].
--->'''TheDarkId''': ALERT: DR. MARCUS IS [[PerverseSexualLust FUCKING LEECHES!]] I REPEAT: DR. JAMES MARCUS IS [[{{Squick}} GOING DOWN ON LEECHES!]]
*** Billy comes back in the REmake LP as a ghost merely antagonising Rebecca and Chris before moving on to full blown villainy when he gets Richard Aiken killed and possesses various creatures in an attempt to kill the heroes.
** A combination of both a CMOF and CMOA came during the LP of ''Resident Evil 4'' during [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/RE4/chapter32.html Episode 32]], especially when Leon [[ShutUpHannibal stabbed Salazar in the hand]]. '''ICE BURN!'''

** One of the twin El Gigantes [[{{Terminator}} giving a thumbs up as it sinks into molten metal.]] The fact that they're both in what seems to be a gay BDSM relationship is icing on the cake.

* Id's reaction to an electricity based puzzle in an industrial section of Raccoon City in Resident Evil 3:
--->'''TheDarkId''': Right...so these are unlocked by ''fucking with the city's power grid.''

* ResidentEvil2 has the first few instances of Senor X...wearing a sombrero and sporting a moustache. Leon takes him down and tries on his hat before discarding it because it doesn't suit him. What Senor X says as his first line sets the tone for what TheDarkId has in mind for him:
-->'''Senor X''': *[[ThereWasADoor Bursts through a wall]]*
-->'''Senor X''': ?Donde esta mi sombrero?
** [[JumpScare His sudden appearence on a security monitor]] turns into this as he's still looking for his hat, and Leon was just looking for something to watch:
-->'''Senor X''': Oficial de policia, yo necesito mi sombrero.

** And their final battle with the now mutated Senor X having one last pop at Leon. Oh yeah, and he's wearing a sombrero again. MADE OF FIRE.
-->'''Senor X''': Si, senor. Its a boss fight, ese.

-->'''Senor X''': Its called English, idiota.
** And the resulting exchange not a minute later with Senor X losing his patience and Leon finally admitting the truth:
-->'''Senor X''': Your discrimination over de country of my origin is most disrespectful, mah. At least I can hold a job. What are you doing, eh? Lost your job on your first day? Itz pathetic, ese. What kinda cop are you?

-->'''Senor X''': Man, [[TooMuchInformation too much information...]]
* Code Veronica: Claire's "fight" with Nosferatu/[[spoiler:Alexander Ashford]]. Said monster dons a top hat and a monocle and has swatted Steve aside. And then...

-->'''Nosferatu[[spoiler:Alexander]]''': [[CitizenKane Rosebud...]]

* [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/OnimushaWarlords/Update%2019/index.html Onimusha Warlords]]:

* [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/ClockTower3/Update%203/index.html Clock Tower 3]]: The entirety of the ''Dark Gentlemen Collection: Whimsical Children's Bedtime Poems''

* [[http://lparchive.org/Final-Fantasy-VII-Dirge-of-Cerberus/Update%2002/ Dirge of Cerberus]] gives us this gem.

* ''Main/{{Drakengard}}'' has a few:

** After [[TheScrappy Verdelet]] gives another unwarrented CaptainObvious comment:

--->'''Dragon:''' What, Caim? Not going to quote [[HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse He-Man]] now?

--->'''Caim:''' {{Thundercats}}! '''HOOOOOOOO!'''

* While ''{{Drakengard}} 2'' is mostly pain and suffering and Nowe being an idiot, [[RogueProtagonist Caim]] finally gets his due in the WhereAreTheyNow epilogue:

'''Caim:''' And also...a KILLED the '''grim reaper'''! I killed DEATH, dragon. I topped out. I don't want the new guy to be some pussy that dies in like a month after some [[{{Castlevania}} jackass with a whip]] comes along and slaps him around a few times. Nah. Goddamn Caim was the only one to kill someone so hard that it killed Death and it's gonna stay that way for a very long time.\\

** Caim's first proper cutscene appearence gets this brilliant gem:

* LimboOfTheLost. His reaction to Cranny Faggot's name.
-->'''TheDarkId''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis CRANNY. FAGGOT.]] As silly as a name Spooner may be, you have shit, good captain, on a name like Cranny Faggot. Indeed, I'd be hard pressed to find any character with a more absurd name than Cranny Faggot. Hell, I just played a game with a man named "[[MetalGearSolidPeaceWalker Hot Coldman]]" and it might as well be JohnSmith in comparison.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d1mFfFxiVw This]] video of ''NIER'' gameplay. In case you're wondering, that's a ''boar'' he's riding...

** "[[TheBible Father, forgive them for they know not what they]] [[VerbalTic chu]]."

** Also from the VideoGame/{{Xenogears}} LP, the very first post holds some great lines:

** [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%2054/ The Gazel Ministry]] manage to make even [[VillainsOutShopping playing]] ''DeusExHumanRevolution'' utterly obtuse:

-->'''Gazel Minister #6''': Nay. The unclean -Lambs- [[DeusExInvisibleWar Invisible War]] heresy is buried and forgotten.

-->'''TheDarkId''': [[ThisIsSPARTA CRANNY. FAGGOT.]] As silly as a name Spooner may be, you have shit, good captain, on a name like Cranny Faggot. Indeed, I'd be hard pressed to find any character with a more absurd name than Cranny Faggot. Hell, I just played a game with a man named "[[MetalGearSolidPeaceWalker Hot Coldman]]" and it might as well be JohnSmith in comparison.

-->'''God''': '''[[SmithWillSuffice I'LL DO NO SUCH THING!]]'''

** Any time the tldr recaps make fun of the use of proper nouns without context, but especially
--->G. Min.: [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%20112/ No, fuck YOU dad! We're using the Proper Noun!]]
--->Cain: Me and my flatscreen TV laser says otherwise

-->'''Gazel Minister #6''': Nay. The unclean -Lambs- [[DeusExInvisibleWar InvisibleWar]] heresy is buried and forgotten.

** [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%2054/ The Gazel Ministry]] manage to make even [[VillainsOutShopping playing]] ''DeusExHumanRevolution'' sound obtuse:

-->'''Gazel Minister #6''': Nay. The unclean -Lambs- InvisibleWar heresy is buried and forgotten.

** [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%2054/ The Gazel Ministry]] [[VillainsOutShopping play]] ''DeusExHumanRevolution'':
-->"Purchase the cloaking upgrade."
-->"We do not have enough points to purchase the upgrade."
-->"-He- would have had enough points to activate cloaking."
-->"[[MemeticMutation I didn't ask for this.]]"
-->"It is just as it was 6 years ago."
-->"Nay. The unclean -Lambs- InvisibleWar heresy is buried and forgotten."
-->"That does not rule out the possibility he planned it this way intentionally."
-->"[[MemeticMutation Ohmigod. JC. A bomb.]]"

* Any time the tldr recaps make fun of the use of proper nouns without context, but especially

* [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%2074/ The summary of all the crap that's happened to Billy in about 24 hours]] mostly because it CrossesTheLineTwice.
* Not, of course, that this isn't in line with the rest of the party:

* Also from the VideoGame/{{Xenogears}} LP, the very first post holds some great lines:

-->Anyhow, something seems to be going very wrong aboard the Galactica. Some jerk networked the mainframes to get more FPS in The Witcher 2 and now the Cylons are all up in everyone’s shit. Good job, Phil. I bet you couldn’t even make it past the tutorial fight.

* [[http://lparchive.org/Xenogears-(by-The-Dark-Id)/Update%2074/ The summary of all the crap that's happened to Billy in about 24 hours]] mostly because it CrossesTheLineTwice