History Funny / TheBirdcage

* During dinner, everyone takes a sip of Agador's soup, [[{{Beat}} pauses]]... and [[LethalChef immediately reaches for a piece of bread to cleanse their pallets]].

-->'''Armand''': [''indicating Albert's bright pink socks''] What about those?

-->''Oh, I'm'' very ''maternal! And Albert is [[CampGay practically a breast]]!''

-->'''Armand''': So what? Just remember not to go to pieces when that happens. React like a man, calmly. You say to yourself, "Albert, you
pierced the toast. So what?" It's not the end of your life.

* Albert is finally prevailed upon to wear a conservative dark suit. He walks out stiffly, attempting to hold back his usual mannerisms, and sits down. Armand and Val look down and realize that he's wearing bright pink socks.
-->'''Albert:''' ''[hopefully]'' Oh. Well, one does want a hint of color...

* "So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it."

* So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it."

-->'''Armand:''' [[SarcasmMode Not without]] [[MrSeahorse a miracle]].

-->'''Armand''': A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens, and a man's wealth is measured by [[StealthPun the size of his cock.]]
* Armand directing a dance sequence that involves an actor, who is directed to sit still for most of the act, and conveying some flamboyant moves ("Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!") and ending that direction with "keep it all in."
** "...but you keep it all inside."

* Armand tries to get Albert to walk like a more traditional man, and demonstrates JohnWayne's walk for him to copy. Albert's version of it is a bizarre, hip-twirling sashay.
-->'''Albert''': No good?
-->'''Armand''': Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized that John Wayne walked like that.
* Albert is finally prevailed upon to wear a conservative dark suit. He walks out stiffly, without any of his usual mannerisms, and sits down. Armand and Val look down and realize that he's wearing bright pink socks.
-->'''Albert''': ''[hopefully]'' Oh. Well, one does want a hint of color...

-->'''Albert''': We've been robbed!

--> '''Albert:''' If you knew how many ''maids'' we've run in the last six years, I could name a dozen; Rodney, Bruno, Chuck-.

-->'''First woman''': Which one is the mother?\\
'''Second woman''' (watching both Albert and Katherine crying like mad): ...I just don't know.

--> '''Albert''': Oh, Armand, (beat) our baby is going to leave us and we won't have any others.
--> '''Armand''': [[SarcasmMode Not without]] [[MrSeahorse a miracle]].

--> '''Albert''': Out baby is leaving the nest, and we'll never have another.

--> '''Armand''': [SarcasmMode Not without]] [[MrSeahorse a miracle]].

** Also at the wedding: "Bob Dole is ''gorgeous!''"

--> '''Albert:''' I could name a dozen; Rodney, Bruno, Chuck.

** Armand's "eclectic celebration of the dance."

* Armand's "eclectic celebration of the dance."
** "...but you keep it all inside."

* Armand's speech about life in the country.
-->'''Armand''': A woman is worth her weight in hens, and a man's wealth is measured by [[StealthPun the size of his cock.]]
* Drag!Senator Keeley's plaintive "No one will dance with me."

-->'''Albert''': ''[hopefully]'' Oh. Well, one wants a hint of color...
* [[TheScream The effeminate scream]] Albert makes upon seeing that [[spoiler:the house has been redecorated]].

-->'''First woman''': Which one's the mother?\\
'''Second woman''' (watching both Albert and Katherine crying like mad): ...I can't tell...
** Also at the wedding: "Bob Dole is ''gorgeous!''

* At the [[spoiler:wedding, two of the conservative women in attendance are confused.]]

'''Second woman''' ([[spoiler: watching both Albert and Karen crying like mad]]): ...I can't tell...

** And when he gets in the car and [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_y_TCFuGr4 honks the horn by accident]].

-->'''Albert''': ''[hopefully]'' A flash of color...?

-->'''Albert''': What's wrong?
-->'''Armand''': Nothing. I just never realized that John Wayne walked like that.

* Drag!Senator Keeley's plaintive "No one will dance with me".

-->'''Armand''': Nothing. I just never realised that John Wayne walked like that.
* Albert is finally prevailed upon to wear a conservative dark suit. He walks out stiffly, without any of his usual mannerisms, and sits down. Armand and Val look down and realise that he's wearing bright pink socks.
-->'''Albert''': ''[hopefully]'' A flash of colour...?

* Drag!Senator Keeley's plaintive "No one will dance with me".

-->'''Armand''': A woman is worth her weight in hens, and a man's wealth is measured by [[StealthPun the size of his cock.]]