Line #18 Funny/TheBirdcage


1	* Armand grousing about the Kennedys taking a table at his club. "No Ted? Damn, I wish we could get Ted."
2	* Armand's speech about Guatamalan life in the country.
3	-->'''Armand:''' A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens, and a man's wealth is measured by [[StealthPun the size of his cock.]]
4	* Armand directing a dance sequence that involves an actor, who is directed to sit still for most of the act, and conveying some flamboyant moves ("Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!") and ending that direction with "... but you keep it all inside."
5	** The Music/{{Madonna}} reference is funnier when you know that the guy playing that dancer was one of Madonna's background dancers during her Girlie Show world tour.
6	* Drag!Senator Keeley's plaintive "No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress, I told them white would make me look fat."
7	* Albert freaking out when he's learning how to butter toast like a man.
8	-->'''Albert''': [''screams''] Oh, God! I pierced the toast!
9	-->'''Armand''': So what? Just remember not to go to pieces when that happens. React like a man, calmly. You say to yourself, "Albert, you pierced the toast. So what?" It's not the end of your life.
10	-->'''Albert''': "Albert, you pierced the toast. So what?" Of course. There's no need to get hysterical. All l have to remember is, I can always get more toast.
11	* Armand tries to get Albert to walk like a more traditional man, and advises him to copy Creator/JohnWayne. Albert's version of it is a bizarre, hip-twirling sashay.
12	-->'''Albert:''' No good?
13	-->'''Armand:''' Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized that John Wayne walked like that.
14	* Albert is finally prevailed upon to wear a conservative dark suit. He walks out stiffly, attempting to hold back his usual mannerisms, and sits down.
15	-->'''Albert''': ...What? No good? Why? I'm dressed just the way you are. I took off all my rings. I'm not wearing any makeup. I'm just...a "guy".
16	-->'''Armand''': [''indicating Albert's hot pink socks''] What about those?
17	-->'''Albert''': Those? [''hopefully''] Well, one does want a hint of color...
18	* The Goldmans' home décor comprised of statues of nude men, erectile figurines, homoerotic china and [[https://jrodrigorodriguez.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/kirby-self-portrait.jpg?w=604 a portrait]] of a [[CrossDresser bald man in a dress]].
19	* Armand's erotic penis pendant.
20	* [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl The effeminate]] [[TheScream scream]] Albert makes upon seeing that [[spoiler:the house has been redecorated]].
21	-->'''Albert:''' We've been robbed!
22	** And when he gets in the car and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_y_TCFuGr4 honks the horn by accident]].
23	** And when he [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO0kWTR_7tQ&t=1m56s pierces the toast]].
24	** And any other effeminate scream Albert makes. And Albert in ''general'', really.
25	** Speaking of effeminate screams, ''Armand'' makes one when "Agador Spartacus" uncorks a bottle of wine during their dinner with the Keeleys.
26	* Armand on Albert driving: "Great, then he's driving back from Miami at 20mph with the parking brake on."
27	* Albert, as 'Mrs. Coleman', unwittingly listing off the "maids" he and Armand had over the years (all of which whom were men) to Senator Keeley.
28	-->'''Albert:''' If you knew how many ''maids'' we've run through in the last six years, I could name a dozen; Rodney, Bruno, Chuck--
29	* At the wedding, two of the conservative women in attendance are confused.
30	-->'''First woman:''' Which one is the mother?\
31	'''Second woman:''' ''[watching both Albert and Katherine crying like mad]'' ... I just don't know.
32	** Also at the wedding: "UsefulNotes/BobDole is ''gorgeous!''"
33	* Albert getting sentimental over Val's wedding announcement.
34	-->'''Albert:''' Oh, Armand, ''[beat]'' our baby is going to leave us and we won't have any others.
35	-->'''Armand:''' [[SarcasmMode Not without]] [[MisterSeahorse a miracle]].
36	* "So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it."
37	* Armand's response to Katherine apologizing for not being very maternal and being totally out of Val's life since his birth.
38	-->"Don't worry about that, I'm'' very ''maternal! And Albert is [[CampGay practically a breast]]!"
39	* During dinner, everyone takes a sip of Agador's soup, [[{{Beat}} pauses]]... and [[LethalChef simultaneously grabs a piece of bread to cleanse their palates]]. Practically a brief master class in comic timing.
40	* The plates used for the dinner service depict homosexual imagery. Albert and Armand are shocked and frantically cover up the plates with soup as fast as possible.
41	* A RunningGag where Albert gets upset because a dancer keeps chewing bubblegum throughout his routine. He explains that gum helps him think, then she snarks about the waste of gum.
42	** Later on he tries to take away the dancer's gum.
43	** When the dancer doesn't understand Armand's explanation of dancing on the inside, Albert snaps "try more gum!"
44	* Armand's confrontation with a guy who's understandably annoyed by Albert bumping into him.
45	-->'''Guy''': Why are you being such a prick?\
46	'''Armand''': Why are ''you'' being such an asshole?\
47	(Guy slowly gets up, reveling himself to be about [[BullyingADragon a head taller than Armand]], and stares him down)\
48	'''Guy''': [[TranquilFury Are you callin' me an asshole?]]\
49	'''Armand''': ([[OhCrap Sheepishly]]): Actually, I was... referring to the asshole behind you.\
50	(GilliganCut to Armand lying on the couch, nursing a black eye)
51	* Throughout the entire movie Val and Barbara are presented as the OnlySaneMan in their respective families... until they tell the story of their engagement and reveal themselves to be awkward goofballs.
52	* Armand serving Agador Spartacus' "seafood chowder", and Mrs. Keeley asking if that was ''a whole unbroken egg'' he'd just plopped onto her plate along with the soup.
53	-->'''Armand:''' Why, yes it is! It is a ''[[GratuitousSpanish huevo]]''!
54	** And after he's finished serving...
55	-->'''Armand:''' What the hell are you serving us?!\
56	'''Agador:''' Sweet-and-sour peasant soup! What'd you say it was seafood chowder for?!\
57	'''Armand:''' What the hell is sweet-and-sour peasant soup?!\
58	'''Agador:''' I don't know, I make it up, '''I make it up!'''
59	* Armand close to tears at how bad the dinner is going, and tripping in the middle of ordering everyone around, a ThrowItIn that Robin Williams and everyone else was miraculously able to keep a straight face through.
60	-->'''Armand:''' Fuck the shrimp!
61	* Senator Keeley's meandering ramble about their car ride from Ohio to Florida which just goes on and on, about "green trees" and "purple mountains", while everyone stares politely and slightly bemused.
62	* Agador, unsure of where the ruse stands when Katherine finally arrives to dinner, asks her "May I take your purse as usual... or for the first time?".
63	* As Armand leaves the house to go try and talk down Albert, he instructs [[CloudCuckoolander Agador]] to get started cooking dinner.
64	-->'''Val:''' ...You can cook, right?

Context Funny / TheBirdcage