History Funny / RonWhite

-->It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, "That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!" And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]

-->If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go "Oh look, I'm spotting!" '''FUCK''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming "MY BALLS ARE BLEEDING, MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDING!!"

-->They say that on a hot day when the wind's picking up, over 2 million people can smell this particular mill. That is a BIG... ODOR. If they were playing music and ''2 million people'' could hear it, they'd make 'em ''turn it the fuck off.''

--> "I wouldn't camp out for three days if I was ({{Beat}}) [[ShapedLikeItself camping]]."

--> "It's not that I think it's somehow more holy to eat meat that's been bludgeoned to death, that's not it. It's just that it's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and... I don't wanna fuckin' go."

--> "It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, 'That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!' And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"

-->'''Ron:''' "Well, shoot him!"
-->'''Wife:''' "That's just like you, Ron. [[SkewedPriorities I have a genuine problem,]] and you're being sarcastic."
-->'''Ron:''' "Alright, Honey, I'm sorry... Put the dog on the phone, let me talk to him- What the hell do you want ME to do about it?! I'm in '''''DENVER!'''''"

--> "She's not rich at all. Her parents... are ''looooooad-eeeeed-aaaaah''. And they hate my ''guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts''. And I'm waiting for them to ''diiiiiiiie''... And you'll know if they die, too, because you'll never see my fat ass again. I'll be in Palm Beach with all my ''new'' friends!"

-->"If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go 'Oh look, I'm spotting!' '''FUCK''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming 'MY BALLS ARE BLEEDING, MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDING!!'"

-->"They say that on a hot day when the wind's picking up, over 2 million people can smell this particular mill. That is a BIG... ODOR. If they were playing music and ''2 million people'' could hear it, they'd make 'em ''turn it the fuck off.''"

* Ron recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor:

-->'''Wife:''' "That's just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you're being sarcastic."
-->'''Ron:''' "Alright, Honey, I'm sorry... Put the dog on the phone, let me talk to him. What the hell do you want ME to do about it?! I'm in ''Denver!''"

* The whole bit about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3rBBRIVYsc sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating cheetos]] is undoubtedly the funniest thing involving RobertTilton that doesn't include dubbed-in flatulence.

--> "It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, 'That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!' And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"

* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor:

* His bit about how amazed he is that women are so blasé about menstruating, when the thought of going through the same thing terrifies him:
-->"If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go 'Oh look, I'm spotting!' '''Fuck''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming 'MY BALLS ARE BLEEDIN', MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDIN'!!'"

* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor.
--> "Well, what do you want ME to do about it?! ''I'm in Denver!''"

* Talking about his lack of commitment to things:
--> "What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"

* The bit about waiting in line for GarthBrooks tickets:

* In one skit, he suggests that the Ayatollah be replaced with "that guy they kicked out of Music/TheOakRidgeBoys" and call him "Ayatollah Oom Papa Mow Mow".

--> "It's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and I don't wanna go."

* The whole bit about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3rBBRIVYsc sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating cheetos]] is undoubtedly the funniest thing involving Robert Tilton that doesn't include dubbed-in flatulence.

--> "I wouldn't camp out for three days if I was ({{Beat}}) camping.

-> "I wouldn't camp out for three days if I was ({{Beat}}) camping.

-> "It's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and I don't wanna go."

* The whole bit about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3rBBRIVYsc sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating cheetos.]]

* The Tater Salad story

* The whole bit about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3rBBRIVYsc sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating cheetos]].

* The Tater Salad story