Funny / Ron White

  • The Tater Salad story.
  • In one skit, he suggests that the Ayatollah be replaced with "that guy they kicked out of The Oak Ridge Boys" and call him "Ayatollah Oom Papa Mow Mow".
  • The whole bit about sitting in a bean bag chair naked eating cheetos is undoubtedly the funniest thing involving Robert Tilton that doesn't include dubbed-in flatulence.
  • The bit about waiting in line for Garth Brooks tickets:
    "I wouldn't camp out for three days if I was (Beat) camping."
  • His explanation for why he doesn't hunt:
    "It's not that I think it's somehow more holy to eat meat that's been bludgeoned to death, that's not it. It's just that it's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and... I don't wanna fuckin' go."
  • In one skit, he says that he discovered there's a place called Bumfuck, Egypt, "and the only way to get there is to go up Shit Creek."
  • Talking about his lack of commitment to things:
    "What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, FUCK YOU!" I thought I'd won! The other guy was speechless."