History Funny / RonWhite

1st Aug '17 6:11:44 PM SinDustries
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--> "It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, 'That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!' And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"

to:

--> "It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, 'That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!' And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"
18th Jun '17 11:22:08 AM SventheCrusader
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* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor:

to:

* Bill Ron recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor:
29th May '17 1:17:05 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* His bit about how amazed he is that women are so blasé about menstruating, when the thought of going through the same thing terrifies him:
-->"If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go 'Oh look, I'm spotting!' '''Fuck''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming 'MY BALLS ARE BLEEDIN', MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDIN'!!'"

to:

* His bit about how amazed he is that women are so blasé about menstruating, when the thought of going through the same thing terrifies him:
-->"If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go 'Oh look, I'm spotting!' '''Fuck''' '''FUCK''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming 'MY BALLS ARE BLEEDIN', BLEEDING, MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDIN'!!'"BLEEDING!!'"
29th May '17 1:16:40 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor.
--> "Well, what do you want ME to do about it?! ''I'm in Denver!''"

to:

* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor.
-->
floor:
-->'''Ron:'''
"Well, what shoot him!"
-->'''Wife:''' "That's just like you, Ron. I have a genuine problem, and you're being sarcastic."
-->'''Ron:''' "Alright, Honey, I'm sorry... Put the dog on the phone, let me talk to him. What the hell
do you want ME to do about it?! ''I'm I'm in Denver!''"''Denver!''"


Added DiffLines:

* His bit about how amazed he is that women are so blasé about menstruating, when the thought of going through the same thing terrifies him:
-->"If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't go 'Oh look, I'm spotting!' '''Fuck''' that; I'd be running down the street like my ''hair'' was on fire, screaming 'MY BALLS ARE BLEEDIN', MY ''BALLS'' ARE BLEEDIN'!!'"
1st May '17 6:20:25 PM Green_lantern40
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* Talking about his lack of commitment to things:
--> "What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"

to:

* Talking about his lack of commitment to things:
why he wasn't in ''Blue Collar TV'':
--> "What "It's because of my work ethic. My grandfather used to say, 'That boy's got a lot of ''quit'' in 'im!' And that's true, too. What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"


Added DiffLines:

* Talking about his first wife's family:
--> "She's not rich at all. Her parents... are ''looooooad-eeeeed-aaaaah''. And they hate my ''guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts''. And I'm waiting for them to ''diiiiiiiie''... And you'll know if they die, too, because you'll never see my fat ass again. I'll be in Palm Beach with all my ''new'' friends!"
31st Mar '17 7:29:12 PM WhiteRoseSamurai
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Added DiffLines:

* Bill recounts one time when he was on tour, when his wife called him to complain about their dog pooping on the floor.
--> "Well, what do you want ME to do about it?! ''I'm in Denver!''"
16th Feb '17 3:49:04 PM Macgyver644200
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Added DiffLines:

* Talking about his lack of commitment to things:
--> "What I didn't quit, I got kicked out of. I got kicked out of. I got kicked off the high school debate team for shouting "Yeah? Well, '''FUCK YOU!'''" I thought I'd won! [[ChewbaccaDefense The other guy was speechless.]]"
21st Jun '16 1:53:33 PM gewunomox
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* The bit about waiting in line for GarthBrooks tickets:

to:

* The bit about waiting in line for GarthBrooks Music/GarthBrooks tickets:
11th Feb '16 6:47:43 AM Twentington
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* In one skit, he suggests that the Ayatollah be replaced with "that guy they kicked out of Music/TheOakRidgeBoys" and call him "Ayatollah Oom Papa Mow Mow".

to:

* In one skit, he suggests that the Ayatollah be replaced with "that guy "[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Lee_Golden that guy]] they kicked out of Music/TheOakRidgeBoys" and call him "Ayatollah Oom Papa Mow Mow".
12th Sep '15 12:40:39 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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--> "It's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and I don't wanna go."

to:

--> "It's not that I think it's somehow more holy to eat meat that's been bludgeoned to death, that's not it. It's just that it's really early in the morning, it's really cold outside, and and... I don't wanna fuckin' go."
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.RonWhite