History Funny / RedDwarf

15th Apr '16 5:45:58 PM Scorntex
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-->'''RIMMER:''' [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future.]] Simple as that. Your bucket's been kicked, baby.

to:

-->'''RIMMER:''' -->'''Rimmer:''' [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future.]] Simple as that. Your bucket's been kicked, baby.




to:

* Legion forcing the gang to comply, on the grounds that any pain he suffers, they suffer, so...
-->'''Legion:''' The first hint of insurrection, and [this knife] goes ''[[GroinAttack here]]''.
-->'''Kryten:''' That kind of tough talk doesn't scare us!
-->'''Lister, Rimmer and The Cat:''' YES IT DOES!



* Lister attempts to explain exactly how they survived the end of the last season. The camera explodes from his[[TimeTravelTenseTrouble god-awful and confusing grammar]].

to:

* Lister attempts to explain exactly how they survived the end of the last season. The camera explodes from his[[TimeTravelTenseTrouble his [[TimeTravelTenseTrouble god-awful and confusing grammar]].




to:

** This episode had Brian Cox as a guest star, as the King of Camelot in Lister's simulation. His reaction to the name is quite confusion.



-->'''Kryten:''' Really, a keyring with a "c" on it. Thank you with a capital "r"!




to:

* Just after entering the crashed ship, Lister screams in horror... because a piece of ice managed to get down the back of his trouser legs.
23rd Feb '16 2:49:54 AM LorienTheYounger
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'''Lister''': Oh crap!\\
''(A Space-toilet pops out of the wall)''\\

to:

'''Lister''': Oh Oh, crap!\\
''(A Space-toilet space-toilet pops out of the wall)''\\



'''Toilet''': Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. See you later!

to:

'''Toilet''': Oh I'm sorry, I do apologise, I wasn't paying attention. See you later!



* "Hey monkey, you're sick! Sick and helpless! (beat) If you weren't my friend, I'd steal your shoes."

to:

* "Hey monkey, you're sick! Sick Sick, helpless and helpless! unconscious! (beat) If you weren't my friend, I'd steal your shoes."



-->'''Holly:''' No bugger'll drink it. Plus of course the advantage of dog's milk is when it goes off it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.

to:

-->'''Holly:''' [[ExactWords No bugger'll drink it. Plus it]]. Plus, of course course, the advantage of dog's milk is when it goes off it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.



'''Rimmer''': Already have.\\

to:

'''Rimmer''': Already have.have done.\\



-->'''Cat''': Why?

to:

-->'''Cat''': Why?Why?!



* "This is impossible. It's like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi."

to:

* "This is impossible.impossible, it could be anywhere. It's like trying to find a fart in a Jacuzzi."
23rd Feb '16 2:43:28 AM LorienTheYounger
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-->'''Rimmer''': Our faces have been smeared with jam and we're about to be eaten alive by killer ants.\\
'''Cat''': Why?\\
'''Rimmer''': Why not?

to:

-->'''Rimmer''': Our faces have been smeared with jam and we're about to be eaten alive by killer ants.\\
'''Cat''': Why?\\
'''Rimmer''':
ants.
-->'''Cat''': Why?
-->'''Rimmer''':
Why not?''not''?



-->'''Rimmer's Dad''': I just wanted to say--\\
'''Rimmer''': Yes?\\
'''Rimmer's Dad''': [[WellDoneSonGuy I just wanted to say...]] you're a total smeghead!\\
'''Rimmer''': What? This isn't my fantasy!\\
'''Cat''': No, it's mine. ''(steals Rimmer's cigar and exits.)''

to:

-->'''Rimmer's Dad''': I just wanted to say--\\
'''Rimmer''': Yes?\\
'''Rimmer's
say...
-->'''Rimmer''': Yes?
-->'''Rimmer's
Dad''': [[WellDoneSonGuy I just wanted to say...]] you're a total smeghead!\\
'''Rimmer''':
smeghead!
-->'''Rimmer''':
What? This isn't my fantasy!\\
'''Cat''':
fantasy!
-->'''Cat''':
No, it's mine. ''(steals (''steals Rimmer's cigar and exits.)''exits'')



--> '''Lister''': Whoa Rimmer, you can touch things!\\
'''Rimmer''': I know, why do you think I was so late? ''(makes a sexually obscene arm gesture.)''

to:

--> '''Lister''': Whoa Rimmer, you can touch things!\\
'''Rimmer''':
things!
-->'''Rimmer''':
I know, why do you think I was so late? ''(makes (''makes a sexually obscene arm gesture.)''gesture'')



-->'''Rimmer''': [Father] had this fixation that we all had to get into the Space Corps. At meal times he'd ask us questions on astronavigation. If we got them wrong -- no food.\\
'''Lister''': God, Rimmer, how did you cope with that?\\
'''Rimmer''': I didn't, I nearly died of malnutrition.\\\

to:

-->'''Rimmer''': [Father] had this fixation that we all had to get into the Space Corps. At meal times he'd ask us questions on astronavigation. If we got them wrong -- no food.\\
'''Lister''':
food.
-->'''Lister''':
God, Rimmer, how did you cope with that?\\
'''Rimmer''':
that?
-->'''Rimmer''':
I didn't, I nearly died of malnutrition.\\\



-->'''Lister''': I remember when my dad died, y'know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone, like it was Christmas. And I remember wishing— I remember wishing a couple more people could die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain, y'know — she said that he'd gone away and he wasn't coming back. So I wanted to know where, like, y'know. And she said he was very happy, and he'd gone to the same place as my goldfish... so I thought they'd flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U-bend, y'know? And I used to stuff food down, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end, when they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.\\\

to:

-->'''Lister''': I remember when my dad died, y'know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone, like it was Christmas. And I remember wishing— I remember wishing a couple more people could die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain, y'know — she said that he'd gone away and he wasn't coming back. So I wanted to know where, like, y'know. And she said he was very happy, and he'd gone to the same place as my goldfish... so I thought they'd flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U-bend, y'know? And I used to stuff food down, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end, when they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.\\\



-->'''Cat''': (''singing'') ''My-stomach-has-been-pumped-and-now-I'm-hungry!'' Hey, there you are! Hey man, I'm so hungry, I just ''have'' to eat!\\
'''Lister''': ''Shhhhh.'' Rimmer's dad's died.\\
'''Cat''': I'd prefer chicken.

to:

-->'''Cat''': (''singing'') ''My-stomach-has-been-pumped-and-now-I'm-hungry!'' Hey, there you are! Hey man, I'm so hungry, I just ''have'' to eat!\\
'''Lister''':
eat!
-->'''Lister''':
''Shhhhh.'' Rimmer's dad's died.\\
'''Cat''':
died.
-->'''Cat''':
I'd prefer chicken.
23rd Feb '16 2:39:15 AM LorienTheYounger
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* The first half of the episode cemented Rimmer's status as JerkassWoobie, but it's also a cavalcade of [[BlackComedy graveyard humour]]:

to:

* The first half of scene in the episode Observation Dome cemented Rimmer's status as JerkassWoobie, but it's also a cavalcade of [[BlackComedy graveyard humour]]:



''(The Cat enters yowling and destroys the moment)''\\
'''Cat''': My stomach has been pumped and now I'm hungry. Hey, there you are! Hey man, I'm so hungry, I just ''have'' to eat!\\

to:

''(The ** Lister's story of when his own adopted father died, especially because of the very natural and low-key way he tells it:
-->'''Lister''': I remember when my dad died, y'know. I was only six. I got loads of presents off everyone, like it was Christmas. And I remember wishing— I remember wishing a couple more people could die so I could complete my Lego set. My grandma tried to explain, y'know — she said that he'd gone away and he wasn't coming back. So I wanted to know where, like, y'know. And she said he was very happy, and he'd gone to the same place as my goldfish... so I thought they'd flushed him down the bog. I thought he was just round the U-bend, y'know? And I used to stuff food down, and magazines and that for him to read. They took me to a child psychologist in the end, when they found me with my head down the bowl reading him the football results.\\\
** At the end, after Rimmer, has finally opened up about his father, the
Cat enters yowling and destroys the moment)''\\
'''Cat''': My stomach has been pumped and now I'm hungry.
moment.
-->'''Cat''': (''singing'') ''My-stomach-has-been-pumped-and-now-I'm-hungry!''
Hey, there you are! Hey man, I'm so hungry, I just ''have'' to eat!\\
20th Feb '16 5:39:14 PM romanatorX
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-->"But I was only gone two minutes!"

to:

-->"But -->"My god... I was only gone away two minutes!"
2nd Feb '16 10:00:57 AM Geoduck
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to:

* And at the very end of the episode, the conclusion to Lister's long moralistic rant:
-->'''Lister:''' ...That's why in our universe there can never be true, eternal justice -- good things will happen to bad people, and bad things will happen to good people. It's the way it's got to be. Life, by its very nature, has to be cruel, unkind and unfairrrr...!\\
''(He falls down an open maintenance shaft.)''\\
'''Cat:''' Thank God for that. ''(slams the shaft's cover-hatch shut.)''
17th Jan '16 5:55:36 AM LorienTheYounger
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to:

* The end credits of "Justice", where the cast all sing along with the theme song. Then, right at the end:
--> '''Craig:''' [[DreadfulMusician So that's why you all act!]]
17th Jan '16 5:50:25 AM LorienTheYounger
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to:

* A blooper from the scene in "Emohawk" where Rimmer learns he has severe health problems. "I knew it! It's the heart attacks– well, not the heart bloody attacks." (''audience laughs as Chris mimes having a heart attack'')[[spoiler: He was supposed to say "headaches".]]
20th Dec '15 3:31:51 AM ZanderSchubert
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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p9b5uAHzpc FISH!]] Today's Fish is Trout a la Creme. Enjoy your meal! (repeat 5 more times)

to:

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p9b5uAHzpc com/watch?v=dkjbMoj0JY4 FISH!]] Today's Fish is Trout a la Creme. Enjoy your meal! (repeat 5 more times)
19th Dec '15 2:49:42 AM WanderingBrowser
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to:

* The ending of the normal film is brilliant BlackComedy, where, after all's said and done, Lister complains he still doesn't know where to find a curryhouse in Dallas. Cue the others promptly dragging Lister behind a fence and delivering a grand old curbstomping -- even Kryten, currently disguised as a police officer, starts belting Lister over the head with his truncheon!
** Then, if you're lucky enough to see the Extended version of the editing, we have Rimmer punishing Kryten by using him as a voltmeter and sending his eyeballs flying across the room, Lister realizing that [[WeCouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot he could have just used the timedrive to snatch Red Dwarf's curry supply from before the damage occurred]], and Rimmer tricking Lister into jettisoning himself off into space in the rear half of Starbug.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.RedDwarf