History Funny / MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian

'''Multitude:''' Oh, no it wasn't!
** The multitude all giving a dejected "Well... okay..." in perfect unison.

'''Reg:''' What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!\\

'''Pilate:''' A ''Woman''?[[note]] No, not a woman, it's [[NoPronunciationGuide pronounced]] "Woe-Man".[[/note]]\\

'''Jewish Official:''' ''(jumping up and down with rage)'' WILL YOU STOP THAT!? STOP IT! ''(the stoning - and jumping - stop)'' Now look, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. ''(produces whistle)'' D'you understand?! Even... and I want to make this ''absolutely clear''... even if they ''do'' say Jehovah! ''(with a roar, the crowd knock him to the ground with a huge barrage of stones; four women carry over a gigantic boulder and drop it on top of him)''\\

** Which, naturally, leads to hilarity when he takes over speaking the list of names, who the Centurion had picked to avoid ''Pontius''' ElmuhFuddSyndwome, but not a {{lisp}}. The Centurion has an OhCrap reaction, when Biggus snatches the scroll and declares that he will read it.

** The roaring laughter after Biggus Dickus read the list of prisoners leaves both Biggus and Pontius baffled and confused. Pontius' attempts to save Biggus' reputation fails miserably.
--->''''Pontius:''' This man commands a "cwack" legion!\\

''''Pontius:''' ''(indignant)'' He wanks as high as anyone in Wome!\\
''(the crowd laughs even harder)''
** It's somehow even funnier when the "[[FridgeBrilliance Fwidge Bwilliance]]"kicks in and you realize why Barrabas was ''really'' picked to receive clemency over Jesus.

* The Centurion hurries to the jail to release Brian and finds the two loony jailers, who turn out to be ObfuscatingInsanity.
-->'''Centurion:''' Have they gone?\\
'''Jailer 1:''' ''(beat)'' We've got lumps of it round the back.

** In that scene, the guards were directed to keep a straight face throughout, [[EnforcedMethodActing and thus their ultimately futile attempts to suppress their laughter are real]]. Made worse by how the wife's name changed every take, so they never knew what was coming.

'''Reg:''' ''(looking thoroughly fed up)'' All right, but ''apart'' from the sanitation, the medicine, education, the wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health - ''what'' have the Romans ever done for us?\\

'''Stan/Loretta:''' It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them!\\

'''Reg:''' I'm not oppressing you, Stan, you haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus gonna gestate, ya gonna keep it in a box?! ''(Stan/Loretta begins sobbing; Reg {{Facepalm}}s)''\\

[[caption-width-right:350:''"Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... Biggus (Soldier desperately holds in laughter)... '''Dickus?'''"'']]

* Brian's first job after joining the PFJ: paint "Romans Go Home" in Latin on the wall of Pilate's palace. However, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3gNdGHsEIk he is caught by a Centurion]], who... [[YouMakeMeSic decides he needs a lesson in Latin grammar.]]

'''Woman with False Beard:''' Well, you did say "Jehovah"! ''(the crowd roars in anger and hurls a barrage of stones at her)''\\

* Brian's first job after joining the PFJ: paint "Romans Go Home" in Latin on the wall of Pilate's palace. However, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbI-fDzUJXI he is caught by a Centurion]], who... [[YouMakeMeSic decides he needs a lesson in Latin grammar.]]

[[caption-width-right:350:''"Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... Biggus... '''Dickus?'''"'']]

''''Pontius:''' ''(indignant)'' He wanks as high as any one in Wome!\\

-->'''Centurion:''' Have they gone?
-->'''Jailer 1:''' ''(beat)'' We've got lumps of it round the back.

---> ''''Pontius:''' This man commands a "cwack" legion!
---> '''Crowd:''' ''Roaring laughter from the crowd''

--> This man commands a "cwack" legion!
--> ''Roaring laughter from the crowd''

* "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFBOQzSk14c I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta.]]" Of course, even if hormone therapy were around in the first century, the ultimate reason Stan wants to be Loretta would be difficult to realise[[note]]And TruthInTelevision for many transgendered/transsexual women.[[/note]]:

* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIaORknS1Dk stoning scene]]. Matthias of Gath has been sentenced to be stoned to death for saying to his wife, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah," but he isn't going down quietly:

-->"We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack! ''[[[{{Seppuku}} stab]]]'' That showed 'em, huh?"

'''Pilate:''' I will NOT have my fwiends ''widiculed'' by the... common soldiewy! ''(glares at Brian's guards)'' Anybody else feel like a little... ''giggle''... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus... ''Dickus? (both guards struggle to keep their laughter in; Pilate marches over to another guard who is practically inhaling his own cheeks trying to keep from laughing)'' What about you? Do you find it... ''wisible''... when I say the name... Biggus... ''(the guard makes a feeble squeaking noise)'' DICKUS? ''(Brian's guards are struggling even more to keep their laughter in; a few deep breaths, and they seem to recover)'' ... He has a wife, you know. ''(one of the guards' faces [[ThisIsGonnaSuck turns to]][[OhCrap pure dread]]; they're both sure they're about to lose their battle to keep from laughing)'' You know what she's called? ''(the guards shake their heads)'' She's called... Incontinentia. ''({{Beat}})'' Incontinentia Buttocks. ''(this is the last straw for the guards; they fall about laughing hysterically)'' STOP! What is all this!? I've had enough of this... wowdy wabble, sniggewing behaviour! Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian Guards!? ''(Brian takes advantage of the distraction and sneaks away, but Pilate notices him)'' Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

'''Pilate:''' I will NOT have my fwiends ''widiculed'' by the... common soldiewy! ''(glares at Brian's guards)'' Anybody else feel like a little... ''giggle''... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus... ''Dickus? (both guards struggle to keep their laughter in; Pilate marches over to another guard who is practically inhaling his own cheeks trying to keep from laughing)'' What about you? Do you find it... ''wisible''... when I say the name... Biggus... ''(the guard makes a feeble squeaking noise)'' DICKUS? ''(Brian's guards are struggling even more to keep their laughter in; a few deep breaths, and they seem to recover)'' ... He has a wife, you know. ''(one of the guards' faces practically screams OhCrap; they're both sure they're about to lose their battle to keep from laughing)'' You know what she's called? ''(the guards shake their heads)'' She's called... Incontinentia. ''({{Beat}})'' Incontinentia Buttocks. ''(this is the last straw for the guards; they fall about laughing hysterically)'' STOP! What is all this!? I've had enough of this... wowdy wabble, sniggewing behaviour! Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian Guards!? ''(Brian takes advantage of the distraction and sneaks away, but Pilate notices him)'' Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

** And then the scene really takes off. Every repetition of "Biggus Dickus" from Pontius Pilate who fails to get the "joke" sends the guards and the audience deeper into hysterics. The mention that Dickus's wife is "Incontinentia Buttocks" is what makes even the most desperately-trying-to-keep-a-straight-face members (of both groups) collapse into paroxyms of laughter.

''(the legionaries march back out of Matthias' flat in {{Undercranked}} footage)''\\

* When Brian escapes from Pilate's palace, the Vth Legion follow him back to the PFJ's official headquarters. While Brian hides on the rickety balcony, the other members hide under tables and behind screens as their "cover", Matthias, answers the door. As over a dozen legionaries march into Matthias' tiny flat, the Centurion decides to twist his arm a bit, only for his threat to backfire unexpectedly:
-->'''Centurion:''' Are you Matthias?
-->'''Matthius:''' Yes?
-->'''Centurion:''' We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth, a member of the terrorist organisation, the People's Front of Judea.
-->'''Matthias:''' ''(in his best old man voice)'' Me? No. I'm just a poor old man. I have no time for law-breakers. My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent-
-->'''Centurion:''' Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house!
-->''(dozens of soldiers march in)''
-->'''Centurion:''' D'you know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harbouring a known criminal?
-->'''Matthias:''' No.
-->'''Centurion:''' ''Crucifixion.''
-->'''Matthias:''' Oh.
-->'''Centurion:''' ''(looks at Matthias, puzzled by his lack of reaction)'' ... ''Nasty'', eh?
-->'''Matthias:''' ''(shrugs)'' Could be worse.
-->'''Centurion:''' What d'you mean, "could be worse"!?
-->'''Matthias:''' Well, you could be stabbed.
-->'''Centurion:''' Stabbed? Takes a second! Crucifixion lasts hours! It's a slow, ''[='=]orrible'' death!
-->'''Matthias:''' Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
-->'''Centurion:''' ... you're ''weird''.
* Moments later, the Centurion returns because his squad FailedASpotCheck.
-->'''Centurion:''' Don't worry, you've not heard the last of us...weirdo.
-->'''Matthius:''' ''(as the centurion turns to leave)'' [[BrickJoke ...Big nose]]
-->'''Centurion''': ''(turns back as Matthias cheekily covers his mouth)'' Watch it!
* After another round of conversing with Matthias, the (much enlarged) squad return for the report of a job well done.
-->'''Centurion:''' Have you ever seen anyone crucified?
-->'''Matthias:''' Crucifixion's a doddle.
-->'''Centurion:''' ''(disturbed)'' Don't keep saying that...
-->''(the legionaries march back out of Matthias' flat)''
-->'''Soldier:''' Found this spoon, sir!
-->'''Centurion:''' ''(wide-eyed confusion)'' Well done, sergeant.

* The PFJ's plan to kidnap Pontius Pilate's wife and issue demands to the Romans before they will release her does not go as expected; the Campaign for Free Galilee have apparently been making the same plans for months, and when the two groups run into each other, they end up getting in a big fight which only Brian survives. One of the funniest moments of the scene happens when two Roman guards notice the fight, look at each other, and shake their heads in dismay.

** Possibly the Trope Namer for [[WeAREStrugglingTogether We ARE Struggling Together]]

* The Centurion hurries to the jail to release Brian and finds the two looney jailers.