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Changed line(s) 41 (click to see context) from:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T7huuYNEBA Bedtime stories with Major Payne.]] Starting as Literature/TheLittleEngineThatCould, and ending as a blood-soaked PTSD flashback involving blown off legs and screaming.
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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T7huuYNEBA Bedtime stories with Major Payne.]] Starting as Literature/TheLittleEngineThatCould, and ending as a blood-soaked PTSD flashback involving blown off legs and screaming. The whole sequence should be read to be fully appreciated:
--> '''Major Payne''': Once upon a time, deep deep in the jungle...There was a little engine that could. He was chugging his way across the enemy line, ''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' This little engines' mission was to take some AK-47's and a ''nuclear payload'' over the mountain to the 2063 Battalion! Needless to say, there was plenty of opposition! You think that stopped the little engine that could? No siree bob! He just kept chugging along, ''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' Not even when they climbed aboard the train, and ''popped'' out the eyes of the conductor, and blood and snot was drippin' out of his eye sockets! Think that stopped the engine that could? ''Damn'' skippy, he just kept chuggin along...''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' Wasn't until...Charlie rigged the bridge with plastic explosives as the little engine was making his way across the trestle...''BOOM!'' An explosion happened, and ''blood'', and ''guts'', and ''spit'', and ''ass'' was ''everywhere!'' Bubba come crawling out the back door...both legs missing! Lula May's baby boy, and he looked up and me and he said, 'Payne...I can't feel my legs!' And I said, 'Bubba, they ain't there!' And I looked down and them little bloody nubs was ''kickin real fast like this here!'''. And I said, 'Bubba, its 30 miles to the nearest town, and unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands you ain't gonna make it!' All of the sudden, ''Charlie was all over the place!'' Just me and my sidearm, and I had no other alternative, but to blast my way out! ''''''AHHHHHHHHHHH!!'''''' ''Die,'' pigs, ''die!'' '''''YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINNIFORD PAYNE ALIVE!!'''''
--> '''Major Payne''': Once upon a time, deep deep in the jungle...There was a little engine that could. He was chugging his way across the enemy line, ''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' This little engines' mission was to take some AK-47's and a ''nuclear payload'' over the mountain to the 2063 Battalion! Needless to say, there was plenty of opposition! You think that stopped the little engine that could? No siree bob! He just kept chugging along, ''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' Not even when they climbed aboard the train, and ''popped'' out the eyes of the conductor, and blood and snot was drippin' out of his eye sockets! Think that stopped the engine that could? ''Damn'' skippy, he just kept chuggin along...''"chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga, toot toot!"'' Wasn't until...Charlie rigged the bridge with plastic explosives as the little engine was making his way across the trestle...''BOOM!'' An explosion happened, and ''blood'', and ''guts'', and ''spit'', and ''ass'' was ''everywhere!'' Bubba come crawling out the back door...both legs missing! Lula May's baby boy, and he looked up and me and he said, 'Payne...I can't feel my legs!' And I said, 'Bubba, they ain't there!' And I looked down and them little bloody nubs was ''kickin real fast like this here!'''. And I said, 'Bubba, its 30 miles to the nearest town, and unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands you ain't gonna make it!' All of the sudden, ''Charlie was all over the place!'' Just me and my sidearm, and I had no other alternative, but to blast my way out! ''''''AHHHHHHHHHHH!!'''''' ''Die,'' pigs, ''die!'' '''''YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINNIFORD PAYNE ALIVE!!'''''
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Got no worries, got no cares!\\
I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair!\\
I'm a baldheaded son of a bitch without hair!\\
Changed line(s) 25 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Major Payne:''' He in there? (''riddles closet with bullets'') If he's still in there, he ain't happy.
to:
--> '''Major Payne:''' He He's in there? (''riddles closet with bullets'') If he's still in there, he ain't happy.
Changed line(s) 28 (click to see context) from:
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son, and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At no point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].
to:
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son, and even a nice white picket fence.fence, complete with the theme music from ''Series/TheDonnaReedShow'' in the background. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At no point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].
Changed line(s) 34 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and Literature/{{Cujo}} got a little attitudinal problem needs some readjustin'. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.
to:
-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and your friend Literature/{{Cujo}} got a little attitudinal problem needs some readjustin'. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.
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** When Tiger arrives late: "Hey Dunn, you missed all the fun. Heh. See, that's another rhyme."
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Changed line(s) 10 (click to see context) from:
* When Payne learns one of his recruits is deaf, he asks if he can read lips and knows sign language. He the proceeds to speak slower and clear whilst using sign language in order to convey the threat of putting his foot in the recruit's ass should he step out of line.
to:
* When Payne learns one of his recruits is deaf, he asks if he can read lips and knows sign language. He the then proceeds to speak slower and clear whilst using sign language in order to convey the threat of putting his foot in the recruit's ass should he step out of line.
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Added DiffLines:
* "You ain't getting no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis'!"
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Added DiffLines:
** To say nothing of the Jody call Payne comes up with:
--->Got no worries, got no stress!\\
'Cuz we feel good in a dress!\\
Major Payne's a major diss!\\
Makes us squat, when we piss!\\
Used to be Samson, now I'm Ann!\\
Gotta earn my right to be called a man!
--->Got no worries, got no stress!\\
'Cuz we feel good in a dress!\\
Major Payne's a major diss!\\
Makes us squat, when we piss!\\
Used to be Samson, now I'm Ann!\\
Gotta earn my right to be called a man!
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Major Payne:''' (with a begging undertone) There gotta somebody that needs some killing.
to:
--> '''Major Payne:''' (with a begging undertone) There gotta somebody ''somebody'' that needs some killing.
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Changed line(s) 30 (click to see context) from:
* Bedtime stories with Major Payne. Starting as Literature/TheLittleEngineThatCould, and ending as a blood-soaked PTSD flashback involving blown off legs and screaming.
to:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0T7huuYNEBA Bedtime stories with Major Payne. Payne.]] Starting as Literature/TheLittleEngineThatCould, and ending as a blood-soaked PTSD flashback involving blown off legs and screaming.
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Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Payne:''' You know, there's no pets allowed on these here premises.
to:
-->'''Payne:''' You know, there's no pets allowed on these here premises.premises, Mr. Film/AceVentura.
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Changed line(s) 9 (click to see context) from:
--> '''General Decker:''' Sorry, Major. There's no one left. [[NoPlaceForMeThere You've killed them all.]]
to:
--> '''General Decker:''' Sorry, Major. There's no one left. [[NoPlaceForMeThere [[NoPlaceForAWarrior You've killed them all.]]
