History Funny / MajorPayne

2nd Jul '16 10:21:32 AM kalel32688
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* After a one man assault on the enemies forces Payne gets the jump on the enemies leader and has him at gunpoint. However he is quickly surrounded by enemy troops and this exchange occurs.
--> '''Guerilla Leader:''' "You had better give up, ''señor.'' You cannot kill us all."
--> '''Major Payne:''' "Nope. ''*[[AssShove Shoves gun between leader's buttcheeks]]*'' But I can clean your colon out quicker than one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce."

to:

* After a one man [[OneManArmy one-man assault on the enemies forces enemy forces]], Payne gets the jump on the enemies enemy's leader and has him at gunpoint. However However, he is quickly surrounded by enemy troops and this exchange occurs.
occurs:
--> '''Guerilla Leader:''' "You You had better give up, ''señor.'' ''señor''. You cannot kill us all."
all.
--> '''Major Payne:''' "Nope. ''*[[AssShove Shoves Nope. (''[[AssShove shoves gun between leader's buttcheeks]]*'' buttcheeks]]'') But I can clean your colon out quicker than one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce."



* When Payne's told his service has come to an end with the military.
--> '''Major Payne:''' "General, you tryin' to tell me that in this man's military there is no room left for a trained weapon of destruction."
--> '''General Decker:''' "The fighting is no longer done on the battlefield, Payne. Now all the blood is shed in the halls of congress. [[EndOfAnAge Warriors like us are becoming dinosaurs.]]"
--> '''Major Payne:''' "There gotta somebody that needs some killing."
--> '''General Decker:''' "Sorry Major. There's no-one left. [[NoPlaceForMeThere You've killed them all.]]"

to:

* When Payne's told his service has come to an end with the military.
military:
--> '''Major Payne:''' "General, General, you tryin' to tell me that in this man's military military, there is no room left for a trained weapon of destruction."
destruction?
--> '''General Decker:''' "The The fighting is no longer done on the battlefield, Payne. Now all the blood is shed in the halls of congress.Congress. [[EndOfAnAge Warriors like us are becoming dinosaurs.]]"
]]
--> '''Major Payne:''' "There There gotta somebody that needs some killing."
killing.
--> '''General Decker:''' "Sorry Sorry, Major. There's no-one no one left. [[NoPlaceForMeThere You've killed them all.]]" ]]



* "I'm glad to see you've got a sense of humor. [[HeroicComedicSociopath So do I]]. Heh, Heh, Heh."
--> '''Emily:''' "Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?"
--> '''Major Payne:''' "Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their due... their hair-do that is. [[EvilLaugh Heh, Heh, Heh]]."

to:

* "I'm glad to see you've got a sense of humor. [[HeroicComedicSociopath So do I]]. Heh, Heh, Heh.heh, heh."
--> '''Emily:''' "Major Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?"
bald?
--> '''Major Payne:''' "Oh, Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their due... their hair-do hair-do, that is. [[EvilLaugh Heh, Heh, Heh]].heh, heh]]."



--> '''Major Payne:''' "He in there?"
--> ''*Riddles closet with bullets*''
--> '''Major Payne:''' "If he's still in there, he ain't happy."
--> '''Emily:''' "What was that?!"
--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice!"
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At no point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].
* The ending scene when Payne meets his new recruits, one of which is a blind student.

to:

--> '''Major Payne:''' "He He in there?"
--> ''*Riddles
there? (''riddles closet with bullets*''
--> '''Major Payne:''' "If
bullets'') If he's still in there, he ain't happy."
happy.
--> '''Emily:''' "What (''coming upstairs'') What was that?!"
that?!
--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice!"
prejudice!
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son son, and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At no point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].
change]].
* The ending scene when Payne meets his new recruits, one of which whom is a blind student.



-->'''Student:''' He's not a pet, he's my blind seeing-eye dog.

to:

-->'''Student:''' He's not a pet, pet; he's my blind seeing-eye dog.



-->'''Student:''' He's not blind, you idiot. I am! ''(dog growls)''
-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and Cujo have a little attitudinal readjustment problem. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.
-->''Cut to blind kid feeling his shaved head. Then he reaches down... and feels his '''dog's''' shaved head.''
* Payne putting his cadets through push-ups, and teaching them how he "rhymes military style."

to:

-->'''Student:''' He's not blind, you idiot. I am! ''(dog growls)''
(''dog growls'')
-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and Cujo Literature/{{Cujo}} have a little attitudinal readjustment problem. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.
-->''Cut ** We then cut to the blind kid feeling his shaved head. Then he reaches down... and feels his '''dog's''' shaved head.''
head.
* Payne putting his cadets through push-ups, push-ups and teaching them how he "rhymes military style."



1st Oct '15 2:56:56 PM Gitman
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--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Payne just terminated that monster with extreme prejudice!"

to:

--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Payne just terminated that monster bad man with extreme prejudice!"
14th May '15 8:46:45 PM AFP
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--> '''General Decker:''' "Sorry Major. There's no-one left. You've killed them all."

to:

--> '''General Decker:''' "Sorry Major. There's no-one left. [[NoPlaceForMeThere You've killed them all." ]]"
12th Mar '15 3:24:49 PM justanotherrandomlurker
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to:

* Payne putting his cadets through push-ups, and teaching them how he "rhymes military style."
-->'''Payne:''' One! Don't you feel dumb?! Two! Look at you! Three! Don't you never make no jokes about me behind my back again otherwise I'll stomp all your heads into the ground!
31st Dec '14 10:11:40 AM ChaoticNovelist
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--> '''Major Payne:''' "Nope. ''*[[AssShove Shoves gun between leaders buttcheeks]]*'' But I can clean your colon out quicker than one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce."

to:

--> '''Major Payne:''' "Nope. ''*[[AssShove Shoves gun between leaders leader's buttcheeks]]*'' But I can clean your colon out quicker than one of them burritos with extra guacamole sauce."



* Payne shows his "nurturing" side when he confronts the alleged bad man in Tiger's closet.

to:

* Payne shows his "nurturing" side when he confronts the alleged bad man monster in Tiger's closet.



--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice!"
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At non point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].

to:

--> '''Tiger:''' "Major Payne just terminated that bad man monster with extreme prejudice!"
* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh]]. At non no point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change]].
5th Dec '14 1:33:27 PM ironballs16
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* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. They all laugh. At non point does the tone or music change.

to:

* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily. [[EverybodyLaughsEnding They all laugh. laugh]]. At non point [[DissonantSerenity does the tone tone]] or [[SoundtrackDissonance music change.change]].
12th Sep '14 6:38:29 AM ChaoticNovelist
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* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by Vietcong assassin however and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily when he tosses his body into the kiddie pool.

to:

* Major Payne imagines an idealistic life with Emily as his wife, Tiger his son and even a nice white picket fence. His family barbecue is suddenly interrupted by a Vietcong assassin however and Payne has to dispatch him using the BBQ grill. Prompting Then he tosses his body into the kiddie pool, prompting a casual ''"Oh you!"'' reaction from Emily when he tosses his body into Emily. They all laugh. At non point does the kiddie pool.tone or music change.
19th Jul '13 10:19:02 PM HarryLovesHermione
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-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and your canine friend have a little attitudinal readjustment problem. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.

to:

-->'''Payne:''' Looks like you and your canine friend Cujo have a little attitudinal readjustment problem. I'ma fix that up quick, fast and in a hurry.
13th Jul '13 11:29:04 AM anonexistentuser
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--> '''Major Payne:''' "If he's still in there, he aint happy."

to:

--> '''Major Payne:''' "If he's still in there, he aint ain't happy."
13th Jul '13 11:28:31 AM anonexistentuser
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--> '''Major Payne:''' "Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do... their hair-do that is. [[EvilLaugh Heh, Heh, Heh]]."

to:

--> '''Major Payne:''' "Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do...due... their hair-do that is. [[EvilLaugh Heh, Heh, Heh]]."
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