History Funny / LITERATURE

--> "Inmates gather to face Caesar. Psychotics ready at the K-ward gate. Neurotics gather before R-ward gate. Criminally insane prepare for discharge at the T-ward gate. All right, drop your straitjackets." "Neurotics advance. Maintain contact to avoid separation anxiety." "Let the criminally-insane schiz-out." "Neurotics proceed with delusions of grandeur. Napolean Bonaparte take the lead. Jesus Christ bring up the rear." "Stimulate severe depression, noncommunicative, with repressed hostility." "Commence the first psychotic episode." "The life goal has become dispersed. Do not become despondent." "All right. Administer medication!" "Administer active therapy to the right. Be as directive as you can. Let the center enjoy the pleasure principle. And the left go hang." "Advance for group therapy!"

Axel''': Maybe we can do something to help them? Listen: if Professeur Marius is lonely, then maybe Professeur Colette can do something about it. And if he's less lonely, he won't be such a miserable person.\\

'''Kahlan:''' That's what we did too. [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow We talked. All night.]] My hair got tangled while we were talking. It was... quite hot in the other world.

* Creator/JohnCWright's ''Literature/ChroniclesOfChaos'' has it's fair share.

* Funny/TomClancy

'''Crespley''': (Bursts out laughing)]]

* ''Literature/TheSeventhTower'' has quite a few, and most of them involve [[CrazyAwesome Ebbitt]] and the wacky things he's always saying. However, this conversation between Crow and [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy Milla]] is priceless:

** The end of ''Literature/StoneOfTears'', when Richard is in Aydindril, and Zedd and Kahlan are on the run after faking Kahlan's execution in front of thousands of people. Her head has also been shaved. Then Denna's spirit enables them to make it in a pocket dimension... long story.]] The best part is when Kahlan comes back. I can only hope that this happens in the TV show, too... or some variation of it.

'''Zedd:''' ''(After a bit of sputtering)'' You're all in a lather girl. Why are you sweating? And your hair is all tangled! What kind of wizard would grow hair back all tangled? That boy has a lot to learn. I'll have to show him how to do things right.]]\\

** Zedd defusing the [[BurnTheWitch mob]] to back off first by saying that he's insulted for them calling him a woman, and then making them think he'd made their * cough* manoods disappear.

* A particularly wonderful bit occurs at the end of the second short story in [[Literature/NightWatch Last Watch]]. Anton has been locked in a particularly fast-paced and deadly duel with Edgar, and the old and not-very-powerful magician Afandi hid behind Anton's shields to recite a rather complicated spell. After his foe escapes, Anton asks Afandi precisely what he did, and is informed (in a tone more fitting to a gleeful six-year-old) that Afandi put an irreversible spell of impotence on Edgar.

* Funny/MatthewReilly

-->[[HelloNurse Cunegonde]]: [[HandWave Yes they did, but those two accidents are not always mortal]].

* In ''[[TabletopGame/ForgottenRealms Finder's Bane]]'' [[FlatEarthAtheist Athar]] guide preached his doctrine to ''[[http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Finder Finder]]''. Recently ascended and temporarily depowered]] ''god'' traveling incognito with his priest (though in the place normally off-limits for deities). Naturally, that made them both quite happy even despite the troubles they were in.

* ''[[Literature/CircleOfMagic The Circle Opens]]'': The scene where the Bancanor household discovers Frostpine meditating naked ''in'' the kitchen fire. After they calm down, some of the ladies seem very...''admiring.''

* Funny/LiteratureNoToD
* Funny/LiteratureEToI
* Funny/LiteratureJToM
* Funny/LiteratureNToQ
* Funny/LiteratureRToU
* Funny/LiteratureVToZ

* Simultaneously a CrowningMomentOfAwesome, when Han shuts down the arrogant Imperial commander early on in ''Destiny's Way''. She brags about how TheEmpire would never have had the kind of problems with the Yuuzan Vong that the New Republic was having, as they would have swiftly and mercilessly crushed the opposition. Han fires back by pointing out that TheEmpire would have done nothing of the sort and instead would have wasted god knows how much on a [[AwesomeButImpractical massively impractical superweapon]] that would have either not worked or would have had [[AchillesHeel some design flaw]] that an enemy ace could exploit and destroy.

* The "Asylum" battle in Creator/SamuelRDelany's ''Literature/Babel17'' is one extended CrowningMomentOfFunny. The pirate commander Tarik has an ... interesting sense of humor:

* The sequel ''Yes Man'' is pretty much a Crowning Book of Funny, but possibly the best bit is Danny repeatedly [[spoiler:poking a monk in the ribs]]. The fact that the books are actually ''autobiographical'' is probably what makes parts like that, which would only be mildly amusing otherwise, into pure hilarity.

* A particularly wonderful bit occurs at the end of the second short story in [[Literature/NightWatch Last Watch]]. Anton has been locked in a particularly fast-paced and deadly duel with [[spoiler:Edgar]], and the old and not-very-powerful magician Afandi hid behind Anton's shields to recite a rather complicated spell. After his foe escapes, Anton asks Afandi precisely what he did, and is informed (in a tone more fitting to a gleeful six-year-old) that Afandi put an irreversible spell of impotence on [[spoiler:Edgar]].

* In ''[[TabletopGame/ForgottenRealms Finder's Bane]]'' [[FlatEarthAtheist Athar]] guide preached his doctrine to ''[[http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Finder Finder]]''. [[spoiler:Recently ascended and temporarily depowered]] ''god'' traveling incognito with his priest (though in the place normally off-limits for deities). Naturally, that made them both quite happy even despite troubles they were in.

** And [[spoiler:Bobby]]'s last words: "Fuck you, Waterhouse!"

* In ''Literature/TheSalvationWar'': [[http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=118769&highlight= Armageddon]], words fail to describe the sheer hilarity of the scene in chapter 78 where Michael speaks with Yahweh regarding the events that have been unfolding. [[spoiler:Two Words: Stoner Jesus. And for that matter, Stoner Michael.]]

** The end of ''Literature/StoneOfTears'', when Richard is [[spoiler:in Aydindril]], and Zedd and Kahlan are [[spoiler:on the run after faking Kahlan's execution in front of thousands of people. Her head has also been shaved. Then Denna's spirit enables them to make it in a pocket dimension... long story.]] The best part is when Kahlan comes back. I can only hope that this happens in the TV show, too... or some variation of it.

'''Zedd:''' Wh... who the hell [[spoiler:grew back your hair]]?\\
'''Kahlan:''' Richard, [[spoiler: he has the Gift, you know.]]\\
'''Zedd:''' ''(After a bit of sputtering)'' [[spoiler: You're all in a lather girl. Why are you sweating? And your hair is all tangled! What kind of wizard would grow hair back all tangled? That boy has a lot to learn. I'll have to show him how to do things right.]]\\

-->'''[[PerpetualFrowner Crespley]]''': WHAT IS THAT?! ''(See Gavner's pants, a yellow pants with pink elephants motive)''\\

'''Crespley''': From a human woman who had relationship with you, I presume.\\

'''Crespley''': [[spoiler: (Burst out laughing)]]

** It takes about three books to set up, but [[spoiler: 'Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold.']] is a brilliant joke.

** His [[spoiler:apparent]] death and the events leading up to it near the end of the first book was a combination of this and a TearJerker. He and Tas are on a balcony in an immensely tall room listening in on [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Verminaard]] and TheDragon (yes, a literal one this time), when Fizban drops his hat (which has been a RunningGag since the beginning of the book), it floats gently down and lands on Verminaard's desk. After a brief pause, Verminaard sends his dragon to eat the spies, who run away back into a room with a mechanism involving gears and a very, very long chain; Fizban and Tas are holding on to the chain on the other side of the last gear, the dragon melts the chain through and they start to fall. Fizban starts casting "Featherfall" to slow their descent, gets as far as "feather..." before going splat, and Tas lands in the middle of a gigantic pile of chicken feathers that breaks his fall.

--> [[spoiler: "We're in a school run by Greek gods. Now keep quiet. We don't want to get turned into trees."]]

* ''Literature/ABadDayForVoodoo'' has Kelley calling Adam out for [[spoiler: searching for Tyler's toenails in the garbage so he could give the doll-maker Tyler's essence to make a Tyler voodoo doll]].

* The ''very title'' of ''Literature/GoTheFuckToSleep''. The book itself, a parody of children's bedtime storybooks (and obviously not suitable for children), is about a parent trying their damndest to just get their child to, well, "[[TitleDrop go the fuck to sleep]]." [[spoiler:Just when they think they've succeeded, a microwave beep undoes their efforts.]]

** [[Literature/{{Cryptonomicon}} Randy's example]] of a generic corporate business plan. [[http://www.espen.com/archives/2004/04/how_to_start_a.html]]