History Funny / HotFuzz

'''Danny:''' Did you say [[IncrediblyLamePun 'cool off'?]]\\

--->'''Webley:''' A 'edge is a 'edge, aigh, I 'nly choppdedoff cuz innview spoiled wozze moan''bou'?
--->'''Angel:''' ... Right. ''({{Beat}}) (to Walker)'' What did he say?
--->'''Walker:''' Says an 'edge is an 'edge, iunnow, 'he choppit down cuz it spoiled 'is view, wot's 'e moanin' 'bout?
--->'''Angel:''' ''(to Danny about Walker)'' What did he say?
--->'''Danny:''' He said an hedge is an hedge, he only chopped it down 'cause it spoiled his view, what's Reaper moanin'about?

'''Michael:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' [[BluntYes Yarp]].\\

[[caption-width-right:350:Swan!!!]]

* Angel trying to question the ''very'' thick accented Mr. Webley. To translate, he brings along PC Walker. Who in turn has to have ''his'' gibberish speak translated by Danny.

[[caption-width-right:350:Swan!!!

[[caption-width-right:350:Chasing a swan like it's {{serious business}}: comedy gold.]]

-->'''Frank:''' I suppose you're wondering why we call them the Andies?\\

-->'''Angel:''' [[BondOneLiner I feel like I should say something smart.]]
-->'''Danny:''' You don't have to say anything at all.

-->'''Angel:''' Right. I'm taking you to the station.
-->''[looks around]''
-->'''Angel:''' Where is it?

-->'''Joyce Cooper:''' I'm Joyce Cooper, and I trust you had a pleasant trip. ''Fascist!''
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' ''[taken aback]'' I beg your pardon?
-->'''Joyce Cooper:''' ''[indicating her crossword]'' "System of government, characterized by extreme dictatorship," Seven across.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Oh, I see. It's "Fasc''ism''."
-->'''Joyce Cooper:''' "Fascism?" Wonderful. ''[checking her register]'' Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite. Bernard will escort you there.
-->''[Nicholas glances at the sleeping Bernard]''
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Well, actually, uh, I could probably make my own way up. ''Hag!''
-->'''Joyce Cooper:''' ''[looking up]'' I beg your pardon?
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' ''[indicating the crossword]'' "Evil old woman, considered frightful or ugly". It's twelve down.
-->'''Joyce Cooper:''' Oh! Bless you.

-->'''Simon Skinner:''' ''[over the walkie talkie]'' Michael? Michael! Are you there? Michael! Is everything okay?
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' ''[imitating Lurch]'' Yarp.
-->'''Simon Skinner:''' Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Yarp.
-->'''Simon Skinner:''' He's not gonna get back up again?
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' ''[nervously]'' ...Narp?
-->'''Simon Skinner:''' ''[brief pause]'' Good. Proceed to the Castle.

-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' We just sat through three ''hours'' of so-called "acting", Constable. Their kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

** After the sea-mine explodes and levels the entire police station, Doris is seen emerging from the rubble [[NonFatalExplosions miraculously unharmed]], [[SlapstickKnowsNoGender if looking somewhat like Wile E. Coyote]].

'''Nicholas Angel:''' Right. "Piss Taker." COME ON!

** Even better near the end, when the joke gets revisited - "Check out his [[spoiler:horse]]!"

** [[spoiler:The fact this one counts as foreshadowing as the NWA kill anyone who isn't like them and doesn't conform, as well as the GagEcho during the shootout.]]

** And from Angel's, when he's explaining [[spoiler:how everyone survived the explosion.]]
--->'''Nicholas:''' As for Danny, well, [[spoiler:it's just a miracle that Weaver's blunderbuss missed all of his internal organs - and I thank my lucky stars every morning that he's still here by my side! Right, Danny?]]\\

*** Also, most of the station's furniture [[spoiler:coming from a defunct nuclear bunker and therefore being essentially bomb-proof.]]

** [[spoiler:After the sea-mine explodes and levels the entire police station, Doris is seen emerging from the rubble [[NonFatalExplosions miraculously unharmed]], [[SlapstickKnowsNoGender if looking somewhat like Wile E. Coyote]].]]
** After Doris hits [[spoiler:Skinner's Assistant]] in the face, she says "Nothing like a bit of [[GirlOnGirlIsHot girl on girl]], ey?" and everyone breaks out laughing.

---> '''Angel:''' ''[priceless look of disbelief]'' '''''AM I GOING COMPLETELY MAD?!'''''\\

-->'''Roy Porter:''' Another cranberry juice?
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' I'm fine, thank you.

-->'''Danny:''' ''(reloading his shotgun)'' How's Lurch?
-->'''Angel:''' Uh, he's in the freezer.
-->'''Danny:''' Did you say [[IncrediblyLamePun 'cool off'?]]
-->'''Angel:''' No, I didn't say anything actually.
-->'''Danny:''' ''(casually reloading)'' Shame.
-->'''Angel:''' There ''was'' a bit earlier on that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey, and then I said "Playtime's over!" and I hit him with the peace lily.
-->'''Danny:''' ''(grinning wide)'' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny YOU'RE OFF THE FUCKIN' CHAIN!]] ''(cocks shotgun)''

-->'''Sergeant:''' We're making you a sergeant.
-->'''Angel:''' I see.
-->'''Sgt.:''' ''[quietly]'' In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
-->'''Angel:''' In where, sorry?
-->'''Sgt.:''' ''[louder]'' In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
-->'''Angel:''' That's...in the country.
-->'''Sgt.:''' Yes! Lovely.
-->'''Angel:''' Isn't there a sergeant's position somewhere here in London?
-->'''Sgt.:''' [[HaHaHaNo Ha, ha, no.]]
-->'''Angel:''' Can I remain here as a PC?
-->'''Sgt.:''' No.
-->'''Angel:''' Do I have any choice in this?
-->'''Sgt.:''' ''Nnnneeww!''

* Nick gets a little irritated after [[spoiler:Frank tries to take Danny hostage.]]
-->'''Nick:''' ''[rolls his eyes]'' Pack it in, [[spoiler:Frank]], you silly bastard!

-->'''DS Andy Wainwright:''' You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
-->'''DC Andy Cartwright:''' Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Like who?
-->'''Wainwright:''' Farmers.
-->'''Angel:''' Who else?
-->'''Cartwright:''' [{{Beat}}] [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Farmers' mums.]]

-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Sgt. Angel.
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Morning. The swan's escaped.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' The swan's escaped?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Yeah.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Right. And where has the swan escaped from, exactly?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Uh, the Castle.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Oh, yeah? And who might you be?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' P.I. Staker?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Yeah.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Right. "Piss Taker." COME ON!
-->''[[[GilliganCut Cuts to Angel talking to P.I. Staker while writing in his notepad]]]''
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Yes, Mr. Staker. Um, we'll do everything we can. Can you describe it, sir?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Right, it's, uh, 2 foot tall. Um, long slender neck.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Yep.
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Orange and black bill.
-->'''Nicholas Angel:''' Anything else?
-->'''P.I. Staker:''' Well... it's a ''swan''.

-->'''Skinner:''' Well, he killed Billy Shakespeare.
-->'''Angel:''' What?! Oh...

** The code to unlock the evidence room is "999". The evidence room is also completely empty save for a few shelves.

''[one of the Andies throws a bin at Danny's head]''\\

** When Sgt. Fisher is introduced, he is sitting in front of a dry erase board with several adjectives written on it, such as "DISLOYAL", "RUDE", "LATE" - and Fisher is positioned such that these adjectives are pointing directly at him.

** Even better near the end, when the joke gets revisited - "Check out his [[spoiler: horse]]!"

** The glorious "Oh, fuck off, grasshopper!" right before pulling out ''twin derringers from his priest robes.'' Doubles as a CMOA.

** After the swan attacks Frank, the [=POV=] switches to Nicholas and Danny watching the stolen car swerve out of control and run into a tree.

* Every time Angel books someone at the station. One particular standout is when booking Pete Cocker, and the intense focus as Nick writes "COCK".

-->'''Simon Skinner''': ''[over the walkie talkie]'' Michael? Michael! Are you there? Michael! Is everything okay?
-->'''Nicholas Angel''': ''[imitating Lurch]'' Yarp.
-->'''Simon Skinner''': Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
-->'''Nicholas Angel''': Yarp.
-->'''Simon Skinner''': He's not gonna get back up again?
-->'''Nicholas Angel''': ''[nervously]'' ...Narp?
-->'''Simon Skinner''': ''[brief pause]'' Good. Proceed to the Castle.

--->'''Nicholas''':...You do realise the window was broken from the ''inside''.\\

*** Also, most of the station's furniture [[spoiler:coming from a defunct nuclear plant and therefore being essentially bomb-proof.]]

** After Doris hits [[spoiler: Skinner's Assistant]] in the face, she says "Nothing like a bit of [[GirlOnGirlIsHot girl on girl]], ey?" and everyone breaks out laughing.

** "Tits".
** "Cocks".
** "I think you're talking a lot of old shit".

-->'''Tom Weaver''': ''[quietly]'' Oh god no.

-->'''Danny Butterman''': Oh, that's Lurch.\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': Go on.\\
'''Danny Butterman''': He's the trolley boy at the local supermarket.\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': Uh-huh.\\
'''Danny Butterman''': Real name Michael Armstrong.\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': Mmm-hmm.\\
'''Danny Butterman''': Dad says he's got a child's mind.\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': Okay.\\
'''Danny Butterman''': He lives up Summer Street with his mum and his sister.\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': And are they as big as he is?\\
'''Danny Butterman''': Who?\\
'''Nicholas Angel''': The mum and the sister?\\
'''Danny Butterman''': [[{{Squick}} Same person]].
* Nick gets a little irritated after [[spoiler: Frank tries to take Danny hostage.]]
-->'''Nick''': ''[rolls his eyes]'' Pack it in, [[spoiler: Frank]], you silly bastard!

-->'''Cartwright:''' [{{Beat}}] Farmers' mums.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Morning. The swan's escaped.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Yeah.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Uh, the Castle.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Yeah.

-->''[[[GilliganCut Cuts to Angel talking to P.I Staker while writing in his notepad]]]''

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Right, it's, uh, 2 foot tall. Um, long slender neck.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Orange and black bill.

-->'''P.I Staker:''' Well... it's a ''swan''.

* The way Nicholas says “Morning” just before the shootout.
* Skinner addressing Nicholas in the pub by his police number, "777". Not that funny, until you remember Skinner is being played by [[Film/JamesBond Timothy Dalton.]]