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* The ballroom dancing instructor demonstrates a dance with Tim. This exchange makes the extras crack up.

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* The ballroom dancing instructor demonstrates a dance with Tim. This exchange makes His line sends the extras crack up.into a {{corpsing}} fit.
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* Randy gets a spot in the school's talent show.

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* Randy gets a spot in the school's talent show.show as a ventriloquist.

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--->'''Randy:''' Oh, I have always been a big fan of ventriloquism: a noble art of the Latin words "venter" and "loqui", meaning "to speak from the belly".\\

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--->'''Randy:''' -->'''Randy:''' Oh, I have always been a big fan of ventriloquism: a noble art of the Latin words "venter" and "loqui", meaning "to speak from the belly".\\



%%[[AC: #16: "Dances with Tools"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #16: "Dances with Tools"]]

* The boys prank Tim by tying his shoes together and tricking him into hitting himself with whipped cream. Jill walks in while Tim tries to chase after them.
-->'''Jill:''' Aw, honey, not now. Can't we wait till after dinner?
** Jill ostensibly agrees to help Tim, but instead she takes his picture.
* Mark reads from a joke book.
-->'''Mark:''' What is green, has eight legs and liver spots?\\
'''Tim:''' I don't know, but I, I think I married her!\\
'''Jill:''' With all eight legs kicking and screaming!
* Tim decides to treat Jill to ballroom dancing lessons for their anniversary. Brad says that Tim can't dance, and Tim starts disco dancing. Brad rolls his eyes.
* The ballroom dancing instructor demonstrates a dance with Tim. This exchange makes the extras crack up.
-->'''Mark:''' We're in New York.\\
'''Tim:''' Gimme your wallet.
* Tim spins the instructor with so much force that she stumbles into the next room over and crashes into a piano.
-->'''Tim:''' Call 911.
* The boys trying the same prank on Al, but he's one step ahead of him. He pretends to sleep and slaps whipped cream in all three of their faces.
-->'''Al:''' Now you thought you can get me, huh?\\
'''Brad:''' I can't believe it. This worked great on Dad.\\
'''Al:''' I know, he told me.
* Tim gets an award for ''safety'' from the Village Association. The representative, Jerry, gives his reasoning.
-->'''Jerry:''' Your clever staging of realistic looking accidents clearly shows viewers what not to do.
* Tim trying to zing Wilson with a tongue twister.
-->'''Tim:''' How much wood could a Wilson chop if a Wilson could chop wood?\\
'''Wilson:''' He could cut a quarter of a quarter conifer if you gave him a quarter for every quarter cut.\\
'''Tim:''' You're good.

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* Tim complains that Jill keeps far too many clothes in the closet and says this is "suffocating" his shirts. Just for emphasis, he takes out a shirt and starts giving it CPR and [[LargeHam frantically begging it to live]].

%%[[AC: #14: "Howard's End"]]


%%[[AC: #15: "Love is a Many Splintered Thing"]]


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* Tim struggles to pull a shirt out of the closet. When Jill walks inside the bedroom, he complains that Jill she keeps far too many clothes in the closet and says this is it's "suffocating" his shirts. Just for emphasis, he takes out a shirt and starts giving it CPR and [[LargeHam frantically begging it to live]].

%%[[AC:
live]].
* Tim and Al talking about their toolboxes on ''Tool Time''. Al's is bigger than Tim's, which the latter believes is to compensate for the former's "teensy-weensy paycheck". Turns out it also doubles as a first aid kit for Tim, as it contains bandages, ice packs, a tourniquet, crutches and an IV.
* Tim walks out of the garage with a sledgehammer which Jill wrestles away from him.
-->'''Jill:''' Tim, what are you doing?\\
'''Tim:''' I was gonna reorganize the closet.\\
'''Jim:''' No. With a ''sledgehammer''? [[BorrowedCatchphrase I don't think so]].
* Tim succeeds in improving the closet, giving it state-of-the-art technology. At one point, Jill says she's still waiting for an explosion.

[[AC:
#14: "Howard's End"]]


%%[[AC:
End"]]

* Tim and Jill come back from grocery shopping.
-->'''Jill:''' You were going 35 miles an hour.\\
'''Tim:''' Whoa! Since when is 35 going fast?\\
'''Jill:''' Over speed bumps?\\
'''Tim:''' Let me ask you a question. Did your head hit the roof?\\
'''Jill:''' No.\\
'''Tim:''' Then I could have gone faster.
* Jill asks Tim to buy her an oil pan. He comes back with a box full of auto parts, among them shock absorbers.
-->'''Tim:''' They use these in all the off-the-road competitions.\\
'''Jill:''' Tim, I don't intend to drive my car off the road.\\
'''Tim:''' Well, you can now.
* Brad accidentally kills Jennifer's fish Howard by keeping it too close to a lamp.
-->'''Brad:''' Just take him out and see if he flops around.\\
'''Randy:''' No way. The only slimy thing I touch is you.\\
''(Brad glares briefly at Randy before taking Howard out of the bowl and putting it on the counter)''\\
'''Randy:''' ''(slams table while counting)'' 1! 2! 3! He's fried!
* Mark helping Tim tweak the station wagon. Tim claims that because he paid for and is restoring the wagon, it should be his car. Jill overhears this and claims "Is that so?" which makes Tim hit his head underneath the car. Jill has Tim dig himself deeper by sarcastically asking that because he pays for and maintains the house, that should be his, too. Tim says, "Technically," but adds that at least he doesn't charge rent. Jill throws a basket of laundry in his face.
* Jill throwing a couple of coasters she received as a wedding present at Tim.
-->'''Tim:''' Good thing she didn't send us bowling balls.
* Tim has powered up the sander being featured on ''Tool Time''. A few seconds after he turns it on, it rips through the demonstration board he's using.
-->'''Tim:''' ''(in between bouts of coughing)'' On first glance, it might seem like I screwed up. But I have actually done this to prove an important point.\\
'''Al:''' That you know absolutely nothing about sanders?
* At the end of the segment.
-->'''Tim:''' On the job-site, there's no difference between Al's tools and my tools.\\
'''Al:''' Actually Tim, there is. At the end of a job... ''(Al flips the switch to Tim's sander, but it won't turn on)'' ''my'' tools still work.

[[AC:
#15: "Love is a Many Splintered Thing"]]

* The boys cook breakfast for Tim and Jill, but Tim suspects that his plate is booby trapped. He distracts his family and switches the plates. Unfortunately for him, Jill gets a nice breakfast and he gets a bunch of balloons in his face.
** Prior to that:
--->'''Randy:''' Did you look this bad when you met?\\
'''Tim:''' Your mom did.
* Randy gets a spot in the school's talent show.
-->'''Jill:''' You're gonna look so cute holding a dummy.\\
'''Brad:''' He finally gets to work with somebody his own size.\\
'''Randy:''' Yeah, and somebody with your IQ!
* Jill with the help of some friends comes up with a test for the way husbands treat their wives. Tim decides turnabout is fair play, so he creates a quiz called "Is your life more rife with strife because of your wife?" [[ActuallyPrettyFunny This makes Jill crack up]].
* Tim talking to Wilson about Randy's ventriloquist act.
--->'''Randy:''' Oh, I have always been a big fan of ventriloquism: a noble art of the Latin words "venter" and "loqui", meaning "to speak from the belly".\\
'''Tim:''' [[ToiletHumor I do that after eating Mexican food]].

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%%[[AC: #14: "Dream On"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #14: "Dream On"]]

* The boys playing ''TabletopGame/{{Scrabble}}''. Brad builds off Randy's word "melon" to get this:
-->'''Randy:''' "[[ScrabbleBabble Melonology]]"?\\
'''Brad:''' The study of melons. \\
'''Mark:''' There is no such thing as melonology.\\
'''Brad:''' Yeah, there is! Call the produce department at the grocery store, and find out.\\
'''Randy:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Who should I ask for, the melonologist]]?
** Jill and Tim later have a discussion of their own about melonology. Jill doesn't think it's a word either, only for Tim to say it's the study of guys named Mel.
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* Randy and Brad trick Mark into thinking that Isiah Thomas is coming to visit by forging a letter. Jill in turn has Mark forge a letter from Isiah, leaving tickets to a basketball game with locker room access and a game-used autographed ball. Randy and Brad fall for this, so Jill starts grilling them.

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* Randy and Brad trick Mark into thinking that Isiah Thomas is coming to visit by forging a letter. Jill in turn has Mark forge a letter from Isiah, leaving promising tickets to a basketball game with locker room access and a game-used autographed ball. Randy and Brad fall for this, so Jill starts grilling them.

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%%[[AC: #02: "Aisle See You in My Dreams"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #02: "Aisle See You in My Dreams"]]

* Randy and Brad trick Mark into thinking that Isiah Thomas is coming to visit by forging a letter. Jill in turn has Mark forge a letter from Isiah, leaving tickets to a basketball game with locker room access and a game-used autographed ball. Randy and Brad fall for this, so Jill starts grilling them.
-->'''Jill:''' Did you guys write this?\\
'''Tim:''' Yeah?\\
'''Brad:''' No! I-I swear!\\
'''Randy:''' Really, Mom! We didn't!\\
'''Brad:''' Yeah, [[IdioticPartnerConfession we wrote the other one]]! ''([[BeQuietNudge Randy elbows Brad]])''
** After that, Jill rips up Mark's fake letter to the protests of Randy, Brad and Tim who's playing along.
* The ending, where Isiah Thomas starts writing a letter to Mark in response to the 25 he's already received.



%%[[AC: #05: "Arrivederci, Binford"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #05: "Arrivederci, Binford"]]

* Tim pays tribute to John Binford by setting up a 21 nail-gun salute. [[TrashTheSet Goes about as well as you'd expect]].
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* Jill tries to calm Tim down after they discover that [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes there's a snake in the house]]. She offers a cookie that she just took out of the oven, and Tim's a bit too eager to have it.

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* Jill tries to calm Tim down after they discover that [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes there's a snake in the house]]. She offers a cookie that she just took out of the oven, oven and slides it right onto Tim's a bit too eager to have it.hands.
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* Jill leaving Brad and Randy home alone.
-->'''Jill:''' Now, Wilson is gonna be next door the whole time if you need anything, and here are the emergency numbers right here.\\
'''Randy:''' We know, we know. [[AcquaintedWithEmergencyServices We call them all the time for Dad]].
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'''Tim:''' Don't start, Karen, please. All I've heard all week long is "Bob Vila this, Bob Vila that", What does Bob Vila have that I don't have?\\

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'''Tim:''' Don't start, Karen, please. All I've heard all week long is "Bob Vila this, Bob Vila that", that". What does Bob Vila have that I don't have?\\

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%%[[AC: #21: "Much Ado About Nana"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #21: "Much Ado About Nana"]]

* Tim gets sick of losing his speedway races at Brad's party, so he connects the [=DustBuster=]'s motor to his car. The car goes so fast that it flies off the track and breaks a window.



%%[[AC: #25: "The Great Race"]]

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%%[[AC: [[AC: #25: "The Great Race"]]
Race"]]

* ''Tool Time'' holds a contest where viewers vote for their favorite celebrity guest thus far. Tim rigs the contest against Bob Vila's favor by erasing his name from the list. To his chagrin, Bob Vila wins because enough people voted for him as a write-in.
** Tim claims that thousands of people sent in postcards. The final tally, as counted by Lisa, was 112.
* Jill and Karen trade one-liner after one-liner after Tim comes home that day.
-->'''Jill:''' ''(to Karen)'' He's always in a snit when Bob Vila's on the show.\\
'''Karen:''' Isn't he the guy that has [[Series/ThisOldHouse that national tool show that Tim ripped off]]?\\
'''Tim:''' Don't start, Karen, please. All I've heard all week long is "Bob Vila this, Bob Vila that", What does Bob Vila have that I don't have?\\
'''Karen:''' High ratings?\\
'''Jill:''' Fans?\\
'''Karen:''' A big salary?\\
'''Tim:''' Are you through?\\
'''Jill:''' Aw, Pookie, we were just kidding. Remember, you have something to be proud of that Bob Vila does not have.\\
'''Tim:''' Oh yeah, what?\\
'''Jill:''' Al.
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* In the ColdOpen, Tim and Jill are awakened by a woodpecker outside of their house. Tim tries to deter it with Jill's bathrobe, but he tears the gutter down. He then goes to get a broom but leaves the window open. Jill closes the window and tries to go back to sleep. Jim comes back with a broom and, not noticing the window is closed, pushes the handle through it, breaking the pane.

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* In the ColdOpen, Tim and Jill are awakened by a woodpecker outside of their house. Tim tries to deter it with Jill's bathrobe, but he tears the gutter down. He then goes to get a broom but leaves the window open. Jill closes the window and tries to go back to sleep. Jim Tim comes back with a broom and, not noticing the window is closed, pushes the handle through it, breaking the pane.
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* Brad and Randy set up a makeshift seesaw which they use to launch a toy Godzilla. They see Mark coming outside and decide to launch him into the air. They are stopped just in time with Jill calls Mark inside. She orders Brad and Randy to stay right where they are... hanging from the tree they were using to drop onto the seesaw.

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* Brad and Randy set up a makeshift seesaw which they use to launch a toy Godzilla. They see Mark coming outside and decide to launch him into the air. They are stopped just in time with when Jill calls Mark inside. She orders Brad and Randy to stay right where they are... hanging from the tree they were using to drop onto the seesaw.



* Al gives a life tip where you can use a potato to safely remove a broken light bulb from a socket. He doesn't mention that the lamp needs to be unplugged until Tim gets zapped putting the potato on the bulb.

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* Al gives a life tip where you can use a potato to safely remove a broken light bulb from a socket. He doesn't mention that the lamp needs to be unplugged until [[FailedASpotCheck Tim gets zapped putting the potato on the bulb.bulb]].
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%%[[AC: #08: "May the Best Man Win"]]

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%%[[AC: [[AC: #08: "May the Best Man Win"]]

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* Tim's wisecracks about the hotel he stayed in after he declines staying in Al's apartment.
-->'''Tim''': It was so small the mice were hunchback. It was so small that when I put my key through the door it went out the window. It was so small all you could order was condensed milk. I had a folding toothbrush. It was so small there was [[StealthPun no room]] for complaint.




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* Tim blows off safety concerns from Maureen and Al to start a home renovation episode of ''Tool Time'' on a roof. While stepping around for a safe segment, he jumps and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMaAjPtByj8 falls through the roof]].
** When asked about what happened afterward, Tim says he was thankful that the basement stopped his fall.




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* Brad and Randy set up a makeshift seesaw which they use to launch a toy Godzilla. They see Mark coming outside and decide to launch him into the air. They are stopped just in time with Jill calls Mark inside. She orders Brad and Randy to stay right where they are... hanging from the tree they were using to drop onto the seesaw.
** After that, this exchange between Jill and Mark.
--->'''Danny:''' But Mom, they were gonna play with me.\\
'''Jill:''' Mark, when Brad and Randy say they want to play with you, always ask yourself, "What do they want to ''do'' to me?"







%%[[AC: #11: "Abandoned Family"]]


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\n%%[[AC: * In the B-plot, Mark comes home covered with mud thrown by the [=McGurns=]. Brad and Randy aim to get back at them with a catapult. After Brad suggests launching something that stinks, he and Randy look at Mark.
-->'''Mark''': I don't stink!
** The boys settle on catapulting garbage, and the catapult is a success. They run away, and Tim later stumbles on it while chasing Jill outside the house. Unbeknownst to Tim, the [=McGurns=] have a catapult of their own and send garbage raining down on Tim.

[[AC:
#11: "Abandoned Family"]]

* Al gives a life tip where you can use a potato to safely remove a broken light bulb from a socket. He doesn't mention that the lamp needs to be unplugged until Tim gets zapped putting the potato on the bulb.
* Tim hooks bottles of laundry detergent, bleach and fabric softener up to the washing machine so that he'll have more time for other chores.
-->'''Jill:''' What did you do to my washer? Why is it on life support?
* Tim attaches an electric motor intending for it to spin faster. It does, but it makes the dryer itself rotates on the floor. Tim and Jill go in the garage to see Randy riding on top of it. Randy gets off so Tim can stop it manually, but that doesn't work. Jill has to unplugs the dryer which finally turns it off.
-->'''Randy:''' Wow! Cool! I have friends who'd pay good money to ride this.\\
'''Jill:''' Out!\\
'''Randy:''' Aw, man! Everybody gets to make money, except for me.



* In the same Christmas episode, Tim starts messing with the BlueScreen during a Tool Time promo, causing a fighter jet, an old CowboysAndIndians movie, and Hawaii to appear behind them.

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* In the same Christmas episode, Tim starts messing messes with the BlueScreen during a Tool Time promo, causing a fighter jet, an old CowboysAndIndians movie, and Hawaii to appear behind them.




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* Jill puts a box of glass ornaments on a chair which Tim [[PainToTheAss accidentally sits on]].
-->'''Jill:''' Just stop bouncing around. [[SkewedPriorities You're gonna get glass all around the floor]].\\
'''Tim:''' [[LampshadedTrope Well, thanks for your concern]].



%%[[AC: #18: "Bye Bye Birdie"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #18: "Bye Bye Birdie"]]

* In the ColdOpen, Tim and Jill are awakened by a woodpecker outside of their house. Tim tries to deter it with Jill's bathrobe, but he tears the gutter down. He then goes to get a broom but leaves the window open. Jill closes the window and tries to go back to sleep. Jim comes back with a broom and, not noticing the window is closed, pushes the handle through it, breaking the pane.
* Tim sets up a blaster to get rid of the woodpecker. He makes the house shake and books fall off the walls. When he thinks it worked, he says that the woodpecker checked into the Walter Lantz clinic.
* Tim's attempt to scare the woodpecker with a wooden owl. It doesn't work, as the owl comes out pecked almost completely on one side.
* Tim later tries to chase away the woodpecker with Mark's shark helicopter. Before he goes outside, Jill wonders if she should call the hospital and ask if they're serving a soup he likes.
** The shark helicopter makes Tim its target, chasing him around the backyard and stalking him after he goes back in the house.
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---->'''Randy''': It's really hot out there. I don't know if all that the straw around the baby Jesus is such a great idea.
---->'''Tim''': He's the son of God! He'll be fine!

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---->'''Randy''': --->'''Randy''': It's really hot out there. I don't know if all that the straw around the baby Jesus is such a great idea.
---->'''Tim''': --->'''Tim''': He's the son of God! He'll be fine!



---->'''Jill''': Does this look familiar?
---->'''Tim''': (incredulous) Frosty?
---->'''Jill''': He had a power surge and suffered a meltdown.

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---->'''Jill''': --->'''Jill''': Does this look familiar?
---->'''Tim''': --->'''Tim''': (incredulous) Frosty?
---->'''Jill''': --->'''Jill''': He had a power surge and suffered a meltdown.



* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdXMdvhsvi0 Tim's ballet, aka "The Peasants Rejoice.]]

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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdXMdvhsvi0 Tim's ballet, aka "The Peasants Rejoice.Rejoice".]]
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--->'''Al:''' Well, right now, Tim and Hank are explaining to Bob just what it feels like to be pregnant.\\

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--->'''Al:''' -->'''Al:''' Well, right now, Tim and Hank are explaining to Bob just what it feels like to be pregnant.\\
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--->'''Tim:''' Ogh! No wonder men don't play this part! ''(starts spinning around)'' Guys, hold it! I don't have it rigged right. Oh, no! Oh! oh! Stop, please!\\

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--->'''Tim:''' Ogh! No wonder men don't play this part! ''(starts spinning around)'' Guys, hold it! I don't have it rigged right. Oh, no! Oh! oh! Oh! Stop, please!\\
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* In the B-plot, Randy plays Theatre/PeterPan in the school play. Tim constructs a pulley system and recruits the boys into testing it. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.

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* In the B-plot, Randy plays Theatre/PeterPan in the school play. Tim constructs a pulley system and so Randy can fly in the theater. He recruits the boys into testing it. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.
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* In the B-plot, Randy plays Theater/PeterPan in the school play. Tim constructs a pulley system and recruits the boys into testing it. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.

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* In the B-plot, Randy plays Theater/PeterPan Theatre/PeterPan in the school play. Tim constructs a pulley system and recruits the boys into testing it. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.
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* Tim recruits the boys in testing the pulley system for Randy's play. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.

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* In the B-plot, Randy plays Theater/PeterPan in the school play. Tim constructs a pulley system and recruits the boys in into testing the pulley system for Randy's play.it. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.
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* At the end of the episode, Tim sets up an obstacle course with dummies. Brad operated switches that make three of them spin and a fourth come out to tackle him. He activates the fourth switch which pushes Tim through the fence and into Wilson's backyard.

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* At the end of the episode, Tim sets up an obstacle course with dummies. Brad operated operates switches that make three of them spin and a fourth come out to tackle him. He activates the fourth switch which pushes Tim through the fence and into Wilson's backyard.
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** An alternate take is played during the credits where the fence does not give after Tim bumps into it. Tim falls to the floor laughing.

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** An alternate take is played during the credits where the fence does not give after Tim bumps into it. Tim falls to the floor ground laughing.
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* Tim disguises himself as "Fred", a repairman. He takes apart the family's phone to use as an allegory for signals between his wife and Jill. After he puts it back together, the phone rings with a higher pitch and starts smoking. Tim and Jill look over in wonder

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* Tim disguises himself as "Fred", a repairman. He takes apart the family's phone to use as an allegory for signals between his wife and Jill. After he puts it back together, the phone rings with a higher pitch and starts smoking. Tim and Jill look over in wonder
wonder.
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** The boys are more interested on when the ice cream truck is coming on their block.

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** The boys are more interested on in when the ice cream truck is coming on their block.
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** What finally manages to scare Danny. He lifts a bucket to see Al's head poking out of the toolbox dressed as a vampire with Randy pretending to be his body. Soon after, Wilson dressed as ''Film/TheInvisibleMan'' grabs him. Once Danny breaks free, he scurries up the stairs. Doubles as a moment of awesome.

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** What finally manages to scare Danny. He lifts a bucket to see Al's head poking out of the toolbox dressed as a vampire with Randy pretending to be his body. Soon after, Wilson dressed as ''Film/TheInvisibleMan'' Literature/TheInvisibleMan grabs him. Once Danny breaks free, he scurries up the stairs. Doubles as a moment of awesome.

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%%[[AC: #05: "Heavy Meddle"]]


%%[[AC: #06: "The Haunting of Taylor House"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #05: "Heavy Meddle"]]


%%[[AC:
Meddle"]]

* Al coming to Tim's gathering in a cowboy outfit.
* Tim's friend Bob comes over with his pregnant wife Leslie.
--->'''Al:''' Well, right now, Tim and Hank are explaining to Bob just what it feels like to be pregnant.\\
'''Wanda:''' Oh yeah, right. The day one of those He-Men goes to the john and shoots a 9 pound ham out of his butt, ''then'' he can talk!
* The B-plot has Brad, Randy and Mark trying to exact revenge on the [=McGurns=]
-->'''Tim:''' What did I tell you about water balloons?\\
'''Mark:''' Fill 'em up real full so they bust on contact?\\
'''Tim:''' [[ExactWords That's right]]!
* The boys never get the chance to throw their water balloon, so they give it to Tim. Jill makes her way outside, and the boys disperse, leaving Tim to hide it in his shirt. Tim doesn't do such a good job hiding it, so when Jill leans in to kiss, she slaps his stomach which pops the balloon.

[[AC:
#06: "The Haunting of Taylor House"]]

* Jill's costume is a carrot. It was all they had left after they lost her reservation. Unfortunately, one of the kids invited to the Halloween party is dressed as a rabbit.
-->'''Tim:''' Hey, I don't like the way you're looking at Ms. Carrot!
* Curtis from "What About Bob?" shows up to the party, dressed as an atom.
-->'''Curtis:''' Mrs. Taylor, that's a great costume.\\
'''Jill:''' Thank you, Curtis.\\
'''Curtis:''' [[InnocentlyInsensitive You can't even see how fat you are]].\\
''({{beat}})''\\
'''Jill:''' What are ''you'' supposed to be, Curtis?\\
'''Curtis:''' I'm an atom.\\
'''Jill:''' Then why don't you ''split''?
* Jennifer shows up to the party dressed in leather, instead of Raggedy Ann to Brad's Raggedy Andy. Brad and her new boyfriend Danny have a scuffle. Tim catches them, and Brad storms off to his room.
-->'''Curtis:''' Mrs. Taylor, why did Brad leave?\\
'''Jill:''' Well, I don't know. I suppose he's just embarrassed about his costume.\\
'''Curtis:''' Oh. When are ''you'' gonna leave?
* The haunted basement scene.
** Mark puts on the mask that Tim previously wore at the studio. All the kids except Danny are fooled.
--->'''Danny:''' That's just Brad's dumb little brother.\\
'''Mark:''' It is not me!
** Tim dresses as Nana-Stein, a creepy old woman. He chases the kids, sans Danny, upstairs and [[RunningGag hits his head on the low pipe on the way down]].
** Danny complains about the lack of scariness.
--->'''Danny:''' This is pathetic. You're are in a dress, your son's a doll and your wife is a radish.\\
'''Jill:''' Hey! I'm a carrot! Learn your vegetables.
** Danny gets in a couple of good one-liners, calling Tim's show ''Fool Time'' and sarcastically asking if a wrench is going to pop out of the tool chest to say "Boo!"
** What finally manages to scare Danny. He lifts a bucket to see Al's head poking out of the toolbox dressed as a vampire with Randy pretending to be his body. Soon after, Wilson dressed as ''Film/TheInvisibleMan'' grabs him. Once Danny breaks free, he scurries up the stairs. Doubles as a moment of awesome.

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%%[[AC: #01: "Read My Hips"]]


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%%[[AC: [[AC: #01: "Read My Hips"]]

* Tim doesn't come home from the bar in 15 minutes, as he promised to Jill.
-->'''Jill:''' I wanted to be more subtle. What did you expect me to say: "The kids are gone, I'm home alone, come and take me big daddy"?\\
'''Tim:''' Now ''that'' I understand.
* Tim disguises himself as "Fred", a repairman. He takes apart the family's phone to use as an allegory for signals between his wife and Jill. After he puts it back together, the phone rings with a higher pitch and starts smoking. Tim and Jill look over in wonder



* Brad gets in trouble when he steals a frog about to be dissected and hides it in cafeteria food. Jill wants him barred from going to the monster truck rally, but Tim lets him off easy.
-->'''Jill:''' Thanks for making me look bad.\\
'''Tim:''' What?\\
'''Jill:''' "Your mother and I need to talk"? That means, "My pal, the greatest dad on earth, wants me to go the truck rally, but Ilse, the wicked she-mother, doesn't." You do this to me all the time!\\
'''Tim:''' Oh, come on, Ilse.
* A police officer brings Brad home after catching him throwing bricks at an abandoned greenhouse. Tim and Jill [[YouAreGrounded ground him]] and forbid him to go to the monster truck rally.
-->'''Mark:''' Can I bring Billy?\\
'''Randy:''' Oh, shut up! ''(pulls Mark away)''



** Earlier on ''Tool Time'', Tim gets a couple of good zingers on Al.
--->'''Al:''' Actually Tim, lots of masculine men wear skirts.\\
'''Tim:''' I bet they all find you very attractive, Al.\\\
'''Tim:''' When you work like a man, it's also important to learn to play like a man. After all, [[Film/TheShining all work and no play makes you]] [[BaitAndSwitch just like Al]].



-->'''Jill:''' I just wish it were shorter.
-->''(Tim and Jill look at each other)''
-->'''Tim and Jill:''' The kilt!
** The blooper during the credits has Tim Allen flashing Patricia Richardson.

%%[[AC: #03: "Overactive Glance"]]


%%[[AC: #04: "Groin Pains"]]


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-->'''Jill:''' --->'''Jill:''' I just wish it were shorter.
-->''(Tim --->''(Tim and Jill look at each other)''
-->'''Tim --->'''Tim and Jill:''' The kilt!
** Randy says this when he sees Tim in the kilt.
--->'''Randy:''' Hi, Mom! Where's Dad?
* Tim and Brad make up with the former showing the latter how to use tools properly.
-->'''Brad:''' Do I get to use the blowtorch?\\
'''Tim:''' Yeah, right. And then we can wait outside for the fire department to show up.\\
'''Brad:''' [[NoodleIncident Well, it's not like they haven't been here before]].
* Tim volunteers for the caber toss competition at the festival. He foregoes the women-sized caber in favor of a normal-sized one. While struggling to carry it around, he accidentally pushes it through the windows of Al's souped up station wagon.
*
The blooper during the credits has Tim Allen flashing Patricia Richardson.

%%[[AC: [[AC: #03: "Overactive Glance"]]


%%[[AC:
Glance"]]

* Randy can't hold onto a football, so Tim decides to help him out with glue. He demonstrates by applying glue to his hands, and he winds up sticking them together.
* Tim chokes on a piece of bread. Everyone in the restaurant [[CrossesTheLineTwice mistakes it for grunting]].
* At the end of the episode, Tim sets up an obstacle course with dummies. Brad operated switches that make three of them spin and a fourth come out to tackle him. He activates the fourth switch which pushes Tim through the fence and into Wilson's backyard.
** An alternate take is played during the credits where the fence does not give after Tim bumps into it. Tim falls to the floor laughing.

[[AC:
#04: "Groin Pains"]]

* Tim pulls his groin, and Mark notices.
-->'''Mark:''' What happened?\\
'''Tim:''' I pulled my groin.\\
'''Mark:''' What's that?\\
'''Tim:''' My very favorite muscle.
* Mark offers to tell Jill, but Tim stops him.
-->'''Mark:''' How do you know if you have regular pain or man pain?\\
'''Tim:''' If you do something stupid it's probably man pain.
* Tim tells Al about his groin injury backstage. After one wisecrack too many, Al throws a bag of cement in Tim's direction. Tim catches it and falls to the floor in pain.
* Tim recruits the boys in testing the pulley system for Randy's play. He does this by hooking it up outside so he can talk to Jill through her window.
** The boys are more interested on when the ice cream truck is coming on their block.
--->'''Mark:''' Dad, is the ice cream truck coming soon?\\
'''Tim:''' ''Would you forget about the ice cream truck for a minute''!?
** When the boys get him airborne, Tim feels the pressure around his already injured groin.
--->'''Tim:''' Ogh! No wonder men don't play this part! ''(starts spinning around)'' Guys, hold it! I don't have it rigged right. Oh, no! Oh! oh! Stop, please!\\
'''Randy:''' Come on, Dad, think happy thoughts.\\
'''Tim:''' You're married. You're out of the house.
** This exchange when Jill notices.
--->'''Tim:''' Come on, guys. Fly me up so I can see my peahen.\\
'''Randy:''' Mom! Dad called you a pea-brain! ''(laughs)''\\
'''Tim:''' That's ''not'' what I said!
** Jill warns Tim that he'd better get down before he hurts himself. Tim shows off with the boys' help, but the ice cream truck comes. The boys promptly abandon Tim who falls.
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-->'''Randy:''' That's because you blew it, you stooge. ''(to Jill)'' He was trying out for one of the wise men, and he said they were carrying gold and Frankenstein!

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-->'''Randy:''' '''Randy:''' That's because you blew it, you stooge. ''(to Jill)'' He was trying out for one of the wise men, and he said they were carrying gold and Frankenstein!
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* The new entertainment system Tim buys is activated by clapping. While Tim hooks up a speaker, Jill calls Mark down and claps twice. Tim gets a blare of rock music in his ears.

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