History Funny / GloriousShotgunPrincess

"MY DING DING DONG."

** Then when they find out that Cerberus is building a new Normandy, they wonder if it managed to kill everyone and take over the base. No, it didn't. [[spoiler: Because the AI hadn't been installed yet when it took over the base (therefore it wasn't the Normandy yet), and it decidedly did ''not'' kill everyone, merely herded them to the storage areas and made them watch videos on office safety, namely on why it's a bad idea to try and remove the MoralityChip from your AI built from homicidal AI templates.]]

* When [[spoiler: Kal'Reegar]] Exalts, '''Terminal''', a ''Reaper'', is so dumfounded that he can only utter '''[[FlatWhat "What."]]'''

* Liara notes that a common human courting ritual is the presentation of plants to one another, so she buys the biggest, heaviest potted plant she can find to give to Jane. [[spoiler: She ends up using it to brain Morinth, instead.]]

* Kal'Reegar and Wuffles, best bros ever. Kal gives Wuffles interesting insights into the fact that the Heretics are assholes. Wuffles gives Kal ''dating advice.''

-->The brass eye blinks, goes silent, and slowly turns to EDI. "Ah, yes. Sorry. I may have some resentment towards my kin. What was the question?"

* Autocthon briefly thinking the Judeo-Christian God is....someone else.

->"Animating spiritual entities really. Hold on, let me look up a definition..." Accessing Extranet. Topic: Gods. Redirect: Religion. Redirect: Monotheism. Redirect: YHVH. "Oh! Oh! That's just rich! I go an entire universe away and they still worship that arrogant flaming bastard!"
->"Autochthon-"
->"Oh oh oh! Look at my brass arse! My brass arse is the finest brass arse in all of creation! My brass arse is so perfect and round and glowing and fiery!"
->"Autochthon-"
->"My brass arse is so brilliant you can't see it under the formless green flame that I am! I'm so awesome and mighty that I'm going to sing you a song about my brass arse and shake my brass arse-"
->"Autochthon-"
->"And then all the crystal spheres and all the silver sands and all the drug clouds and all the poison seas will just throw themselves at me and '''not pay any attention to the inventor who makes ALL the necessary things and ALL the wondrous things and ALL the things we use and break-"'''
->"Auto! CHTHON!"
->The brass eye blinks, goes silent, and slowly turns to EDI. "Ah, yes. Sorry. I may have some resentment towards my kin. What was the question?"

* When the Salarian head of Eclipse opens his fortune cookie, he quizzically looks at it, wondering why his note says "Falcon", before Garrus punches him through the fortune cookie.

* When [[CardCarryingVillain the Ebon Dragon]] respectively refers to the CelestialParagonsAndArchangels of the setting as, respectively, 'an alcoholic overachiever' (the Unconquered Sun), 'a sexual deviant' (Luna, the Changing Lady) and 'sisters who are married to their work' (the Maidens of Destiny).

* When [[CardCarryingVillain the Ebon Dragon]] respectively refers to the CelestialParagonsAndArchangels of the setting as, respectively, 'an alcoholic overachiever' (the Unconquered Sun), 'a sexual deviant (Luna The Changing Lady) and 'sisters who are married to their work' (the Maidens of Destiny).

* When [[CardCarryingVillain the Ebon Dragon]] respectively refers to the [[CelestialParagonsAndArchangels]] as, respectively, 'an alcoholic overachiever' (the Unconquered Sun), 'a sexual deviant (Luna The Changing Lady) and 'sisters who are married to their work' (the Maidens of Destiny).

-->'''Hock''': “Did you really think I was going to just let you waltz away? Did you really think you were going to bi ba boo boo doo doo?”

* Pretty much everything Kasumi does during the heist on Hock's party. Highlights include [[spoiler: stealing Hock's ability to speak languages while he's addressing his guests]] and [[spoiler: stealing his ability to read.]] She also [[spoiler: unleashes a grizzly bear on one of the guards in the vehicle bay.]]

* The Geth republished Fifty Shades of Grey under an Asari name on Thessia. They thought the results were hilarious.

* The Geth republished Fifty Shades of Grey under an Asari name on Thessia. They thought the results were [I]hilarious[/I].

* [[spoiler:She Who Lives In Her Name's]] first meeting with [[spoiler:Autocthon]] is made of hilarity-[[spoiler:she's been a mysterious, NightmareFuel force for the vast majority of the story...and the instant she sees him, [[TheManBehindTheCurtain all pretense goes out the window and she regresses to the personality of a bitchy teenage girl.]]]] To say nothing of how Shepard ''escapes''-[[spoiler:she reads the minds on board the Normandy and, upon seeing how the universe formed ''naturally'', is so busy spewing {{Angrish}} that she doesn't notice they've gone.]]

* [[spoiler:She Who Lives In Her Name's]] first meeting with [[spoiler:Autocthon]] is made of hilarity-[[spoiler:she's been a mysterious, NightmareFuel force for the vast majority of the story...and the instant she sees him, [[TheManBehindTheCurtain all pretense goes out the window and she regresses to the personality of a bitchy teenage girl.]]]] To say nothing of how Shepard ''escapes''-[spoiler:she reads the minds on board the Normandy and, upon seeing how the universe formed ''naturally'', is so busy spewing {{Angrish}} that she doesn't notice they've gone.]]

* "You fucked a [[GeniusLoci planet]]." Context: [[spoiler: Liara melding over and over again with one of the minds of Deus Machina, gaining more knowledge each time. In fact, she does it so often that immediately afterward it triggers her biological shift to the Matron stage of asari lifespan about two hundred years early.]]

* Shepard and Joker's FlatWhat reaction when [[spoiler: Kasumi]] shows up and ''shoots strength'' into Joker (using the strength of Shepard's cabin chair and Destiny Ascension model as a replacement).

* After meeting Autocthon, the Normandy is taken in for repairs...and then Shepard discovers [[spoiler:he turned the crew quarters into a ''BiggerOnTheInside island paradise. With a bar and restaurant.'']]

*** Tali says it best when she wonders if they're actually quarians, [[EpicFail due to their astounding skills at failure when it comes to making AIs do what they want]].

*** Tali says it best when she wonders if they're actually quarians, [[EpicFail due to their astounding skills at failure]].

** Then when they find out that Cerberus is building a new Normandy, they wonder if it managed to kill everyone and take over the base. No, it didn't. [[spoiler: Because the AI hadn't been installed yet when it took over the base (therefore it wasn't the Normandy yet), and it decidedly did ''not'' kill everyone, merely herded them to the storage areas and made them watch videos on office safety, namely on why it's a bad idea to try and remove the MoralityChip from your AI built from homicidal AI templates.]]

** Then when they find out that Cerberus is building a new Normandy, they wonder if it managed to kill everyone and take over the base. No, it didn't. [[spoiler: Because the AI hadn't been installed yet when it took over the base (therefore wasn't it the Normandy yet), and it decidedly did ''not'' kill everyone, merely herded them to the storage areas and made them watch videos on office safety, on why it's a bad idea to try and remove the MoralityChip from your AI built from homicidal AI templates.]]

* On Cerberus' blunders from the first game:

'''Liara:''' "The taco cart would kill all the scientists involved and take over the base... What's a taco cart?"

-->''"We have assessed the risk of internal damage due to unorthodox use of thermal clips to be negligible but not nonexistent."''