History Funny / GilmoreGirls

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qmBaBLXNbI "STOP TALKING TO THE DOGS!"]]
* Paris kissing Rory at Spring Break to prove she's spontaneous.
* Rory, Paris, and Lane get absolutely hammered with Miss Patty's punch and discuss their miserable love lives.
-->'''Rory:''' Miss Patty’s leftover punch is used to remove tar from construction sites.
-->'''Paris:''' Then let it remove the tar from our souls.
* Rory gets her first in the pilot, when Lorelai confronts the guy whom she turned down and later found hitting on Rory.

* When Sookie was celebrating Rory getting into Chilton, and starts a fire. Just the chef coming over and nonchalantly puts a lid over it to stop it. Clearly showing this is a regular thing.
* Lorelai and Rory visit a TastesLikeDiabetes hotel. Lorelai finds the guest book and writes: "Satanic forces are at work here."
* The Fight Montage in "Friday Night's All right for Fighting", especially the part where Emily and Lorelai [[CallBack have the exact same argument that they had in the pilot!]]
-->'''Lorelai''': We were ''sixteen''! We didn't want to get married!\\
'''Emily''': When you get pregnant, you get married. A child needs a mother and a father!\\
'''Lorelai''': '''OH''', '''MY''' '''GOD'''!!!!
* Kirk's "night terrors".
* "I'm not the first guy to name a restaurant after myself! What about Mr. Denny or Mr. E. Cheese?"
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O57PZCdMqY ''Dammit Gilmore, give them back their balls!'']]
* The diorama of a modern family at the Stars Hollow Historical Museum.
--> '''Mother:''' I just love serving breakfast to my family!\\
'''Child:''' And I love Jesus!
* A completely soaked Paris rushes in from the stormy outdoors to appraise a not very sharp girl who asked "Is it raining?" of how it is outside;
--> '''Paris:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion No, it's National Baptism Day!]] Tie your tubes, idiot!
* Lorelai comes up with a phrase of InherentlyFunnyWords. "Oy with the poodles already!"
* [[SeinfeldianConversation "Where have all the anvils gone?"]]
* Emily sneaking up on Lorelai while she dances and lip-syncs to Andy Gibb's "Shadow Dancing" in her Jeep.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7zsNFE0C2I Luke pushes Jess into a lake without flinching.]]
** The fact that after this, that bridge becomes Jess's go-to spot in town when he needs to think.
* Jess's black eye and his story about attacked by a swan. Luke doesn't believe him but humors him when they row out to the lake and try to attack the swan with a ladle.
** "I'm telling you, [the swan] is vicious." "Yeah, his butt's terrifying."
** The funny thing is he's right-- swans ''are'' pretty vicious.
* At the Bracebridge dinner, Dean comments to Rory that he think Jess is a jerk. They turn to see Jess standing in the foyer talking to Luke and Lorelai and when the three of them make eye contact, Jess simply waves hello at them with a semi-innocent look on his face, making Dean seethe with irritation.

* The short movie Kirk made.
* Emily tries explaining her wedding day woes to Lorelai.
--> '''Emily:''' [[InsaneTrollLogic When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy!]]\\
'''Lorelai:''' ''What'' does that even mean?
* The minstrel at Liz and TJ's wedding. It's a funny moment in-universe as well, Luke and Lorelai are clearly trying to think of ways not to laugh while Jess makes faces in an attempt to not crack.
** Before that, Liz and her friends meet up at Luke's diner. A postal worker comes into the diner with a package for Liz. Jess, being completely aware of what's about to happen, hightails it out of there and gives a clueless Luke a "Have fun!!" look. Luke has no idea ("but there's no address on it!")...until the postal worker reveals that he's really a stripper and starts dancing for Liz.
* In the episode prior to Liz' wedding, Luke and Jess have a conversation about Jess's impromptu LoveConfession to Rory a few months prior, in which he told her he loved her and then left before she said anything.
-->'''Luke:''' What, you just said it and walked away?
-->'''Jess:''' No. I got in my car and left.
-->'''Luke:''' You just dropped the bomb and ran?
-->'''Jess:''' [[DistinctionWithoutADifference I drove!]]
** Jess asserts that Rory clearly didn't feel the same way, because she never called him to talk about it. Luke points out that Jess changes his phone number weekly.
** Later in the conversation, Luke tries to give Jess advice, clearly influenced by the self-help tapes he's been listening to. He tells Jess that he uses "love as a bargaining tool" and that he "doesn't nurture." Jess is perturbed.
-->'''Jess:''' Where are you getting this junk?!
-->'''Luke:''' Life. I've lived.
-->'''Jess:''' In ''what,'' a Bette Midler movie?
* Lorelai finding out that Rory was the cause of the fight at a WildTeenParty. She starts singing "The Wind Beneath My Wings".
* In "That Damn Donna Reed", Rory dresses up as, and acts like, a stereotypical housewife as a way of teaching Dean a lesson (she thinks he was acting a little sexist). When Lorelai sees her in that outfit, she's highly amused:
-->'''Lorelai:''' Well, OK, you're 16. You have a whole house to yourself for the evening. I expect that you're going to have your boyfriend over. But what is with the apron?\\
'''Rory:''' It's a long story.\\
'''Lorelai:''' Did it involve a sharp blow to the head?\\
'''Rory:''' I gotta go check on Apricot.\\
'''Lorelai:''' Oh my God! I just saw the pearls.\\
'''Rory:''' I'm going in now.\\
'''Lorelai:''' You know what? I'm going inside too. 'Cause I have to write down all the ways I'm gonna torture you about that outfit.\\
'''Rory:''' Good night!\\
'''Lorelai:''' Could I just get a picture though? 'Cause visual aids would really help. Oh, oh! Oh the shoes! I am dying. Oh.
** The beginning of the episode is also hysterical, with Loralai and Rory watching ''The Donna Reed Show'' and making glorious commentary on the [[TastesLikeDiabetes sugary-sweet]] and sexist 1950's vibe they get from it.
-->'''Loralai: (Watching Donna Reed, mockingly)''' You now daughter, there's nothing I find more satisfying than washing windows. Oh no, I just had an impure thought about your father, Alex. Funny, I don't now why I had it. It's not the second Saturday of the month.
* The shocked look on Lorelai's face when [[spoiler:Floyd Stiles reveals that he knows she and Jason are dating]]
* [[http://youtu.be/0t8BrIUd6yk Lorelai wakes up to Luke fixing her porch rail.]]
* A reverend and a rabbi make fun of Taylor in Luke's Diner.

* [[GoMadFromTheRevelation Luke's]] FreakOut [[BerserkButton when he discovers Taylor put in a window]] [[HilarityEnsues connecting the soda shoppe to his diner]]
* The church pastor finding Luke and Lorelai breaking the church bells. His response? "Oh thank god...carry on."
* Jess sneaks into the dance marathon and attempts to grab a snack from the concession stand...except it's operated by Lane and Mrs. Kim.

* Kirk getting a cat and having new and worse-looking scratches every time he meets up with Lorelai, explaining how the cat (which he also named Kirk) will attack him if he doesn't "announce his presence before entering a room." Later he explains filling his tub with water and hiding underwater to hide from Cat Kirk but "he still found me", and by the end of the episode he's sleeping outside on a park bench.
* In a meta-example, the season 4 episode where Richard's mother passes away, [[YouLookFamiliar her very same actress plays Richard's cousin at the funeral]] ''later that episode!'' Make-up wise it's done so well you could hardly tell, but the voice should be a dead give away.
* Lorelai's been uninvited to Christmas dinner and is moping about it.
-->'''Rory''': I think you're acting a little immature.\\
'''Lorelai''': I'm not acting.
* Lorelai coming home to find an injured and very drunk Luke trying to fix her broken window.

* Rory and Lorelai devil-egging Jess's car.
--> '''Jess:''' Someone ''prepared'' eggs to throw at my car? \\
'''Luke:''' Yep, that's paprika.
* In "Dear Emily and Richard", Lorelai opens a door, stares at Sookie and says nothing. Sookie gives an exasperated sigh and [[FlippingTheTable flips]] a huge golfball cake straight into a trash can.[[note]] They were catering for a man who had changed his mind on several retirement-party themes already[[/note]]
* When Lane decides to dye her hair, with Rory's help, and the bleach starts burning her scalp. They're panicking, the burning's getting worse, and the label is no help.
-->'''Lane''': ''What do I do?''\\
'''Rory''': Run around the block!\\
'''Lane''': Why?!\\
'''Rory''': I don't know!\\
'''Lane''': Good enough for me! (Takes off running)
** There's also this exchange.
-->'''Rory''': Oh! A girl told me once that if your scalp is hurting from bleach, drink a 7-Up! It's something to do with the bubbles.\\
'''Lane''': The Kim household does not have soft drinks!\\
'''Rory''': Well, what do you have?\\
'''Lane''': Something called salad water imported from Korea. Trust me, it's ''nothing'' like 7-Up!
* "Oh, for God's sake, Jason, can you just be young?"
* Rory's therapy session after she returns to Yale. Once the therapist brings up Logan, it all goes downhill from there...

* Poor Sookie has a meltdown when [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE95jwN6Bfo Jackson]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO32H9o-DQ4 deep fries the turkey.]]
-->'''Sookie''': Am I crying or laughing?
* Jess's prank on Doose's Market by putting up crime scene tape and chalk outline. It gets the whole town into a tizzy and Rory's real opinion is that it was ActuallyPrettyFunny.
* Sookie and Jackson figuring out how to deal with the 68 pounds of marijuana Jackson found illegally growing on one of his plots, even trying to hide it from the reverend, the rabbi, and the town troubadour.

* After Luke comes back to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYTwGFp4ei4 the diner]] after a date with Nicole, Jess attempts to make himself scarce to give them some extra time together. Luke being Luke, doesn't get it until he drags Jess outside. Kirk and Nicole watch them argue outside the diner with Kirk providing this perfect summation:
-->'''Kirk''': They have amazing communication.
* Paris visits [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKPMaOVe6QM the diner]] and Jess can't resist trolling Luke.
-->'''Jess''': Wow, I think she got you, Uncle Luke. You better give up now.\\
'''Luke''': Do not add to this insanity!\\
'''Jess''': ''[gleefully grinning]'' An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this!\\
'''Luke''': Jess!\\
'''Jess''': I want to be good, but life's just not letting me.\\
'''Luke''': Rory, get her out of here!
* In the season five premier, Emily and Richard are having an argument, and Emily declares that she's going to take a vacation in Europe, sleep until ten o'clock, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking have two glasses of wine with lunch]].
-->'''Richard:''' [[BerserkButton Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!]]\\
'''Emily:''' Well, then, buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business!
* Luke visits Jess in Philly and Jess's reaction to April.
-->'''Jess''': So my eyes don't deceive me.\\
'''Luke''': First thing's first. What the hell is that?\\
'''Jess''': It's an abstract painting.\\
'''Luke''': But what is it supposed to be?\\
'''Jess''': Check the title.\\
'''Luke''': I did. It's called "Untitled."\\
'''Jess''': There you go.\\
'''Luke''': I give up.\\
[...]\\
'''Jess''': Right, Liz filled me in on all that, ''daddy''.\\
'''Luke''': She just calls me Luke. Total brain.\\
'''Jess''': You confirm paternity?\\
'''Luke''': Don't be a wiseass.
* Lorelai is absolutely [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAzodpi5zPo baffled by]] Emily calling and leaving constant messages on her machine, one right after the other.
-->'''Lorelai''': ''[runs back up the stairs with her hands over her ears]'' Ugh, an earless world, what a dream!
* After going with Luke to his sister's wedding and sharing a dance, Luke asks Lorelai to a movie. Lorelai agrees, but starts to overanalyze the situation and freaks out over the possible change in her relationship with him. She decides to consult Rory, who was not there for the wedding and therefore very confused.
-->'''Lorelai:''' It was a slow dance. A waltz. Luke can waltz.
-->'''Rory (confused):''' Luke can waltz?
-->'''Lorelai (big grin):''' Luke can ''waltz!''
-->'''Rory (disturbed):''' Look at how you just said 'Luke can waltz.'
-->'''Lorelai:''' What? I'm just saying I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
-->'''Rory:''' That sounded more like 'I'm surprised I still have my clothes on.'
** After discussing the possible ramifications of a relationship with Luke.
-->'''Lorelai:''' Look, let's just go back in there and see if anything's weird.
-->'''Rory:''' Okay. ''(They walk back into the diner.)''
-->'''Luke:''' Is everything okay?
-->'''Lorelai:''' Yes. ''(Collapses onto a nearby table, knocking everything to the floor.)''
-->'''Luke (calmly):''' I'll get the broom.
* Joseph the mute pioneer boy.
** The "modern" Stars Hollow diarama little girl figure saying, "And I love Jesus!"
* Luke allowing Lorelai to stay at his place in "A Tale of Poes and Fire" is very sweet. Shame she can't stay the whole night, due to Luke and Jess snoring ''very loudly''.
* Luke appearing in front of Lorelai's kitchen window in "Here Comes the Son" and miming something. Lorelai's reaction sells it.
** In the same episode, Lorelai is driving Rory home from her parents'. She sees Luke in front of his diner, sweeping. And as soon as Luke sees her, he bolts indoors.
* In the flashback to Lorelai's pregnancy where she goes into labor, her first now-the-baby-wants-out contraction produces a tiny little "ow".
* This dinner exchange in season four:
-->'''Richard:''' Americans are so fat.\\
'''Lorelai:''' They prefer "rubenesque".
* Luke does not approve of Jess's choice of work clothes: a worn Metallica T-shirt.
-->'''Luke:''' Go upstairs and change your shirt.
-->'''Jess:''' I like this shirt.
-->'''Luke:''' How can you like that shirt?
-->'''Jess:''' It brings out my eyes.
** Later, Jess decides to troll Luke by following his rule about wearing proper work attire...[[BotheringByTheBook by dressing exactly like Luke, down to the flannel shirt and backwards baseball cap.]]
-->'''Luke:''' What is this?
-->'''Jess:''' I'm sorry, I thought this was the uniform.

--> '''Paris:''' No, it's National Baptism Day! Tie your tubes, idiot!

* In the episode prior to Liz' wedding, Luke and Jess have a heartwarming moment that dissolves into hilarity when the conversation turns to Jess' impromptu LoveConfession to Rory a few months prior, in which he ended up blurting it out and then immediately leaving.

''[Babette sheepishly puts down her wine glass and starts saying silent grace, also elbowing Morey to do so too.]]''

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qmBaBLXNbI "STOP TALKING TO THE DOGS!"]]

-->'''Jess:''' [[DifferenceWithoutADistinction I drove!]]

-->'''Jess:''' I drove!

* Doubling as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome: Taylor of all of people suddenly exploding into a very Luke-like rant, perfectly explaining to the customers of Luke's Diner that and why they're being given a fake wifi password, and then storming off, leaving Luke, the customers and the audience speechless. Luke being so moved that he follows him outside and signs a petition Taylor's been trying to get him to sign. And Taylor getting so seriously into the new friendship mode, that in another scene he bumps fists with Luke when he meets him.

...
-->'''Jess:''' She could have contacted me anytime in the last three months, but she didn't.
-->'''Luke:''' What are you talking about? You change your phone number weekly.

-->'''Luke:''' From life. I've lived.

* Luke allowing Lorelai to stay at his place in "A Tale of Poes and Fire" is very sweet. Shame she can't stay the whole night, due to Luke and Jess snoring ''very loudly''. The next morning Lorelai casually mentions to Rory that Jess does that and Rory replies, "I did not need to know that."

* Luke allowing Lorelai to stay at his place is very sweet. Shame she can't stay the whole night, due to Luke and Jess snoring ''very loudly''. The next morning Lorelai casually mentions to Rory that Jess does that and Lorelai replies, "I did not need to know that."

* Rory and Jess' conversation at the paper, as Rory greets him, asks him about his life, and about ''thirty seconds'' after he's walked in the door, offers him a drink and completely unloads the mess she's made of her life in a near non-sensical rant about her insecurities and the smell of failure. To make this funnier, they establish at the start of this conversation they haven't seen each other in four years.
-->'''Rory:''' I have no job. I have no life. I have no ''underwear.''
-->'''Jess:''' What?