History Funny / FullMetalJacket

-->AND 50 WATER BUFFALOES TOO!

-->'''Joker:''' Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?\\

'''Hartman''' All right, knock it off! [...] Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot?\\

** "Who said that? [[SuddenlyShouting WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!]] Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?! ''({{Beat}})'' Nobody, huh? The Fairy-Fucking-Godmother said it!"

* Joker is asked in an interview why he enlisted:
-->I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and kill them]]. I wanted to be the first kid on my block [[BloodKnight to get a confirmed kill]].
* "No boom-boom with soul brother, his Alabama blacksnake is too beaucoup."
** ''Everything'' about the hookers.
* Eightball commenting on Animal Mother.
-->'''Eightball:''' Now you might not believe it, but under fire Animal Mother is one of the... finest human beings in the world. All he needs is somebody to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.

* Joker's attempts at doing a war face.

* Joker's reaction to Lockhart telling his fellow reporters that the Tet Offensive has led to some disastrous consequences is to ask "[[SkewedPriorities Does this mean Ann-Margaret's not coming?]]"

* Pick almost any sentence from Gunny Hartman and it will be [[FloweryInsults full of pretty funny insults]] and "inspirational" lines. The sheer creativity alone of his non-stop vulgarity is something [[CrossesTheLineTwice remarkable]]:

** "Who said that? [[SuddenlyShouting WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!]] Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed hs own death warrant?! ''({{Beat}})'' Nobody, huh? The Fairy-Fucking-Godmother said it!"

-->'''Eightball''': Now you might not believe it, but under fire Animal Mother is one of the... finest human beings in the world. All he needs is somebody to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.

-->'''Hartman''': One for the Commandant!\\

'''Hartman''': One for the Corps! ''(Joker struggles)'' Get up there! Pull!\\

'''Hartman''': ''(dejected)'' I guess the Corps don't get theirs.

** One of Creator/RLeeErmey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give them a reach-around!". At one point, Creator/StanleyKubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-around[[note]]Stimulation of a sexual partner's genitals with the hand during anal and/or vaginal intercourse from behind.[[/note]] was. Amusingly, and perhaps understandably, Kubrick [[EveryoneHasStandards was disgusted.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice He then immediately demanded a second take of the scene afterward, telling Ermey to be sure to leave that line in.]]

** "WHAT IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT?!" [[spoiler: What happens after that, though, isn't so funny.]]
** [[http://youtu.be/5TNhS81w4bM Watch all of Hartman's classic "inspirations" here!]]

* The door gunner doing his "[[ObligatoryWarCrimeScene thing]]" is heinous, but his casual, unapologetic delivery is ''so'' good that it [[CrossesTheLineTwice crosses]] into ComedicSociopathy territory: "Ain't war hell?"

** One of R. Lee Ermey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give them a reach-around!". At one point, Kubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-around[[note]]Stimulation of a sexual partner's genitals with the hand during anal and/or vaginal intercourse from behind.[[/note]] was. Amusingly, and perhaps understandably, Kubrick [[EveryoneHasStandards was disgusted.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice He then immediately demanded a second take of the scene afterward, telling Ermey to be sure to leave that line in.]]

* Joker's reaction to Lockhart telling his fellow reporters that the Tet Offensive has led to some disastrous consequences is to ask "[[SkewedPriorities Does this mean Ann Margaret's not coming?]]"

* [[SoundtrackDissonance "Surfin' Bird"]] is played during a scene of the film.

'''Hartman''': One for the Corps! ''(Joker struggles)'' Come on, pull!\\

'''Hartman''': ''(dejected)'' Looks like the Corps don't get theirs.

** And right after his gleeful civilian kill count, he proceeds to mention that he's gunned down 50 water buffaloes. Apparently this is important.

** And right after his gleeful civilian kill count, he proceeds to mention that he's gunned down 50 water buffaloes. Apparently this is important too.
-->AND 50 WATER BUFFALOES!

** One of R. Lee Ermey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!" At one point, Kubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-around was. Amusingly (and perhaps understandably), Kubrick [[EveryoneHasStandards was disgusted.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice He then demanded a second take of the scene, telling Ermey to be sure to leave that line in.]]
** "You climb like old people fuck!"
** "Holy dog shit, Texas! Only queers and steers come from Texas...and you don't look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down."

** "Now move it! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!"