Funny: Full Metal Jacket

  • Joker is asked in an interview why did he enlist:
    I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
  • "No boom-boom with soul brother, his Alabama blacksnake is too beaucoup."
    • Everything about the hookers.
  • Marine cadences: "I don't know but I been told / Eskimo pussy is mighty cold"
    • "Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch / Got them blueballs, crabs and the seven-year itch!"
  • The Training Montage with Joker doing pull-ups:
    Hartman: One for the Commandant!
    (Joker struggles through)
    Hartman: One for the Corps! (Joker struggles) Come on, pull!
    (Joker fails to do the pull-up and drops from the bar)
    Hartman: (dejected) Looks like the Corps don't get theirs.
  • "Reveille! Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"
  • Many of Gunny Hartman's insults and "inspirational" lines are pretty funny:
    • "Your days of fingerbanging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties ARE OVER!"
    • "You are so ugly you could be a Modern Art masterpiece!"
    • "Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum!"
    • One of R. Lee Ermey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!" At one point, Kubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-around was. Amusingly (and perhaps understandably), Kubrick was disgusted.
    • "You climb like old people fuck!"
    • "Holy dog shit, Texas! Only queers and steers come from Texas...and you don't look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down."
    • "Oh, that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there, he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there, you would get up there, wouldn't you?"
    • "Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down! That would break my fucking heart!"
    • "Now move it! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!"
    • "How tall are you, private?" "Sir, five foot nine, sir!" "Five foot nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"
  • The scene with the gung-ho Colonel, especially his bewilderment when he's presented with the Jungian thing and the duality of man.
  • During the "Me So Horny." When Rafterman was gonna take a picture of Joker and the Vietnamese Prostitute, a local man steals their camera and tries to intimidate Joker with mock Martial arts poses. Joker, living up to his name responds in kind with his own poses. It doesn't get their camera back, but it's still pretty damn funny.
  • The door gunner doing his "thing" is heinous, but his casual, unapologetic delivery is so good that it crosses into Comedic Sociopathy territory: "Ain't war hell?"
  • Bird Is The Word is played during a scene of the film and I must admit it is a funny song.