History Funny / FalloutNewVegas

They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. [[ExactWords I told them I had a]] ''[[ExactWords theoretical degree]]'' [[ExactWords in physics]]. [[WhatAnIdiot They said welcome aboard.]]\\

** Hell, the whole dialogue tree leading ''up'' to said aforementioned event with Benny. He's highly disturbed that the woman he shot in the head twice wants to sleep with him. [[WhatAnIdiot Doesn't stop him from doing it.]]

** So you won't trust someone who merely snuck in to your base, but you will trust someone who has been ruining almost every plan you have had in motion? [[SarcasmMode Brilliant, Caesar.]]

-->No, man. I know exactly what I'm doing. I just don't know what ''[[DistinctionWithoutADifference effect]]'' it's going to have.\\

-->'''Courier:''' Me take your job cause me smarter.\\

--> "[[AC:Loading public appeasement oration... complete.]] Howdy citizens! Can I get a YEEHAW for law and order in the fine town of... [[AC:Error. Token not found.]]"

---> '''Courier:''' You set me up. Now you die.\\

-->'''Yes Man:''' "You did a super job wrapping things up! And I'm not just saying that because I have to!"

--> '''Fisto:''' Numbness will subside in several minutes.

** Trying to pistol whip a replacement cannibalism victim.
---> '''Courier:'''Look out, behind you! <Pistol Whip Carlyle>
---> '''Carlyle St. Clair III:''' Huh? Hey, I think you dropped your gun there. Here. Here you go. Just don't point it at me, okay.

---> '''Courier:''' These supplies are radioactive, so swallow lots of lead before you eat them.
---> '''Cpt. Gilles:''' You know, I appreciate the help but... we'll pass on those. Thanks.

---> '''Courier:''' Straightforward case of intra-cranial blastoma fibrolosis[[note]]This is a case of AccidentallyCorrectWriting: Caesar has a brain tumor, and blastoma is a type of cancer (though probably not the specific type he has). "Fibrolosis" is nonsense, though.[[/note]], I wager.
---> '''Caesar:''' I'm not familiar with that condition. [[EpicFail Is it treatable?]]
---> '''Courier:''' It's a simple procedure... [[ExactWords as far as brain surgeries go.]]

-->'''Kimball:''' Thank you, thank you. [{{Beat}}] All right, let's get the [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] out of here. What, do you think I want to get shot? Let's get out of here.

--> '''The King:''' Near as I can tell, [this building] was some sort of religious institution. Oh, I know it says "school" out front, but everything in here seems to be related to the worship of some guy from back in the day. People used to come here to learn about him, to dress like him, to move like him. To BE him. If that's not worship, I don't know what is.

--> '''Philipe:''' Take my recipes. It won't fill the hole, though. Just remember that. (''tearfully'') You'll always feel ''empty!''

--> '''Cass:''' Nobody's dick is that long. Not even Long Dick Johnson, and [[ShapedLikeItself he had a fucking long dick]]. [[DontExplainTheJoke Thus, the name]].
--> '''Courier:''' Yeah, I got that part, thanks.

--->'''Tabitha:''' But humans must be so caught up with their pleasant features that they forget the most important thing about centaurs!
--->'''"Rhonda":''' And what might that be, Best Friend Tabitha?
--->'''Tabitha:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Centaurs. EAT. HUMANS, RHONDA!]]

---> "Was that supposed to sound like a dumb-dumb? Because they sound dumber than that. They sound like this: '''"Duuuuuh."'''"

---> '''Dumb!Courier''': "Uh... what?"\\

--> '''Random White Glove''': I know Benny was murdered, but if you ask me, [[FashionVictimVillain the real crime was that checkered jacket]].

--> '''Marjorie:''' He always was a bit of a pill, Mortimer. He was so pouty when I decided to ban eating people. And now this.

--> '''White Glove Greeter:''' Beg your pardon, but could I trouble you to turn over your weapons?\\

--> '''Courier:''' How are you so familiar with energy weapons?\\

--> '''Courier:''' I have an update on Corporal White.
--> '''Lt. Boyd:''' Don't tell me. He married the hooker.

--> '''Dumb Courier''': Goodbye.
--> '''Vagrant''': Fare thee well.

--> '''Courier:''' Your face must be pretty ugly to always be wearing that helmet. Do you wear it on dates, too?\\

--> '''Courier:''' <Burps Loudly>\\

--> "I'm too embarrassed to say."

--> '''Noonan:''' It's ghouls, I tell ya. Religious ghouls, looking for a new place to call home. Don't you laugh at me! I know a spell that'll show your true form. Cave rat taught it to me.

-->'''Straus:''' Hey, we can't talk about that here...! Oh, you want a cure? Ohhh...\\

-->'''Merc:''' Just between us, I don't think she studied at an accredited institution.

--> '''Cass:''' ''Enough!'' All fi- fou- ... ALL OF YOU! Shit. I'm fuckin' wasted and you're just ''sitting'' there.

--> '''The Courier:''' I love you and your little hat.\\

--> '''The Courier:''' Mmmmmwhen ah firsmet you, ahmm thought you werem the mmmbiggestmm mmbitch in the world.

--> "{Excited} Am I dead, is this Heaven? ...{Flat} Oh. Hi boss. [[DeadpanSnarker Guess not]]."

-->'''Big Beard:''' [[NoodleIncident Let's just say it had something to do with the beards, and leave it at that.]]

--> "Before he left, Nero told me him and Big Sal were tight, see, said that they were gonna go camping down at Lake Mead, said he always wanted to [[CementShoes sleep with the lakelurks]]."

-->'''Raul''': My name is Raul Alfonso Tejada.
-->'''Courier''': Then why does your jumpsuit say 'Miguel'?
-->'''Raul''': [[AskAStupidQuestion Probably cause it used to be Miguel's.]]

-->'''Veronica''': It's a good thing the safety was on.

--->'''Your Brain''': Very well, let me put this into terms you'll understand. Brain: smart. Heart: stupid. Spine: very stupid. You: ''exceptionally'' stupid.

* In one of the bungalows in Jacobstown, you can find a skeleton lying on the floor in an overturned chair next a long-abandoned poker game. The skeleton's hand? Five kings of diamonds. Apparently someone tried to cheat in [[RefugeInAudacity the most blatant way possible]] and things got heated between the two players.

* One of the unique NPCs you can meet around Westside is a Super Mutant. While his story isn't particularly funny, being a victim of torture up to and including having his tongue cut out, he's still up and kicking because he's a mean son of a bitch. [[AwesomeMcCoolName As in literally first name "Mean", Last name "Sonofabitch."]]

* For another Mr. House related moment, during the quest The House Always Wins VI, you are supposed to prevent President Kimball from being hurt. However, if you choose to attack him and thus fail the mission, Mr. House will inquire as to why in the world you did it. You have two options- saying that it was an accident, or claiming it was because Kimball tried to make you pay taxes. If you choose the latter...
--> '''Mr. House: ''' "Understandable."

* OBJECTIVE: Find Gloria Van Graff at the Silver Rush in Freeside and [[ExactWords make that bitch eat her hair.]] Three guesses whose quest that comes from. If you're wondering, it's Cass. In case you haven't noticed, Gloria Van Graff is [[BaldWomen bald]]. Then again, Cass never said ''head'' hair...

* On [[https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Fallout_Wiki Nukapedia]], there seems to be one (or a few) editors with a sly sense of humor, adding in a few wrong, though humorous and LampshadeHanging lines. Most of the changes have since been reverted, but there's been a few that are memorable.
--> (Concerning shoddy programming involving an NCR NPC who thinks he's at somewhere he isn't.)\\
"After the NCRCF has been retaken, Lieutenant Hayes was banished to Camp Forlorn Hope for his continued complaining that he needed more men to retake the facility, and was so shell-shocked by an experience en route that he believes he's still in Primm."\\
"Follows-Chalk is a member of the Dead Horses living in Zion Canyon in 2281. He is sent by Joshua Graham to greet the Courier upon entering Zion. He also makes strong sexual advances on the Courier, and if not accepting them this limits how far you can explore Zion"
** Sadly since removed, the article for [[ConspiracyTheorist No-Bark Noonan]] makes mention of the "Pink Lenin-face on the Moon" theory. The kicker? Just below that, someone had actually made and posted the image of a pink moon with a [[UsefulNotes/VladimirLenin Lenin]] face on it, calling it "an illustration of the theory".

* Sassing General Oliver during the "independent Vegas" finale. He tries to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] RealityEnsues on the Courier aspiring to be a nation-builder, but...

'''Paladin:''' Wha-? [[ThisIsUnforgivable How dare you belch in the face of a Paladin of the Brotherhood of Steel?!]]

'''Dean:''' Christ, if that collar blows, I don't know if you'd know the difference. You'd probably still keep walking around with that dumb, blank look.

'''Paladin:''' <in a high-pitched terrified voice> [[OhCrap No! No! NOOO!]]

* Any time you initiate combat with ED-E as one of your followers, a brief snippet of Western music plays. That's right: you get a robot that supplies you with Battle Music.

** Or for those of us with Terrifying Presence, watch the BOS Paladins who've been acting like pricks for the entire quest suddenly turn into cowering wrecks.
---> '''Paladin:''' In the name of the Codex, I sentence you to death.\\

*** And if you complete the quest in favour of NCR, Fantastic gets a promotion and is moved to Hoover Dam. Dam's chief engineer puts him in charge of the largest console. Which is another intercom, so Fantastic [[TheDilbertPrinciple wouldn't mess up anything valuable]]. This is a good idea, as if you talk to him there, he will tell you that [[InsaneTrollLogic sometimes the dam ''gets too big'' and he has to "shrink it down"]].

* If you haven't completed Beyond the Beef, you can go back to the Lucky 38 and the tell Mr. House that the White Glove Society is engaging in cannibalism. His reaction, instead of being horrified, is to tell you, in a "not this again" tone, that they are breaking their contract and you can deal with them any way you want.

* Any of Best Friend Tabitha's batshit crazy propaganda speeches on the Black Mountain Radio station. Full stop.
** Made even better with the mental image of [[Franchise/MassEffect Saren]] ranting on and on about how humans are inferior to the Nightkin, as they share the same VA. That casting decision ''can't'' be a coincidence.

*** And there's her hatred of the Battle Cattle (Caesar's Legion). SHE HATES AND/OR FEARS THE BATTLE CATTLE! [[WildMassGuessing Maybe one of them hurt Rhonda?]]

-->'''Doctor O:''' Ding... Turkey's done.
** Oddly enough, checking the .txt file for 8's lines makes it even funnier, as many lines have what's basically their translation. If you ask him about this little moment?

** We're back with Best Friend Tabitha, who is telling why humans should STAY THE HELL AWAY!

* Meeting the Lonesome Drifter with the Ladykiller perk.
--> '''Courier:''' [Ladykiller] Wait, Montana? You don't happen to be seventeen, do you?\\

'''Courier:''' [[BlatantLies No reason.]] [[ChangeTheUncomfortableSubject Well, uh, say, let's talk about something else.]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWZwfJoZ2oE The one Followers scientist in HELIOS One is someone you can have low Intelligence conversations with. He's also someone who can be affected by the Confirmed Bachelor perk.]] HilarityEnsues.
** Especially since, thanks to economy of voice acting, he doesn't bat an eye when you declare "I is scientistic."