History Funny / DragonBallZAbridgedNamekFreezaSaga

-->'''Gohan:''' Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26 year-old dwarf, and a giant green alien who [[TrainingFromHell constantly hits me.]] [[ParentalNeglect Still, better than my dad. At least they're around]]. ... Huh. Where did [[CallBack that]] come from?

'''Porunga:''' ''(In Namekian)'' ''I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-- [sees Krillin] ... Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!''\\

* No one cares what Yamcha thinks!

''[Piccolo's can be heard screaming in the distance.]''\\

'''Piccolo:''' ''(in the distance)'' [--You dumbass!--]\\

'''Gohan:''' Oh, so it's a [[ViewersAreGeniuses sort of monkey's paw.]] [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.]]\\

'''Piccolo:''' ''(distant)'' [--Ow, my ears!--]

'''Vegeta:''' ''(weakly)'' I have... a f**king hole in my chest... WHY DIDN'T YOU BLOCK '''THAT ONE!?'''\\

-->'''Freeza:''' You think now that you're this so-called "Super Saiyan" that you're better than me, Lord Freeza?! ''(losing his shit)'' Well, you're not! I own you! I own your planet! I own ''this planet!'' In fact... ''(charges up a large orange energy sphere)'' '''''F**K THIS PLANET!!!''''' ''(throws Death Ball directly at Namek)''

-->'''Freeza:''' Daddy, I don't want to be on Namek anymore...

'''Piccolo:''' (in the distance) You dumbass!\\

'''Piccolo:''' (still in the distance) [[CatchPhrase NEEEEEEEERRRRDDD!]]

'''Piccolo:''' ''(distant)'' Ow, my ears!

'''Vegeta:''' [[{{Beat}} (beat)]] '''I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!'''

--->'''Vegeta:''' "Jesus, I overslept. It's already night... [[ExplainExplainOhCrap for the first time since I got here... on a planet with three suns.]]\\

'''Vegeta:''' "Jesus, I overslept. It's already night... [[ExplainExplainOhCrap for the first time since I got here... on a planet with three suns.]]\\

'''Krillin:''' ...Less awkward.

-->'''Gohan:''' Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26 year-old dwarf, and a giant green alien who [[TrainingFromHell constantly hits me.]] [[ParentalNeglect Still, better than my dad. At least they're around]]. ...Huh. Where did [[CallBack that]] come from?

'''Porunga:''' (In Namekian) ''I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-- [sees Krillin]...Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!''\\

** It also takes him ''way'' too long to figure out why the sky has turned dark: ''"Jesus, I overslept. It's already night...for the first time since I got here...on a planet with three suns." (Alarm clock in his head ticks, then goes off after several seconds) "Oh you motherFU''-(cut back to the dragon)-''CKERS!"'' (you can also hear Piccolo shout "Ow, my ears!"). [[CallBack But when he does...]]
--->'''Krillin:''' (on what he should use the third wish for) Well, [[TemptingFate if nobody else has any ideas,]] I want my three-foot-\\
'''Vegeta:''' (visibly furious) '''HEY!! WHAT'S UP GUYS?!'''\\
'''Krillin:''' ...I'm never gonna get my hoagie.\\

'''Gohan:''' ...Yes.\\
'''Vegeta:''' '''...I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!'''

'''Kami:''' (poofs) Fan-freaking-tastic, we're back here again.\\

-->'''Nail:''' (Lands on a random spot) This is my people's sacred battleground.\\

---> "You think now that you're this so-called "Super Saiyan" that you're better than me, Lord Freeza?! Well, you're not! I own you! I own your planet! I own ''this planet!'' In fact... ''(charges up a large orange energy sphere)'' '''''F**K THIS PLANET!!!''''' ''(throws energy blast directly at Namek)''

--> '''Goku:''' Wait, I zoned out there for a second. Wha?\\
(''explosion'')\\
'''King Kai:''' ...No...! NO NO SONUVABITCH! GAAAH!!

'''Gohan:''' ''(Utterly unphased)'' Bulma, how high would you have to fall from to hit terminal velocity?\\
'''Bulma:''' ''(Glares, but stays silent)''\\

'''Freeza:''' With ''stuffed crust''.\\

[[AC:Part 1 of 3]]

'''Freeza:''' What?\\

'''Freeza:''' ... what?! *Goku sends him flying* '''''WHAT?!'''''

[[AC:Part 2 of 3]]

[[AC:Part 3 of 3]]

'''Freeza:''' (starts kicking the crap out of Goku repeatedly)''\\

''(Freeza starts kicking the crap out of Goku repeatedly)''\\

''({{Beat}} while [[TranquilFury Freeza's smiling face remains unchanged]])''\\
'''Freeza:''' ''(Starts kicking Goku repeatedly)''\\

''(Goku punches Freeza away)''

'''Vegeta:''' I have... a f**king hole in my chest... why didn't you block '''that one!?'''\\

'''Vegeta:''' ''(passionately exasperated)'' '''''No!'''''\\

'''Freeza:''' ...I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.\\

'''Goku:''' Are...you coming on to me?\\
'''Freeza:''' Arrr...!

-->'''Freeza:''' (still holding Goku under the water) Any last words, monkey? Besides "gurgle gurgle?"\\

'''Goku:''' KA! ME! HA! ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (He apparently obliterates Freeza)\\
'''Freeza:''' (Emerges from the blast relatively unscathed) No, seriously. Kaio-what?\\

'''Freeza:''' I thought so. (He attacks Goku)

'''Krillin:''' ...What?

'''Goku:''' AY! UH! AH! OH! Son of a--!

'''Freeza:''' ''[[NoJustNoReaction OH MY GOD!!!]]''\\

'''Freeza:''' ''(still calm)'' Oh my god.\\

* ''(Krillin and later Gohan):'' I got a Dragon Ball~!

* Krillin (and later Gohan): "I got a Dragon Ball!"

'''Freeza:''' Well, I--''([[DidntSeeThatComing glances over his shoulder in shock)]]'' Ginyu, I'll call you back. ''(disconnects Space Skype and drops back down to floor level)'' ... come again?\\

'''Freeza:''' [[MotorMouth Oh no that minion died]] [[ChangeTheUncomfortableSubject could you go fix that]] [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain we'll continue this conversation never.]]\\

'''Zarbon:''' ''(OhCrap face)''\\

''(Vegeta whimpers while moving his leg like a dog having a dream)''

'''Vegeta:''' [Groggily] I'm unstoppable...\\

'''Vegeta:''' [groggily] My power is maximum... [[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke This is a reference to the Legendary Super Saiyan, Broly.]][[/note]]

'''Dodoria:''' Ahh, '''dammiiiiiiit!!!'''

-->'''Dende:''' Mr. Gohan, those things on that person's chest - [[OneGenderRace what are they]]?\\

'''Freeza:''' (hurriedly) Allow them to live for. I mean first we lose...what was his name?\\

'''Vegeta:''' [back to the present] Pansy!\\
'''Zarbon:''' Wha-? [bumps into Vegeta] Vegeta, how dare you ram into me [[DoubleEntendre while I'm thinking about Lord Freeza and my thong!]]\\
'''Vegeta:''' Yeah, just going to ignore that one entirely.

'''Vegeta:''' To be perfectly honest, you're not that different, you're just a lot less subtle about i-(Zarbon rushes Vegeta)-OHMYGOD!

-->'''Guru:''' I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass chee...''[sees Krillin]'' Naaaaaail. There is an albino Namekian in here. Kill it like the rest.\\

'''Guru:''' ...Kill it like the rest.\\

'''Guru:''' ...Naaaaail. Gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma TV.\\

'''Guru:''' Oh, so he calls himself God. Pretentious prick. Nail.\\

'''Guru:''' I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami.\\

'''Guru:''' No, wait- Super Kami Guru.\\

'''Guru:''' Nail... prepare to retrieve the dragon ball... and the body.

(Cut to Zarbon beating up Vegeta): URGH!\\
'''Krillin''': ...something good happens to you! [[KickTheDog And if you do something bad]]...\\
(Cut to Vegeta getting even more beaten by Zarbon): GAAH!\\
'''Krillin''': ...[[LaserGuidedKarma something bad happens to you.]]\\

'''Krillin''': Are you still on about that?

'''Namekians:''' (in unison) Dammit!

** And finally, Guldo's FacingTheBulletsOneLiner, as he realises he is dying, and begins to contemplate his afterlife and what it all means... before Vegeta throws another dog treat at him.
--->'''Guldo:''' ...I '''''f***ing hate you'''''.\\

''([[AC:Krillin Owned Count]] increments to 13)''

'''Burter''': ''([[VillainousBreakdown losing his shit]])'' [[RapidFireNo NO! NO! NO!]] OKAY?! ''I AM NOT SLOWER THAN F*CKING '''GULDO!!!'''''\\

* Freeza's rant:
-->'''Freeza''': "I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the [[SpaceX Space]] [[DeepSouth Boonies]] for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear ''banjos'' on the way, because everyone is inbred and [[OnlySixFaces LOOKS THE F***ING SAME!]] Not to mention I lost Dodoria ''and'' [[AmbiguouslyGay Zarbon]], the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, [[MistakenForGay WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED CHUCK]]!"\\
'''Ginyu''': Lord Freeza-\\
'''Freeza''' '''''[[BigWhat WHAAAT?!?]]'''''\\
'''Ginyu''': ''({{beat}})'' There may still be a few more of them out there. Perhaps you should try checking your scouter?
** Freeza just letting that realization hit him for a few seconds before he does just that, figuring out where he can find Lord Guru and the other surviving Namekians.
* This.
-->'''Freeza:''' (''After Ginyu has brought him the Dragon balls and finished the Dance of Joy, which was authorized by Freeza's father) ''Now, let's wish me some immortality!\\
'''Ginyu:''' Not quite yet, Lord Freeza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance!\\
'''Freeza:''' (''indignant'') My father would command no such thing!\\
'''Ginyu:''' [[ExactWords You are correct, Lord Freeza]]!\\
'''Freeza:''' Very well.\\
'''Ginyu:''' [[DistinctionWithoutADifference It was your brother]]!\\
'''Freeza:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--!
** After the Dragon Balls don't work.
--->'''Ginyu:''' Might I suggest the dance of cheering you up?\\
'''Freeza:''' ''(resigned)'' ...proceed.
*** "And now, the Dance of Solitude!" ''(starts [[Music/{{Madonna}} voguing]] to...well, "Vogue")''
* After Goku arrives, Recoome is trying to get people to pay attention to him.
--> '''Recoome:''' Hey! Recoome was in the middle of a match here, so how about you--\\
'''Goku:''' Sir! I am talking to my son.\\
'''Recoome:''' Oh. Recoome apologizes. Wait, what am I apologizing for? [[Wrestling/{{Tazz}} RECOOME'S GONNA KILL YOU!!]]
* "Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?" "F*ck off." "The best."

* Gohan is fed a senzu bean. [[Franchise/FinalFantasy A green 9999 appears over his head and the healing ding plays]].
* Vegeta's excuse about being so beat up:
-->'''Goku:''' So anyway. Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy? ''(gestures to Recoome)''\\
'''Recoome:''' ''(groaning in pain)''\\
'''Vegeta:''' ''(stammering)'' Uhhh, n-no... I.. umm... uh..\\
'''Ghost Nappa:''' Ya fell down some stairs.\\
'''Vegeta:''' [[Film/FightClub I fell down some stairs.]]\\
'''Krillin:''' No you didn't, you--\\
'''Vegeta:''' Shut up before I throw you down a flight.
* [[Music/MCHammer STOP! Goku time!]]
* The antics with Super Kami Guru, Nail and Dende continue...
-->'''Guru:''' So, Dende. Sucks about your family.\\
'''Dende:''' We've gone over this.\\
'''Guru:''' But do you know who also lost his family? {{Franchise/Batman}}.\\
'''Dende:''' [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure I don't know who that is!]]\\
'''Guru:''' See? [[SuddenlyShouting This is why]] [[AliensStealCable we need TV!!]]\\
'''Dende:''' But why?\\
'''Guru:''' ♪[[Series/Batman1966 Nananananananana Dende. Nananananananana Dende. Dende...]]♪\\
'''Dende:''' Guru...\\
'''Guru:''' ♪Dende...♪\\
'''Dende:''' Nail's here...\\
'''Guru:''' ''[as Nail enters via an elevator]'' Naaaaaaiiiiiiiiil. Why are you back?\\
'''Nail:''' ''[with a visible bruise on his forehead]'' I never left, sir. I was outside, [[{{Headdesk}} hitting my head against the wall]] for 20 minutes. ''[flashback to Guru listening, as we hear Nail doing just what he said]''\\
'''Guru:''' So that's what that was.
** When the scene transitions back to Goku and the Ginyus, it does it with a shot of Dende's head and the scene transition background and music from the 60's Batman series.

* Freeza and Zarbon's InnocentInnuendo. Let this be a lesson to you, kids: [[ItMakesSenseInContext context is EVERYTHING]].

'''Ginyu Force:''' (Laughter)

'''Vegeta''': Oh, thank God! I ju... [eyes widen] Wait, what do you mean by that. [[ArentYouGoingToRavishMe AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU]]?!\\
'''Zarbon''': Alright Vegeta, I'm gonna be totally honest with you. This is sounding really gay.\\

'''Vegeta''': [totally defeated] Just... Just transform, damn you.\\

'''Freeza:''' Well, I--''([[DidntSeeThatComing glances over his shoulder in shock)]]'' Ginyu, I'll call you back. ''(disconnects Space Skype and drops back down to floor level)'' ...come again?\\

'''Freeza:''' Oh... and all this time I could've sworn you were...never mind.\\

'''Freeza:''' [[MotorMouth Oh no that minion died could you go fix that]] [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain we'll continue this conversation never.]]\\
'''Zarbon:''' ...did he say something about Vegeta?\\

'''Zarbon:''' ...\\

'''Krillin:''' Solar Flare! ''(Blinding light, with Freeza's head photoshopped over a muscular body'', causes Dodoria to lose sight of Gohan and Krillin)''\\

'''Freeza: ''' Well, you see, I was just in the area and I thought this would be a ''delightful'' place for a summer home- what the f*** do you think we're here for?\\
'''Namekian Elder: ''' ...Our trees?\\
'''Freeza: ''' ...Zarbon, two or three more.\\

'''Freeza:''' [laughs] Oh my! ...''Twelve''.

'''Dr. Briefs:''' But...I...never installed a muffin button.\\
'''Goku:''' (thoughtfully) Then where did I get this muffin...?

'''Krillin:''' Solar Flare! ''(Blinding light (With Freeza's head photoshopped over a muscular body) causes Dodoria to lose sight of Gohan and Krillin)''\\
'''Dodoria:''' Ah, dammit!\\

'''Dodoria:''' Ahh, ''dammit!''

--> '''Frieza''': Good to see you're still conscious, Dodoria. Oh, and just so you know, it's not a big deal or anything you might want to get on this one but [[SuddenlyShouting THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!!!]]

-->'''Jeice:''' Alright, you bastard! Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu For--! ''(gets punched)'' GUOGH!! D'AAUGH! YOU ''GODDAMN WANKER!'' You punched me in the--! ''(gets punched)'' D'UOGH! ''D'AUGH!'' You did it ''again!'' I-- ''(gets punched)'' D'ACK! Stop it! STOP IT, I-- ''(gets punched) '''''[[{{Angrish PIIIISS!!!}}]]''''' (thinking)'' Auugh, what would the Cap'n tell us to do in this situation?!\\

-->'''Jeice:''' Alright, you bastard! Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu For--! ''(gets punched)'' GUOGH!! D'AAUGH! YOU ''GODDAMN WANKER!'' You punched me in the--! ''(gets punched)'' D'UOGH! ''D'AUGH!'' You did it ''again!'' I-- ''(gets punched)'' D'ACK! Stop it! STOP IT, I-- ''(gets punched) PIIIISS!!! (thinking)'' Auugh, what would the Cap'n tell us to do in this situation?!\\

'''Freeza:''' [[{{Angrish}} SMASH MONKEY!!!]] [[HulkSpeak SMASH MONKEY!!!!!]]

'''Freeza:''' [[{{Angrish}} SMASH MONKEY!!! SMASH MONKEY!!!!!]]

''Freeza laser blasts his face''\\

'''Freeza:''' No YOU ''F[[SoundEffectBleep **]]KING '''DON'T.'''''

'''Goku:''' ...You killed my best friend, Freezer. That's '''not going to work anymore.'''\\

'''Goku:''' Or...maybe I'm being rhetorical.\\

'''Freeza:''' (''growls and knees Goku in the face'')
* "RECOOOOOOOOOOOMEEE! DIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEE!

'''Goku:''' ...Yeah...

'''Goku:''' He's talking about...ghosts.\\
'''Freeza:''' ...Ghosts.\\

-->'''Goku:''' [[BadassBoast I'm going to break you.]]\\

'''Goku:''' (very angrily) [[IdiotHero Like a Kit-Kat bar.]]\\
'''Freeza:''' ...what?! *Goku sends him flying* '''''WHAT?!'''''