History Funny / DemolitionMan

** And who else does the Swear-O-Meter catch, besides Spartan and Phoenix?
--->'''Huxley:''' ''*muttering*'' Sanctimonious asshole.
--->'''Computer:''' Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a ''sotto voce'' violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.

-->'''Huxley:''' "You are a savage creature, John Spartan, and I wish you to leave my domicile now."
-->''*indignantly points at the door and stomps her foot like a 6-year-old*''
-->'''Spartan:''' "I... You--"
-->''*Huxley silently repeats the same gesture again*''

-->'''Spartan:''' Good answer.

** And proof that in San Angeles, TheDevTeamThinksOfEverything:

--> "You matched his meet. You really licked his ass!"

-->'''Spartan:''' "I-- You..."

--> '''Garcia''': (''happily cheering'') Fuckin' a!

--> '''Garcia''': (''happily cheering'') Freakin' a!

-->''*Huxley silently repeats the same gesture again*''

* Really, a fair bit of time Phoenix spends on time is hilarious; it's hard to remember how much of a monster he is because he's just ''so damn funny''.

* Phoenix argues with a computer about using a phaser gun when two museum guards walk up to him and try to politely ask him to stop. Of course, Phoenix just shoots them. Without looking at them or pausing his conversation with the computer.

* Huxley, mistress of the malaproper.

* Finding out which fast food chain won the Franchise Wars [[spoiler:In the American version it's Taco Bell, in international versions it was Pizza Hut, in other versions its name is a mystery]].

-->''*Huxley silently repeats the same gesture again*''
* Taco Bell rising as the sole victor of the so-called "Franchise Wars", leaving it the ''only'' restaurant chain left in existence. The notion all by itself, even in the year of this film's release is too absurd not to laugh at.

-->''*Huxley silently repeats the same gesture again*''

-->'''Huxley''': You mean ''fluid transfer''?

-->''*indignantly points at the door and stomps her foot*''

-->'''Huxley''': You mean ''fluid transfer''???

* President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with. In real life, Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger, has had a political office, [[note]]Governor of California[[/note]] and, in 2013, '''''DID''''' actually being lobbying for an amendment which WOULD allow him to run for President!

-->'''Machine:''' John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute

** This pays off an earlier joke that one of the cryogenic skills Spartan assimilated while frozen was knitting.

* The scene where Phoenix first uses a computer. The [[ButtMonkey man]] using it before tells the computer he feels that nobody likes him, the computer gives him spirit-lifting compliments. Then Phoenix grabbed him and pushed him out of the way, making him bump into a couple of ladies. The man ApologizesALot, but the women shake their heads at him as if he's the rudest person they know.
* Finding out which fast food chain won the Franchise Wars [[spoiler:In the American version it's Taco Bell, in international versions it was Pizza Hut, in other versions it's name is a mystery]].

* Any time the swear-machine goes off, leading to... when Spartan met Cocteau in his office.

** Spartan shoots the machine, making Associate Bob faint.

* President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with. He was governor already and then if the configuration of stars and stuff will be right, he might just become a President one day if the 61st Amendment is passed (as in the movie) to allow him to run.
** Even more hilariously, in real life, Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger, has had a political office, [[note]]Governor of California[[/note]] and, in 2013, '''''DID''''' actually being lobbying for an amendment which WOULD allow him to run for President!

* Phoenix argues with a computer about using a phaser gun when two museum guards walk up to him and try to talk to him nicely. Of course, Phoenix just shoots them. Without looking at them or pausing his conversation with the computer.

* Finding out which fast food chain won the Franchise Wars [[spoiler:In the American version it's Taco Bell, in international versions it was Pizza Hut]].

* Finding out which fast food chain won the Franchise Wars [[spoiler:In the American version it's Taco Bell, in international versions it was Pizza Hut]].

* The scene where Phoenix first uses a computer. The [[ButtMonkey man]] using it before tells the computer he feels that nobody likes him, the computer gives him spirit-lifting compliments. Then Phoenix grabbed him and pushed him out of the way, making him bump into a couple of ladies. The man ApologizesALot, but the women shake their heads at him as if he's the rudest person they know.

* Rob Schneider's character answering a 911 call in a [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Funny Foreground Event]]: "Greetings and salutations. Welcome to the San Angeles Emergency Line. If you would like an automated response, please press '1' now."

* President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with. He was govenor already and then if the configuration of stars and stuff will be right, he might just become a President one day if the 61st Amendment is passed (as in the movie) to allow him to run.

* President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with.
** This one starts to sound more like {{Tempting Fate}}; he IS a Governor. Then if the configuration of stars and stuff will be right, he might just become a President one day if the 61st Amendment is passed (as in the movie) to allow him to run.
* Any time the swear-machine goes off, leading to...
** When Spartan met Cocteau in his office.

*** Spartan shoots the machine, making Associate Bob faint.

* Phoenix argues with a computer about using a phaser gun when two museum guards walk up to him and try to talk to him nicely. Of course, Phoenix just shoots them. Without looking at them. Or pausing his conversation with the computer.