History Funny / ClerksII

* The opening scene. Dante goes in to open the store, assuming it's going to be an ordinary day. He pulls up the metal shutters to find... ''the inside of the store is on fire''. Dante promptly slams the shutters closed, looks around, then pulls the shutters up to confirm that, yes, ''the inside of the store really is on fire''.
** And everything but the fire is ''in black and white.''

-->''Dante shoots him a look''
-->'''Randal:''' ...I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I.
-->''Dante just nods slowly''
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YaX2jLc_ko The Pillow Pants scene]].
-->'''Randal''': ...Listerfiend is her Mouth Troll, isn't it?\\
'''Elias''': (''Shrugs in resignation'') Women.

-->'''Jay''': [[Film/SilenceOfTheLambs Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me ''hard''.

-->'''Jay''': Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me ''hard''.

-->'''Black woman:''' I'm not eating something that was cooked by some cracker-ass hatemonger!
-->'''Black man:''' ''I'' will! Baby, you can't taste racism!

--> '''Randal''': Since when was it a crime to say "porch monkeys"?
--> '''Becky''': Oh, I don't know, since forever?!
--> '''Randal''': Why?
--> '''Dante''': Because porch monkey is a racial slur against black people!
--> '''Randal''': No, it's not! Nigger is!
--> '''Dante''': ''(understandably offended)'': RANDAL!!
--> '''Elias''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger]]?
--> '''Becky''': Shut up, Elias!

** When Dante goes out back with Randall to tell the situation regarding Becky's pregnancy, Jay and Silent Bob are out back taking a piss. When Randall goes out, he accidentally slams the door open on Jay knocking him down. When Becky follows them outside she hits Jay, too, causing Jay to understandably yell "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

** When Dante goes out back with Randall to tell the situation regarding Becky's pregnancy, Jay and Silent Bob are out back taking a piss. When Randall goes out he accidentally slams the door open on Jay knocking him down. When Becky follows them outside she hits Jay too.

--> '''Dante''': "Porch monkey" is a racial slur against black people!
--> '''Randal''': No it's not! Nigger is!
--> '''Dante''': (understandably pissed): RANDAL??!

-->'''Randal:''' JESUS, Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive!

* "Wow, thanks Picklefucker!"
** "Yo, some Picklefucker gave us free eats!"

* The opening minutes: Dante goes in to open the store, assuming it's going to be an ordinary day. He pulls up the metal shutters to find... ''the inside of the store is on fire''. Dante promptly slams the shutters closed, looks around, then pulls the shutters up to confirm that no, his mind is not fucking with him, ''the inside of the store really is on fire''.

* Randal taunting Elias by talking about [[{{Satan}} "...the Beast we call the Desolate One! The First of the Fallen, the Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions!]] (grabs mike) ''Let me help you out of your chair, Grandma!!!''"

-->''Dante FacePalm[=s=]''

* Randal taunting Elias by talking about "...the Beast we call the Desolate One! The First of the Fallen, the Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions! (grabs mike) ''Let me help you out of your chair, Grandma!!!''"

** "Yo, this tastes like piss and flies!"

-->'''Jay:''' (''confused'') You DO?

** "Baby you can't ''taste'' racism."

** After the dancing scene, Dante is holding Becky as he tells her he loves her. When she tells him she's pregnant, he drops ''her'' in shock, then realizes and picks her up.

--> '''Dante''': "Porch monkey" is a racial slur towards black people!

* After asking Jay and Silent Bob to cover their ears near the end of the movie, we get this exchange. Also a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming.
-->'''Randal''' (to Dante): You're my best friend, I love you...in a totally heterosexual way.

* After asking Jay and Silent Bob to cover their ears near the end of the movie, we get this exchange. Also a MomentOfHeartwarming.

** The entire ''Literature/LordOfTheRings'' vs. ''Franchise/StarWars'' debate between Randal and Elias and a ''LordOfTheRings'' fanboy customer. Randal actually makes fun of the ''Rings'' so cruelly that the customer throws up.

** The entire ''Literature/LordOfTheRings'' vs. ''Franchise/StarWars'' debate between Randal and Elias and a LotR fanboy customer. Randal actually makes fun of them so cruelly that the customer throws up.

** The entire ''LordOfTheRings'' vs. ''StarWars'' debate between Randal and Elias and a LotR fanboy customer. Randal actually makes fun of them so cruelly that the customer throws up.

* When Dante tells Randall Becky is pregnant, he is too occupied playing with his card to care. When Dante tells him he is the father he drops his cards in shock, hitting a customer passing by causing him to front flip fall over a table.