History Funny / Classicalmythology

* The poet ''Sappho of Lesbos'', who wrote poetry about her love for women and who gave the names to you know exactly what, was supposedly married to ''Kerkylas of Andros'', a name which translates to about Dick Allcock from Big Man Island. (Turns out [[Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian Mr. Biggus Dickus]] might have existed!) He may be fictional, and "of Kalamamos" may have been better because that means [[TheProblemWithPenIsland "of pen island"]], roughly.

*** Fridge funny, but... Zeus turned, of all the birds he would be inconspicuous as, into a cuckoo. You know, the bird known for leaving its eggs in other nests for other birds to hatch and tend to. If you ever needed a sign he was ''not'' going to change habits even after marrying...

* The poet ''Sappho of Lesbos'', who wrote poetry about her love for women and who gave the names to you know exactly what, was supposedly married to ''Kerkylas of Andros'', a name which translates to about Dick Allcock from Big Man Island. He may be fictional, and "of Kalamamos" may have been better because that means "of pen island", roughly.

* The Ouroboros, the snake with its tail in its mouth, moves around like a wheel, as it goes in a circle in the desert. Truly, a terrifying sight.

* The start of Hermes' life. He was born in a cave where his mother hid from Hera, and after the birth, his mother Maia tucked him in really tight then went to sleep. Hermes, barely a few hours old, leaves, makes a lyre out of a tortoise, steals 50 cows from Apollo, then goes back to the cave before the sun is up. Apollo notices his cattle missing, and knowing he himself sang and walked right after birth, does not fall for Hermes' cutesy act. He instead drags Hermes in front of Zeus (who tries not to laugh when Hermes starts with the boldfaced lie of "I'll tell you what happened, I, barely a day old, was sleeping soundly when THIS OAF HERE walks in and accuses me of theft!") for judgment. The end of it is that Hermes can keep the cattle, can tell fortunes with dice, and becomes the god of thieves among his outrageously long list of tasks.

* When Herakles has to spend one year as Queen Omphale's slave, she promptly decides to humiliate him by swapping their roles, meaning she gets to wear his lion-skin and wave his club while the mighty hero must [[DraggedIntoDrag wear dresses]] and [[TextileWorkIsFeminine weave]] as a good Ancient Greek housewife. It kinda backfired when Herakles realized weaving was quite relaxing compared to all this monster-slaying...

** Speaking of Zeus and Hera's marriage, the whole way it began. Hera wasn't actually looking to marry Zeus, knowing his tendencies, but Zeus kept wooing her anyways. So one day Hera said, all right, if you can get me to say "I love you", I'll marry you. For the next few days, Zeus was conspicuously distant, then a cuckoo appeared on Hera's windowsill during a freak storm. Taking pity on the bird, she of course immediately took it inside, dried it and fed it. The cuckoo was very glad with this turn of events and was acting and chirping so sweetly that Hera said, "Awww I love you too." Cue the cuckoo turning into Zeus with a huge grin.

** The way Zeus persuaded Hera to stop torturing Io after she's been turned into a cow, which basically amounts to him telling her "I promise that I'll never try anything with ''this'' woman in particular ever again". Note that he said nothing about doing the same to any other woman, he just promised to never mess around with Io specifically ever again. It makes you wonder if Hera really took his promise to heart or just figured that was the best she was gonna get out of him.

** The way Zeus persuaded Hera to stop torturing Io after she's been turned into a cow, which basically amounts to him telling her "I promise that I'll never try anything with ''this'' woman in particular ever again".

* The Ouroboros, the snake with its tail in its mouth, moves around ''like a wheel''. [[SarcasmMode Truly, a terrifying sight.]]

** Hermaphrodite. Herm-Aphrodite. [=HermesXAphrodite=]. Classical shipping, PortmanteauCoupleName and all, that is still around today. Pornographia also originally meant "to write about prostitution", so it's come a long way in the last few thousand years.

->"Ergh, it's really heavy. Take it back."
->"No, you can keep it."

* Hephaestus gets pissed off because his wife Aphrodite is cheating on him with Ares and makes a golden net which he hides by their bed. The next time they start getting it on, [[InterruptedIntimacy the net catches them and hauls them into the air]] and Hephaestus calls all the other gods to have a good look. The whole of Olympus stands around laughing, and Apollo says to Hermes, 'So, would you mind being chained up naked for everyone to see?' Hermes promptly replies that he wouldn't mind a bit, provided he got to sleep with Aphrodite. This troper just finds their lad-banter hilarious.

* One story details how Hera was so spectacularly angry at Zeus that she left Olympus. After failing to persuade her to return, Zeus asked for help and was told to make a wooden doll, dress it in a bridal veil, and tell everyone he was getting remarried to lure Hera out. [[SpeakNowOrForeverHoldYourPeace It worked]].

* One story details how Hera was so spectacularly angry at Zeus that she left Olympus. After failing to persuade her to return, Zeus asked for help and was told to make a wooden doll, dress it in a bridal veil, and tell everyone he was getting remarried to lure Hera out. [[SpeakNoworForeverHoldYourPeace It worked]].