History Funny / Classicalmythology

* At the marriage of Zeus and Hera, a nymph named Chelone refused to attend the wedding. Zeus turned her into a tortoise as punishment.

* Aphrodite finds out some women of a city don't worship her, because they believe they are prettier. She gives them terrible B.O. so their husbands will divorce them. Yes, [[JerkassGods the same person who tried to kill Psyche for similar reasons]] decided to make some girls smell bad.

* Aphrodite finds out some women of a city don't worship her, because they believe they are prettier. She gives them terrible B.O. so their husbands will divorce. Yes, [[JerkassGods the same person who tried to kill Psyche for similar reasons]] decided to make some girls smell bad.

* The poet Sappho of Lesbos, who ([[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/03/16/girl-interrupted may have]]) wrote poetry about her love for women and who gave the names to you know exactly what, was supposedly married to ''Kerkylas of Andros'', a name that roughly translates to Dick Allcock from Big Man Island. (Turns out [[Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian Mr. Biggus Dickus]] might have existed!) He may be fictional, and "of Kalamamos" may have been better because that means [[TheProblemWithPenIsland "of pen island"]], roughly.

* Aphrodite, Hephaistos and Eros are making weapons, in particular Eros is making a javelin. Ares comes in with a strong spear and [[JerkassGod begins making fun of his son's creation]]. Eros says it's heavy and says he should try to pick it up. Ares does so, only to find he can't lift it up and his hand is stuck under it.

* Aphrodite finds out some women of a city don't worship her, because they believe they are prettier. She gives them terrible B.O. so their husbands will divorce. Yes, [[JerkassGod the same person who tried to kill Psyche for similar reasons]] decided to make some girls smell bad.

* One of Bellerophon's exploits is calling the sea to flood the plain of Xanthus after an attempt on his life. Trying to appease him, the women from the palace [[YouNeedToGetLaid lift their dresses up and rush to him]]. Alas for them, poor Bellerophon ran away for the hills when he saw all those naked females hell-bent on having their way with him.
* When Herakles has to spend one year as Queen Omphale's slave, she promptly decides to humiliate him by swapping their roles, meaning she gets to wear his lion-skin and wave his club while the mighty hero must [[DraggedIntoDrag wear dresses]] and [[TextileWorkIsFeminine weave]] as a good Ancient Greek housewife. It kinda backfired in a way: it didn't humiliate him but Herakles realized weaving was quite relaxing compared to all this monster-slaying...

* One myth had Dionysus, god of wine and madness, visit the Underworld to resurrect Ariadne and her father. When Hades asks for Dionysus to leave his "best beloved" behind as the price, Dionysus leaves his finest wine and/or makes a grapevine grow, and ''Hades deems it adequate payment''.

* Part of Psyche's quest involved her going to the Underworld on behalf of Aphrodite to obtain a box containing Persephone's beauty so Aphrodite could attend a theater. She made it there and back safely, but opened the box out of curiosity, which contained nothing but a deep Stygian sleep. When Eros saved her he put the sleep back in the box, which calls to mind Aphrodite opening it and falling asleep herself once it was given to her.

* In a way, it's kind of hilarious that after Acrisius tried to avoid the prophecy of being killed by his grandson Perseus by shipping him and his own daughter Danae away, only to end up dead due to a freak accident when Perseus accidentally hits him the head with a discus while playing a funeral game. Said funeral was the result of an adventure caused by Perseus being shipped away.

* Speaking of Tiresias, the alternate story of his blindness has a share of funny in it too. He saw a pair of snakes mating one day and separated them with his cane, causing him to be turned into a woman. In following years, adventures as, among others, a temple prostitute ensued, until, meeting the same pair of snakes again and this time leaving them alone, his original form was restored... only for him to happen upon Zeus and Hera in a heated debate about who gets more pleasure out of sex, men or women. They see Tiresias and are immediately like, "Hey, YOU spent time as both a man and a woman! Answer!" He does, which causes Hera to blind him. As even Zeus can't undo what another god did, he gifts him the talent of prophecy via an ability to speak to birds instead. [[spoiler: Just in case you wonder, his answer was women.]]

* As the author of ''Fanfic/HopeSpringsEternal'' points out in her research notes, at least one version of the Hades and Persephone myth suggests that, when Hermes was sent down to the Underworld to bring Persephone back, he [[InterruptedIntimacy accidentally walked in on her and Hades having sex]].