History Funny / Bayonetta

--> '''Enzo:''' Oh, what a day!

-->'''Jeanne''': Will you face me in this hallowed arena?
-->'''Bayonetta''': Well, if I must. But I pray you've got a little something for me in return. ''([[{{Beat}} Beat]])'' You know, I'm very fond of stuffed animals!
-->''[cut to fight]''

* After all has been said and done in the fight with Temperantia, the boss has been knocked down, his arms have been ripped off, and his face is a visceral mess. To [[https://youtu.be/_jbedRJY25U?t=8m2s add insult to injury]], Bayonetta uses a gasoline tanker to make a cherub statue urinate gas all over him. She stomps down on the trail of fuel to ignite it, and the camera follows the flame as it gets closer to the boss... and then everything stops. The flame, the boss's laughter, even the music. [[{{Beat}} There's a pause...]] and then Bayonetta gives the most annoyed, disappointed, do-I-have-to-do-''everything''-around-here sigh before she shoots over her shoulder without even looking. [[GroinAttack The bullet goes up the cherub's urethra.]] Cue StuffBlowingUp and the statue's head flying into the air, [[CrossesTheLineTwice crying gasoline.]] Even better, up until she shoots the statue, the cherub is smiling. Afterwards, not so much...

-->'''Bayonetta:''' (Poking her head through the sunroof) Hello, Cheshire.
-->'''Luka:''' Shit!

--->'''Bayonetta:''' (Greeting Luka as he climbs into the helicopter) Welcome aboard, Cheshire.
--->'''Luka:''' Oh, fucking hell!

--->'''Cereza:''' Mummy!
--->'''Luka:''' Mummy? You're a mom? ''YOU''!?
--->'''Bayonetta:''' Oh come now Cheshire, look at me. do I look like I have any interest in children? Now making them, [[TheTease well that's another story]].
--->'''Luka:''' Whoa, Whoa, you're getting the wrong idea. I mean it might be the right idea, but not right now, right?

---> '''Bayonetta:''' If there's two things I hate in this world, it's cockroaches and crying babies! ''({{Beat}})'' Well, a [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs crying baby cockroach]] would be truly terrible...

--> "Hey, check this out. ''What'a'ya buyin'?'' [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil4 Heard that in a game once]]."

--> "Time to go Vroom!"

---> '''Jeanne:''' I swear, this is the last time I cosplay!
** The entire scene where Enzo and Luka believe that Bayonetta is dead is quite a TearJerker, but then it turns out she was actually pretending to be dead. Rodin and Jeanne signal her to wake up, with the latter even joking that she's sleeping during the entire thing. When Bayonetta comes out from her coffin alive and remarks "Next time, put me in a coffin with some air holes and less maggots", you won't be able to stop laughing. It's also a very nice callback to Rodin's introduction; Bayonetta is inside the coffin this time instead of him, while the coffin's lid falls on his head again, and just like the last time, he doesn't flinch.

* When Enzo gets snatched by angels and you chase after him, the game transitions into a cutscene as Bayonetta lands... right on Enzo's car. In sharp contrast to the rest of her abuse of Enzo throughout the series, Bayo has an OhCrap look on her face as she looks at the shattered windshield that says this was ''not'' on purpose.

** Bayonetta chiding Cereza for crying. Bonus points for Bayonetta checking the floor [[YouJustHadToSayIt in case there REALLY is a crying baby cockroach]]!

** Cereza grabbing Bayonetta's ribbon when she turns to walk away in the same scene.

--> "Hold on... ''What'a'ya buyin'?'' [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil4 Heard that in a game once]]."

* When Bayonetta and Luka are outside the Vigrid Air Base, Luka uses his grappling hook to grab Bayonetta from a crumbling ledge, and then Luka holds her in his arms while romantic music plays, leading the player into thinking that there's gonna be a really romantic moment between the two of them... but right when the two are [[AlmostKiss about to kiss]], they fly away from each other while the music slowly comes to a halt, and then Luka slams into a wall. The whole delivery and timing of this scene is ''perfect''.

** According to the Nintendo Treehouse event at E3 2014, while Platinum was designing Bayonetta's Link outfit, they were going to have the undershirt with it. Then ''Nintendo'', which has a reputation of producing some of the most family-friendly games around, said to get rid of it because it would be OutOfCharacter for Bayonetta.

** The grenade launchers, Bayonetta's named for "[[Film/ApocalypseNow Vietnam War madman]" Lt. Col. Kilgore and Jeanne's for Col. Slade, the blind colonel from ''Film/ScentOfAWoman'' - "a man who traded his eyesight to a demon to save his troops".

* From the ending cutscene.
** The nun ditches her disguise, and is revealed to be Jeanne.
---> '''Jeanne:''' I swear, this is the last time I cosplay!
** The entire scene where Enzo and Luka believe that Bayonetta is dead is quite a TearJerker, but then it turns out she was actually pretending to be dead. Rodin and Jeanne signal her to wake up, with the latter even joking that she's sleeping during the entire thing. When Bayonetta comes out from her coffin alive and remarks "Next time, put me in a coffin with some air holes and less maggots", you won't be able to stop laughing. It's also a very nice callback to Rodin's introduction; Bayonetta is inside the coffin this time instead of him, while the coffin's lid falls on his head again, and just like the last time, he doesn't flinch.

** One of the most ridiculous ones of all is Bayonetta [[http://www.gonintendo.com/content/uploads/images/cost.png dressed as]] '''[[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]]'''. What does she look like? She wears Mario's hat ([[BroughtToYouByTheLetterS with the M replaced with a B]]), and has his ''[[GirlsWithMoustaches moustache]]''!

* An offhand comment by Luka reveals he is responsible for Bayonetta's [[TrademarkFavoriteFood obsession with lollipops]]. He kept giving them to Cereza while taking care of her!

** The accessory Eternal Testimony is said to be made by a witch queen named '''[[Manga/{{Bleach}} Aizen]]'''[[note]]While there is a Buddhist deity named Aizen Myō'ō, some people who read manga might remember the [[ViewerNameConfusion male]] ''Bleach'' villain better instead[[/note]].
** The description of Bracelet of Time mentions that the witch [[VideoGame/DevilMayCry Eva]] made a contract with the legendary dark knight. In the context of the ''Devil May Cry'' franchise, this "contract" is a marriage contract.

* Jeanne's description for the Bloody Moon weapon. Starts off normal at first, going on about moon-driven technology and demons in the weaponry, but then right the fuck out of nowhere starts talking about how Jeanne, disguised as a [[ComicBook/{{Superman}} mild-mannered]] [[BadassTeacher high school teacher]], will use the weapon to cut the ribbon and start class on the "finer points of justice" and defend her innocent students.
** It gets better. Her superhero name is [[Anime/CuteyHoney Cutie J]]. Jeanne is a ''{{magical girl}} superheroine'' in her off time, wielding a weapon powered by [[Franchise/SailorMoon the moon]].
* Possibly the first funny moment of all to be noticed and yet one almost nobody stops to think about. How do you spell the game's title? Add [[{{Fanservice}} T&A]] to a gun accessory.
* Luka claims that if Bayonetta offed him, she'd make a lot of young ladies unhappy: [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil2 Claire]], [[VideoGame/DevilMayCry Trish]], [[VideoGame/ViewtifulJoe Silvia]], and [[{{VideoGame/Okami}} Ammy]]. All references to Hideki Kamiya games.
** Made even more so by [[https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/bayonetta/images/4/44/Luka_and_His_Girls_-_Bayo1_Art.png/revision/latest?cb=20160721020100 this]] piece of concept art that show that said "young ladies" are actually his pet cats (and dog, in Ammy's case).
* Artwork from the first game showing a smiling [[TheAntiGod Queen Sheba]] holding a framed picture of [[{{God}} Jubileus]], who is striking a two-handed V-for-victory pose.

** For example, the accessory Eternal Testimony is said to be made by a witch queen named '''''[[Manga/{{Bleach}} Aizen]]'''''[[note]]While there is a Buddhist deity named Aizen Myō'ō, some people who read manga might remember the ''male'' Bleach villain better instead[[/note]].
** Then the description of Bracelet of Time mentions that the witch [[VideoGame/DevilMayCry Eva]] made a contract with the legendary dark knight. (Marriage contract?)

* After Balder seemingly blows Scolopendra to bits, he manages to snag a feather somewhere and briefly use it as a comb.
* An offhand comment by Luka reveals he is responsible for Bayonetta's obsession with lollipops. He kept giving them to Cereza while taking care of her!

* In the anime film adaptation, the scene where Bayonetta confronts Luka after taking a bath with Cereza. Luka gets too distracted by her wet, bouncing breasts that he ends up falling out of the window, and then Cereza says, "Look, the old guy is dead!"

[[caption-width-right:350:D'aww, Cereza's imitating 'Mummy'! [[{{Irony}} She wants to be just like her when she grows up!]]]]

* The award trophies consist of badasses Bayonetta, Rodin, and Luka for (Pure) Platinum, Gold, and Silver, respectively, and cute little Cereza for Bronze. If you get Stone [[NintendoHard (and you will likely get nonstop Stones in your first playthrough)]], you get...[[ButtMonkey Enzo]] falling flat on his ass.

* The finishing move for the Golem enemy. Bayonetta summons Hekatoncheir, a bunch of massive disembodied arms with super strength, and it proceeds to toss the Golem around like it's a volleyball...until the third pair of arms miss it. As soon as it misses, the music completely stops as the Golem falls and lands on the ground, with the same SFX as that of a lightweight ball (the Golem even bounces lightly like a ball, even though it's made of solid [magic] metal). [[{{Beat}} Hekatoncheir pauses]]... Then the music kicks back in as it settles for just [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown punching the shit out of the Golem until it's destroyed]]. The first time you fight a Golem, it's entirely possible to miss filling the Climax gauge because you can drop your controller/[=GamePad=] from laughing too hard.

--> '''Jeanne:''' I swear, this is the last time I cosplay!
** The entire scene where Enzo and Luka believe that Bayonetta is dead is quite a TearJerker, but then it turns out she was actually pretending to be dead. Rodin and Jeanne signal her to wake up, with the latter even joking that she's sleeping during the entire thing. When Bayonetta comes out from her coffin alive and remarks, "Next time, put me in a coffin with some air holes and less maggots", you won't be able to stop laughing. It's also a very nice callback to Rodin's introduction; the coffin's lid falls on his head again, and just like the last time, he doesn't flinch.

* Bayonetta '''outdancing''' her "imposter"...and then said imposter revealing its true form after a quick fight.
** Depending on your sense of humour, using a torture attack on the Joys for the first time. Like all Torture Attacks, uses an actually medieval torture device (the wooden horse), and adds some significant BDSM elements. To some, it looks like a very painful and torturous way to go. . . [[SafeSaneAndConsensual for others, just a perfect end to a romantic evening.]]

* The dodge move, when fully upgraded, allows Bayonetta to extend said move into a breakdance-headspin-kick-attack move. Hold it as long as possible, and she slides into a sexy pose [[NoFourthWall and looks down the camera]], ''[[NarmCharm causing the camera to]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXgfRjH_AAs click like a camera shutter.]]''
** Also comes in attack form as, by pressing kick mid spin, she teleports above the nearest enemy and [[DynamicEntry falls on them in a reclining position.]]
* When Bayonetta and Luka are outside the Vigrid Air Base, Luka uses his grappling hook to grab Bayonetta from a crumbling ledge, and then Luka holds her in his arms while romantic music plays, leading the player into thinking that there's gonna be a really romantic moment between the two of them... but right when the two are about to kiss, they fly away from each other while the music slowly comes to a halt, and then Luka slams into a wall. The whole delivery and timing of this scene is ''perfect''.
* When Enzo isn't around to be a ButtMonkey, the [[{{Mooks}} Affinities]] take his place with the gusto they put into (futilely) fighting you. While nothing really happens to them in gameplay aside from asskicking and the occasional Torture Attack, they often receive the most demeaning and humiliating punishments of any angel in cutscenes. Case in point: The angel that Bayonetta surfs on when Fortitudo floods the city with lava? Yup, it's an Affinity.

* The very fact that the UsefulNotes/WiiU version allows Bayonetta to dress up as Creator/{{Nintendo}} characters. Each of them have a cosmetic effect on the game, with some hilarious results.

** According to the Nintendo Treehouse event at E3 2014, while Platinum was designing Bayonetta's Link outfit they were going to have the undershirt with it. Then ''Nintendo''- which has a reputation of producing some of the most family-friendly games around- said to get rid of it because it would be out of character.

* The award trophies consist of badasses Bayonetta, Rodin, and Luka for (Pure) Platinum, Gold, and Silver, respectively, and cute little Cereza for Bronze. If you get Stone [[NintendoHard (and you will likely get nonstop Stones your first playthrough)]], you get...[[ButtMonkey Enzo]] falling flat on his ass.

* Cereza's attempts to mimic Bayonetta's pose when she's leaning against a wall with her arms folded is both hilarious and utterly adorable.
** Then there's Cereza's little AsskickingPose that she performs when she's talking to Luka in the same scene.
* The cutscene that opens Chapter XIV has Luka piloting a helicopter with Cereza and Bayonetta on board, heading for Isla Del Sol. Luka gets distracted ogling Bayonetta's wet breasts, then the helicopter comes under attack from guided missiles. The camera cuts in quick succession to Luka's shocked face, then Cheshire, then... [[MaleGaze Bayonetta's cleavage]]. The hilarity is topped off by Luka's PrecisionFStrike.

** The following sequence transitioning from the helicopter blowing up to the three piloting a missile in the style of ''VideoGame/FantasyZone'' is certainly worth an extra chuckle.

* The award trophies consist of badasses Bayonetta, Rodin, and Luka for (Pure) Platinum, Gold, and Silver, respectively, and cute little Cereza for Bronze. If you get Stone [[NintendoHard (and you likely will get nonstop Stones the first time through the game)]], you get...[[ButtMonkey Enzo]] falling flat on his ass.

* Chapter VII. Aside from the boss fight, we have Bayonetta's PrecisionFStrike-laced sarcasm ("I feel like a fucking celebrity in this town!") and her abuse of the Fearlesses (''especially'' the last one).
* After all has been said and done in the fight with Temperantia, the boss has been knocked down, his arms have been ripped off, and his face is a visceral mess. To [[https://youtu.be/_jbedRJY25U?t=8m2s add insult to injury]], Bayonetta's used a gasoline tanker to make a cherub statue urinate gas all over him. She stomps down on the trail of fuel to ignite it, and the camera follows the flame as it gets closer to the boss... and then everything stops. The flame, the boss's laughter, even the music. [[{{Beat}} There's a pause...]] and then Bayonetta gives the most annoyed, disappointed, do-I-have-to-do-''everything''-around-here sigh before she shoots over her shoulder without even looking. [[GroinAttack The bullet goes up the cherub's urethra.]] Cue StuffBlowingUp and the statue's head flying into the air, [[CrossesTheLineTwice crying gasoline.]]
** Even better, up until she shoots the statue, the cherub is smiling. Afterwards, not so much...

* The finishing move for the Golem enemy. Bayonetta summons Hekatoncheir, a bunch of massive disembodied arms with super strength, and it proceeds to toss the Golem around like it's a volleyball...until the third pair of arms miss it. As soon as it misses, the music completely stops as the Golem falls and lands on the ground, with the same SFX as that of a lightweight ball (the Golem even bounces lightly like a ball, even though it's made of solid [magic] metal). [[{{Beat}} Hekatoncheir pauses]]... Then the music kicks back in as it settles for just [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown punching the shit out of the Golem until it's destroyed]].
** The first time you fight a Golem, it's entirely possible to miss filling the Climax gauge because you dropped your controller/[=GamePad=] laughing too hard.

** Continuing the trend of "teasing [[ButtMonkey Luka]] as much as possible", one scene involed little Cereza saying "mummy" when she sees Bayonetta again, and Luka is left gobsmacked at the idea that Bayonetta is a mother. Bayonetta (still calling Luka "Chesire") says that it's not the case as she has no interesting in children. Instead is more interested in... well...[[ChosenConceptionPartner something else]].

* The angel carrying Enzo away in the prologue.

** Just about any scene with Enzo is funny.
** And to put the icing on the cake? The Stone Award, the one you get if you completely balls up a run? It's Enzo falling on his ass.
--->'''Enzo:''' WHAT A DAY!
* The ending scene.

** The scene during the ending where everyone believes Bayonetta is dead is quite a TearJerker, but then when she comes out from her coffin alive and remarks, "Next time, put me in a coffin with some air holes and less maggots," you won't be able to stop laughing. It's also a very nice callback to Rodin's introduction.
* The [[HopelessSuitor Beloved]] who [[NoYay falls for Cereza]]. His entire "romance" lasts one fight, but the sheer ''awkwardness'' of it will last all of Cereza's life.

** Bayonetta chiding Cereza for crying.

*** Bonus points for Bayonetta checking the floor [[YouJustHadToSayIt in case there REALLY is a crying baby cockroach]]!