History Funny / BabylonBee

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/sorry-excuse-for-apostle-only-walks-on-water-for-ten-feet-before-sinking "Sorry Excuse For Apostle Only Walks On Water For Ten Feet Before Sinking"]]: [[SarcasmMode Because most people can do more]].
* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/new-political-bible-adds-r-or-d-after-each-characters-name "New Political Bible Adds (R) Or (D) After Each Character's Name"]]. Some highlights:
** "For instance, if a character works a lot and is rich, they're a Republican. If a character is poor and wears sandals, definitely Democrat. Except for Jesus."
** '''Balaam''': Republican, '''Balaam's ass''': Democrat
** '''Judas Iscariot''': Never Trumper but labeled as Democrat for accuracy's sake

* "For instance, if a character works a lot and is rich, they're a Republican. If a character is poor and wears sandals, definitely Democrat. Except for Jesus."
* '''Balaam''': Republican, '''Balaam's ass''': Democrat
* '''Judas Iscariot''': Never Trumper but labeled as Democrat for accuracy's sake

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/sorry-excuse-for-apostle-only-walks-on-water-for-ten-feet-before-sinking "Sorry Excuse For Apostle Only Walks On Water For Ten Feet Before Sinking"]]: [[SarcasmMode Because most Christians can do more]].

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-appoints-conan-the-hero-dog-as-new-secretary-of-defense "Trump Appoints Conan The Hero Dog As New Secretary Of Defense"]]: Most of it.

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/starbucks-unveils-new-satanic-holiday-cups "Starbucks Unveils New Satanic Holiday Cups"]][[note]]A humorous reference to the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Starbucks#Cups 2015 red Starbucks cup controversy.]][[/note]]

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/starbucks-unveils-new-satanic-holiday-cups "Starbucks Unveils New Satanic Holiday Cups"]][[note]]A humorous reference to the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Starbucks#Cups red Starbucks cup controversy.]][[/note]]

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/starbucks-unveils-new-satanic-holiday-cups "Starbucks Unveils New Satanic Holiday Cups"]][[note]]A humorous reference to the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criticism_of_Starbucks#Cups red Starbucks cup controversy.]][[\note]]

* [[https://babylonbee.com/news/starbucks-unveils-new-satanic-holiday-cups "Starbucks Unveils New Satanic Holiday Cups"]]

--->'''Liberal Comedy Writer:''' We're gonna win so many awards.

** The article ends with this:

** AOC, Biden's new "Secretary of Holding Fascists Accountable," unveils her "accountability plan" after the 2020 election:

** AOC unveils her "accountability plan" after the 2020 election:

--->'''Liberal Comedy Writers:''' WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES! WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES! WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES!

** The conservatives struggle (and fail) to come up with more than their two typical jokes: 'did you just assume my gender' & 'x identifies as y'. One of them even suggests that maybe God only invented two jokes and making a third would be sinful.

** The letter X finally returns as Letter of the Day, for the first time in decades. Elmo reveals there are new letters featuring X: [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latinx Latinx]] and [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Womxn#:~:text=at%20least%201975).-,Definition,of%20trans%20and%20nonbinary%20women) Womxn]]. X, who is flabbergasted, [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere finally bails in frustration]] when he sees the next word is [[spoiler:Blxck Pxxplx]].

** In contrast, the liberal comedy writers have all sorts of [[spoiler:the [[OverlyLongGag same type of joke]]: conservatives are dumb.]]

-->'''Liberal Comedy Writers:''' WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES! WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES! WE! HAVE! SO MANY JOKES!

* [[https://youtu.be/C0xeqOqpekE "Conservative Comedy Writers VS. Liberal Comedy Writers"]]: The conservatives struggle (and fail) to come up with more than their two typical jokes: 'did you just assume my gender' & 'x identifies as y'. In contrast, the liberal comedy writers have all sorts of [[spoiler:the [[OverlyLongGag same type of joke]]: conservatives are dumb.]]