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* TalkingAnimal: The first thing you see in Zombie Forest is a dog with a microphone saying nasty things about you. Later, you can meet another talking dog who pretends to be a dragon.
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-->'''''To definitely chop your own head off, turn to page 137.'''''
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* AlternateSelf: The phone operator you call on the Zombie Forest route is also you. This is neither explained nor ever mentioned again.
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* AndThenJohnWasAZombie: You get turned into a zombie in one of the bad endings.
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** Zombie Forest is a forest full of zombies.
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* RefusalOfTheCall: You can choose not to go into Zombie Forest at all, which puts you on the BadFuture route. If you do go in, you can also change your mind partway through, in which case you get a GameOver where the narrator calls you out for cowardice.
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* TemptingFate: When you go into Zombie Forest, Zoe tells you, "Don't worry. We will never die." Even if you manage to survive, she almost never does.
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* DiabolusExMachina: A few of the deaths come with absolutely no warning.
** One ending has you become a successful businessman, but then get crushed by your own desk.
** If you take too long selecting a sword from the magician, the Annihilator of Lungs appears out of nowhere and kills you.
** One ending has you become a successful businessman, but then get crushed by your own desk.
** If you take too long selecting a sword from the magician, the Annihilator of Lungs appears out of nowhere and kills you.
* HaveANiceDeath: Most of the bad endings come with funny remarks about whatever unfortunate fate you met.
* LemonyNarrator: The narrator makes a lot of odd comments and never misses a chance to snark at you.
* OffWithHisHead:
** If you leave the basketball behind in Zombie Forest, the coach cuts Zoe's head off to replace it. Then when you lose the ball game, he cuts your head off as well.
** Sticking your head in a guillotine leads to you losing it, unsurprisingly.
** If you leave the basketball behind in Zombie Forest, the coach cuts Zoe's head off to replace it. Then when you lose the ball game, he cuts your head off as well.
** Sticking your head in a guillotine leads to you losing it, unsurprisingly.
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* SchmuckBait: On one route, you're given a choice to stick your head in a guillotine. It ends as well as you would expect.
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* SchmuckBait: On one route, you're given a the choice to stick your head in a guillotine. [[OffWithHisHead It ends as well as you would expect.expect]].
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* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** Dr. Backpack's Scream Room is full of screaming and nothing else.
** One death has you run into the Annihilator of Lungs, which annihilates your lungs.
** Dr. Backpack's Scream Room is full of screaming and nothing else.
** One death has you run into the Annihilator of Lungs, which annihilates your lungs.
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* MadScientist: Dr. Backpack, the scientist who helps you travel through time in the BadFuture route. His home is full of strange things like vampire tigers, a maze with its own ecosystem, and a tube that can turn people into brooms.
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* NoFairCheating: If you cheat at the maze, the book itself punishes you by putting you in stupid clothes and trapping you forever in a hall of mirrors.
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* SchmuckBait: On one route, you're given a choice to stick your head in a guillotine. It ends as well as you would expect.
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* VideoGameCrueltyPunishment:
** If you bite the friendly magician, he kills you by summoning scorpions from his eyes.
** Attacking Dr. Backpack gets you [[BalefulPolymorph turned into a broom]].
** If you bite the friendly magician, he kills you by summoning scorpions from his eyes.
** Attacking Dr. Backpack gets you [[BalefulPolymorph turned into a broom]].
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' Your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists of the BadFuture path (though the feeling is clearly mutual).
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' Your vampire children are basically the principle principal antagonists of the BadFuture path (though the feeling is clearly mutual).
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* RiddleForTheAges: We never find out what “shmare” is, even though it's referenced several times. All we know is it's a food.
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* KarmicRetribution: If you manage to get [[spoiler:the Rush ending]] you'll be rewarded by seeing [[spoiler:your vampire kids]], who have been responsible for most of your misery thus far (and a good chunk of the endings where you died), get their teeth kicked in. And it feels good. The text even {{lampshades}} it.
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* KarmicRetribution: If KarmaHoudini: Your bratty vampire kids are this for most of the story, attacking you and everyone you come into contact with and getting away with it. Unless you manage to get [[spoiler:the Rush ending]] you'll be rewarded by seeing [[spoiler:your vampire kids]], who have been responsible for most of your misery thus far (and a good chunk of the endings where you died), get their teeth kicked in. And it feels good. The text even {{lampshades}} it.[[spoiler:Rush concert]] ending.
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* WouldHarmAChild: As mentioned above, at one point Sal shows up out of nowhere and straight up tries to murder you.
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* WouldHarmAChild: As mentioned above, at one point Par for the course as with any ''Franchise/{{Goosebumps}}'' book. Special mention goes to Sal shows up out of nowhere and for being a school bus driver who still straight up tries to murder you.you. The crowd at the [[spoiler:Rush concert]] counts as well, since they're more than willing to beat up your vampire offspring (though it's never specified how old the vampires are so this may not be the case).
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* KarmicRetribution: If you manage to get [[spoiler:the Rush ending]] you'll be rewarded by seeing [[spoiler:your vampire kids]], who have been responsible for most of your misery thus far (and a good chunk of the endings where you died), get their teeth kicked in. And it feels good. The text even {{lampshades}} it.
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* NoSympathy: Whenever Zoe brings up her MissingMom the protagonist callously ignores her. Since the protagonist is “[[SecondPersonNarration you]]” this becomes a case of ProtagonistCenteredMorality.
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* VillainProtagonist: Happens in one ending. The "spy" in the oil slick? [[spoiler:It's his job to tell the government about the oil spill. You're the one trying to stop him. For some reason.]]
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* VillainProtagonist: Happens in one ending. The "spy" in the oil slick? [[spoiler:It's his job to tell the government about the oil spill. ]] You're the one kind of a dick for trying to stop him. For some reason.]]him.
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[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Oh, and at some point your hands get turned into sand.]]
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Oh, and at some point (as the title implies) your [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Oh, and at some point your hands get turned into sand.]]
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* SitcomArchNemesis: Sal the bus driver. Veers into actual ArchEnemy territory at one point when he tries to strangle you, but for the most part he seems to take great joy in seeing you miss the school bus.
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* SitcomArchNemesis: Sal the school bus driver. Veers into actual ArchEnemy territory at one point when he tries to strangle you, but for the most part he seems to take great joy in insulting you and seeing you miss the school bus.
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* VillainProtagonist: Happens in one ending. The "spy" in the oil slick? [[spoiler:It's his job to tell the government about the oil spill. You're the one trying to stop him. For some reason.]]
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* TorchesAndPitchforks: In theMusic/{{Rush}} ending[[spoiler:, you turn the crowd against your vampire kids and someone kicks their teeth in]]. The book tells you this is a GoodEnding.
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* TorchesAndPitchforks: In theMusic/{{Rush}} the Music/{{Rush}} ending[[spoiler:, you turn the crowd against your vampire kids and someone kicks their teeth in]]. The book tells you this is a GoodEnding.
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* TorchesAndPitchforks: In theMusic/{{Rush}} ending[[spoiler:, you turn the crowd against your vampire kids and someone kicks their teeth in]]. The book tells you this is a GoodEnding.
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* GoOutWithASmile: Happens to you in one ending [[spoiler:if you go to the future and fight the spy in the oil slick.]]
-->''It's over. You lie there, black and red. But you've lived more in five minutes than you have in your nicest dreams, and you die a huge golden man with a smile.''
-->''It's over. You lie there, black and red. But you've lived more in five minutes than you have in your nicest dreams, and you die a huge golden man with a smile.''
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* StableTimeLoop: If you actually manage to make it back in time and [[spoiler:lie to your past self about your identity, you end up turning into your younger self and taking the forest path. And losing all your adult memories.]] Making it like the entire thing never happened.
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* TimeTravel: Figures prominently in the Bad Future storyline as you try to SetRightWhatOnceWentWrong.
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* BreakingTheFourthWall: At one point you're offered the choice of vacuuming the floor instead of advancing the plot, in which case the text tells you to “put this book down, Mom.” [[spoiler:If you select this option you're redirected to the front cover.]]
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* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Twice the protagonist can't help laughing at a joke Sal makes at his expense.
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' Your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists of the BadFuture path.
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' Your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists of the BadFuture path.path (though the feeling is clearly mutual).
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* OurVampiresAreDifferent: Pretty standard, actually. They drink blood, can turn their victims into more vampires, and transform into bats. Though apparently there can also be ''[[HybridMonster vampire tigers.]]''
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* VampireBitesSuck: A good quarter of the death endings come at the hands of your rotten little vampire kids.
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-->''She has the most amazing scent you've ever seen. Sometimes you bump into her on purpose.''
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-->''She has the most amazing scent you've ever seen. Sometimes you bump into her on purpose.''
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* TheNameless: Your vampire children are referred to as
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* TheNameless: Your vampire children are referred to as "the big one" and "the little one." The narrative outright states “They don't have names.”
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Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
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Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up [[AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
you]].
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' If you end up on the future dad path, your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists.
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' If you end up on the future dad path, your Your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists.antagonists of the BadFuture path.
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* TheNameless: Your vampire children are referred to as
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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/goosebumps_cover.jpg]]
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''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a Main/ChooseYourOwnAdventure book “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
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''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a Main/ChooseYourOwnAdventure book “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, unintentional sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
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* AntagonisticOffspring: And ''how.'' If you end up on the future dad path, your vampire children are basically the principle antagonists.
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* NoodleImplements: Your mom threatens you with "the hook" if you don't behave.
-->''You've never seen the hook, but you know that's a threat.''
-->''You've never seen the hook, but you know that's a threat.''
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-->''She has the most amazing scent you've ever seen. Sometimes you bump into her on purpose.''
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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/goosebumps_cover.jpg]]
''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a Main/ChooseYourOwnAdventure book “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Oh, and at some point your hands get turned into sand.]]
----
!!''You decide to read the list of tropes. Zoe is the best at tropes.''
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Hinted at with Zoe. The start of the story mentions your aunt getting stabbed, though it's never made clear if this is referring to Zoe's mom or not. Zoe also mentions a couple of times that her mom is in prison, but this is ignored in favour of the protagonist's problems.
* FatherIWantToMarryMyBrother: The protagonist is a bit ''too'' fond of his cousin Zoe, and at one point outright contemplates having a baby with her.
* SitcomArchNemesis: Sal the bus driver. Veers into actual ArchEnemy territory at one point when he tries to strangle you, but for the most part he seems to take great joy in seeing you miss the school bus.
* TemptingApple: Eating a sketchy apple is what curses you with the titular sand hands.
* ThisLoserIsYou: A more literal example than most since "you" are the protagonist, but the book goes out of its way to remind you what an incompetent, stupid failure you are.
-->'''''To accept that you're a joke to them and always will be, turn to PAGE 111.'''''\\
''Nice job, idiot.''\\
''An earthworm whispers a secret in your ear as you sink into the ground. The secret is your breath stinks. '''THE END'''''
* WeHardlyKnewYe
--> ''"I need help with this maze!" you scream. The friendly Maze Monkey pops up from the maze and is immediately snatched by its greatest enemy, the Maze Monkey Eagle.''\\
''The circle of life.''
* WouldHarmAChild: As mentioned above, at one point Sal shows up out of nowhere and straight up tries to murder you.
''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a Main/ChooseYourOwnAdventure book “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.
Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.
[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Oh, and at some point your hands get turned into sand.]]
----
!!''You decide to read the list of tropes. Zoe is the best at tropes.''
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Hinted at with Zoe. The start of the story mentions your aunt getting stabbed, though it's never made clear if this is referring to Zoe's mom or not. Zoe also mentions a couple of times that her mom is in prison, but this is ignored in favour of the protagonist's problems.
* FatherIWantToMarryMyBrother: The protagonist is a bit ''too'' fond of his cousin Zoe, and at one point outright contemplates having a baby with her.
* SitcomArchNemesis: Sal the bus driver. Veers into actual ArchEnemy territory at one point when he tries to strangle you, but for the most part he seems to take great joy in seeing you miss the school bus.
* TemptingApple: Eating a sketchy apple is what curses you with the titular sand hands.
* ThisLoserIsYou: A more literal example than most since "you" are the protagonist, but the book goes out of its way to remind you what an incompetent, stupid failure you are.
-->'''''To accept that you're a joke to them and always will be, turn to PAGE 111.'''''\\
''Nice job, idiot.''\\
''An earthworm whispers a secret in your ear as you sink into the ground. The secret is your breath stinks. '''THE END'''''
* WeHardlyKnewYe
--> ''"I need help with this maze!" you scream. The friendly Maze Monkey pops up from the maze and is immediately snatched by its greatest enemy, the Maze Monkey Eagle.''\\
''The circle of life.''
* WouldHarmAChild: As mentioned above, at one point Sal shows up out of nowhere and straight up tries to murder you.
