History FanFic / TheVerySecretDiaries

-->''"Day Four: Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his..."''

* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Sauron forces Gollum to [[SuckinessIsPainful watch bad movies.]]

* EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas: Legolas mutters something Elvish to Aragorn that might be "You're late," or possibly "Throw me down and shag me rotten." [[spoiler: It was the second option.]]

* IncrediblyLamePun: The Gap of Rohan. (There isn't one, as it turns out. Not even a Banana Republic!)

* RunningGag: Sam will kill anyone who tries anything with Frodo.

-->"I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit."

* ThirtyMinutesOrItsFree: Theoden orders Wormtongue from a minion-delivery service that promises a free orc if the minion doesn't arrive within ninety minutes.

-->"Day Four: Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his..."

* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Sauron forces Gollum to watch bad movies.

* EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas: Legolas mutters something Elvish to Aragorn that might be "You're late," or possibly "Throw me down and shag me rotten." [[spoiler: It was the second option]]

* {{Diary}}

''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by [[Creator/CassandraClare Cassandra Claire]] are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of ''Film/TheLordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the Literature/BridgetJones books.

* EveryoneIsGay: Except possibly Gimli.

''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by [[Creator/CassandraClare Cassandra Claire]] are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the Literature/BridgetJones books.

* ColorCodedWizardry: In addition to the canonical ''LordOfTheRings'' colored wizards, Saruman is corresponding with Manfred the Slightly Ecru. He also grumbles about having decided to be the White, as it makes his laundry more difficult.

* RunningGag; Sam will kill anyone who tries anything with Frodo.

''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by [[Creator/CassandraClare Cassandra Claire]] are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the BridgetJones books.

* TerseTalker: Is v. much the style everyone writes in. Because it parodies ''BridgetJones''.

* EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas: Legolas mutters something Elvish to Aragorn that might be "You're late," or possibly "Throw me down and shag me rotten."

* ShipperOnDeck: Gollum tries to play TheMatchmaker between the Balrog and Gandalf. Needless to say, it did not go very well.

''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by [[CassandraClare Cassandra Claire]] are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the BridgetJones books.

''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by Cassandra Claire are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the BridgetJones books.

* [=~Did I Just Say That Out Loud?~=]: Sam wonders this after thinking/writing "Mr. Frodo far too hot to die."

* [=~Thirty Minutes or It's Free~=]: Theoden orders Wormtongue from a minion-delivery service that promises a free orc if the minion doesn't arrive within ninety minutes.

* TheVodkaIsGoodButTheMeatIsRotten: Legolas mutters something Elvish to Aragorn that might be "You're late," or possibly "Throw me down and shag me rotten."

* RunningGag; "Aragorn obviously into Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything"

* MemeticMutation: A ''ton''; probably the most notable are "pervy hobbit-fancier" regarding Aragorn and Boromir, "still the prettiest!" from Legolas, and, of course, "[[MurderTheHypotenuse Sam will kill him if he tries anything]]."

* ColorCodedWizardry: In addition to the canonical ''LordOfTheRings'' colored wizards, Saruman is corresponding with Manfred the Slightly Ecru. He also grumbles about having decided to be the White, as it makes his laundry more difficult.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Sauron forces Gollum to watch bad movies.

* MemeticMutation: A ''ton''; probably the most notable are "pervy hobbit-fancier", "still the prettiest!", and, of course, "[[MurderTheHypotenuse Sam will kill him if he tries anything]]."

* ObliviousToLove: Frodo is oblivious to just about everyone's love for most of his diary. He runs off to Mordor when he figures it out.