History FanFic / MyImmortal

''My Immortal'', by "Tara Gilesbie", is a HarryPotter FanFiction, and a good candidate for the worst fanfiction ever written.

[[OverlyLongName Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way]] is a seventh-year [[HarryPotter Slytherin]] who's overwhelmingly beautiful, "goff" and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik SoBeautifulItsACurse body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and [[ConflictBall hates the goffs for no reason.]]

* CreatorProvincialism: A character is at one point described as having an English accent, which in a([[InNameOnly n alleged]]) ''HarryPotter'' fic should not be unusual enough to warrant mention. Although, other characters would have Scottish, Welsh and Irish (and possibly Indian or Chinese) accents so English accents wouldn't be universal. Saying that someone has an English accent is also quite vague - there are many different types of English accents.

* InNameOnly: This is not a ''HarryPotter'' fanfiction. This is an original story, with characters named after Harry Potter characters. Said characters immediately proceed to change their names to something else, at which point it stops being a Harry Potter fanfic even in name.

[[OverlyLongName Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way]] is a seventh-year [[HarryPotter Slytherin]] who's overwhelmingly beautiful, [[DidNotDoTheResearch "goff"]] and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik SoBeautifulItsACurse body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and [[ConflictBall hates the goffs for no reason.]]

* ArtMajorBiology: Willow is described as being "thin enouff to be anorexic" but having "really big bobs" -- improbable though not impossible, but then again, the author is just trying to use a MarySue for WishFulfillment in two conflicting ways.

* CreatorBreakdown: The spelling mistakes get more frequent and more blatant as the story goes on. This [[WildMassGuessing could]] be because she threatens to slit her wrists every time someone flames her story. Speaking of which, her author's notes between chapters become increasingly angry and incoherent at time goes on... [[FridgeBrilliance The effects of blood loss?]]

* FanficChopSuey: Harry Potter thrown together with [[DidNotDoTheResearch what Tara perceives as gothic things]].

* InNameOnly: This is not a HarryPotter fanfiction. This is an original story, with characters named after HarryPotter characters. Said characters immediately proceed to change their names to something else, at which point it stops being a HarryPotter fanfic even in name.
* InvisibilityCloak: Vampire's black cloak is the worst invisibility cloak ever, since apparently people ''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint can see it while in use]]''. From Chapter 21:

** Ebony and Harry's precognition abilities. [[MarySue Guess whose power is stronger.]]
** Voldemort knowing about Ebony and Draco's relationship thanks to [[DidNotDoTheResearch "telekinesis."]]

* [[{{ptitle95epjcl2}} Screw The Rules, I'm Beautiful!]]: Ebony, of course, although she's only "beautiful" by the standards of this 'verse.

* TakeThat: [[TakeThatCritics To reviewers]]. ("U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes[[EpicFail (HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)]] u mst find urslf 1st, k?")
** Assuming it's a parody, it may be a [[FridgeBrilliance hugely brilliant]] Take That at self-righteously "unconventional" teenagers who look down on anyone they regard as "mainstream" despite the fact that they themselves are still conforming, only to a different group. Ebony is this sort of snobbery taken UpToEleven, to the point where she can only see the world in terms of "goffs" and "preps". In her world, "goffiness" is the only quality which human beings can be judged by and anyone who fails to meet her standards is a "prep" by default. And, of course, all the "goff" stuff she likes is actually pretty mainstream, just less obviously "preppy", emphasizing her hypocrisy.

* ThatCameOutWrong: "Draco and I came. It was.......Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!" .....Okay, either the reveal was ''really'' exciting (it wasn't) or those two really need to stop having sex at the first chance. It's seriously getting out of hand. Too bad she [[WhatAnIdiot didn't learn the first time she did it and kept on using "X came" lines]]. Her spelling doesn't help:

* TheresNoBInMovie: One of Ebony's favourite films is apparently the infamous ''[[SharkAttack3Megalodon Shark Attack 3]]'', a film almost as lovably idiotic as the fic she stars in. Needless to say, this is in keeping with the inconsistency of her supposed personal culture: ''[[SharkAttack3Megalodon Shark Attack 3]]'' does not have even the remotest connection to "goffickness".

* CompletelyMissingThePoint: "I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut [[MarySue mary su]] OK!"

* AuthorAvatar: Not just Ebony, but every other character to be [[DesignatedHero portrayed in a positive light]], since they're all basically clones of her.
** At one point, angry with Raven, Tara changes Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way (her emphasis).

* {{Crunchtastic}}: ''"Yeah shut up!!!!" Snake said preppily.''
** 'Gothically' is also used as an adjective. And apparently there is such a thing as an 'emo voice'.
** 'Sexily' is also frighteningly common, as in "I jumped sexily in front of da bullet".

->--'''''My Immortal's first sentence (Ignoring the Author's Note). ItGotWorse after that.'''''

[[OverlyLongName Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way]] is a seventh-year [[HarryPotter Slytherin]] who's overwhelmingly beautiful, [[DidNotDoTheResearch "goff"]] and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik [=~So Beautiful, It's A Curse~=] body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and [[ConflictBall hates the goffs for no reason.]]

Go [[Characters/MyImmortal here]] for the character list.

* AlphaBitch: Britney and, arguably, Ebony.

* ArtisticLicenseSexEd: Something is terribly, terribly wrong with the ... order of events here:

--> "He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. "Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation[[hottip:* :That pretty much means "I screamed inactively as he belched".]]."

* ArtMajorBiology: Willow is described as being "thin enouff to be anorexic" but having "really big bobs" - improbable though not impossible, but then again, the author is just trying to use a MarySue for WishFulfillment in two conflicting ways.

* [[{{ptitlelewwvnvy}} Morton's Fork]]: As mentioned, if you live in Tara Land, you can either try to be goffic, in which case you're a poser and you suck, or not, in which case you're a prep and you suck. Without being a legit goff, Tom Rid won't give you the "real" goffic clothes. But you can't be a "real" goff without them, so [[LogicBomb you can't get the "real" goffic clothes unless you already have them]]. Oh, and you're not considered a true goff unless you know all goffic knowledge, but if you didn't have said information at some point, then you're a poser. Wait, what? Are you just supposed to be born knowing the lyrics to [=MCR=] songs? How did Ebony and friends become legit goffs anyway? We're ''told'' the ''Harry Potter'' characters Tara likes became goffic, which means they must have been preps before (since all non-goffs are "preps" in Tara Land), so [[PlotHole how did they get the clothes and why weren't they considered posers for having to be told about MCR]]? It seems to be that you can become a "real goff" if you're suicidally depressed and/or have suffered horrible traumas, as Draco "used to want to commit suicide all the time", Vampire Potter has "gone through horrible problems", B'loody Mary is traumatised by the loss of her real parents, and Jenny and Diabolo's dad "raped them and stuff".

* FollowTheLeader: The fanfic spawned hundreds of parody fics.

* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy - To quote Szaleniec in his dramatic reading "This story would be a lot shorter if the characters could shoot straight"

* ScoobyDooHoax- subverted in that the chosen disguise wasn't intended to scare people away. Voldemort and the 'death dealers' attempt a method of espionage which involves disguising themselves as My Chemical Romance- not with polyjuice potion, as you may suspect, but with wearable costumes and masks. Basically, Voldemort donned a Gerard Way face mask and stole his clothes. And of course, it fooled everyone.

* Sidekick: Ebony occasionally has Willow or B'loody Mary filling this role; like Ebony herself, however, they pretty much never get anything useful done.

* [=~So Beautiful, It's A Curse~=]: Ebony, of course.

* WeAllLiveInAmerica- and ''how''. This British troper isn't sure that Hot Topic and Abercrombie and Fitch have UK branches at all, and if they do then the number of stores isn't very high, and wearing clothes from one of those places in the UK certainly wouldn't carry the same strong connotations that it does in the States. Also, 'prep' isn't a term thats used here, so the chances of a British school having entire cliques of them are low to say the least. And it's 'trousers' not 'pants' (which are underwear), the age of consent is 16, not 18, almost all British schools insist on uniform, few, if any Supermarkets sell Count Chocula so where Hogwarts would get it from is anyone's guess, and then there's the whole 'sexy English accent' thing... need we go on?

* WordOfGod: Authors' notes pop up in most chapters, mostly to criticize reviewers as "preps," and excuse her spelling problems and mischaracteriation. One note in Chapter 6 reveals that Dumbledore's swearing is the result of him having a [[BerserkButton headache]].

* ADayInTheLimelight: Chapter 37 attempts to switch to Draco's point of view, but after 10 lines it's mentioned that ''"Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's room"'', which makes no sense no matter which way you look at it. Afterwards, the POV apparently switches back to Enoby.
* ADateWithRosiePalms: Presumably this is what Loopin's "masticating", or "MASTABATING (c is dat speld rong)" was meant to be.

* AnOfferYouCantRefuse: Voldemort tells Ebony that if she doesn't kill Vampire, she and Draco will die. He never really [[PlotHole follows up on that]].

--> '''Voldemort:''' If thou doth not kill him, then I shall kill him anyways!

* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[UnderStatement Lots of it.]]

* TheLeisureSuitLarry: Snaketail.

[[OverlyLongName Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way]] is a seventh-year [[HarryPotter Slytherin]] who's overwhelmingly beautiful, [[DidNotDoTheResearch "goff"]] and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik [=~So Beautiful, It's A Curse~=] body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including [[strike:Dumbledore]] Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and [[ConflictBall hates the goffs for no reason.]]

The plot is mostly centered around [[strike:Voldemort]] Vlodemort trying to force [[strike:Ebony]] Enoby to kill [[strike:Harry]] Vampire. After this, [[strike:Enoby]] Evony goes back in [[strike:time]] tim to try to prevent [[strike:Tom Riddle]] Tom Bombodil from ever becoming [[strike:Voldemort]] Volxemort, by making him fall in love with her. [[strike:Snape]] Snap and [[strike:Lupin]] Loopin are pedophiles who enjoy [[strike: masturbating]] masticating and eventually get sent to [[strike:Azkaban]] Azerbaijan (or "Abhkazian", what could possibly be a product of the Cupertino Problem if not for the fact that the fic has clearly never seen a spellchecker). Then there's some drama between [[strike:Evony]] Egogy, [[strike:Draco]] Drako, and Vampire, and...who are we kidding? There's nothing resembling a plot here.

* [=~An Offer You Can't Refuse~=]: Voldemort tells Ebony that if she doesn't kill Vampire, she and Draco will die. He never really [[PlotHole follows up on that]].

* [[strike:[[AwesomeMcCoolname Awesome McCoolname]]]] [[AwesomeMcCoolname Sucky McFailName]]: Most of the original Harry Potter character have been given new names. Such as Hermione now being B'loody Mary, Ron being [[strike: Diablo]] Diabolo, "Navel" becoming "[[{{Dracula}} Dracola]]" and Harry becoming Vampire.

* BigNo: Used many times throughout, including [[strike:Worm]]Snaketail before his death.

* [=~Don't Explain The Joke~=]: There is precisely ''one'' instance of a pun not being pointed out. Even if it had been pointed out, it would still have been the [[strike:best]] only good pun in the entire story. One of the worst cases of her pointing something out, was when she intentionally used "bitca" instead of "bitch" in reference to a rather obscure line in the Season 2 opener of {{Buffy}}. Tara's comment on this otherwise brilliant ShoutOut?

* FreudianExcuse: [[strike:Voldemort]] [[strike:Vlodemort]] [[strike:Volsemort]] [[strike:Darth Valer]] [[strike: Voldemint]] Volxemort. In Professor Trevolry (or Professor Sinister's) own words, "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hearth hearth]] borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"

* FunetikAksent: The author lapses [[strike:into]] ''out of'' this on multiple occasions. Most famously, the word "goffik".

* HeroAntagonist: [[strike:Dumblydum]] [[strike:Dumbledork]] [[strike:Dumbledark]] Dumbledore, or whatever the hell his name is sometimes is this. This, in fact, borders on HardyBoysInvestigation. Ebony and friends basically do nothing except whine while Dumbledore flies in to save them every time things get out of hand. And they ''still'' hate him for no reason.

* TheLeisureSuitLarry: [[strike:Wormtail]] Snaketail.
* TheLibby: Britney and, arguably, Ebony.

** Tara. Often tries to use [[strike: big]] words, and fails, as seen all over this very page. Presumably she or Raven just let their spellchecker make its best guesses and never looked back.

* NamesTheSame: Tom Rid is not [[BigBad Tom Riddle]]. He is a perfectly innocent shopkeeper. It's ''possible'' that, due to the [[NoEnding permanently-unfinished state of the story]], he was supposed to be [[TheUntwist revealed]] as Voldemort in disguise, but we'll never know now.

* SadisticChoice: As mentioned, the plot hinges primarily on Voldemort giving Ebony the choice between her killing Vampire or him killing both Vampire and Draco ([[ExcusePlot no effort is made to explain why he's bothering to do it this way]]). There's also the sequence in Chapter 30 when [[strike:Snape]] Snap, having taken Ebony, Draco and Vampire captive, shows Ebony the "Dork Mark on his you-know-wut" and threatens to "rap Draco!1" if Ebony doesn't stab [[strike:Vampire]] Vrompire (Ebony's agonising over the decision primarily revolves around which of them is the more "smexy"). Neither of these are followed up on.

* WhyDontYaJustShootHim: In chapter 23, Voldemort confronts Ebony, Vampire, and Draco. [[strike:Voldemort]] Darth Valer tells Ebony that she has failed her mission and that now he will kill her and Vampire. Ebony says "Plz don't make me kill him plz!". Voldemort's response is to threaten to kill them again, ''then flee''. Really, Voldemort could have just killed Ebony, Draco, and Vampire. Why would Ebony saying no prevent him from killing them all on the spot?

* YaoiFangirl: Tara interrupts the narrative several times to mention how hot gay/bi men are. Oddly, she insults her reviewers by calling them "[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment gay fags]]" in the author's notes. And after Evony finds out that Draco has slept with Vampire, she thinks he must have [[strike: AIDS]] [=AIDs=]!

* YouFailSexEdForever: Something is terribly, terribly wrong with the ... order of events here:

--> "He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. "Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation[[hottip:* :That pretty much means "I screamed inactively as he belched".]]."

->''"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like [[{{Evanescence}} Amy Lee]] (AN: if u don't know who she is [[ReversePsychology get da hell out of here]]!)."''

* PossessionSue: Draco just reeks of this.

* SelectiveSquick: Tara refuses to refer to [[strike:her]] [[strike:''Ebony's'']] ''Enoby's'' vagina as other than "my you-know-what" or "my thingie", but does not skimp on introducing anal sex, rape, anal rape, torture, etc.

* ThirtySuePileup: Let us count the ways...
** ParodySue: Depends on whether Gilesbie's a troll or not -- if so, one of the best examples.
** RelationshipSue: From the first chapter, Enoby leeches onto Draco and never lets go.
** SympatheticSue: Ebony [[{{Wangst}} constantly whines]] about how hard her life is.
** TsundereSue: She has quite the potty mouth and spends a lot of time yelling at everybody, insulting her friends for no reason, and on occasion laughing at others' misfortunes. But everybody still wants to be around her.
** AntiSue: She seems weak and useless...
** GodModeSue: ...until she kills Voldermort.
** VillainSue: Ebony can be interpreted this way.
** FixerSue: No, Harry, you're supposed to be bisexual!
** BlackHoleSue: The entire castle and all its residents are distorted to fit Ebony's views of the world.
** JerkSue: She is horrible to everyone yet they all love her.
** About the only form of Mary Sue which Ebony doesn't fit is PuritySue[=/=]MarySueClassic. Naturally, Tara tries to use this to "prove" Ebony isn't a Mary Sue.

* TrueArtIsAngsty: On her profile, Raven declares that "I HATE comedies. The world is so shitty, why pretend it's not." and Tara seems to think similarly. [[{{ptitlethsq3mffp09i}} Oh, the irony.]]

* {{Wangst}}: '''[[ThisIsSPARTA Ebony. Constantly. Whines.]]''' And this gem from Draco:

-->''' ''"No one fucking understands me!1"''' ''he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz.

* [[CanonDefilement Canon Rape High Score]]

* CriticalResearchFailure: Tara admits that she bases some of it on the movies because she hasn't read all of the books. This is a very good way of getting GannonBanned in ''HarryPotter'' fandom circles, but everyone's too busy laughing to care.

* DesignatedVillain: Britney doesn't do anything aside from being "a fucking prep". Except in chapter 42 where it's stated by 'Proffessor Trevolry' that Britney freed Snap, Loopin and Hargrid from "Azerbaijan". How or why exactly, Trevolry (and Tara) doesn't bother to go into.

* DracoInLeatherPants ''literally''

* FanHater: Tara's attitude towards anyone who is not a "goff". This is carried over into the actual story in a truly bizarre case of WriterOnBoard.

* MarySue: Ebony. Just... Ebony. Tara, of course, denies it (despite many noticeable Freudian slips in which other characters refer to Ebony as "Tata" "Tara" and "[=TaEbory=]"), and responds to her preppy haters with this:

-->''I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!''

It can be found [[http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm here.]]

For the ''DeathNote'' version, see LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami. For the ''{{Twilight}}'' version, see FanFic/TwilaTheGirlWhoWazInLuvWithAVampyre or FanFic/ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen. For the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' version, see [[Fanfic/GurrenLagannhen Gurren Lagannhen]]. For the ''{{Pokemon}}'' version, see PokemonAttackOfMewtwo. For the ''{{Redwall}}'' version, see [[FanFic/SoullessShell soulless shell]], though that one's closer to [[FanFic/LegolasByLaura legolas by laura]] in some ways. For the ''WarriorCats'' version, see ''[[FanFic/{{Ptitleh1qfbg3l}} StarKits Prophcy]]''. For ''TheLegendOfZelda'' version, see FanFic/MyInnerLife.

* PresentDayPast: Made even worse by author's notes talking about it. Tara's friend Raven provides the page quote. Hilariously, the story was started in 2006 and the references are already becoming dated. For example, Ebony's mention that Joel Madden is dating Hilary Duff (they broke up a few months after that was written, and Madden now has two children with Nicole Richie, whom he met after Duff). Additionally, ''{{Twilight}}'' is conspicuous by its absence. If the fic were written now, Tara would have endlessly reminded us whether she considers ''Twilight'' a "goff" thing or a "poser" thing.

* RetCon: A ton, each more {{Wallbanger}}y than the last... as in this example:

** ParodySue: Depends on whether Gilesbie's a troll or not -- if so, one of the [[SugarWiki/MostTriumphantExample best examples]].

* Assuming it's a parody, it may be a [[FridgeBrilliance hugely brilliant]] Take That at self-righteously "unconventional" teenagers who look down on anyone they regard as "mainstream" despite the fact that they themselves are still conforming, only to a different group. Ebony is this sort of snobbery taken UpToEleven, to the point where she can only see the world in terms of "goffs" and "preps". In her world, "goffiness" is the only quality which human beings can be judged by and anyone who fails to meet her standards is a "prep" by default. And, of course, all the "goff" stuff she likes is actually pretty mainstream, just less obviously "preppy", emphasizing her hypocrisy.

* AlternateCharacterInterpretation: Directly applicable to the writer. She's either an epic RalphWiggum ValleyGirl who somehow got her hands on a computer and started pressing buttons randomly, or she's an epic {{Troll}} who decided to screw with the internet by producing a TrollFic that would be cursed throughout the ages. Or she started the fic seriously, somehow realised it was hilariously idiotic, and [[ParodyRetCon wrote the rest as a troll fic]] (explaining the sudden build-up of RougeAnglesOfSatin in later chapters). ''Or'', perhaps, she started out as a troll, but her story slowly [[SanitySlippage deteriorated her mind, to the point that the book got progressively worse]]. Or perhaps she's a completely normal girl who decided one day to write a bad 'fic for to get some laughs out of it, and apparently succeeded beyond her wildest dreams.
* AccidentalInnuendo: Whether it's actually accidental depends on whether the fic actually is a parody or not, but regular words are occasionally "accidentally" spelled wrong and turned into obscenities, e.g. "Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge" becomes "Mystery of Magic Cornelia Fuck", "Professor Slughorn" becoming "Professor Slutborn", etc.
* AdaptationDecay: That's putting it mildly.

* AssPull: It's painfully obvious that the author makes up the whole thing as she goes. At one point the characters need to find Draco (who Volfemort has bondage, whatever that means). To solve this, Vampire "has an idea" and teleports them into Voldemort's lair. Enoby whines endlessly about stuff much easier to solve than this, like [[{{OT3}} choosing between Draco and Vampire]]

* BeyondTheImpossible: ''How bad'' can Tara's spelling get? The strongest case one could make for this being a parody is that no one could possibly make that many typos.

* BileFascination: Seriously, this [[strike:is]] was the ''most popular thing'' on [[FanfictionDotNet Fanfiction.net]] if the reviews were anything to go by.

* BrainBleach: Read any of this and you'll want a whole barrel full...

* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Voldemortserum. Note that all the main characters use real life drugs [[BrokenAesop with no negative consequences whatsoever.]] And Dumbledore condones smoking pot in school at the very least. Then again, they may not be smoking pot at all -- just cigarettes that they [[CriticalResearchFailure think]] are pot.

* EpicFail: If this fic isn't that, then nothing is.
* EpilepticTrees: Tara comes up with a few: ''I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111'' [[spoiler:(Funnily enough, half of that did turn out to be true)]]

* FanService: Tara presumably thought that the sex scenes were this (see FetishRetardant and IKEAErotica).

* FetishRetardant: Pretty much the whole thing. See IKEAErotica.

* FridgeLogic: Quite frankly, the entire story.

* HilariousInHindsight: Tara accusing JKR of being a "hamophobe" for not making Harry and Draco a gay couple.

* HoYay:
** Harry "Vampire"/Draco "Snap"/Loopin, and Tom "Satan"/Hedwig
** Despite protesting in the Chapter 1 intro that SheIsNotMyGirlfriend, Tara's interactions with Raven have more than a bit of this.

* IAmNotShazam: She at one point refers to the band HIM, but in the same sentence then uses it lowercase. She tends to be pretty good on capitalizing band names, so it looks like she meant to refer to the singer Ville Valo.

* MindScrew

* {{Narm}}: All of it. Yes, every single word of this hilarious story is supposed to be serious.
* NarmCharm: Why we read this story.

* NightmareFuel: A literal interpretation of many passages in this story will give you a rather disturbing mental picture. "He put his boys thingie in mine", coming from EBONY, anyone? [[SchmuckBait So try to avoid literal interpretations.]]
* NightmareRetardant: Again, the chapter with the "XTREMLY SCRAY" disclaimer.

* PoesLaw: Perhaps the MostTriumphantExample. Ask three people whether this is a parody and you'll get four answers. It doesn't help that, if it ''is'' a parody, it's [[StealthParody the stealth variety]], and as such doubly vulnerable to this.

* RomanticPlotTumor: Most of the plot is focused on a [[strike:Harry]]Vampire/Ebony/Draco LoveTriangle. Even Voldemort forcing Ebony to kill "Vampire" is treated as though it were simply a complication to all the romantic drama.

* {{Sequelitis}}: The original is considered by some to be SoBadItsGood, but most of the parody sequels are just plain painful. No matter how hard many may try, none can match Ms. Gilesbie's literary... um, achievement.

* SnarkBait: Possibly more so than ''anything else'' on this wiki, even Twilight.

* WallBanger: With this fic, it would probably be more effective to ask what is ''not'' a WallBanger.

* [[strike:Awesome McCoolname]] [[AwesomeMcCoolname Sucky McFailName]]: Most of the original Harry Potter character have been given new names. Such as Hermione now being B'loody Mary, Ron being [[strike: Diablo]] Diabolo, "Navel" becoming "[[{{Dracula}} Dracola]]" and Harry becoming Vampire.

For the ''DeathNote'' version, see LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami. For the ''{{Twilight}}'' version, see FanFic/TwilaTheGirlWhoWazInLuvWithAVampyre or FanFic/ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen. For the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' version, see [[Fanfic/GurrenLagannhen Gurren Lagannhen]]. For the ''{{Pokemon}}'' version, see PokemonAttackOfMewtwo. For the ''{{Redwall}}'' version, see [[FanFic/SoullessShell soulless shell]], though that one's closer to [[FanFic/LegolasByLaura legolas by laura]] in some ways. For the ''WarriorCats'' version, see ''[[FanFic/Ptitleh1qfbg3l StarKits Prophcy]]''. For ''TheLegendOfZelda'' version, see FanFic/MyInnerLife.

For the ''DeathNote'' version, see LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami. For the ''{{Twilight}}'' version, see FanFic/TwilaTheGirlWhoWazInLuvWithAVampyre or FanFic/ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen. For the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' version, see [[Fanfic/GurrenLagannhen Gurren Lagannhen]]. For the ''{{Pokemon}}'' version, see PokemonAttackOfMewtwo. For the ''{{Redwall}}'' version, see [[FanFic/SoullessShell soulless shell]], though that one's closer to [[FanFic/LegolasByLaura legolas by laura]] in some ways. For the ''WarriorCats'' version, see ''StarKitsProphecy''. For ''TheLegendOfZelda'' version, see FanFic/MyInnerLife.

For the ''DeathNote'' version, see LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami. For the ''{{Twilight}}'' version, see FanFic/TwilaTheGirlWhoWazInLuvWithAVampyre or FanFic/ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen. For the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' version, see [[Fanfic/GurrenLagannhen Gurren Lagannhen]]. For the ''{{Pokemon}}'' version, see PokemonAttackOfMewtwo. For the ''{{Redwall}}'' version, see [[FanFic/SoullessShell soulless shell]], though that one's closer to [[FanFic/LegolasByLaura legolas by laura]] in some ways. For the ''WarriorCats'' version, see ''StarkitsProphecy''. For ''TheLegendOfZelda'' version, see FanFic/MyInnerLife.

** Assuming it's a parody, it may be a [[FridgeBrilliance hugely brilliant]] Take That at self-righteously "unconventional" teenagers who look down on anyone they regard as "mainstream" despite the fact that they themselves are still conforming, only to a different group. Ebony is this sort of snobbery taken UpToEleven, to the point where she can only see the world in terms of "goffs" and "preps". In her world, "goffiness" is the only quality which human beings can be judged by and anyone who fails to meet her standards is a "prep" by default. And, of course, all the "goff" stuff she likes is actually pretty mainstream, just less obviously "preppy", emphasizing her hypocrisy.

* TakeThat: [[TakeThatCritics To reviewers]]. ("U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes[[EpicFail (HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)]] u mst find urslf 1st, k?") Assuming it's a parody, it may be a [[FridgeBrilliance hugely brilliant]] Take That at self-righteously "unconventional" teenagers who look down on anyone they regard as "mainstream" despite the fact that they themselves are still conforming, only to a different group. Ebony is this sort of snobbery taken UpToEleven, to the point where she can only see the world in terms of "goffs" and "preps". In her world, "goffiness" is the only quality which human beings can be judged by and anyone who fails to meet her standards is a "prep" by default. And, of course, all the "goff" stuff she likes is actually pretty mainstream, just less obviously "preppy", emphasizing her hypocrisy.

Once upon a time, a person known as Tara Gilesbie created a FanFiction that re-defined the meaning of 'bad.' ''My Immortal'' is that fanfic.

As you can see, this might just be the most polarizing fanfiction ever written for HarryPotter, or anything else.

Noteworthy on this Wiki for being the source of, TropeNamer and [[MostTriumphantExample Most Triumphant (or scary) Example]] for DracoInLeatherPants.

For the ''DeathNote'' version, see LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami. For the ''{{Twilight}}'' version, see FanFic/TwilaTheGirlWhoWazInLuvWithAVampyre or FanFic/ForbidenFruitTheTempationOfEdwardCullen. For the ''TengenToppaGurrenLagann'' version, see [[Fanfic/GurrenLagannhen Gurren Lagannhen]]. For the ''{{Pokemon}}'' version, see PokemonAttackOfMewtwo. For the ''{{Redwall}}'' version, see [[FanFic/SoullessShell soulless shell]], though that one's closer to [[FanFic/LegolasByLaura legolas by laura]] in some ways. For the ''WarriorCats'' version, see ''StarkitsProphecy''. For ''TheLegendOfZelda'' version, see FanFic/MyInnerLife, and you'll get GannonBanned if you compare it to TheLegendOfZeldaCDIGames.

[[OverlyLongName Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way]] is a seventh-year Slytherin who's overwhelmingly beautiful, [[DidNotDoTheResearch "goff"]] and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik [=~So Beautiful, It's A Curse~=] body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including [[strike:Dumbledore]] Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and [[ConflictBall hates the goffs for no reason.]]