History BadassBoast / Literature

** Taylor only has one actual superpower: He can find anything, and, if it’s close enough, draw it to him. He has a habit, when being held at gunpoint, of “finding” the bullets in his enemies’ guns and dropping them on the ground. At least once, after doing this, he says, “Now go away and stop bothering me, or I’ll show you a similar trick involving your lungs and a bunch of buckets.”

* In the ''Literature/Earthsea'' books, the true name of a being gives one power over that being, so literally everyone uses false names. Orm Embar is the exception.

** A wordless one from the [[spoiler:Eldest Gruff]]: he's 5'2", stooped, and walks with the support of a staff. And yet, he has [[HeroKiller the stoles of ''three'' Senior Council members hanging from his belt]], and [[CurbStompBattle he offhandedly annihilates one of the most physically imposing Denarians]] before he even makes his actual appearance. A more fitting boast from him would be his words to said Denarian before their "battle", in which he says [[BewareTheNiceOnes "Do not mistake peaceable intention for weakness. I do not fear thee. Begone, or I will smite thee down."]]

--->"When it comes to fighting, I count myself
--->as dangerous any day as Grendel.
--->So it won't be be a cutting edge I wield
--->to mow him down, easily as I might.
--->He has no idea of the arts of war,
--->of shield or sword-play, although he does possess
--->a wild strength. No weapons, therefore,
--->for either this night: unarmed he shall face me
--->if face me he dares."

-->'''Caine:''' "He who lives by the sword can die by my knife."

-->'''Caine:''' "RuleNumberOne: You fuck with me, you die. No questions, no exceptions, no second chances."
-->'''Caine:''' "THEY TOLD YOU I WOULD DIE DOWN THERE! I TOLD YOU I'D BE BACK!"

-->'''Caine:''' *to a band of Black Knife [[OurOrcsAreDifferent ogrillo]] hunters, after killing one of their number in single combat* "Did anybody not UNDERSTAND what just happened here? Does anybody need it EXPLAINED? This place is MINE. You can go anywhere you want, but you can't come HERE. For you here is DEATH. Here is PAIN. He died EASY. You will die HARD. You will die SCREAMING. Your bitches will HOWL. Your pups will STARVE. I will FEED YOU YOUR FUTURE."
--> Later, "I told you I'd feed you your future. Did you think I'd make you eat it raw?"

* Torak, the insane maimed god of the Angarak race in ''Literature/TheBelgariad'', offers up his version of events in his holy book. He begins with:
--> "Hear me, ye Angaraks, for I am Torak, Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Bow before my Name and worship me with prayers and with sacrifices, for I am your God and I have dominion over all the realms of the Angaraks. And great shall be my wrath if ye displease me. I was before the world was made. I shall be after the mountains crumble into sand, the seas dwindle to stagnant pools, and the world shrivels and is no more. For I was before time and shall be after."

--> "Hear me, ye peoples, and fear me. Bow down before me and worship me. For I am Torak, forever King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and God alone to this world which I have caused to be."

* The ''Literature/GentlemanBastard'' Sequence has a few. One of the best is from Jean Tannen while drugged to the eyeballs in the temple of the goddess of death. Keep in mind he is twelve at the time:
-->"I saw my parents burn to death. I saw my cats burn to death. Do you know the sound a cat makes when it burns? I watched and could do nothing. Do you know where to stab a man, to bring death now, or death in a minute, or death in an hour? I do. Lingering death? Two or three days of pain? I can give that too. Ha! Death the Transition? We're old friends!"

-->"I promise you a death-offering, brothers. I promise you an offering that will make the gods take notice. An offering that will make the shades of all the Dukes and Capas of Camorr feel like paupers. An offering in blood and gold and fire. This I swear by Aza Guilla who gathers us, and by Perelandro who sheltered us, and by the Crooked Warden who places his finger on the scale when our souls are weighed. This I swear to Chains, who kept us safe. I beg forgiveness that I failed to do the same."

-->"But now, now I'll be a murderer once again. I will set myself to slay until every last Grey King's man is gone. You hear me, cocksucker? I will have the Bondsmage, and I will have the Grey King, and if all the powers of Camorr and Karthain and Hell itself oppose me, it will be ''nothing'' - nothing but a longer trail of corpses between me and your master."

-->Conan bounded up on the bridge and stood poised above the upturned black faces, ax lifted, black mane blown in the wind.\\

-->"By this axe I rule! This is my sceptre! I have struggled and sweated to be the puppet king you wished me to be -- to king it your way. Now I use mine own way! If you will not fight, you shall obey! Laws that are just shall stand; laws that have outlived their times I shall shatter as I shattered that one! ''I am king!''"

--> "I fear Benedict. He is the Master of Arms for Amber. Can you conceive of a millennium? A thousand years? Several of them? Can you understand a man who, for almost every day of a lifetime like that, has spent some time dwelling with weapons, tactics, strategy? All that there is of military science thunders in his head. He has often journeyed from shadow to shadow, witnessing variation after variation on the same battle, with but slightly altered circumstances, in order to test his theories of warfare. He has commanded armies so vast that you could watch them march by day after day and see no end to the columns. Although he is inconvenienced by the loss of his arm, I would not wish to fight with him either with weapons or barehanded. It is fortunate that he has no designs upon the throne, or he would be occupying it right now. If he were, I believe that I would give up at this moment and pay him homage. I fear Benedict."

-->"I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep. [[DeadpanSnarker You may have heard of me]]."

--> "You are an educated man. You know there are no such things as demons. There is only my kind. You are not wise enough to fear me as I should be feared. You do not know the first note of the music that moves me."

--> '''Yama''': "Fallen or no, the real death dwells in my eyes."

--> "I shall tear these stars from out the heavens," he stated, "and hurl them in the faces of the gods, if this be necessary. I shall blaspheme in every Temple throughout the land. I shall take lives as a fisherman takes fish, by the net, if this be necessary. I shall mount me again up to the Celestial City, though every step be a flame or a naked sword and the way be guarded by tigers. One day will the gods look down from Heaven and see me upon the stair, bringing them the gift they fear most. That day will the new Yuga begin.

-->"There are only demigods and men upon the field," said Death. "They are still testing our strength. There are very few who remember the full power of Kalkin."
-->"The ''full'' power of Kalkin?" asked Sam. "That has never been released, oh Death. Not in all the ages of the world."

-->"I'm a druid very nearly of the first circle," he hissed. "I was almost the leader of my peers, practically the chosen one. I didn't quite summon the essence of the waterways from beneath the city streets, nearly brought forth the glory of the heavens, was almost on time for a conversation with the whispering dryads of the thousand and one lamp posts, and was only a few words away from sealing up the nether gate across the rotting railway tracks. You should maybe fear me, perhaps."

--> "No shadow shows itself to those eyes, for I am the city's sun and moon and morning star. I am her every lamp. Even my own shadow hides from me, turned traitor by the ache of darkness for light.\\

-->''The iceberg travels upstream. Choking it off at its source. The river runs dry, dead and forsaken, yet the iceberg endures. The river has made a terrible mistake, and the hyozan now rises to destroy it.\\

* From Stephen Hunter's ''Night of Thunder'', the Big Bad, a dirty cop, gives this:
--> "Swagger, you are way overmatched. You have seen me draw. You know how fast I am, and how [[ImprobableAimingSkills I don‘t never miss]]. I have to leave now. If you try to stop me I will kill you. Who do you think you are?"

-->"Who do I think I am? You never got it, did you? Y'all thought [[ObfuscatingStupidity I was some old coot from out West]], no match for Grumley killers and armed robbers and crooked-as-hell detectives. I am Bob Lee Swagger, [[SergeantRock Gunnery Sergeant]], [[SemperFi USMC]], eighty-seven kills, [[ColdSniper third-ranking marine sniper]] in Vietnam. I have shot it out with Salvadorian hunter-killer units and Marisol Cubano hitmen and a Russian sniper sent halfway around the world. I even won a sword fight or two in my time. They all had one thing in common. [[MuggingTheMonster They thought they were hunting me, and I was hunting them]]. Faced many, all are sucking grass from the bitter, root end. Here‘re your choices: You can come easy or you can come dead."

--> "What can you show us, you caged freak? I am [[DealWithTheDevil Sinner]], and I have known the secrets of the Pit."
--> "I am Pretty Poison, a demon of the Inferno."
--> "I'm Madman, and I have seen [[GoMadFromTheRevelation the Truth]]."
--> "And I'm John Taylor, and you wouldn't believe the shit I've seen. So [[BringIt bring it on]]."

-->"I'm the son of Jupiter. I'm a child of Rome, consul to demi-gods, praetor of the First Legion. I slew the Trojan sea monster. I toppled the Black Throne of Kronos, and destroyed the Titan Krios with my own hands. And now I am going to destroy you, Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves."

--> '''Percy:''' Twelfth Legion FULMINATA!

-->''Whether you become a fish in the sea,\\

* Literature/SolomonKane may say it in a more understated manner than most boasts, but...

--> Nay, alone I am a weak creature, having no strength or might in me; yet in times past hath God made me a great vessel of wrath and a sword of deliverance. And, I trust, shall do so again.

-->'''Aurra Sing''': Fear me, Jedi! I am Aurra Sing, Nashtah, scourge of your kind! I haunt your darkest dreams! I drink Jedi blood; I nest in their guts! Your nightmares now have a name, hierophant, and that name is Aurra Sing!
-->'''Jax Pavan''': [[DeadpanSnarker You'd be the bounty hunter, then.]]

-->'''Grievous:''' I have been trained in your Jedi arts by Lord Tyranus himself!
-->'''Obi-Wan:''' Do you mean Count Dooku? What a curious coincidence. I trained the man who killed him.

-->'''Ganner Rhysode''': This threshold is mine. I claim it for my own. Bring on your thousands, one at a time or all in a rush. I don't give a damn. [[YouShallNotPass None shall pass.]]

--> ''"Here's why you can't exterminate us,'' aruetii''. We're not huddled in one place — we span the galaxy. We need no lords or leaders — so you can't destroy our command. We can live without technology — so we can fight with our bare hands. We have no species or bloodline — so we can rebuild our ranks with others who want to join us. We're more than just a people or an army, aruetii. We're a culture. We're an idea. And you can't kill ideas — but we can certainly kill you."''

* The ''Literature/SwordOfTruth'' book ''Temple of the Winds'' has this example:
-->"You don't even have your weapon."\\

* In ''Literature/TallTaleAmerica'' Mike Fink is awfully fond of these.
-->"I'm King of the Keelboatmen, King of the Rivers! I'm a ring-tailed screamer from the old Mississippi! I can out-run, out-shoot, out-brag, and out-fight any man on the rivers! WHOOP! I've got the best crew and the fastest boat on all the rivers, and my muscles are as rusty as an old hinge! WHOOP! So come and see what you can do about it!"

-->When it was over, the former deputy from Lincoln County walked over to Virgil.
-->"That's the best shooting I ever seen," he said.
-->Virgil nodded and smiled at him.
-->"Yeah," he said. "I know."

-->“We’ll kill him, too,” Virgil said.
-->“You don’t know what he’s like,” Mary Beth said.
-->“No,” Virgil said.
-->He smiled at her.
-->“But I know what I’m like,” Virgil said.

--> You have a tendency to piss against the wind. Know, that here, [...] you have pissed against a hurricane.

--> I feel so much power within me, I could blast this whole castle to pieces!

* In ''CrossAndPoppy,'' RetiredBadass the Duke of Taunton -- late Major, the Intelligence Corps -- gets several (though he's not alone in that). Notably,
-->"It's a curious thing, how an evil fate seems always to pursue those who attempt mischief against anyone under my protection. I could refer you to several persons in Iraq and Afghanistan who learnt that lesson, but, as it happens, they can't pass that lesson on, because, as it happens, they all ended up quite dead."

--> "You haven't much brain, you know. I, personally, should be happy to demonstrate –- although you'd be in no position to profit by the experience –- by smearing it all over the walls or the floor, but that should annoy Teddy and further interrupt everyone's dinner. No, don't wriggle: if I slip and put any weight at all on this chair, well, the hyoid is a delicate bone, and the throat's a sensitive thing, and I'm the only one here capable of performing a field tracheotomy … and I'd be disinclined to bother, really. Now. ''I'' am going to let you up. ''You'' are going to move very slowly. The Chief Constable, assisted as necessary by the County Police Commissioner, is going to handle you after that. You, and that disgusting little shit there, and the contemptible waste of carbon on the floor, all three."

* Bobby Shaftoe, in ''Literature/{{Cryptonomicon}}'':
-->"I've killed more Nips than seismic activity."

-->"In fact I have let you live, but for one purpose only: so that you can make your way to Paris and tell them the following: that the deed you are about to witness was done for a woman, whose name I will not say, for she knows who she is; and that it was done by ''[[IHaveManyNames 'Half-Cocked' Jack Shaftoe, L'Emmerdeur, the King of the Vagabonds, Ali Zaybak: Quicksilver]]''!"

-->'''Commodore Sir Aivars Terekov:''' Why is it that people like you always think you're more ruthless than people like me?[[note]]A few seconds later, a missile ordered by Terekov takes out Yucel's headquarters.[[/note]]

-->'''Ridcully''': I notice you don't allow many challenges to ''your'' position, Havelock.
-->'''Vetinari''': Ah, but I am challenged all the time, Mustrum. It is just that they do not win.

--> [[EveryManHasHisPrice We own all your generals, touch us and you'll lose!]]

---> '''[[AC: Death]]:''' '''[[AC: I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.]]'''

-->"No." ''(steady tapping noise)'' Salzella looked around.
-->"No one would believe Walter Plinge. Even Walter Plinge gets confused about the things Walter Plinge sees. Even his mother was afraid he might have murdered people. People could accept just about anything of a Walter Plinge." ''(trapdoor opens beside Salzella.)''
-->A pointy hat appeared slowly, followed by the rest of Granny Weatherwax, with her arms folded. She glared at Salzella as the floor clicked into place. Her foot stopped tapping on the boards.
-->'''Salzella''': "Well, well, Lady Esmerelda, eh?"
-->'''Granny''': "I'm stoppin' bein' a lady, Mr Salzella."
-->''(glances up at the pointy hat)''
-->'''Salzella''': "So you are a witch instead?"
-->'''Granny''': "Yes, indeed."
-->'''Salzella''': "A bad witch, no doubt?"
-->'''Granny''': "Worse."

-->'''Nanny Ogg:''' "That'll never hold it."\\

** From "The Hour of the Dragon", [[Literature/ConanTheBarbarian Conan]]'s response to being shanghaied onto a slave galley manned by [[AncientAfrica Kushite]] warriors he used to lead years ago:

-->And then there's Whirrun of Bligh: "My fight ain't with you either, Brodd Tenways, but I'll still kill you if it's called for, and add your name to my songs, and I'll still laugh afterwards."

** In ''Literature/{{Legend}}'', Druss announces himself to the poorly disciplined officers of the hopelessly overmatched garrison by flipping over the bar, punching a man clear across the room, and then introducing himself:

* In ''Literature/TheBible'' David gets a kickass boast when he's squared off against Goliath. First Samuel 17:45-47
-->"Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. And all this assembly shall know that the LORD saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give you into our hands."
** The Son of Dawn, in Isaiah 14:13:
-->''"I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north."''
** Samson gets one in Judges 15:16
-->"Then Samson said, "With an ass's [[BadWithTheBone jawbone]] I have made asses of them. With an ass's jawbone I have killed a thousand men."

* John Taylor of Simon R. Green's Literature/{{Nightside}} books practically uses the BadassBoast as his WeaponOfChoice. From the very beginning it's been more or less the case that even John himself cannot tell when he is bluffing. Needless to say, the BadassBoast isn't John's ''only'' weapon, just his ''preferred'' one. John prefers not to make the kind of mistakes you can't undo by saying you're sorry.

-->“I am Tom O’Connor, Grandson of [[PirateGirl Grainne Grainne Ne Mhaille.]] I am wanted all over the Caribbean because I kill and I set fires, I free slaves and I steal horses, they have tried to [[NoOneShouldSurviveThat drown me, shoot me, stab me, hang me, I have been whipped, robbed rolled, and keelhauled.]] They have taken my [[PerpetualPoverty last penny]], [[WeaponOfChoice my best knife]] and one of my fingers, but Tom O’Connor is [[MadeOfIron still standing!]]”

--> "I am Pretty Poison, a [[HornyDevils demon of the Inferno]]."