History Awesome / TwoAndAHalfMen

* The SQUAB scene is this for the Harper brothers as Jake did the one thing, they couldn't do at his age. [[VillainousBSOD He broke Evelyn.]]

--> '''Judith [to Charlie]:''' I suppose you're the one who introduced Alan to that slutty little--//
'''Charlie:''' Don't say it, Judith; you'll just be demeaning all women. And yes.//
'''Judith:''' Figures. Well, I don't want her [Kandi] around my son.//
'''Alan:''' Oh, oh, oh, really? So, do I get to screen the men that you're dating? And let's not forget, I know about that guy who delivered the truckload of sod.//
'''Judith:''' What about him?//
'''Alan:''' ''[scoffs]'' It doesn't take two months to put down a new lawn, Judith.//
'''Charlie:''' Sounds like she got laid before the sod did.//
'''Judith:''' ''[flustered]'' I'm not going to dignify that with a response.//
''[she leaves]''//

-->'''Judith:''' What in God's name does she see in him?//
'''Charlie:''' Well, I don't have all the details, ''Mrs.'' Harper, but apparently when he's not being emasculated and demoralized on a daily basis, he's quite the lover.//
'''Judith:''' What's that supposed to mean?//
'''Charlie:''' You know what they say, your average man's like a good field mule: if you don't beat him, he'll keep plowing all day long.//
'''Judith:''' Nobody says that.//
'''Charlie:''' You're hard to fool. ''[{{beat}}]'' Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm tired of talking to you. ''[closes door on her]''

--> '''Judith [to Charlie]:''' I suppose you're the one who introduced Alan to that slutty little--
--> '''Charlie:''' Don't say it, Judith; you'll just be demeaning all women. And yes.
--> '''Judith:''' Figures. Well, I don't want her [Kandi] around my son.
--> '''Alan:''' Oh, oh, oh, really? So, do I get to screen the men that you're dating? And let's not forget, I know about that guy who delivered the truckload of sod.
--> '''Judith:''' What about him?
--> '''Alan:''' ''[scoffs]'' It doesn't take two months to put down a new lawn, Judith.
--> '''Charlie:''' Sounds like she got laid before the sod did.
--> ''Judith then leaves.''

* Later, after Kandi movies in...

--> '''Judith:''' What in God's name does she see in him?
--> '''Charlie:''' Well, I don't have all the details, Mrs.Harper, but apparently when he's not being emasculated and demoralized on a daily basis, he's quite the lover.
--> '''Judith:''' What's that supposed to mean?
--> '''Charlie:''' You know what they say, your average man's like a good field mule: if you don't beat him, he'll keep plowing all day long.
--> '''Judith:''' Nobody says that.
--> '''Charlie:''' You're hard to fool. Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm tired of talking to you.

* Charlie vs Steven Tyler. Steven Tyler wins. Also CrowningMomentOfFunny.

* Charlie Waffles' live performance, also a CrowningMomentofFunny.

--> ''Judith [to Charlie]:'' I suppose you're the one who introduced Alan to that slutty little--
--> ''Charlie:'' Don't say it, Judith; you'll just be demeaning all women. And yes.
--> ''Judith:'' Figures. Well, I don't want her [Kandi] around my son.
--> ''Alan:'' Oh, oh, oh, really? So, do I get to screen the men that you're dating? And let's not forget, I know about that guy who delivered the truckload of sod.
--> ''Judith:'' What about him?
--> ''Alan:'' '''[scoffs]''' It doesn't take two months to put down a new lawn, Judith.
--> ''Charlie:'' Sounds like she got laid before the sod did.
--> '''Judith then leaves.'''

--> ''Judith:'' What in God's name does she see in him?
--> ''Charlie:'' Well, I don't have all the details, Mrs.Harper, but apparently when he's not being emasculated and demoralized on a daily basis, he's quite the lover.
--> ''Judith:'' What's that supposed to mean?
--> ''Charlie:'' You know what they say, your average man's like a good field mule: if you don't beat him, he'll keep plowing all day long.
--> ''Judith:'' Nobody says that.
--> ''Charlie:'' You're hard to fool. Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm tired of talking to you.

--> ''Alan [to Judith on the phone]:'' I'll tell him [Charlie] to keep his hands off Myra. And then, I'll tell the rain not to fall, the earth not to spin, and you to STOP NAGGING ME!

--> ''Judith:'' Hey, honey, how's it going?
--> ''Jake:'' Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius!
--> ''Judith:'' Good, good. [to Alan] You said you talked to him.
--> ''Alan:'' I did.
--> ''Judith:'' Then why is Uncle Charlie a genius?
--> ''Alan:'' 'Cause he never got married. (slams door in Judith's face)

--> Judith [to Charlie]: I suppose you're the one who introduced Alan to that slutty little--
--> Charlie: Don't say it, Judith; you'll just be demeaning all women. And yes.
--> Judith: Figures. Well, I don't want her [Kandi] around my son.
--> Alan: Oh, oh, oh, really? So, do I get to screen the men that you're dating? And let's not forget, I know about that guy who delivered the truckload of sod.
--> Judith: What about him?
--> Alan: [scoffs] It doesn't take two months to put down a new lawn, Judith.
--> Charlie: Sounds like she got laid before the sod did.
--> ''Judith then leaves.''

--> Alan [to Judith on the phone]: I'll tell him [Charlie] to keep his hands off Myra. And then, I'll tell the rain not to fall, the earth not to spin, and you to STOP NAGGING ME!

--> Judith: Hey, honey, how's it going?
--> Jake: Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius!
--> Judith: Good, good. [to Alan] You said you talked to him.
--> Alan: I did.
--> Judith: Then why is Uncle Charlie a genius?
--> Alan: 'Cause he never got married. (slams door in Judith's face)

* Jake getting an A on his history test in Season 2, Episode 14, an extra moment of awesome comes when Evelyn ends up ripping the moment away in her usual condescending way, but Alan going PapaWolf and giving Evelyn a ReasonYouSuckSpeech and tells her he doesn't want her around his son. Didn't last due to StatusQuoisGod, but it was still great.

* After Alan drops Jake off at Judith's house after Jake disobeyed his father and stuck off to a concert, Judith chews Alan out harshly for not keeping watch on Jake and slams the door in his face ([[KickTheDog "God you're useless!"]]), which leaves Alan speechless [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness as opposed to his usual snarky comebacks to his ex-wife]]. However, after catching Jake trying to sneak out of his window again, Alan takes him to the front door, good and ready to get even with Judith over her hypocrisy.

* After Alan drops Jake off at Judith's house after Jake disobeyed his father and stuck off to a concert, Judith chews Alan out harshly for not keeping watch on Jake and slams the door in his face, which leaves Alan speechless [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness as opposed to his usual snarky comebacks to his ex-wife]]. However, after catching Jake trying to sneak out of his window again, Alan takes him to the front door, good and ready to get even with Judith over her hypocrisy.

* Jake has sex with a grown woman (after he lies about being 24 years old).

* Jake has sex with a grown woman (after he lies about being 24 years old, the same age as her).

--> Judith then leaves.

--> Alan: 'Cause he never got married. [slams door in Judith's face] ]

!!Season 10

--> Alan: 'Cause he never got married. [slams door in Judith's face]

* When Judith chastises Alan for sleeping with the mother of Jake's best friend, saying "You don't sleep with your son's best friend's mother!", Alan replies with [[spoiler: "No, no, you marry his pediatrician."]]

* Winning at the end of "Thank You For The Intercourse"..and maybe even the entire episode.

* Jake getting an A on his history test in Season 2, Episode 14, an extra moment of awesome comes when Evelyn ends up ripping the moment away in her usual condescending way, but Alan going PapaWolf and giving Evelyn a ReasonYouSuckSpeech and tells her he doesn't want her around his son. Didn't last due to StatusQuoisGod, but it was still great.
* Jake managed to graduate high school.

* Jake getting an A on his history test in Season 2, Episode 14, an extra moment of awesome comes when Evelyn ends up ripping the moment away in her usual condescending way, but Alan going PapaWolf and giving Evelyn a ReasonYouSuckSpeech and tells her he doesn't want her around his son. Didn't last due to StatusQuoisGod, but it was still great.

* Alan punching a guy who was hitting on his date.

--> Judith then leaves.

--> Charlie: I'm not saying I hate you, but if I did, it might have something to do with the fact that you're a narcissistic bloodsucker who drove my father into an early grave, after which you married a succession of men who couldn't care less about Alan and me, which was just fine with you 'cause you... looked at us like a couple of dancing monkeys you could just haul out whenever it suited you! And when it didn't, you sent us off to boarding school or camp or that kibbutz in Israel, where we got beat up 'cause we weren't even Jewish! And now... now you show up here every chance you get to lay a guilt trip on me for not appreciating my cold, lonely, loveless childhood!

* Winning at the end of "Thank You For The Intercourse"..and maybe even the entire episode.

* Charlie vs. Judith's friends in "Just Like Buffalo". [[FromTheMouthsOfBabes Jake parrots Charlie's misogynistic philosophy in front of Judith's friends]], so she stops sending him to see Alan. Charlie misses him, so he goes to see Judith's friends, turns on the charm, and, while not actually turning them against Judith, she agrees to reinstate the original visitation schedule as long as Charlie stays away from her friends.