Reviews: Bayonetta

Why didn't this sell well?

I can suplex dragons and smash things into buildings and slash open angels and punch god into the sun and then go inside the sun and smash god into pieces while throughout it all fly me to the damn moon is playing.


Why didn't this sell better?

I can suplex a dragon, breakdance through the armies of heaven, beat the ever loving shit out of God before punching her soul into the sun before kicking her ass some more, all while stripping and still somehow managing to be a dependable, reliable mother figure.

Also, Fly me to the motherfucking moon is playing the entire goddamn time. Why didn't this sell better, seriously.

Masochism and Sadism: The Game

Bayonetta has got to be one of the stranger games I've seen in a long while. Basically, you spend the game as Bayonetta, an Umbra Witch with amnesia on her quest to find her memories. Now that sounds pretty normal and straight-forward, maybe even chiche for that matter. But what makes this different than every other game of the same storyline is the execution in the gameplay.

Bayonetta is one of the most ridiculous action-packed games I've seen. All of the combat is incredibly fast-paced and fluid, and you can pull of a number of combos to help you rack up the score and deal better damage to enemies. Of course, the enemies are equally as fast, meaning that in order to deal damage without getting hit, you need to learn how to dodge everything efficiently enough to enter Witch Time, a Bullet Time that will buy you maybe 5 seconds of free hits on an enemy. If you don't learn how to use that technique, I can guarantee you're going to die again and again. Then also, the QTE that pops up every so often is a giant pain. You only get about 2 seconds to react, or else you'll die. It's far too short in my opinion, and was what in the end killed me more than anything else. Combine this with the agile enemies, and that's where you're going to start raging and feeling that the game hates you.

And yet despite how difficult the game can seem at times, it's still highly enjoyable. There are some pretty over the top moments throughout the fights, such as summoning demons with Bayonetta's hair to finish off a boss or tossing a missile back at its owner. Really, it kind of felt like playing through an action anime with how logic and physics seemed borderline non-existent everywhere I went. Then not only that, but when I could actually kill enemies, it was always deeply satisfying. The combat is rather brutal, especially with the Torture Attacks, but it still felt really good to be able to kill something in an almost sadistic fashion after it had been destroying me previously.

With that said, I would definitely recommend this game if you don't mind the difficulty and aren't a sensitive person. There is a lot of fanservice from Bayonetta, as some of her attacks revolve around pole-dancing and BDSM, and the combat is very brutal as said previously. So if you can't stand that, then stay very far away. Otherwise, have fun.