Reviews Comments: Interesting premise. That's about it.

Interesting premise. That's about it.
The idea of HF!Shirou and Ilya being pulled into the universe of Campione is pretty interesting, but unfortunately that's about the only good thing I can say about it.

Huge walls of texts (that are sometimes completely unrelated to the story, even), harem shenanigans (thanfully not that bad), bastardization of both Shirou's character (who becomes Shirou, In Name Only later on in the fic) and canon (it's like the author just quickly read some stuff on the wiki, and not even that right), Shirou knows way more than he should and last, but not least, unwarranted infodumps.

My personal DMOS: Shirou somehow knowing about Types. Also, he apparently has become one himself. What.

The fight scenes are decent enough (and become better and better) and the writing is quite good, but if you want to see an accurate portrayal of HF!Shirou (to a lesser extent Ilya too) and Nasuverse canon, you're wrong here.


Shirou knowing about Types and other things that he shouldn't is explained in the story. Rather early in it too. Just had to say it. Sorry.
comment #18630 SEESWildCard 26th Mar 13
And where is this explanation? I might have missed it.
comment #18631 kay4today 26th Mar 13
Chapter 5: Life Marches On.

Shirou gains all of Counter Guardian EMIYA's memories. Including other versions of the Fifth Grail Wars, including the one which led to him becoming CG EMIYA, and encounters with Types during the times he was called to do his duty as a Counter Guardian.

comment #18636 SEESWildCard 26th Mar 13
Not really sure how that happened though. Probably had something to do with Archer's arm being completely integrated to Shirou following him becoming a Campione.
comment #18637 SEESWildCard 26th Mar 13
And that's where the aforementioned: "doesn't know how Nasuverse canon works" bit comes into play.
comment #18638 kay4today 26th Mar 13
Actually, if you read his author notes, he is aware that he is bypassing Nasuverse rules. But give the guy some credit. It is rather difficult to apply the strict rules of the Nasuverse to series with a more simplified system of magic.

So, he does know how Nasuverse canon works. He just knowingly bends them for plot reasons. Don't see why that would bother you much unless you were one of those canon-fanatic Type-Lunatics. Sorry if I insulted you with that last one.
comment #18640 SEESWildCard 26th Mar 13
No, he doesn't really know how Nasuverse canon works. He had to correct himself in his (huge) infodumps that are his author notes more than once about several things. From what I can gather, he has most of his info from the wiki, which is not a reliable source when you want to go into detail.
comment #18641 kay4today 26th Mar 13
What is a reliable source then? Aside from playing the VN's and reading the light novels.
comment #18649 SEESWildCard 27th Mar 13
Actually playing the VN (or watching a playthrough) is the best option.

Alternatively, you can ask the people on the Beast's Lair forums if you want to know something. They know their stuff.
comment #18650 kay4today 27th Mar 13
Come on, give the guy some slack, this is his first story, and its awesome. And really, you can't really apply the rules of one universe to another universe even if the people the story focuses on are from that first universe. That, and do we honestly know HOW HF!Shirou would behave given this kind of situation. Also, said bastardization of character; maybe it's just me, but if you've obtained the memories of at least 3 other different versions of yourself, one of which is a bitter, cynical man who has had his dreams and ideals basically shattered, AND are also trying to play a part to stave off people that you think will take advantage of you and your sister, you won't really act completely like yourself.
comment #18779 OathToOblivion 6th Apr 13
I disagree.

That depends on the two universes in question. And no, the author gets Nasuverse canon wrong and then admits later that it shouldn't have happened like that.

... Have you even read the VN? Also, that thing with the "3 other different versions" is yet again another thing that really doesn't make sense.

comment #18781 kay4today 6th Apr 13
How about we just agree to disagree?
comment #18783 OathToOblivion 6th Apr 13
Or just chanting the MST 3 K Mantra? Really, one of the other routes Shirou-Campione! fanfic is worse in the mechanics part.

For the mistakes, it happens, no one is perfect, get over it. It's tiring having to research really deeply for a piece of writings that won't give you food on the table. What I will say though, he HAS made justifications and while it might seems weak, they were still valid regardless.

As long as you can ignore some of the flaws and is able to handle the long sentences (which you should if you can handle In Flight) then it's honestly quite good.
comment #19803 BlueBird 11th Jun 13
Haha, good old "Get over it"; it's always entertaining to read. (maybe because it's a meaningless sentence and only used to try to rile others up) And "X is worse" is about one of the worst defenses ever. And I'm aware that there are justifications, they just aren't very good.

And for the record, In Flight is terrible. GSBW at least has good fight scenes and the character interactions don't make me groan.
comment #19805 kay4today 11th Jun 13
Agreed for the latter. And really, why are you so obsessed with the mechanics correctness? Yeah, it'd be nice if it was correct, but you can't always have it correct, sometimes you just have to be pragmatic about it. Research is nice and fine, but honestly, I really think it is mostly useful as a creative limitation, as a safety net from making bad choices.

But for now, the world is on the Campione!Verse. Strictly speaking, it is a different universe with a different history, possibly from Big Bang, the Earth, Evolution, Adaptation, and others so I would instead be surprised if the world's mechanics works the same as in Nasuverse. It is just too improbable, with the unlimited amount of possibilities to land in a world with the same mechanics as the Nasuverse.
comment #20113 BlueBird 8th Jul 13
You know what, I do have to say one thing: He need to know when to shut up and not speak too much on his Author Notes. From what I have gathered, most of the problems stemmed from it instead. The in-story justifications on the other hand, aren't too big and is tolerable (to a certain degree), even if they are kind of weak they are still somewhat valid (again, to a certain degree). The Author Notes on the other hand...
comment #20164 BlueBird 13th Jul 13
Done revising my own review after re-examining the story. One thing that is really funny is that people hailing GSBW as better than In Flight when it is very much not when examined more deeper and technically.
comment #20351 BlueBird 29th Jul 13
Well, it is more enjoyable to read than In Flight for me personally. Mostly because IF has Tohsaka Character Derailment, awkward harem antics and atrocious pacing.

At least GSWB manages to avert most of these things somewhat. Also the author is pretty good at writing fight scenes.
comment #20354 kay4today 29th Jul 13
And GSBW has Shirou Character Derailment, Harem Antics in the future (based on the Chapter 3's Author's Note), and a worse pacing than In Flight (Points at The Feast of Kings and Chapter 18).

I have a totally different standard unfortunately, that is centered around the story because, well, I arrived looking for a story. And fight scenes does not make a story, they're only false conflicts. 350k+ words in and I have yet to see a true conflict, which is the thing that ticked me the most.

I'm fine with the mechanics, but I am not fine with how the story has been. Still, I do enjoy some parts of it and hope that he will get better. He is a beginner writer after all.
comment #20361 BlueBird 30th Jul 13
IF has Shirou Character Derailment too, so there's that. Let's just agree to disagree on the pacing. :p
comment #20362 kay4today 30th Jul 13

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