Everything about this fanfic is just awkward. The sentence structure is awkward, the transitions are awkward, and the characterization especially is awkward. The audience surrogate is a flat, boring, character and Rainbow Dash barely does or says anything.
I thought the beginning was cute but it stopped being interesting for me after I realized that adult Rainbow Dash had the same personality as filly Rainbow Dash.
I know this was a Tear Jerker
for some, but I couldn't take this fic seriously at all. It had too little character development and too much Narm