We try to kill SCP-682

Result: Failure. SCP-682 was able to tank the blast.

Test: Char it's bones black.

Result: It's bones are all black. It has yet to respond to this radical change.

Test: Attack it with a pointy stick.

Result: The Monty Python Fresh Fruit instructor interrupts the test to suggest fruit. Guess where that goes.

Test: Drop bait in the middle of Chernobyl.

RESULTS: Incoclusive. After several days roaming around the irradiated area, 682 was still perfectly fine. Well, as perfectly fine as an Eldritch Lizard can be. 682 was recovered with 4 agent casualties.

Either such levels of radiation are natural for it, or it just isn't affected by them. Either way, the results are not exactly pleasant. -Dr. O'Malley

TEST: Get Brhuce Hammar and the Dovahkiin to fight it.

Result: Test failed, they were eaten

Test: Using real-time weapon change, flip it over on its back, and attack its weakpoint for massive damage

Result: Failure. It has no weak point.

Test: Dunk it in boiling hot acid. The acid combined with the heat should have the acid reach it's bones. If the acid hits the bone marrow, he won't be able to regenerate anymore. If he adapts, he won't be able to regenerate anymore, due to a closed bone marrow.

Failed. SCP-682 has no bone marrow.

Test: Make Zodiark use Final Eclipse on it.

Failed: SCP-682 suffered around 23% destruction, quickly regenerated, no long term damage done.

Test: Reassign SCP-682's official number to SCP-048, the supposedly cursed SCP number.

edited 29th Jul '14 9:18:55 PM by TheTitanPrince

Result: ??? A general simply got mad at the scientist who made the 'error'.

What were you thinking? That screws up all our records.

-General Tye Tiss

Experiment: Teach it self destruct and force it into using it.

Result: SCP-682 self-destructed, somehow managed to survive the blast, gained a fondness for exploding, yet became immune to exploding, causing [DATA EXPUNGED] to occur. Site director fired for suggesting such an idea.

Who in the hell thought this was a good idea?! We almost got [DATA EXPUNGED]!

-Dr. Clef.

Suggestion: Shoot it into deep space. If it doesn't kill it, it won't be our problem anymore!

edited 29th Jul '14 9:18:13 PM by TheTitanPrince

Result: Subject ejected into orbit without incident. Termination deemed successful.

Addendum 682-a: █ months after supposed termination SCP-682 reentered Earth atmosphere, landing in the town of █████, ███████. Shockwave from SCP-682's landing and subsequent recontainment resulted in ███ casualties. Local population was administered Class B amnesiacs. Full details regarding events and casualties may be found in document titled "Incident 682-56". SCP-682 was observed saying "I will never rest until I annihilate every single one of you, disgusting filth".

Test: Make SCP-682 wear Life Fiber clothing, then use Shinra-Kouketsu's Absolute Domination.

Result: [REDACTED] sneezed, causing it to miss. SCP-682 immediately became aware of the attack's power, and adapted to reflect all attacks of this manner. It then managed to breach containment, destroy Site-16, reach the town of [REDACTED], and cause [DATA EXPUNGED] casualties. Eventually recaptured, now housed in Site-18.

Survivors given Class-A Amnesiacs, and given a cover story about a tornado causing the destruction.

Test: Convince SCP-239 to destroy it with her 'magic'. During this test, SCP-053 is to be placed into the containment unit to pacify SCP-682. Recapturing task forces to be kept on standby during the test, to prevent another containment breach.

edited 6th Aug '14 4:01:58 PM by TheTitanPrince

Result: Failure. SCP-239 began a very long and complex "spell" during which she accidentally made direct eye contact with SCP-053 and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Reestablishing containment resulted in ██ Foundation casualties. SCP-239 grievously wounded. SCP-682 lost 37% of its body mass due to collateral damage, regenerated within █ minutes.

Test: Make SCP-682 fight the Nilokeras Kataphrakt. Not even SCP-682 could adapt to a barrier that seems to absorb everything.

Result: Okay, I guess it can do that.

Test: Send one hundred and fifty clones of SCP-173 into SCP 682's containment area. Remove all lights.

Result: The door was unlocked during testing procedures, leading to ██ Foundation casualties, and 3 clones lost. The remaining ones were captured, sealed off, and [DATA EXPUNGED].

Test: Lure SCP-682 into an active volcano, then seal off all access to the crater by any means necessary.

Result: Test failed, the volcano continued to build up pressure due to being sealed, then erupted, causing [REDACTED] casualties and a possible global environmental catastrophe. SCP-682 was later found unharmed after being thrown several dozen kilometers by the blast.

Test: Throw it into the Eye of Terror

edited 7th Aug '14 5:16:55 PM by SirPellucidar

RESULT: After being thrown into the eye of terror, 682 was ejected at relativistic speeds. The recovery crew heard Khorne yelling something about it being too spicy for him. Tzeentch left a note on it saying "Not unpredictable enough". Nurgle seems to have claimed that it is immune even being a carrier of disease. Slaanesh... well, the less said, the better.

TEST: Get the Fairy Tail guild to fight it. Bring in all of the dragon Slayers, if you have to.

Result: Failure from the start. The very mention of 682 caused mass panic and mental breakdowns. Said dragonslayers are reportedly STILL huddled in fetal positions and sobbing.

Test: Send Jack and the Ginosaji after 682.

682 will attempt to kill Jack, and the Ginosaji will NOT allow that. Worst case scenario, 682 finally puts Jack out of his misery.

edited 8th Aug '14 12:49:26 PM by Metalix

Result: SCP-682 kills both Jack and the Ginosaji effortlessly. It proceeds to breach containment, burn down most of Site-[REDACTED], kill countless personnel, and jaywalk like there's no tomorrow.

Test: Take a giant plate of tungsten, designed for mashing things (A 'mashy plate', if you will.). Take 1,000 No. 2 pencils, sharpen them with SCP-585 (45 turns each pencil.), and glue the eraser side to the aforementioned 'mashy plate' (A 'mashy spike plate', if you will.)

Drop it on 682 a total of 343 times, until he looks like a piece of swiss cheese.

And when that doesn't work, throw it into the sun.

And when that doesn't work, nuke it.

edited 8th Aug '14 11:55:46 PM by TheTitanPrince

Results: Rather interesting. SCP 682 adapted after the 20th drop, rendering the mashed spikey plate useless. Lost contact with the crew sent to fly a space shuttle into the sun, testing deemed successful.

ADDENDIUM-1a: 14 weeks afterwards, much like in the attempt to simply shoot it into space, SCP 682 landed approximately 223 Km from [REDACTED]. A total of 32 civilian casualties occurred in the incident before containment could commence. Survivors given amnesia pills.

Upon attempting to nuke the creature, the bomb exploded as expected, but the creature still survived.

Great. Now I'm getting deja vu from our Chernobyl test. -Lieutenant Tony Wright.

Test: Translate a song known for driving humans insane into whatever language he speaks, and force him to listen to that.

Result: He went all ragtime on our asses.

Test: The Shun McSatsu

Result: Clown was eviscerated half-way during the move.

Test: Try forcing SCP-682 to watch SCP-436-LP/ new procedure Montauk 111 in its entirety. This time, we upped our security to prevent Ridley from sneaking in.

Result: Halfway through, SCP-682 yelled '**** you.', left, drank heavily, stole Clef's car, and went on a drunk driving/road rage rampage across the west coast of America, causing millions of dollars worth of destruction, and killing [DATA EXPUNGED] civilians.

Recontainment attempt went without a hitch, except for the part where it killed the entire population of Mexico.

Test: Put SCP-073 in its containment unit. When 682 attacks it, all damage done will be redirected to it, sevenfold. During the test, we PRAY TO GOD that it doesn't realize what's going on and stop attacking.

edited 9th Aug '14 1:33:01 PM by TheTitanPrince

Result: Exactly what we prayed wouldn't happen.

"Maybe we should consider our habit of saying something along the lines of 'hope this doesn't happen.' I'll speak to Dr. O'Malley about that." -Lt. Wright.

Test: Force it to watch Battlefield Earth, Plan Nine From Outer Space, and Food Fight one after the other.

RESULT: It ate the tapes. We weren't going to try to get near it after that.

TEST: Ask it why it's such a dick.

edited 13th Aug '14 3:32:37 PM by nbs4