All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

"So," Kaede amusedly said, legs swinging back and forth as she sat on the long, thick branch, in a completely non sexual style, "this is what a Pactio with an alien looks like, just like one with a mage, de gozaru."

"Yeah, pretty much," Evangeline indifferently said, standing by the binoculars-sporting kunoichi. "So, about what you were doing around here in the first place..."

"This one holds a humble training camp in the woods this one visits at least once per week, remember, Eva-dono?" Kaede answered, side smiling at her and Chachamaru. "As it just happens, said camp happens to be near this hill, so, when this one was doing her habitual morning jog..."

"Morning jog?!" Eva demanded, pointing up at the moon in the sky.

"For a nocturnal being, you sure aren't a morning person, Eva-dono," Nagase commented before putting on the binoculars again.

"What was that supposed to mean? That doesn't even make any sense, Nagase! Do you use these field trips to get yourself drunk away from your twins, or what?!"

"This one can't help it, they kept on stealing this one's sake otherwise, de gozaru."

"... God helps me, I don't know if you're joking or not anymore."

—-

Rito squinted critically at the card he'd gotten, where his image was clad in a ridiculously old fashioned red and blue gardener's outfit, complete with thick boots, straw hat and loose overalls, and holding a watering can in a hand. Under his depiction, there were two footnotes in Latin reading as follows.

Yuuci Rito

Fidelis Hortulanus

"Don't get me wrong," he finally said. "I'm glad it wasn't a goofy card that will turn me into yet another small animal to be abused and stepped onto..."

"Hey," Kero said, sitting between Artemis and Chamo on the ground. "That only happens to the ermine!"

"Well," Artemis rasped awkwardly, "actually..."

"Oh, come on!" Venus told him. "I treat you well enough! I even let you peek!"

"Weirdo," Chisame muttered under her breath.

Chamo looked at Artemis. "You sure you don't want to trade one of these days, you know, just for one weekend or—"

"Buuuuut!" Rito raised his voice, struggling to ignore the ryhtmic sounds of Boing-Boing from where Haruna and Lala hugged and jumped together in celebration, "What's this card supposed to do for me? How does a gardening set help me to get any stronger? I'm already a decent gardener, I don't see how that—"

"Enough of only thinking about yourself, I hate people who is like that, all me-me-me-me all the time!" Haruhi interrupted, pushing him aside before taking center stage. "Okay then, having just seen this much awesomeness, I can't let the SOS Brigade to stay out of it! We demand for one of these Pactios as well!"

"Show of hands of all those who saw this coming?" Chisame wondered, and pretty much everyone raised a hand, Makie and utterly mortified Negi included.

"Awesomeness? What's so awesome about getting a watering can?" Rito asked, slapping the back of a hand on his card. "I can get this just by walking into a decent grocery store!"

"Rito, don't diss the fruit of your passion with Lala-chi," Haruna chided him. "Besides, your watering can probably creates incredible plant beasts two stories high. Don't dismiss it until you've tried it!"

"Suzumiya-sempai," Ayaka firmly stepped towards Haruhi, "I must warn you, we won't allow you to kiss Negi-sensei and disturb his young, impressionable mind with your careless crudity. And I am sure all of his other Ministra Magi will agree with me on this!"

Every other Ministra of Negi nodded quickly then, even Haruna.

Haruhi gasped at Haruna. "You too?!"

Haruna rolled her eyes. "Who was the one offering to use me as a human shield because she didn't like perverts, again...?"

Haruhi chuckled. "Heh. That's a good one. I can't really argue with that, well done, mangaka. But no," she waved a hand at the girls, petulantly, "don't you think I want to stoop myself that low. Phooey!"

"Huh," Shiho observed. "Now this was unexpected."

"Stooping yourself?!" an enraged Ayaka screamed.

"Yeah, I mean, let's be honest, he smells like he never bathes and his breath stinks of milk too," Haruhi pinched her nose while Negi sniffled at himself with concern and Kotaro and Asuna just nodded with closed eyes. "But mostly, I am a leader, the president and director of the supreme club of this academy. I cannot possibly humiliate myself by agreeing to be just yet another underling of the leader of an inferior club such as yours." While all of the Negi Ministra stared red burning daggers at her, Cocone and Konoka included, and Matoi outright sharpened a knife with a deranged expression, Haruhi kept on ranting carelessly, "When I inevitably gain awesome cosmic powers of my own to reshape reality at my whim, it'll be because of my own effort, not because I humiliated myself to anyone, whether man, woman, or hygienically challenged brat!"

"In my defense, I've been sweaty after fighting for so long, that's all," Negi sheepishly explained.

Haruhi pointed at Kotaro. "He's some sort of dog, and yet he doesn't smell anywhere as bad as you!"

Nodoka gulped. "Sh-She's sort of got a point there, Negi-sensei..."

"Nodoka!" Haruna gasped. "You're playing for Team Kotaro now?!"

"Eh, eh, eh, eh eh...!" Nodoka blushed, pulling back and tightly hugging her Clow Staff. "N-No, I mean, I was just suggesting perhaps we should make sure Negi-sensei bathes a bit more regularly...!"

"Are you implying I do a bad job at it?!" Chisame protested.

"Are you saying you'd like to bath Negi?" Misa narrowed her eyes. "Or would you prefer doing it to the mutt instead?"

Nodoka shrunk back taking both hands to her head before Kotaro and Yue both swiftly moved between her and the other girls, scowling at them. Haruhi interrupted the tensions by hewing and reminding them all they had a common enemy to join ranks against, namely her. "Don't ignore me with your inane disgressions, okay? At first they're funny, but they get grating soon. Anyway, while I'm obviously above becoming Sensei's latest trophy lover, that's still a measure of achievement high enough for a lower ranking member of the Brigade."

"Uwaaaaaa!" Mikuru whined in answer.

Haruhi smiled warm and benevolently at her. "Don't be silly, Mikuru-chan. I'd never dream of offering you permanently as a bartering chip. That whole thing with the Computer Club? I never doubted we'd win! After all..." she purred dangerously, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "... you're MINE."

"Eeeeeeeeeee!"

"Anyway," Haruhi said, releasing Mikuru for now, "I meant another member of our ranks. Itsuki probably wouldn't be against it, but I admit maybe that would be going too fast, too soon, so I will settle for setting a beachhead with someone better fitting the task..."

"Oh no," Madoka said, suddenly gripped by dread, "No, no, no no no no."

Haruhi smiled and pointed at her, "Kugimin! As someone with long term ties to this classroom and teacher, I choose you for the select job of being our mole within the English Research Society!"

"OBJECTION!" Haruna stormed closer, pointing just as dramatically at Haruhi. "Kugimin will never your mole amongst us!"

Madoka gulped. "W-Well, thank you, Paru... I must admit I didn't see this coming from you of all people, but..."

"Kugimin will be OUR mole within YOUR pathetic Brigade!" Haruna announced.

"That's not how a mole works, you idiots!" Madoka shrieked. "The whole point of being a mole is no one knows you are!"

"I don't know, it's like being a spy, isn't it?" Makie asked. "And James Bond always goes around telling everyone 'I'm James Bond, Secret Agent Zero Zero Seven, with a license to kill'..."

"Misa, say something!" Madoka turned to her purple haired friend.

"... I'm actually okay with it," Misa shrugged.

"WHAT?!"

"Well, I didn't object to Sakurako doing it, and you're as much of a dear friend as she is, so I'd be unfair if I protested to you now, don't you think? I'm okay with it if it's you," Misa smiled.

"That's not the kind of moving friendship I want right now!" Madoka all but wailed. "Chisame! Lay the law down!"

"The sooner we're done with it, the sooner we're gone home, right?" Chisame mumbled.

"CHISAME!" Negi, Madoka and Ayaka cried at once.

She resisted the urge to flip them the bird. "You've made me go through this like thirteen times by now, and now I'm supposed to be the Anti-Kissing Police? You didn't pay attention to my advice all those times, now I can save my wisdom for someone who will actually listen to it!"

Negi paled like a white sheet and sobbed a little, visibly rattled.

"Chisame, dear, I hate to break this to you," Yuuna said, "but that 'someone who wil actually listen to you' thing? We both know that's never going to happen..."

"I know, but let me dream, Akashi!" Chisame protested.

"I can and do listen to Chisame-sama!" added the stalker to never listened to any requests of 'Please leave me alone!' or 'Stop bugging my bedroom!'

"Vice Prez!" Madoka turned to Haruka. "You're the supreme official authority here!"

"I have become my mother," Haruka distantly said.

"I beg your pardon?!" Madoka said.

With the air of someone who has just found great enlightment, Haruka spoke slowly, "I used to despite on my mother because she'd allow my father to constanously cheat on her with all manners of women. Probably even with Yukino's mother, now that I think about it, even if it's funny I never made the correction back then— or was that 'connection'? Anywise, now I see, that's the proper fate for a woman of my lineage, to stand firm and proud as the storms of live batter on her. My poor, poor mother, how often must have she wished to shatter someone's head with a spiked mace of her own, yet she stood for my and our family's sake, now I see what her real fortistrenght was, and I only can hope I can be half as—"

"Jesus, VP, look for help already!" Madoka threw her hands up. "Iinchou!"

Ayaka held a hand elegantly. "Don't concern yourself, Kugimiya-san. When everybody else fails, Yukihiro Ayaka will protect her classmate and teacher."

Madoka and Negi both sighed in great relief.

"Are you sure, Iinchou?" Makie asked. "Me, I don't think I have any problems with it..."

"Since when do you have any saying on this?!" Ayaka shouted at her before rasping angrily at Haruhi. "Ahem. Sempai, your mad dreams of conquest and mannipulation must stop here. I won't allow you to carry on with your delirious ambitions!"

"Wanna bet?" Haruhi challenged.

"I don't want to hear any snark from you, you—"

"No, no, I mean it literally," Haruhi said, switching back to Easygoing Mode. "I'm suggesting a simple, quick wager of honor between our clubs so we can go home early so Glasses-chan doesn't become a pumpkin. An one round match between our club and yours, and if we win, we get our mole in, if we lose, we go back home with our tails between our legs and never mention this again. That's just fair, don't you think? After all, you guys are so strong and skilled, it should be a piece of cake for you, no matter what."

Ayaka blinked. "Well, that much is true, but we can't possibly wager on Negi-sensei, who is after all an independent human being with his own emotions and needs and..."

"Unless you guys are just afraid we'll kick your asses in anything, in which case we'll just understand and shake our heads at your cowardice while walking away," Haruhi shrugged, looking aside with indifference.

"They can't be dumb enough as to fall for that, can they?" Mars asked Venus and Mercury.

Venus and, much to her chagrin, Mercury had to nod.

"Wow," Shiho said. "No wonder Oneesama is so bitter."

"WE'LL ACCEPT IT!" Negi, Kotaro, Haruna, Misa, Chisame, Ayaka, Haruka, Asuna and Yuuna were replying angrily, all confirming the Senshi's fears. To her credit, Setsuna just buried her head between her hands while mumbling to herself, Yue patting her on a shoulder and Konoka simply giggling in amusement.

"You don't have to accept it!" Negi turned on Kotaro. "You aren't even a member!"

The wolf boy raised his hands in apology. "Sorry. Force of habit."

"Alright then!" Haruhi chirped. "Since you're so awesome at everything and we're in a clear disadvantage no matter what, we'll get to choose the challenge! And the challenge is... arm wrestling!"

"Oh ho ho ho hoh! Piece of cake!" Ayaka said, advancing while rotating her right arm. "Prepare yourself to be crushed like every other enemy of the Yukihiro Zaibatsu, Suzumiya-sempai!"

"Che," Haruhi clucked her tongue dismissively, "haven't you learned anything about me yet? I can't lower myself to fight one on one against mere underlings." She snapped her fingers. "Yuki!"

With a wordless nod, Nagato quickly fell to her belly on the ground and readied her arm, blandly looking up at Ayaka.

Ayaka chuckled inwardly while descending to lay before Nagato, grabbing her hand and preparing herself. This would hardly be a fair contest, given she was using her Pactio and Nagato-sempai was a frail waif who spent her every waking up reading, but she'd make sure not to hurt her too much. The only thing she really wanted bruised tonight was Suzumiya-sempai's monstruous ego. So she cleaned her mind of all impure thoughts and put herself on The Zone, channeling her whole love for Negi-sensei and transmitting it into her vital points, until she felt her whole body surging with unmatchable energy. She heard the "GO!" from Chamo-san and pushed with all her might...

... and screamed in pain when Nagato, with the greatest ease, simply pushed her arm down into the dirt. "AIIIIIEEEEE!"

The sneer is gone from Iinchou’s lip, her teeth are clenched in hate,

She pounds with cruel violence her elbow upon the plate;

And now the Yuki holds her arm, and now she lets it go,

And now the air is shattered by the force of Iinchou’s blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,

But there is no joy in Mahora—mighty Iinchou has struck out.

Note: This takes place after Ornstein learns Setsuna, Mana, and Zazie were assigned to 3-A with the Dean's knowledge of their demonic backgrounds. This is the aftermath.

"Ah, small pleasures are the most treasured indeed." Ornstein said sinking into the pool. He still missed the bathhouses of Anor Londo, but for the time being, these would suffice. He was just beginning to enjoy how the waters soothed his old scars when he heard footsteps approaching.

"Ah ha, Ornstein-san, I wasn't expecting to see you here." Ornstein sighed.

"Spare me your lies Takahata. I know you and your coworkers avoid me wherever possible. And I recall explaining why I enjoyed the solitude."

"I know, I know," Takamichi said entering the pool, "But I think this was worth leaping into the lion's den." Ornstein just huffed at the joke. "Look, this concerns your actions towards 3-A's students—"

"You mean my wholly justified yet stupendously uninformed mistake regarding why that class had three demons in it?" Ornstein said.

Takamichi's glasses misted over, hiding his eyes. "...They weren't justified, Ornstein. You had no right to accuse those girls of intending harm to anyone. You acted brashly, I hate to be honest, and if you had tried to hurt them instead of present your case to the dean, well...you and I know you'd never make it."

Ornstein looked at Takamichi, gripped his palms until his knuckles turned white, and let out a deep breath, never once breaking eye contact with the teacher. "Before I explain myself to you Takahata, I ask you dwell on this: why do you think I was more concerned with Tatsumiya, Sakurazaki, or Rainyday when you explicitly told me that one little girl, Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell, is the most powerful mage in your kind's history until Springfield's father appeared?" Takamichi thought for a while.

"I suppose you thought Eva-chan wasn't as much a threat as those three?"

"Wrong. Evangeline is the most dangerous and powerful human I have met in a long time, and by a wide margin at that. I know when I'm outclassed. I went after those girls, because I thought they were a more immediate threat to the others."

Takamichi raised an eyebrow, curious."So you've grown attached to them, hm?"

"Don't mistake my concerns for care, Takahata. I simply didn't want to risk earning the dean's ire if I allowed what I'd thought was a succubus to control his granddaughter." Takamichi chuckled. "And what pray tell is so amusing to thee, Takahata?"

"Well, I've actually met some demons before, and they found the idea of a succubus quite funny."

"How comforting to know the company you keep." Ornstein growled, forcing down his temper.

"...You are forgiven, you know."

"What?"

"I said no one hates you for what you did. Sure, some were angry, but from the way Konoemon described it, you honestly thought you were doing the right thing. You just didn't know the full picture. I suppose we should've told you sooner, but we all agreed you wouldn't have listened or at least believe us."

Ornstein mulled over Takamichi's words, deflating slightly as the accuracy of the staff's thinking sunk in. "You are not wrong about that, I suppose." For a time the two sat in silence when Ornstein finally spoke up. "I have a proposition thee, Takahata."

"Hm?"

"You know the secrets and magics of this world. And I know Miracles exclusive to mine. Teach me your secrets, and I will teach you some of mine."

Takamichi blinked before smiling. "I happily accept Ornstein, but I'm not sure you can help me. I can't cast spells you know." Ornstein waved a hand dismissively.

"Whether or not you can perform spells is unnecessary Takahata. If Miracles are what you learn, you need only two things to start learning." Ornstein stretched out his hand, his Leo Ring glowing in the fog. "A talisman to channel it, and a soul strong enough to believe you can do anything."

Light flashed forth, blinding Takamichi. When his vision returned, he looked at Ornstein's hand, stunned. Clutched in the god's hand was a spear of lightning. Not a construct of electricity, nor a version of Sagitta Magica, but genuine lightning, brimming with energy and shooting arcs around Ornstein's hand. Ornstein smiled. "If you have those, even a mortal can harness our powers." He said dismissing the spear. "Well Takahata. What dost thou say?" Takamichi laid back. "Well, that depends. Where would you like to begin?"

"With what caused this very meeting: tell me about your world's demons."

So Takamichi told him. He talked of the demi-humans of Hellas, he talked of the demons he called friends, he even talked about Zazie and her heritage. Ornstein was amused at the idea of demons possessing a hierarchy.

"That's everything I can tell you. Now it's my turn to ask you something. Why do you hate demons so much?" Ornstein turned thoughtful. He looked to the side with a painful look in his eyes.

"Tell me Takamichi. Do the words 'Lost Izalith' mean anything to you?"

"I can't say that they do."

"Then you have no idea how blessed you are. To me, to my kind, demons are more than just spirits who wish harm on humans. They are a blasphemous perversion of life itself."

"Quite the harsh words Ornstein."

"Deserved words. Izalith belonged to the titular Witch of Izalith and her daughters. They, and the son, were the rulers of the city. They, alongside my lord, Gwyn, and the Gravelord Nito, were the three powers of Lordran, as their souls reflected their realms of influence. Nito embodied death and ruled over his kind from the dark Catacombs. My Lord Gwyn, blessed he be, embodied light and the sun was his symbol. All those touched by its rays knew my lord watched over them. And then, there was the Witch. Her soul was the embodiment of life. She and her daughters invented one of the three magics of my realm: Pyromancy. Truly those were the greatest days of Izalith. But, every fire fades without something to keep it burning. Over time, we realized the First Flame, the source of our Lords' powers, was fading. We feared the worst. We knew one day the flames would fade, and only Dark would remain. The Witch, believing she could replicate the First Flame, tried to do so. On that day, the witch, her daughters and son, and all of Izalith, was lost to the Chaos Flame. The Witch was consumed by her own experiment, and two of her daughters became orbs from which she drew power. The other sisters were lost to the flame, sacrificed, or corrupted into hideous monsters. But that was not the worst. That was for the rest of Izalith. In a flash, the entire city's residents were engulfed by Chaos. That day, the world saw its first demons. I faced them only once, but that was enough. It was against the Chaos Witch Quelaag, one of the Chaos' sisters. I had heard news the leader of the Chaos covenant was hiding away beyond Blighttown. I decided to end their existence, only to face the covenant's champion."

"Quelaag, you said."

"Aye. Picture a maiden of the palest skin and raven hair past her chest, now attach a spider to the lower torso who spews lava from its mouth. That is what became of her. I was faster but she fought so ferociously I had no choice but to flee, ashamed." He pointed to a scar on his right shoulder. "I still carry the scars of that day. No cleric could erase the wound. That is the power of Chaos Takamichi; to even wound the gods is a dangerous feat."

"So it seems."

"The truth, Takamichi, is I do not hate demons. I fear them. They are in many ways the opposite of the gods. And no matter how fiercely we fought, Anor Londo could do no more than repel them for a time. Even then, they came to call our capital home, eventually." Ornstein's grip tightened. "That is why I hold such enmity towards demons and their ilk, Takamichi."

"Ornstein...I truly am sorry for what happened."

"Don't apologize mortal. The Witch's demise was her own making. In the end, nobody could stop the Flame from dying. Lord Gwyn could only offer himself as fuel to keep the flame burning a little longer. That act alone carved meaning to our meaningless existence."

"...I suppose you're right. All we can do is give meaning to a meaningless world." The two warriors spent the rest of the bath in silence, barring the barest of conversations. When the time came for both to depart, Takamichi said, "Your lord must have been an incredible person Ornstein. I would've loved to meet him in his prime."

"...Everyone would have, Takamichi. Few ever did."

"Figures," Eva sneered as she looked through Kaede's binoculars. "Oh, Yukihiro, what will we do with you? I'm telling you, Nagase, don't let this go to your head, but by this point I think I'd rather have even you along than those idiots."

"Thank you, Eva-dono, but these still belong to this lowly one," Kaede said while gently taking the binoculars back and getting a new look in herself. "And besides, a shinobi's path is a lonely one, and frankly you surround yourself with too many people nowadays. Likable people all the same, but alas..."

"Don't give me that 'lonely path' crap, Nagase! I've been at your village! You can't throw a rock there without hitting a ninja, and most of them are as secretive as mad elephants and as lonely as the locust!"

"Is that an extended invitation for this one to join your ever growing army and probable harem, Eva-dono?"

"After this? Even if I ever had briefly entertained the insane intention, forget it now!"

—-

Ayaka gave yet another aghast at her still aching, mostly unresponsive wrist and faintly said, "It can't be... The Power of True Love failed?"

"I'm shocked, disgusted and appalled," a livid, pale Matoi commented.

"Just goes to show you there's no power that doesn't submit sooner or later to the might of the SOS Brigade!" Haruhi boasted, then grinned at Madoka and Negi, fists on her hips. "Okay, so enough with the stalling already! Kiss, kiss, kiss!"

"Everything ready over here!" Chamo happily said from the new circle he'd just drawn.

"Um, Sempai," Ako dubiously approached Haruhi, "since we've just seen Lala-sempai can supply Pactios just as fine, isn't it the same to you if Madoka-san does it with her instead of Negi-kun...?"

"Well," Haruhi doubted briefly, "you're right in that it's the same to me, but—"

"N-No!" Madoka gasped.

"See?" Haruhi shrugged. "Madoka prefers much younger men to other women!"

"Don't say it like that!" Madoka protested.

"Besides, sorry, but I'm just not interested either," Lala piped in. "I have nothing personal against this person with the baseball bat, but I've never been physically attracted to individuals with short gray hair. There's something about them that rubs me the wrong way."

"I'm sure someone should tell Ren about that someday," Rito muttered to himself, small sweatdrop attached to head.

Ako still insisted, "And what about Skuld-san? She's Makie and Morisato-sempai's Magistra, after all!"

"Whoever gave you the right to throw my name into this?!" Skuld objected.

"And, and Itoshiki-sensei?" Ako kept on stuttering. "I mean, he is also, and he, um, errr," Ako's gaze followed Haruhi's pointer finger, allowing her to see Despair-sensei currently hanging from a tree's branch. "Okay, so maybe he'd be a bad idea too. Shouldn't we be lowering him instead of worrying about kisses?"

"I'm sure I saw a ladder somewhere in there," Kotaro walked back into the manor, hands in his pockets. "Will be back in a sec," he dryly promised.

In the meanwhile, Negi looked slowly, back and forth, between the stoic, indifferent and every petite Nagato and the sniffling Ayaka, still nursing her hand as Konoka healed it. "Kugimiya-san," he finally said, "could we please have a few words in private before deciding on anything?"

"Eh?" Chisame grunted.

"Oooooohhhh, Negi-kun...!" Sakurako teased.

"Please, this is serious!" Negi frowned, taking the still perplexed Madoka by a hand and quickly pulling her behind the tree with himself. "It'll only take a moment! Trust me and don't spy on us, please!"

The Ala Alba and the others simply stood there, more because of paralyzing confusion than because of any actual wish to obey.

Finally, Satomi looked at Chisame. "What do you think he meant with that?"

"How should I know?! What do I know about the whims of the insane?!"

Behind the tree, Negi had placed his hands on Madoka's shoulders. "Kugimiya-san," he told her in a low, soft voice. "We don't have a lot of time, so please excuse me for being so direct. The SOS Brigade, there's a lot more about them than appears at first sight, isn't it?"

Madoka sniffed a bit, then nodded.

Negi sighed deeply, looked down, and then into her eyes. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just ask me to, and I'll fly you away before they can stop us. I'll tell them it was my idea, and I'll make sure none of them can hold it against you."

She sighed as well. "Thank you, Negi-sensei, really. But I'm afraid it's not as easy as that."

"Are they forcing you to stay against your will?" he asked very seriously. "If they are, that's the exact kind of things a mage is supposed to help people against. Just tell me, and I'll do all there is in my power to free you. No strings attached. It doesn't matter what Chamo says either, I—"

She placed a finger on his mouth and shook her head. "You're wrong. Despite the appearances, if I remain in the Brigade it's because of my own will."

"But—"

"You're aware I like Kyon-sempai a lot, aren't you?"

"W-Well, Misa-san has mentioned it a few times, yes, but—"

"But," she completed, "Kyon-sempai is... someone I just never could be with. Not because of anything he's done; he's a great, upstanding and trustworthy guy, and were things a bit different, I'd love to stay the whole course with him. But... it's very complicated, Negi-sensei. I'm going to need a lot of time to explain it to you."

"I'm not sure what do you mean..."

She smiled sadly and rubbed his cheeks with her thumbs. "Let's go. We're going to need this so I can have enough time for it."

"Well, about time," Chisame said, arms folded, as they finally walked back from behind the tree, hand on hand to support themselves on each other. "What? You doing it or not?"

Negi exhaled and, without a word, gracefully stepped on the glowing circle, as did Madoka, both of them moving as if flowing together into a dance step. Ayaka let out a short, loud choke as the circle's light erupted in full bloom, and Negi and Madoka moved towards each other, their lips clashing and making Chamo flutter around waving paper fans.

A few moments later, while Ayaka's mind slowly rebooted and her mouth began emitting tiny incoherent sounds again (Asuna-san was fanning her with concern, how mortifying), the other cheerleaders were huddling close to the awkwardly blushing Madoka, examining her new card with wide bright eyes. "Oh, oh, it's so sexy...!" Sakurako cooed, hips wiggling slightly.

"It... It looks more risque than I'd expected..." Madoka raspily admitted. The card showed a picture of her in a skimpy yellow bikini, wearing nothing but an open black leather jacket over it, a black leather cap on her head, her otherwise bare feet in thick sandals of platform soles. She held onto a massive mallet around her own size, and there were a ball and chain loosely wrapped around her left leg. Under the picture the card read:

Cujimija Madoca

Munit haec et altera vincit

"Well, it can't be helped," Haruhi theorized. "After all, Kugimin kissed Sensei while wearing no underwear, hell, nothing but a loose shirt borrowed from a man. Of course her Pactio would be sexy!"

"Gah!" Madoka gulped.

"Oh, of course, that actually makes sense," Misa conceded, sharing wise nods with Sakurako. "We all were wearing far more clothing when we kissed him, so of course our outfits wouldn't be that kinky..."

"I wonder what would happen if a girl were to kiss him while naked?" Sakurako hummed.

"Please stop following that train of thought!" Negi demanded, then coughing into a fist, "Ahem! Kugimiya-san's Alliance would seem to provide her with a dual set of blunt instruments designed for raw physical attack, not too unlike Haruka-san's morningstar. Of course, their mere size would seem to imply the Pactio will supply her with the physical strenght needed to lift and employ the Artifacts in the first place. Further analysis, however, will have to wait until our next session, where we can test her new abilities properly. That will be all, class dismissed."

Ignoring him altogether, Misa was asking Madoka, "So, I was right, huh? Great kisser or not, huh?"

"Well..." Madoka said, "I can't say it felt bad at all, no..."

"Glurgh," Misora, Ayaka, Chisame and Haruka said all at once, staring ominously.

"Class dismissed, I said," Negi repeated himself, straining his saintly patience.

"So," Shiho was asking Mikuru, "basically, your whole club revolves about making this horrible person happy through satisfying her every passing whim, then?"

"Mmmm-hmmmm," a miserable looking Mikuru sniffled, shoulders drooping in exhaustion.

"Alright, everyone, since we're in a streak tonight, anyone else up for it?" Chamo jubilously asked, waving his chalk high. "Nurse-neechan? Bookstore-neechan? Ayase-anego?"

"Gyeh!" Ako recoiled.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah...!" Nodoka stammered.

"Chamo-san," Yue dryly warned as Chisame's foot hovered right over him from behind, "perhaps you should learn how to quit while you're still ahead."

"Whaddya mean with that? C'me on, don't be shy, you know you want to—" And CRUNCH, he went, under Chisame's heel.

"CLASS DISMISSED!" Negi literally thundered, slamming his staff against the ground and making sparks fly into every direction.

Even Haruhi had to admit, right then, it was the time to call it a night at last.

Mundus Magicus:

"There are far too many of them!" Nanami shouted as she kept on swinging with Derflinger at the avian hordes descending upon her, pecking and flapping all over her body, and most of them aiming for the face, annoyingly enough. "Hikaru! Do something already, curse you!"

"But, but they're only animals who don't know any better!" Shidou cried, trying to shield herself as best as she could with a plank of wood she'd picked up, almost as overwhelmed as Nanami was being right now.

"That doesn't matter!" Yukino said, while swinging with a stick into the flocks attacking her. "You've got magic, use it like Natsu-san is doing!"

"Fire Dragon's Iron Fist! Fire Dragon's Iron Fist!" a grinning Natsu shouted while swinging his fists wrapped in flames around, instantly turning any bird he would hit into an apetizing piece of KFC that dropped on the grass, where Happy would quickly snatch them up and usually stuff them up his mouth, running from one side to another the best to lose as little pieces as he could. "Hey, Happy, leave something for me, will you?!"

"The problem isn't the birds themselves," Erza cold observed while her sword cut an angry, oddly circular red bird kamikazing on her from above, "but they won't stop arriving no matter what. For each one we slay, thirty more will be summoned. We have to find the beastmaster immediately."

"Wah! My ostriches! My goats!" the farmer tried to run after his runaway animals, who had broken from their corrals in a sudden fit of collective anger and now madly stampeded all around the farm. "My sheep, even the turkeys! Do something already!"

"Uncaaaaa!" Beth waved from inside the farmhouse, waving at him from a window. "Just get in already an' leave that for them Guild members! You know your knee ain't the same after the— Ah!" she cried as she tried to shake off a tiny yellow speck that had begun pecking on her head. "Who let ya outta your cage, Tweety-Pie?!"

"For the love of God, man!" Nanami shouted at the farmer, "I know they're your own animals, but you should start using that shotgun on them already!"

The farmer briefly paused, looked at her, held the arcaic looking weapon up, and said, "But Ma'am, I already used the single one shot Betsy had!"

"Stupid fantasy backwater world!" Nanami decided.

"Just go inside with the girl, it's still safer than here," Gray said as he fared better than most, deploying large ice shields out of thin air to block the relentless hordes from the blackened skies. "I'll cover your retreat, so just go!"

Natsu scoffed at his rival. "What? And leaving all the fried chicken to you?"

"I wasn't including you in that invitation, asshole!"

"Nanami, let's do what he says!" Derflinger told his master. "I don't care about being in the middle of the battle, covered in blood and guts and constantly going into the bellies of soldiers, but right now, I'm all bathed on bird shit! And that, I can't take!"

"Um, Erza?" Lucy stopped waving her Celestial Keys and looked up, even the really hot pink haired Meido she'd just summoned to fight alongside her briefly pausing in her own attack on the rampaging animals to follow her Mistress' gaze. "That'd be the beastmaster you were talking about, wouldn't he?"

The fighters all looked up as well, and saw a massive griffon creature, with haughty cold blue eyes, the muscular body of an adult lion, the head of an American bald eagle, aloofly flying down, with a tiny caped figure, clad in regal garments and a poofy hat that was just too big for his size, standing on its back, smirking arrogantly. "It's just a child," Hikaru gulped, while the griffon landed on its feet and roared, and the diminutive boy easily leaping off it and onto the grass. The animals respectfully stopped their rampage and paused where they had been, distributing themselves across the ground, only Happy sitting back chewing on some crispy crunchy delicatessen. Now everyone could see the boy had red hair, which escaped wildly from between the edges of his hat, to fall in thick bangs all over his face, obscuring all of his features but his unnerving smirk.

"Well done, Gilda. I knew you'd find them," the child warmly said, reaching up to scratch the throat of the griffon, which purred huskily and shook her tail. Then he faced the assembled fighters and mages, and asked, "Which ones of you are the Magic Knights summoned by Clef?"

Natsu, frowning while chewing on a bird leg, pointed with his thumb at Yukino, Hikaru and Nanami, all of whom had their skins crawling up. For that matter, a second later, Virgo, Erza, Happy and Gray all pointed at them as well. The three Knights shuddered even further, letting tiny shrieks out.

"I see. Thank you very much," the little boy nodded, then took a hand to his chest. "I'm Ascot, the Master of the Beasts. And I'm here to kill the three of you. Pleased to make your acquaintance!"

"Howdy, stranger!" Beth called out from the window, big headed canary now perched on her shoulder, and a tray with milk and cookies in her hands. "Looks like you come from quite a trip! Wanna step in an' enjoy some good ole Southern hospitality? This goat milk's all fresh!"

One of the goats standing guard around Ascot baa'ed angrily at her.

"Well, 'scuse me, Mary Jo! You never complained while I was feedin' you, now you were?!"

When Yami woke up, she found herself fully naked, floating in a stasis tube, surrounded by a crystaline life support liquid. She didn't ache anywhere despite remembering well receiving a brutal beating from the eldest Deviluke Princess before falling into unconsciousness, and so she supposed she had spent quite a while in recovery. Still, it was strange to find such advanced medical technology in this backwater technology. She doubted the Princess had cared enough as to deliver her to her people, and then, Yami doubted she'd ever have woken up alive at all, much less with her wounds healed.

The highly advanced clinical room she was in was fully empty from any visible supervisors, the machines running their scannings and security measures on their own. That was, of course, until a sliding door opened itself in silence, and a tall, busty woman with short brown hair strode in high heels, her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

"Doctor Mikado," Yami recognized her, her voice carrying through the liquid and the crystal wall.

The adult nodded. "It's been a while, Golden Darkness. Or, I suppose I should be calling you 'Eve' instead?"

"Where am I?" Yami asked instead of answering.

"Still in Earth. Specifically, a secret underground chamber the Men In Black arranged in an agreement with the Mahora management for such circumstances. I don't want to tell you this, but you're in deep trouble this time, Eve."

"Will I be deported?"

"Most likely, and then you'll have to undergo trial for the murder of the Chancellor," Mikado seriously said.

"I was set up."

"I'm sure you were. But I'm not the one you have to convince."

"And I suppose you can't do anything for me, either."

"I will pray for you," Mikado sincerely replied.

"I thought you were an atheist."

"Me? What ever gave you that impression? Your mother is the atheist. I have seen enough as to believe there are things out there that are far too great for our understanding. Doesn't mean we ever should stop trying to grasp them, of course."

Yami nodded slowly, then said, "Thank you all the same, Doctor."

"Yami," Mikado said, lightly touching the tube's surface with a hand. "Keep having faith. I'm sure you'll come through again."

"Yes. Please have a good day," Yami replied, and soon enough Mikado was gone. Yami remained alone with her thoughts, until her sharp senses noticed a very brief blip in the surveillance chambers surrounding her tube. And then someone else had walked in, and the cameras were not showing her image, as she walked over to stand before the tube, with her arms folded behind her back.

'Chao Bao Zi', it read on the white apron that person was wearing over her skirt and leggings.

"I have an offer for you," the person said.

"Let's hear it," Yami calmly said back, for she truly had nothing to lose.

"Just sit tight there for a little while longer. They won't be sending anyone for you just yet. They won't risk having outsiders visiting during the Festival that is about to unfold."

"I was unaware there was going to be a Festival around these premises," Yami confessed. "Is it that important, as to stall the arrival of the Galaxy Police?"

"You didn't know?" the person feigned surprise. "Oh my, that won't do! Here, a ticket for you!" she grinned, producing a ticket for three days out and holding it up. "You'll be one of my guests of honor," she decided, "although I hope you won't mind if I release you a short while into the celebrations. But you're a patient one, aren't you?"

"What do you want me to do for you?" Yami went directly for the point, for she ws growing tired of this person's pointless playfulness. She was starting to remind her of Saotome Haruna, even.

"I only want you to run some interference, that's all. Tell me," she asked, "you still take jobs while wearing thematic outfits?"

"Grrrrrr..."

—-

Mikado Ryoko carefully locked the front door of her old, large house, a manor rumored to be haunted for a long while, before heading over to take a long, warm shower that would take a long panel time heavily focused on the magnificent curves of her full buttocks and enticing chest were this a graphic medium. Finally, she walked out of it, rubbing herself while a towel and tossing a pink robe over her shoulders before marching out of the bath.

Not bothering to tie the robe closed, she made her way to her phone, which didn't really look any different from any normal Earth phone, and sat down, deciding she shouldn't stall this anymore. It wasn't like she fully wanted to do it, but she understood it was her duty, both from a moral viewpoint and from that of a promise of honor. She dialed a complex, impossibly long sequence of numbers and steeled her nerves before hearing the voice at the other end of the long distance line.

"Tearju," she started her message with her listener's real name, to stress the seriousness of the subject from the get-go. "It's me. I've just found Eve. You'd better come for her before they do."

—-

To be Continued.

Next: Ghosts of the Past.

—-

"Baka Rangers," Negi pleasantly said as the final echoes of the bells rang across the campus, "I'm glad to tell you your grades have improved enough lately, so it won't be necessary for you to stay after hours today."

"Yayyyy!" Ku Fei cheered, throwing her hands up.

"You're the best, Negi-kun!" Makie added, resisting the urge to leap and give him a biog sloppy kiss on a cheek.

"We're free, free free free oh yes, wonderful freedom!" Asuna joyfully ran out past a frowning Ayaka.

"Asuna-san! Not running in the halls, or else!" the blonde called out.

"Don't let that drop your attention on your studies," Negi warned them strictly before gesturing towards two other students about to leave. "Please, Tatsumiya-san, Ookuchi-san, don't leave just yet. There's something I must ask from you."

"Eh?" Chisame said, almost as confused as Mana and Akira were. "And why the two of them?"

A while later, Mana bitterly mumbled while writing I won't hide I'm half demon from my teacher over and over again, on her side of the blackboard. "I fail to see the need for this humiliation, Sensei..."

"Some things are just too important to keep them from your homeroom teacher, Tatsumiya-san," Negi politely explained while grading the day's tests.

"But," Akira objected from where she was writing I won't hide I'm a Magical Girl from my teacher on her own side, "weren't you hiding so many secrets from us as well...?"

"That's different, because I'm the teacher," Negi matter-of-factly replied. "And you got off easy compared to Evangeline-san. Did you think all of her attitude towards me comes from what my father did?"

Sitting on the branch of a tree right outside the window, and right out of Negi's field of view, Rainyday listened and silently sweatdropped while feeding the birds under the afternoon sun...