All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

“I suppose I should see what is in the last two folders then, since they seem to be sort of important,” I said even as I wandered back to the counter.

“Important how?” Rikalous asked.

“Well, the first folder has four dollar signs at the top. Money is usually important if you are in a strange place,” I said, taking the file in question from the case and opening it. After giving the contents a quick perusal, I glanced up at the others and said, “Stock certificates.”

SCM looked like he'd been kicked in his remaining leg. “Stock certificates?”

"Stock certificates?" perked up the newly-arrived Nobody. "To what? Are they bearer or registered?"

I held up a hand to stop further discussion, “Considering that two of these certificates indicate shares in Starbooks, I would think some of you would be rather happy.” I resumed perusing the papers, “It looks like there are also shares in Microtech, Relational Software Incorporated, Air Southwest, and Sam's.”

“Sam's?” asked Anemoi.

I nodded, “Since the company logos are on the certificates, it's obvious that Microtech is Microsoft, Air Southwest is Southwest Airlines, and Sam's is Walmart. I'm not sure about this Relational Software Incorporated though.”

“Let me see?” asked Rikalous.

I handed him the certificates in question. He glanced at them and announced, “Relational Software is what Oracle's name was before it became Oracle.”

“Hmmm. Oracle has been around for ages right?” I asked.

Anemoi nodded, “Quite some time.”

“Which makes me wonder when these stocks were purchased.”

“What do you mean?” Rikalous asked. I became the center of attention again as everyone looked my way.

I managed to remain calm enough to answer, “Well... Think about it. One hundred shares of Walmart now is not worth a lot of money. But if those shares had been purchased shortly after they went on sale...”

“They would be worth much more.” IANCE finished.

I nodded, “Especially in paying out dividends. Which is what I think someone had in mind.” I handed the folder and certificates to Anemoi for him to hold before grabbing the last folder out of the case.

The heading read 'Paperwork.' I opened it up and glanced at the contents.

Everyone present saw me sigh and close the folder before I wandered over to the reading glasses display. Before anyone could ask, I answered, “I don't suppose anyone can translate Legalese into something resembling English can they?”

"We need to be careful with stocks," said Sereg. "They can be hard to sell when you need the money. Trust me. I know that from experience."

Sam's Club is Wal-Mart?

"I might help too," Brown lifted his hand. "Two heads are better than one."

“Well, the first folder has four dollar signs at the top. Money is usually important if you are in a strange place,” I said, taking the file in question from the case and opening it. After giving the contents a quick perusal, I glanced up at the others and said, “Stock certificates.”

SCM looked like he'd been kicked in his remaining leg. “Stock certificates?”

"Stock certificates?" perked up the newly-arrived Brown. "To what? Are they bearer or registered?"

"We need to be careful with stocks, " said Sereg. "They can be hard to sell when you need the money. Trust me. I know that from experience."

I held up a hand to stop further discussion, “Considering that two of these certificates indicate shares in Starbooks, I would think some of you would be rather happy.” I resumed perusing the papers, “It looks like there are also shares in Microtech, Relational Software Incorporated, Air Southwest, and Sam's.”

“Sam's?” asked Anemoi.

I nodded, “Since the company logos are on the certificates, it's obvious that Microtech is Microsoft, Air Southwest is Southwest Airlines, and Sam's is Walmart. I'm not sure about this Relational Software Incorporated though.”

“Let me see?” asked Rikalous.

I handed him the certificates in question. He glanced at them and announced, “Relational Software is what Oracle's name was before it became Oracle.”

“Hmmm. Oracle has been around for ages right?” I asked.

Anemoi nodded, “Quite some time.”

“Which makes me wonder when these stocks were purchased.”

“What do you mean?” Rikalous asked. I became the center of attention again as everyone looked my way.

I managed to remain calm enough to answer, “Well... Think about it. One hundred shares of Walmart now is not worth a lot of money. But if those shares had been purchased shortly after they went on sale...”

“They would be worth much more.” IANCE finished.

I nodded, “Especially in paying out dividends. Which is what I think someone had in mind.” I handed the folder and certificates to Anemoi for him to hold before grabbing the last folder out of the case.

The heading read 'Paperwork.' I opened it up and glanced at the contents.

Everyone present saw me sigh and close the folder before I wandered over to the reading glasses display. Before anyone could ask, I answered, “I don't suppose anyone can translate Legalese into something resembling English can they?”

"Well, I can at least try to, " offered Sinclair. "I've read a few legal documents in my life."

As I looked for a decent pair of reading glasses, Eva Unit suggested, "Go at it one sentence at a time to keep from getting too messed in the head from it."

“I'm already messed in the head thank you kindly,” I muttered as I tried on a pair. Seeing as they fit my head comfortably, I returned to the counter and started studying the paperwork in question. Sinclair came up and peered over my shoulder at the documents.

“What the heck?” he asked. “Iridia Investment Club?”

I nodded, “Now you understand why I wanted someone to help me read this.”

"I might help too, " Nobody lifted his hand. "Two heads are better than one."

"Microtech just ruined all possible 'Small Penis with Erectile Dysfunction' jokes I could have made, and this makes me sad,” IANCE said.

“Why is it every time I type 'win,' I lose?” I mused as I studied the paperwork.

xxxxxxxxxx

The light had faded considerably when the three of us finished our efforts. By 'finished,' I mean 'gave up.'

“It's paperwork,” Sinclair answered when everyone turned to look at us.

I nodded, “Paperwork to be filed with the appropriate agencies for restarting a club, as well as a constitution, bylaws, rules, and liabilities. According to everything written here, those stock certificates were used in order to have the funds to found the club.”

“Really?” asked Eva Unit.

I picked up one of the papers and flipped it open so I could recite, “The initial funds for the founding of the Iridia Investment Club are as follows, then it lists all of the stocks afterwards. It even has the purchase dates of the stocks. Which is of relevant interest, since the shares of Sam's were purchased on October the first, nineteen seventy.” I made sure to glance at everyone before adding, “The day they were issued.”

“So what does that mean?” asked IANCE.

“It means they are worth quite a lot of money now if they were to be sold since the stock has split numerous times since that date. But it also means that the money from the dividends is also worth quite a lot as well, Especially if that money has been sitting in a bank like the paperwork suggests.” I said.

"It all sounds like the setup of a weird self-insert if you ask me," SCM said. "Not a Skysaber-level one, mind you, but not a very good one either."