Manly Guys Doing Manly Things

It's not like he had canon friends either.

His hobbies include Thieving, Interior and Exterior Renovation and Monster Husbandry.

Sometimes he does take a moment to capture a princess but he's nowhere near as dedicated as Bowser at that kind of thing.

Return of Jared's internet girlfriend.

No class at all.

She's a lovely girl in real life, though.

Without being able to hear the voice, I can't tell if she's a girl or a G.I.R.L..

Pro Tip: You can't tell every person's gender just by listening to their voice. How about, when somebody SAYS they're of a certain gender, we just take their word for it?

EDIT: Wait, are we talking about the author of this webcomic or Jared's online girlfriend? Dammit, guys, when you say "real life" I assume you mean REAL LIFE.

edited 31st May '16 6:00:09 AM by thebandragoness

It goes the other way, too, Chief and B... I'm an amazing driver... in Mario Kart. I'm a legitimate danger to all around in an actual motor vehicle.

Still, it kinda makes sense for Commander to be less than stellar at an FPS game (who says that's what combat is like in the Nondescript Space Future?). It's kind of hilarious that Master Chief also isn't so great at it.

I've been playing games of car mayhem for so long I'm fearful of even trying to get a licence for a real car.

We should all be thankful that I don't have regular access to any turtle shells in real life, that's all I'm going to add right now.

Sentiment still stands. Women are not a scarce resource on the internet or in gaming. Treating them as though they are contributes to the hostile environment that makes many of them less willing to introduce them as such. Perpetuating the "Women online aren't really women until they prove it" logic train isn't as direct as "Tits or GTFO" but it's still the same principle.

Ahem.

I agree with Jones that Jared deserves much better than this. He owns his own home rent-free, has a rewarding career that he enjoys, and he raised a sea monster. He's doing very well in life.

As for Master Chief's point, we have a trope for that.

edited 31st May '16 8:26:23 AM by TobiasDrake

I expect they would absolutely destroy any light gun game though.

I mean, if Jared owns his home outright, of course he wouldn't pay rent. But I get what you mean - he doesn't have a mortgage or anything for his home; he has no major debts over his head, and his monthly bills mostly amount to food and electricity.

And, of course, he's excellent at raising Mr. Fish, to the point that Commander takes tips on how to handle aquatic lifeforms from him.

Also, to be fair, given that this is her first appearance, Jared's girlfriend might just be succumbing to GIFT. Which isn't the best of introductions, sure, but based on what we've seen of him online, hardly unusual.

I think that would make it worse, as it would be basically the same situation but with the addition of lots and lots of vocal bitching about how the sights aren't properly calibrated, the weight ratio's screwed up, the weapon doesn't kick like it's supposed to....

Well, I guess it depends on just what weapons each is used to. In Master Chief's case, his armor probably provides some amount of stabilization/shock absorption for lighter pistols and the like. I have to imagine that they've worked on the recoil issue (at least somewhat) in the nondescript space future as well. I would lean towards the two being more likely to be good at light gun games - maybe not expert level, but a leg up on a complete newbie.

Also, I have more than a little sympathy for both, as I still can't quite wrap my head around FPS games. And I don't enjoy the genre enough to work around the issue.

Classic FPS space marines are capable of using any alien doodad they picked up with pinpoint accuracy regardless of weight, kickback and structure or even presence of sights. They'll adjust easily.

It's the modern call of duty pansies that need to aim downsights to hit anything that will have troube.

edited 31st May '16 9:03:42 AM by Adannor

x6 Yeah, I know, but I was only getting so defensive about it because I thought people were talking about the webcomic author. If people are speculating that Jared's internet girlfriend might be a G.I.R.L., well, that's a semi-plausible theory just because it's a cliche when it comes to online girlfriends in fiction.

Either way, though, identifying someone's gender by how "feminine" their voice sounds is kind of a shitty thing to do. People can have a wide range of voice types (and that goes for both cisgender and transgender people).

edited 31st May '16 9:22:45 AM by thebandragoness

I'm possibly the only person who's an angrier driver in real life than in racing games. Taxi drivers are probably gonna take a decade of my lifespan out of pure stress.

I've experienced this firsthand. I am a cisgender heterosexual male, but I've been mistaken for my mother on the phone before. There was also a brief stint when I was furloughed from my job and considering going back to school where I had recruiters calling me "ma'am" despite knowing my (male-exclusive) name.

I've been called ma'am at the drive-through window at fast food places before, but I'm an awkward case because I can never tell if it's just that I accidentally slipped back into my Terra Drake voice from my two years of trans experimenting.

But that, in and of itself, demonstrates the point: voices change. Sometimes deliberately, sometimes just based on how you feel in the moment. Voice actors thrive on the ability to make their voices sound different.

edited 31st May '16 2:32:21 PM by TobiasDrake

Poor Jared. Jonesy is right.

BRB Helicopter.

You guys didn't seriously think I was suggesting Jared's girlfriend actually was a guy because she's playing a shooter, did you? Or squid, for that matter?

Maybe because cis women have a hard time teabagging, what with lacking teabags and all?

I'd misread you and thought you were questioning the gender of the webcomic's author, Kelly Turnbull. Because when someone says "real life," my brain automatically assumes they mean REAL LIFE real life. But it would seem you guys actually meant what the characters within the webcomic would consider to be real life from their perspective. But of course, as we all know, their supposed perception of reality is merely a fiction, as they are not living, sentient beings but rather soulless puppets of the author and god I'm tired I need to go to sleep.

edited 31st May '16 9:31:41 PM by thebandragoness

No, most people are just taking the "Internet Girlfriend" joke and running it into the ground.

For all we know Jareds "Girlfriend" is Samus. Which would be even more hilarious.