Buying Stuff from SCP-261

Hello fellow tropers, in this thread we will be continuing a running trend of SCP-related Forum Games by dicking around conducting further experiments with SCP-261.

One poster inserts a quantity of money in Yen and specifies whether or not SCP-261 is powered or unpowered (it will vend items either way). The next poster tells the result, which must be some kind of "snack food."

Example:

Larry: Input: 1 Yen, Unpowered

Chuck: Output: A single grain of rice.

Note that SCP-261 apparently has a very loose definition as to what constitutes "snack food", so have fun and feel free to go as nutty as you feel like with results...

I guess I'll start:

Input: 500 Yen, Powered

edited 18th Jun '10 9:15:06 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: Reese's - A package containing two milk chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups. The peanut butter filling was described as being exceptionally creamy and high-quality for a Reese's cup.

Input: 500 Yen, Powered.

output: a chocolate bar which was unusually tasty

Input: 500000 Yen, powered

^^ Output: A tube about the size of a Pringles can reading Escar-GO with additional labeling in Basque. Upon opening the tube, land snails with what appears to be a flavoring packet were found. Upon consultation with a linguist, it appears that the snails are intended to be prepared in a manner similar to instant noodles.

^ A large tin containing roughly 300 grams of Beluga caviar with Laotian labeling on the exterior.

Input: 300 yen, Unpowered

edited 18th Jun '10 10:05:47 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: An orange-colored 6oz gelatinous cube in a clear plastic package. Writing on the package in an unknown language utilizing the Latin alphabet, in Comic Sans font. The cube appeared to react with the air upon opening of the package, hardening and turning violet. It was was too hard to consume in its intact state, and had to be smashed into fragments with a sledgehammer. Each piece was reported to have a unique flavor, ranging from strawberry to coconut to venison.

Input: 1000 yen, unpowered.

edited 18th Jun '10 10:15:27 PM by KarlzBelena

Output: What appeared to be a small pack of chewing gum with labeling in an unknown language using the constructed Aurebesh script. The pieces of gum had a smooth texture and a sky blue color. Subjects who chewed the gum reported hallucinatory and euphoric sensations similar to those of LSD that continued for approximately 4 hours after the subjects stopped chewing the gum. Upon linguistic analysis, it was revealed that the language that the gum was labeled in appeared to be Romanized Arabic.

Input: 888 Yen, Powered

edited 18th Jun '10 10:27:19 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: A chunk of unknown grilled meat that reportedly taste like chicken.

Input: 9001 yen, Powered.

edited 18th Jun '10 10:40:52 PM by KSPAM

Output: "Prince Vegeta's Saiyajin Juice". Orange plastic bottle; packaging in English and Japanese. A foamy gold beverage that appears to contain blue-white specks when held to the light. Flavor described as "like being punched several times in various parts of your body", with a tangy aftertaste.

Input: 1500 yen, powered.

Output: A large glass jar filled with konpeito with labeling in Armenian script. Unlike normal konpeito, the individual pieces appear to have noticeable and distinct flavorings corresponding to the color of the pieces (32 colors/flavors were found in the jar). The pieces all appear to be fruit-flavored, with flavors ranging from generic fruit such as apples and lemons to more exotic fruits such as pitaya and rambutan.

Input: 720 Yen, Unpowered.

EDIT: The server apparently hates me for trying to link to TOW, so here's an article on konpeito.

edited 20th Jun '10 4:34:51 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: A small tin depicting several green, large-eyed, smiling cartoon humanoids in various states of disintegration; text in Russian. Tin contained thirty-two green gummies of human shape. Test subjects who consumed the gummies noted a strong lime flavor, with an aftertaste of blood. Approximately one minute after consumption, the test subjects would collapse on the floor as their flesh began to bubble and erode. Convulsions continued for eight minutes, thirty seconds, as subjects' bodily tissues dissolved as though reacting to acid. The dissolving process continued for about four hours, long after convulsions had ceased and subjects had been declared dead. Skeletal remains recovered displayed deterioration patterns consistent with erosion by hydrochloric acid.

Input: 500 yen, powered.

Output: A small plastic bag with perforated top; labelled in what appears to be a variant of Northern Apache, written using Hangul. Package contained 17 sheeps' eyeballs with a candy-like glaze.

Input: ¥499.99, unpowered.

Output: A cardboard and cellophane box with labeling in Macromannic Runes in what appears to be Old High German containing a marzipan figurine depicting a cartoonish Western dragon protecting a treasure hoard of gemstones. Upon consuming portions of the figurine's base, it was determined that the marzipan used was flavored with rosewater. Close examination revealed that the gemstones were separable from the main figure and consisted of gummis of different flavors. Researchers are currently divided as to whether to consume or to preserve the remainder of the figurine and its "gemstones".

Input: 25 Yen, unpowered.

Output: A small white packet with no labeling whatsoever besides a red stamp reading "REJECTED". The packet contains a type of carbonated hard candy similar to Pop Rocks. When held in the mouth, the candy's initial fizzing reaction soon turns into a series of explosions. Two researchers had to be treated for severe burn wounds; one permanently lost his sense of taste and smell. Reportedly strawberry flavored.

Input: 200 yen, unpowered.

Item description: A cardboard box labeled in what appears to be an archaic form of Russian. When translated, the labels seemed to be microwave instructions. Opening the box revealed a black sphere about five centimeters in diameter. When microwaved as instructed, the sphere appeared to "melt" into an amorphous mass. When consumed, D-class personnel reported vivid hallucinations.

Money entered: $0.01
SCP-261 Powered or Unpowered: Unpowered

Output: One $0.01 coin in the coin return slot. Researchers were politely reminded that SCP-261 will only accept Japanese currency.

Input: 666 Yen, powered.

Output: A pack of small, clear boiled sweets, reported to taste minty. Test subjects were apparently luckier and in higher spirits than usual for a period of roughly 24 hours after consumption.

Input: A featureless disc composed of 72% copper, 20% zinc, and 8% nickel, cast in the exact size of a ¥500 coin.
Powered

Output: The same coin, at a velocity of 167 meters per second.

Input: 600 yen, powered.

Output: Drinks can. The label is green and yellow striped with what appears to be an old Italian dialect written on it. Upon drinking it, all the electronic apparatus within 140 metres of the subject shut down. When subject left the building following security procedures, the systems returned. Effect on subject persisted for two days, and he still occasionally glitches out complex computing devices.

Input: 400,000 yen. Powered.

Output: What appears to be a somewhat heavy jewel box covered in gold leaf. The lid and 4 sides of the box appear to be covered in intricate geometric designs that appear similar, though unlike those present in some Islamic murals. Upon opening the jewel box, approximately 1 kilogram of saffron was discovered inside. Removing the saffron revealed that all portions of the interior of the box also carried elaborate designs. Numerous administrators have made requests for the box and portions of the saffron for "research purposes."

Input: 1776 Yen, Powered.

Output: A wooden box of limited-edition Liberty Wraps with labeling in slightly archaic English. Contains thirteen fruit wraps similar to Fruit Roll-ups, patterned after the American flag as it was designed in 1776. Unrolling a fruit wrap reveals a detailed model of a musket, crafted of dark chocolate, inside. The red portions of the fruit wrap are cherry flavored, the white portions are apple flavored, and the blue is raspberry flavored. The muskets contain nougat filling.

Input: 1793 yen, powered.

A wooden box with labeling in an archaic dialect of French that appears to proclaim itself to be a "Revolutionary 3-in-1." Upon opening the box, 3 smaller boxes were discovered. One of the boxes bore the label Liberté containing cherry-flavored gummi Phrygian caps. A detailed depiction of the goddess Liberty made of marzipan was discovered among the gummis in the box. Another box bore the label Égalité, and contained a detailed recreation of the Déclaration des droits de l'Homme et du Citoyen made out of dark chocolate with white chocolate with an interior region similar in consistency to a Toblerone bar along with a number of white, milk, and dark chocolate tablets wrapped in wax paper containing depictions of iconography of the French Revolution. In the final box, marked Fraternité, wax-paper wrapped wafer cookies in the colors of the flag of the French Republic were found, and were remarked as tasting of blueberries, strawberries, and of vanilla. At the bottom of the box, a persipan figurine containing a functional guillotine with a blade made out rock candy surrounded by a throng of cheerful revolutionaries was found, along with several separate persipan figurines depicting caricatures of members of the 1st and 2nd Estate, "counter-revolutionaries," and spies. The neck region of these figurines is apparently hollow, apparently to allow the blade of the candy guillotine to successfully decapitate the various figurines.

Input: 420 Yen, Unpowered.

EDIT: Oh yeah, here's an article on persipan...

edited 23rd Jun '10 7:43:17 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: One small plastic tub with the words "Jellignite: It'll ignite your tastebuds!" in Portuguese on the side. Contained a red gelatinous substance. When eaten, subject experienced a tingling sensation in mouth and a taste of raspberries. When he tried to report this, a flame at least 1300 degrees Celsius erupted from his mouth. Surrounding area suffered minor fire damage before Dr. Axes extinguished the fire. How subject survived is currently unknown.

1/2 yen. Unpowered. (Dr. Axes sawed a single-yen coin in half with a saw.)

edited 24th Jun '10 11:05:06 AM by MadeOfAxes

Output: A plastic baggie of "Candy Joints", similar to bubblegum cigarettes. When chewed, they produce a mildly psychotropic effect.

Input: 69 yen, unpowered.

Output: Large tube, with images, in pink and blue, of [REDACTED]. Tube contained approximately 500 small pink and blue soft candy sweets. Eating a single one produced no effects. Eating resulted in inexplicable sudden increase in attractiveness to the opposite sex. Eating more than 10 resulted in [DATA EXPUNGED]. Output confiscated by Dr. Rights.

Input: 1066 yen. Powered.

^ Output: A cardboard and cellophane box with labeling in archaic Norman containing a large, detailed likeness of William the Conqueror apparently made out of red velvet cake coated in frosting.

Input: 404 Yen, Powered.