Writing an Eldritch Abomination.

So, I'm writing this story where a teenager who does gardening work for an old lady and uncovers an Eldritch Abomination of some description, imprisoned in a maze of tunnels under the town. Told from a first-person perspective, in an "after action report" style. The framing device is him putting out a call for advice over the internet at the end of all of this.

That's the long and short of it.

Now, the Eldritch Abomination does speak in a way that doesn't send everyone gibberingly mad. It probably won't be described with as much in the story, but in mind it's less "Yog-Sothoth" and more "evil, ancient spirit slumbering in the dirt...literally".

What I'm stumped on is how I'd write proper dialogue for such a thing.

Any help?

It might not send everyone mad, but it should still sound all too unpleasant. Either have it speak in a guttural, ear-hurting tone with the barest hint of legibility, or have it constantly be giving the protagonist a Hannibal lecture, with the words seeming to emanate as if the thing was speaking from within his head.

alternatively, don't have it speak so much as force a disconcerting silence over everything whenever it appears. have it attempt to speak, and make sure to note that while you can feel the heat of it's breath and feel it on your skin, you can’t actually HEAR anything.

"Guttural, ear-hurting tone". That kind of fits with the whole subterranean theme it's got going. The thing is, by removing the statue from its place (and entering the tunnels), the protagonist (who uses the penname "Thomas") becomes the "keeper" of the abomination ("P'shen"). His life is what keeps it down there, and it speaks through the earth in the tunnels (one line I thought of was "I am P'shen. I am the Whispering Earth. I am finality. I am eternal.").

Now that the seal is damaged, though, P'shen can influence Thomas (hence why he writes out what happened - he makes some feeble attempts at hiding the location, like changing the name of the town where he lives to "Bisserville" and giving everyone a pseudonym (like changing his own name to "Thomas" and referring to a certain rich kid who is tangentially related to the plot as "Flip", the explanation for why is kind of a miniature Crowning Moment of Funny). He describes it as a "psychic tendril". He serves the dual role of keeping P'shen in his prison and serving as a sort of "mouthpiece" for P'shen, allowing him to "broadcast" commands to the other townspeople.

Woah, that got a bit longer than it needed to be. Anyway, a deep, guttural voice is probably best. Maybe a small Genius Bonus.

But, maybe I should have cleared that up - I'm not looking for the tone it speaks in, I'm looking for the way it speaks in. Eloquent? Terse? Poetic? Beige Prose?

I just don't know.

edited 18th Oct '10 4:12:41 AM by MisterAlways

Well, I guess it depend on the creature's character.

I can only describe their speech patterns as "lovecraftain", so…

"Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread."

While Yog-Sogthoth itself did not say this, it's pretty much how I think it should speak.

So, what you're saying is basically that it should speak in a way that represents what it does/what its role in the big scheme of things is? Evil earth spirit speech patterns.

Hrrm.

No, it should speak in a manner accoring to its personality. It does have one of those, right?

Also, how much human contact has it had? If not much, then it may employ rather archaic speech patterns, or make very basic use of the language.

edited 18th Oct '10 4:50:25 AM by Iaculus

Well, the last person it spoke to in "modern" English was the great-great-great grandfather of an already old woman. So...English from somewhere around the 1600s?

A bit of that, yes. I can also see it slowly adapting its speech-patterns to a more 'modern' type in order to try to make the guy it's tempting more comfortable. Assuming it wants to make him more comfortable, that is.

Could result in a few amusing Totally Radical missteps.

edited 18th Oct '10 5:55:07 AM by Iaculus

I'm not really trying to make it amusing. That's like pulling the fangs out of a vampire and giving it ill-fitting dentures.

I dunno, amusing and terrifying can coexist quite easily. In fact, one can serve to emphasise the other. The more endearing the ancient hellspawn's cluelessness regarding the modern world, the more disturbing it is when the Mind Rapes start piling up, people start getting eaten, and the extent of its manipulations becomes apparent.

An initial lack of competence in one field does not guarantee incompetence in others.

An option is always to have it speak in formal speech and forsake contractions. That can also emphasize inhumanity.

An option is always to have it speak in formal speech and forsake contractions. That can also emphasize inhumanity.

Now, THAT'S a fuckin' thing! :D

What would its' native language be? How did it learn English? Those might impact how it talks.

It's not "native" to anywhere but the earth. It's not just one of a race (like Lovecraft's Deep Ones, who had their own language, if I recall), it just is.

It learned English from a stuffy 1600s businessman, probably. Or at least it got its last recent impression of the language from that person.

[Takes notes.]

Describe the thing having multiple, harmonising voices that fade in and out at random, uncontrollable intervals. When it gets upset or angry, those voices start speaking different things and vary their harmony. But they remain whispers, apart from the main voice.

The Eldritch Abomination in my story generally speaks with unnecessarily convulted sentences, many of which tend to revolve around his utter superiority to whatever he's facing. He drops it occasionally in favour of wittier dialogue, but even then he maintains a very polite, if rather sarcastic, tone. The Herald is, however, more human than most abominations, being based on Nyarlathotep, who generally shows a very human-like behavious and thought. His voice is also unusual, but I haven't really thought of what exactly he sounds like, other than his speech balloons being black instead of the usual white.

I have devised an Eldritch Abomination Story.

My short story will be about a man nurturing an infant EA and simultaneously defending from crazed cultists. This story will have a happy ending, but what I'm having trouble with is creating the parent of the infant. So far I know what it should look like. It will look like a "giant seahorse with vertical lips on its oversized stomach." This parent is not evil, but I'm having difficulty figuring what it can actually do, but I do know that gazing into it's "stomach" will cause you to lose your sanity.

I even gave it a name - "Kephith - He Who Carries the Womb"

Can anyone help me out?

edited 25th Jun '12 8:14:41 PM by SPDUDE48

Usually, the less you write about an eldritch abomination the better. Their power lies in the mystery surrounding them and the fact that even looking at them drives you mad, they're so *unspeakably* alien. If they're *unspeakably* alien, it's impossible to truly describe them in our words.

Because frankly, once you start describing them too much, it turns out they actually look pretty retarded. Tentacles? Eyes everywhere? Gibbering mouths? It will look like some overcooked soup, or Brandle's poor chimp at best. Whatever you think is truly alien and truly terrifying, will probably have no effect on most people, or make some of them laugh (I *always* laugh at the graphic descriptions of eldritch abominations).

Just let us know whatever your protagonist is looking at is unspeakably horrible and impossible to describe with words. Describe her emotions and thoughts racing through her head when she looks at this... thing. The terror, fear, dread and insanity caused by looking at something so bizarre. That's the way you can best send the proper idea about them.

While I thank you for the advice, my idea behind the story is that the terror, fear, and dread, felt by the Protagonist looking at the EA is cushioned by the infant,whom he had previously met.

My story is more like a parody of Lovecraft, whatever themes are presented are tweaked to be less horrific.

If it's meant to be a parody, then feel free to spoof all the naughty tentacles and moving eyes where they don't belong.

How do you describe something that the readers should think of as horrifying and eldritch while the viewpoint has motherly affection for the creature in question?

The creature is only a baby so it's like ugly cute, while the baby's true mother (not the protagonist), is the real horror.

Maybe a good idea would be to try contrasting those two clashing elements? Mention some part of the creature is causing her those psychological horrors, but the other element causes the maternal instincts. Contrast those two clashing emotions and let us know how she reacts to that.

What I'm aiming for is that the Abomination has narm feel. The protagonist is somewhat knowledgeable of E As since the lovecraft stories exist in universe. It's suppose to be horrifying, but it's distinguishing feature comes off as a little silly even though it's suppose to be a sexual reference.