Make your own Magic card!

Ultimate End - 7BBB
Sorcery
~ can't be countered.
All creatures get -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the greatest toughness among creatures on the battlefield.
Everything dies.

edited 29th Jul '15 12:04:21 PM by kagescorpionakki

x3 Heroic isn't a keyword ability. It's an ability keyword, which is an annoying way to put it, but it's not a keyword ability, and thus, nothing can have "an instance of Heroic." I dunno if there's any way to make a card care about cards that have an Heroic ability, either, other than wasting a shitton of text spelling out what has to be in the card's rules text.

Not even an ability keyword, I've always seen it rendered as just "ability word".

Card tax:

Nearly Pointless (1W)
Enchantment
Whenever you attack with exactly one creature, that creature gains battle cry until end of turn.

The fun part is that battle cry wouldn't even trigger.

I could see it working with multiple combat phases, though.

Brimaz will love that.

Rule 1 the card rules supercede all else. If I want to work off of Heroic things like how it should be aren't going to stop me ;p

Things like how it is might pose a problem. Fuck it. It's a stupid card, but folks have a right to make mistakes and learn from 'em. R&D certainly did. I just hope they learn from that fucking angel in a hurry.

Reinforced Existence UU
Enchantment
Illusion creatures you control have +0/+1.
Whenever an illusion creature you control would be sacrificed from being targeted by a spell or ability, do not sacrifice that creature instead.
We think; Therefore, they are.

Battle of the Titans - 4RRGG
Legendary Enchantment
When ~ enters the battlefield, each player chooses one creature they control and sacrifices the rest.
When a creature dies, except if it was sacrificed, that creature's controller searches his or her library for a creature card with a greater converted mana cost and puts it onto the battlefield. If they cannot, that player loses the game.
When a creature enters the battlefield, if it's controller controls another creature, that creature's controller sacrifices it.

Doesn't work that way either. Nobody will play with these cards so mistakes and learning, these things don't exist. Its a mild amusement to imagine these cards in existence.

Curse of the Chain Veil 1B
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature is black in addition to its other colors and can't block.
Enchanted creature's controller may pay 2 (generic mana) and 2 life at the beginning of their upkeep. If they do, they draw a card.

edited 3rd Aug '15 10:32:21 AM by ImperialSunlight

"At the beginning of enchanted creature's controller's upkeep (Yeah, I know, but I'm not sure there's another way to word that that they'd use nowadays), that player may pay 2 (generic mana) and 2 life. If they do, that player draws a card."

It's a kind of fiction. Trying to invent something that just completely railroads the laws of physics around itself with no justification kinda breaks suspension of disbelief somewhat, and takes the fun out of it.
We're imagining cards that don't exist, but could, even only as a joke. There is basically no straightforward and explicit way to make something refer to an ability word: either word it so it cares about card text, which is a chore, or word it so that it cares about the common effects or triggers of that keyword.
Maybe the creature can't be dealt damage except by a creature that was targeted by a spell its controller controlled this turn, for example. Mind you, that's a mouthful on its own, but there reason why building something specifically around or against an ability word, which is limited to a certain block and practically a dime a dozen anyway, should be particularly convenient. Building something around or against battalion or raid would actually be pretty easy, though.

Also, I hope you don't think heroic is supposed to imply that only creatures with that ability can have the adjective applied to them. Magic has plenty of characters you could call heroes; they just decided to call that ability word that because it was appropriate for the block.

EDIT: Card tax:

Roachbelly Crawler 1GG
Creature - Insect Zombie
Retrace
One of the grislier symbiotic circles wrought by magic.
2/2

edited 3rd Aug '15 10:51:48 AM by Knowlessman

(Silver-bordered)
Yawgmoth's Recycling - 4BG
Enchantment
Nonland cards in your graveyard have retrace.
You cannot cast cards from your hand.
Today only: three black mana for each aluminum can you bring in!

edited 3rd Aug '15 7:07:32 PM by kagescorpionakki

Planeswalker Wannabe - 3UR

Creature - Human

Planeswalker Wannabe attacks each turn if able.

UR:Change a target of target spell or ability to Planeswalker Wannabe.

I know I've got a spark, and sooner or later, I'm gonna ignite!

3/3

Well, I'm probably off on how to cost this, but it's the flavor I'm going for here.

edited 9th Aug '15 9:34:36 AM by Lightblade

Maybe have them be another transforming Planeswalker, with their condition being if they get killed by a card effect that they redirect to themselves? Just an idea tbh.

edited 5th Aug '15 9:48:14 PM by Tojin

Stone Myr 2
Artifact Creature - Myr
T: Add 1 to your mana pool.
0/2
Provides an invaluable resource, but most people just take it for granite.

Statue of Myr 1
Tribal Artifact - Myr
Statue of Myr enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add 1 to your mana pool.
3: Until end of turn, Statue of Myr becomes a Myr artifact creature with base X/X Power and Toughness, where X is the number of Myr you control.
The more Myr it gathers, the more powerful it becomes, the more myr it gathers, the more powerful it becomes...

No type line?

They Knew the Risks 2WB
Enchantment
Creatures you control get +2/-1.
If a creature you control dies after being dealt combat damage this turn, you gain 2 life.

Rhea of Thorolund 2WW
Legendary Creature - Zombie Cleric
Tap: Destroy all creatures.
Tap: Gain 5 life.
"Vereor Nox"
0/1

Duels of the Planeswalkers WRG
Enchantment
Planeswalkers are creatures in addition to their other types, with power and toughness equal to their loyalty.

edited 9th Aug '15 11:57:24 AM by ImperialSunlight

Reap the Real WB
Sorcery
Each player that doesn't control an enchantment sacrifices a permanent. You gain 1 life for each nonartifact permanent sacrificed this way.
"Magic is resilient to obsoletion and the weathering of age. Mundane matter is not so blessed."

edited 11th Aug '15 9:07:29 AM by ImperialSunlight

Flame Weaver (1R)
Creature - Human Shaman
(R), (T): Prevent all damage that would be dealt by target instant or sorcery you control. ~ deals that much damage divided as you choose among any number of target creatures or players.
2/1

Turns all you Lava Axes into Fireballs and all your Blasphemous Acts into "you in particular can take 12 Shivan Meteors to the face". Or at least I hope it does, since that's what I was aiming for. I'm a bit fuzzy on whether or not this version can really track the aggregate damage dealt by a single spell.

I think it's a bit under costed, but a cool idea.

Card Tax:

Self Denial - U
Instant
Counter target spell you control.

Spell Shatter - U
Instant
Counter target spell. Its controller adds mana to their mana pool in any combination of colors used to cast the countered spell.
"The form is lost, yet the power remains."

Xoxix (10XXX) Artifact Creature - Dinosaur

Haste, Flying, Deathtouch, Trample, Vigilance, Lifelink, Renown 2, Hexproof, Indestructible, Protection from everything.

Xoxix's power and toughness are equal to X. X/X

edited 11th Aug '15 8:26:50 PM by occono

Pretty sure protection from everything and hexproof are redundant.

Gonna be honest, though, all that together isn't even all that powerfull, considering how hard it'd be to get its P/T above 1.

Haste, Flying, Deathtouch... oh wait, flying's redundant too, except - wait, no it's not, it functions as reach here and it has vigilance.

Well, at least it doesn't have first strike and deathtouch.

By the time you got 13 mana together, putting this on the board would be a joke. The main use is that you have a creature you can't put stuff on that can trade a flier.
EDIT: Missed indestructible. You have a very annoying lifelink poker that is also a flier stonewall. Doesn't sound the least bit fun.

Trample is useless, BTW; protection is evasion. Your doohickey can't be blocked. Total of two useless keywords on it. Interesting to look at, though.
Ultimately underwhelming and unfun. Hoses flying, nigh-unremovable, and does nothing else worthy of note. Only worth looking at to reflect on what keywords work together and what ones don't.
1/10.

edited 11th Aug '15 8:38:49 PM by Knowlessman

I actually posted it as just XXX and decided to edit it to 10XXX. Heh. I was joking with it, mostly.

Truce (WW) Enchantment

No player can win or lose the game.

If damage is dealt by a creature, exile Truce.

edited 11th Aug '15 9:13:35 PM by occono

Protection from Everything + Indestructible means that it basically can't be interacted with short of Final Judgement. So it probably would be something insane like XXXXXX.

Marks-the-Spot - X
Legendary Artifact Creature - Drone
~ enters the battlefield with X +1/+1 counters on it.
When a player casts a spell with X in its mana cost, you may have X become the number of +1/+1 counters on ~.
0/0
He knows just how much is enough.

Oh, I just thought of how to make Xoxix work a bit better:

Cumulative upkeep X.