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The Official Bad Puns Topic:

A-HYUK!
Vent all of your Incredibly Lame Puns and Stealth Puns here, folks!

E.G. "If she's a virgin, go Slowbro."

Have pun! HURHURHUR
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 2 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 3:50:58 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
What does a Poke-pervert do? Pikachu!
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
A-HYUK!
I turn on my charmander pants come right off.
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 4 zeroplusalpha, Mon, 18th Jan '10 3:54:46 AM from behind the 7th Door
The World Is Mine
I only became an art thief out of desperation: I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
Play Again? Y/N
A-HYUK!
Y'know, I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 6 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 3:57:24 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
Art theft! Art theft! The suspect on the run, was determined to be a midget fortuneteller. Thus, a small medium is at large.

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
A-HYUK!
Junk - The stuff we throw away.

Stuff - The junk we keep.
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 8 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:01:28 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
In Bal, bad jokes like that will get you PUNished...

I'm guessing Haven will like this topic, to the point where he'll take shelter in it.

edited 18th Jan '10 4:01:37 AM by Kinkajou

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
 9 Elmer 36919, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:11:55 AM from Your Wildest Dreams
The Badass Bishie
I asked for a mug of root beer before i fell off the ship. Why? Root beer floats.

edited 18th Jan '10 4:12:10 AM by Elmer36919

I'ma cut A,B,C,D in the top of your head.
But don't worry sugar you ain't gone be dead.
 10 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:13:19 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
What is the heaviest fixture in the house? The sink.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
A-HYUK!
Two American Football teams are on a tour of Europe and have a quiz to see which team can name most places in Holland. The game was won by a single Dutch Town.
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 12 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:19:17 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
Electivirus, I hope your puns don't make me sick.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
A-HYUK!
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says Ive lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies Yes, Im positive.
360 Gamertag: Electivirus. 3DS friend code: 5412-9983-8497. PSN ID: Electivirus. PM me if you add me on any.
 14 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:27:02 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
Two carrots were crossing the road when a driver ran over one of them. The other one took his friend to the hospital. There, he asked the doctor about his friend's fate.

The doctor replied, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that he'll live. The bad news is that he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
 15 Mapi, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:29:44 AM from Sakurakou Keionbu
"keionbu ni yokusou, nyan?"
ι (to π): "Get rational."

π (to ι): "Get real."
 16 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:32:40 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
If Python isn't a snake, Lisp isn't a speech impediment, and Java isn't an island...

clearly, you are a programmer.

A traveling man spent the night at an English monastery. There, they fed him some excellent fish and chips. He went over to the kitchen to thank the cook, and he asked the man standing there: "Are you the fish fryer?"

"No, I'm the chip monk", was the reply.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
 17 Mapi, Mon, 18th Jan '10 4:36:33 AM from Sakurakou Keionbu
"keionbu ni yokusou, nyan?"
Don't forget Perl not being a stone (although this one is really stretching it).
 18 Mapi, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:00:35 AM from Sakurakou Keionbu
"keionbu ni yokusou, nyan?"
BUMP because I can:

In the Philippines, Optimus Prime has a huge heroic dick.
 19 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:02:13 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
It Makes Sense in Context.

Also, we have a hero running for vice president.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
 20 Shrikesnest, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:06:48 AM from my nest of thorns
Small, vicious
There's a man, friend of the family, who is well-known at church and in social circles for causing actual physical injury with his puns. Carl Bower, these are for you.

P1: Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
P2: It's my bow of Eros.

And my second favorite Shaggy Dog Story:


Two strings decide to go out for a night on the town. They bum around for a little bit, catch a cab to the bar and hop inside. They get up on barstools and chat for a little bit while the bartender attends to other customers. Finally, the bartender turns to them. "What'll you boys hav- wait a minute. Are you two strings?" he asks. "Yeah, we're strings" one of the strings says. "Get the hell out!" the bartender shouts, "We don't serve strings in here!" One of the strings draws himself up, indignant, "Whaddaya mean you don't serve strings? You got a problem with us!?" The other string turns nervously to his friend and says, "Come on, now, let's just go. We don't want his liquor anyway..."

So they leave the bar and head across the street. Unfortunately, a very similar scene plays out in the next bar. Dejected, sitting on the curb, the strings start to complain to each other, "Man, what a waste of time and money. I really wish we had just stayed home and watched a movie or something." The other string doesn't respond, lost in thought. Finally, he says, "You know what? I'm going to get us some drinks." Perplexed, the other string asks, "How?" Voice filled with determination, his friend replies "Just watch me."

So the resourceful string jumps into the gutter and starts rolling around. He gets soaking wet, dirty and starts to come apart at the ends, and he becomes somewhat twisted and tangled. His friend watches on, very confused. The dirty, tangled string rolls himself into the nearest bar and hops up on a barstool. The bartender gives him a long, hard look, and finally asks, "You're not a string, are you?" The tangled string replies, "No...

(wait for it...)

(...little longer...)

I'm a frayed knot.

(If you don't get it, try saying that phrase out loud.)


My most favorite Shaggy Dog Story takes about six or seven solid minutes to tell, and is several pages long. Maybe I'll get around to adding it when I'm more inclined to do so.

edited 18th Jan '10 6:07:40 AM by Shrikesnest

"Pale Ebenezer thought it wrong to fight, but Roaring Bill (who killed him) thought it right." - Hillaire Belloc, The Pacifist
 21 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:09:06 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
The Kamen Rider Decade meme "It's all Decade's fault!" is rendered in romaji as "ONORE DICKEIDO!"

Thus, we can arrive at "ONORE DICK NIXON!" and say it's all Richard Nixon's fault.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
 22 Mapi, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:09:36 AM from Sakurakou Keionbu
"keionbu ni yokusou, nyan?"
What would the Gordian Knot say? That aside, LOL.
 23 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 6:11:09 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
He'd say I'm "not a knot anymore", silly.

And you said Gordon Knot, lol.

edited 18th Jan '10 6:13:53 AM by Kinkajou

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
I adapted the frayed knot pun for Pretty Cool Guy:

I think Incredibly Lame Pun is a pretty cool guy. eh knows how to tie roep and isn't a frayed knot.

My most favorite Shaggy Dog Story takes about six or seven solid minutes to tell.

Oh no, not better Nate than Lever?

edited 18th Jan '10 7:54:32 AM by newtonthenewt

 25 Kinkajou, Mon, 18th Jan '10 7:55:44 AM from you're not your
We Do Not Sow
I make jokes so lame not even crutches help.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
Total posts: 1,857
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